If Given a Choice

by Tracie Peterson

  Pulling up to the simple brown cottage, Jenni picked up the realtor notes and read, “Two bedrooms, fireplace, one bath, small kitchen. Sounds perfect for a bachelor.”

  “Then I don’t want to see it,” Dan frowned.

  Jenni laughed and stepped out of the jeep as Dan reached to restart the engine. “Come on, you might like it here,” she said with a smile. “It might also be very cozy for a couple. The ad says, ‘Great starter home.’”

  “Well, in that case I’ll look at it,” Dan said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “You just never know when I might be a couple.” Jenni rolled her eyes and followed Dan into the house.

  Five minutes later, they emerged. “I can’t imagine trying to live in that place with a wife. You couldn’t have two people in the kitchen at the same time.”

  “It did say, ‘small kitchen,’” Jenni teased.

  “Small isn’t an adequate word to describe what we found in there. I’ve seen more space in closets.”

  After looking at two more houses, Dan suggested they stop for lunch. “Why don’t we have a picnic in Rocky Mountain National Park?” he questioned.

  “Sounds like fun,” Jenni admitted.

  Dan stopped by the grocery store and picked up enough food for an army before heading into the park.

  Jenni leaned back and reveled in the scenery. The mountain peaks spread out before them, the moraines alive with vegetation and wildlife. Deer grazed in the open spans of meadow grass between the glacier-carved boulders.

  ‘I could stay here forever,” she murmured. The thick pin forest rose majestically on either side of the winding mountain road. Jenni could barely see past the thick undergrowth that carpeted the floor of the forest.

  She wasn’t aware that Dan was stealing glances at her from time to time. He enjoyed watching her. She was almost like a child, so captivated and amused by the intricate canvass that nature had placed before her. He would’ve enjoyed writing her as a character in one of his books. Perhaps he still would, but he hesitated to share his find with the rest of the world.

  His thoughts were interrupted as they approached a crowded picnic area. He was lucky to find a narrow spot to park the jeep. “Come on,” he said, grabbing the grocery sack.

  “Here?” Jenni said in complete surprise. “You want to picnic in this crowd?”

  “Why not?” Dan said with amusement in his voice. “I suppose you want me all to yourself. Is that it?”

  Jenni blushed at his teasing. She hadn’t thought of it in those exact terms, but it was the truth. She did want to be alone with Dan. Rather embarrassed, Jenni lowered her eyes to the ground for a moment.

  Dan laughed, and after shifting the groceries to his left arm, he used his right one to pull Jenni close to him. “You will never cease to amaze me,” he whispered against her ear.

  Jenni buried her face in Dan’s blue cambric shirt. She felt frustrated that Dan could read her so well.

  “Look at me, Jenni,” Dan commanded gently.

  Jenni lifted her face and found a tender expression on Dan’s features. “Don’t ever be ashamed of your feelings, Jenni. I won’t make fun of you. Just be honest with me.”

  Jenni nodded. Daniel James was certainly unlike anyone she’d ever known.

  Dan led the way to a wooded path, leaving the regular picnic area. He stopped beside a small grassy patch. “I’m sorry I don’t have a blanket.”

  “That’s all right,” Jenni said, taking a seat on the grass. “God’s already provided one.”

  Dan joined her and placed the sack in front of them. “Here you go,” he said, presenting her with a choice of sandwiches. “Turkey and Swiss, or roast beef on rye. What’s your pleasure?”

  “Umm, I’ll take the turkey,” Jenni answered, reaching for the sandwich. Dan pulled it back in a teasing manner.

  “There is a price for this lunch,” he said seriously.

  “Oh?” Jenni replied with one eyebrow slightly raised. “And just what might the price be for turkey and Swiss?”

  “For turkey and Swiss, you shall pay a kiss,” Daniel rhymed.

  Jenni laughed aloud. “I should’ve expected that from a writer. What would you have said if I’d chosen the beef?”

  “Never mind, you picked the turkey and now you have to pay.” He leaned forward to embrace Jenni. The brief kiss was tender, and Jenni couldn’t help but think how much she would like to enjoy those kisses for the rest of her life.

  They ate in silence, enjoying the melody of the forest around them. Somewhere nearby, water rippled in a stream, making a hypnotic, soothing sound.

  With lunch finished, Jenni moved closer to Dan and felt his arms encompass her. She felt her pulse quicken when he turned her in order to kiss her.

  She had planned on nothing more than an innocent kiss, but she found herself lengthening the embrace with her own passionate response. A part of her mind warned against allowing the encounter, and yet she chided herself for worrying. After all, Dan knew of her convictions and feelings. He wouldn’t compromise that; she trusted him.

  Feeling Dan’s hands on her shoulders, Jenni trembled. She felt her breath catch in her throat. Pressing closer to him, she was suddenly rudely awakened when Dan pushed away from her and got to his feet.

  “We’d better go,” he said, his voice strained. He picked up the sack and headed back to the jeep. Jenni watched him for several minutes and then finally got to her feet. She couldn’t help but wonder what she’d done to offend him. After all, he had instigated the kiss. Mentally, Jenni contemplated the situation and finally joined Dan at the jeep.

  When Dan said nothing and made no recognition of her presence, Jenni felt a tightness in her throat. She feared she might start crying, and she turned to stare out her side of the jeep so that he wouldn’t see her face. Under one of the pines, Jenni noticed a young couple wrapped around each other in an embrace. Their position looked embarrassingly intimate, and Jenni quickly looked away. In doing so, she caught Dan’s eyes.

  The look on his face startled her. She was almost certain she saw pain in his eyes. Jenni refused to look away, although everything inside her felt the need to flee. Dan reached his hand up to touch Jenni’s cheek.

  “I’m sorry, I should have never let myself get so out of control,” he whispered. “I promise you that I won’t allow anything like that to happen again.”

  “But, Daniel,” Jenni began, “nothing happened. At least nothing that I didn’t allow.”

  Dan clenched his teeth and the tightening of his jaw made Jenni only too aware of his building frustration. “Nothing happened this time,” he finally said. “But only because I stopped. If we’d stayed back there even one more minute, I can’t promise you that I would have stopped.” Dan was the one that looked away this time.

  Jennifer said nothing as she contemplated his words. The world made it so easy to go against God’s word. She realized that her trust in Dan’s ability to control the situation had been unfair to him. She had selfishly enjoyed their embrace, taking advantage of his self-discipline, no matter what it might cost him.

  Although they had other houses to view, Dan drove back to O’Reilly’s. They hadn’t spoken since the park, and when Dan offered Jenni his hand to assist her from the jeep, Jenni could tell that the action was strained.

  Kelly was fixing lunch, when Jenni passed through the house, nearly running to the sanctuary of her room. As she fell across her bed, hot tears streaming down her face, Jenni wasn’t aware of Kelly’s presence.

  “Jenni,” Kelly called softly, “are you okay?”

  Jenni didn’t answer, she couldn’t. She sobbed into the folds of her comforter. Kelly put her hand on Jenni’s shoulder, but said nothing.

  Jennie cried for nearly twenty minutes. She remembered the pain of losing Brian, the confusion of what to do next, and how lost she’d felt until Daniel James had come into her life. Now, Jenni worried that she’d lost Dan for good. Why had she allowed herself to play around with his emotions like that?
She made it clear that she wouldn’t go to bed with him, but was she leading him on by allowing the intimacy that had taken place in the park?

  When she finally felt she could speak, Kelly was there to listen.

  “Oh, Kelly, I made an absolute fool of myself,” Jenni said as she tried to control her voice.

  “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  Jenni nodded, “Let’s go in the other room, though.”

  “All right,” Kelly said as she got up to leave. “I’m making some lunch. Want some?”

  “No, thank you,” Jenni said shaking her head, “but I would like some coffee.”

  They moved to the couch where Kelly set a mug of coffee. “Now tell me what happened, Jenni.”

  “I acted very foolish,” Jenni began, “and now I’m afraid I might have lost Dan for good.”

  “Would it matter?” Kelly prompted, forcing Jenni to face her feelings for Dan.

  “Yes, Kelly, it would.” “Have you fallen in love with him, Jenni?”

  Jenni’s head snapped up to look straight into Kelly’s searching eyes. Jenni was reluctant to allow her mind and heart to answer Kelly’s question, and for a moment Jenni refused to contemplate the answer.

  Kelly sensed her friend’s fears, and yet she felt Jenni must deal with the issue. “You may not answer me, but you’re going to have to answer yourself. You can escape everyone else forever, but sooner or later, you’ll have to face yourself.”

  Jenni buried her face in her hands. “Yes, I love him,” she sobbed. She’d known it for some time and yet couldn’t bring herself to say the words.

  “Well,” Kelly began, “it’s clear that he’s in love with you, so what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t know how to say this other than to just say it. It’s the physical attraction. I want this relationship and yet – ” Jenni’s words halted abruptly.

  “And yet?” Kelly pushed Jenni to continue.

  Jenni sat back, and drew a deep breath. “I let myself get caught up in the moment. Dan kissed me quite passionately and I don’t think I would have stopped him from going further, if he hadn’t stopped us both.”

  “And now you’re afraid that he thinks less of you?” Kelly questioned. Jenni nodded. “I think you’re wrong, Jenni,” Kelly said simply.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Dan thinks a great deal of you, or he wouldn’t have stopped. He loves you, Jenni. I’m more sure of that than anything, and I know that he’s just waiting until he’s sure of your feelings for him to say so.”

  “I don’t know, Kelly. Maybe his feelings are just temporary. Maybe it’s just a summer fling. I don’t really know who Dan James is. He could be leading me on and I wouldn’t know it.”

  “What do his actions say? What has he already told you? You have to trust something, someone. You’ve prayed about Dan haven’t you?”

  “You know I have, Kelly,” Jenni replied.

  “Then trust God, if not Dan James. God won’t steer you wrong and He won’t let you down. Trust Him, Jenni. God will show you soon enough if Dan’s feelings are surface only.”

  NINE

  The next morning Jenni was working at the computer when a delivery man entered the office door.

  “Morning, I’m looking for a Jennifer Campbell,” the young man said.

  “I’m Jennifer Campbell. How can I help you?” Jenni presumed that her parents were sending more of her clothing. She hoped it would be some of her winter things, as often the evenings were cold, and soon fall would come and then winter.

  “I have a delivery for you. If you’ll sign here I’ll bring it in.”

  Jenni took the clipboard and signed by her name. She waited impatiently until the bells on the door sounded, and the man entered carrying huge bouquet of apricot and ivory roses. They were arranged in a large princess basket of ivory wicker and on either side of the handle were apricot-colored bows, trimmed with lace.

  ‘Oh my,” Jenni gasped. “How beautiful.”

  “This isn’t all,” the man said as he set the flowers on the counter. “I’ll be right back.”

  The scent of flowers filled the air and Jenni buried her face in the middle of their glory. She was just reaching for the card, when the delivery man came back with two large white boxes.

  “Where do you want them?” he questioned.

  “I guess in the living room,” Jenni said in complete shock. “What in the world is inside them?”

  “Don’t know,” the man answered. “I just get paid to deliver them.”

  “Well, at least let me get you something for your trouble,” Jenni said as she went for her purse.

  “That’s not necessary,” the man said, walking to the door. “I’ve already been well paid for this delivery.”

  Jenni was stunned. What in the world could have possessed Daniel to send her all of this? Remembering the card on the roses, Jenni walked back to the office. She took the card from the envelope and read. “Roses are ivory, apricot too, I’ve acted quite badly, but I love you.”

  “I love you!” Jenni said aloud. “Daniel loves me!”

  The bottom of the florist’s card instructed her to open the larger of the two boxes first. Jenni ripped through the slick white paper, and removed the lid. Disappointment flooded her, as the box revealed nothing inside but a piece of paper. Picking it up, Jenni read, “This box is like me without you – empty.” Jenni was touched at the sentiment.

  She opened the smaller box more carefully. She could tell by the sound that there was at least something other than paper inside. Removing the lid and tissue paper inside revealed two items. One, a fine piece of white linen stationery. It had been folded in thirds and sealed with red wax. The other item was packed in yet another box, and when Jenni finally removed the wrappings, she found an exquisite crystal vase.

  Taking the stationery and vase, Jenni went to the couch. She carefully broke the wax seal, and opened it.

  Dearest Jennifer,

  Your purity is precious like this French crystal, so delicate and unblemished. I was wrong to treat you the way I did. Please forgive me, and come back. I love you.

  Brian

  “Brian!” Jenni gasped aloud. She had fully expected that all these things had come from Daniel. She sat back hard against the couch, completely dumbfounded. Why did Brian have to re-enter her life now?

  Kelly entered the office and gave a loud whistle. “That Daniel is something else. You should have disagreements more often!” Kelly joined Jenni in the living room.

  Spying the boxes, Kelly couldn’t help but ask, “And what else did Mr. James send?”

  “Not a thing,” Jenni said blankly. “These things aren’t from Daniel.”

  “Then who?” Kelly questioned as she sat down across from Jenni.

  “Brian Givens!”

  Kelly’s mouth dropped open. “You mean the guy back in Topeka that you were engaged to?”

  “The same one,” Jenni answered. The shock was written clearly on her face.

  “What does he want?” Kelly couldn’t help but pry.

  “He wants me,” Jenni said in an exasperated tone, “and for what purpose, I don’t know.” She then proceeded to tell Kelly about the notes and what Brian had said.

  “Oh, brother,” Kelly said as she cast a questioning glance at Jenni. “You aren’t happy about it, are you?”

  “No, I’m not happy about it!” Jenni exclaimed a little louder than she’d intended. “I don’t want them and I certainly don’t want him!”

  “Good for you!” Kelly whole-heartedly agreed with Jenni’s decision.

  “So what do I do?” Jenni asked her friend earnestly.

  Kelly got up and paced back and forth as she considered Jenni’s predicament. “He must want something from you. Yes, that’s it, Jenni. He needs you for some reason. Why else would he be doing this now?”

  “Indeed,” Jenni wondered aloud. “I suppose you’re right, but how do I discourage this? I mean, I don’t want to talk to him an
d I certainly don’t want to see him.”

  “Send it all back. Call the florist and UPS and send it back to the man!” Kelly exclaimed.

  “Of course,” Jenni smiled. “How very simple.”

  “If that doesn’t make it clear to Mr. Givens, nothing will,” Kelly added.

  Within an hour the delivery man had returned for the items. He was puzzled, but nonetheless he accepted the generous gratuity and carried the things away.

  Jenni felt as though a burden had been lifted from her shoulders, as the truck pulled out of the resort drive. But, even with the things removed from sight, Jenni couldn’t help but remember Brian’s words. They seemed genuine enough, and Jenni had to admit they’d touched her.

  Not until nighttime did Jenni realize she’d not seen or heard from Daniel that day.

  She was just stoking a fire when Kelly announced she was going to bed early. “You sure you don’t want to share this fire with me?” Jenni offered.

  “I’d better not. I have to get up early,” Kelly replied. “I have the weekend off, remember?”

  “That’s right, you’re going to see your folks. I’d nearly forgotten.” Jenni pulled a book from the mantel and plopped down on the couch. “I probably won’t see you in the morning, so have a good time and please be careful. I need you here.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve been driving this route forever. I’ll be fine. Besides, I’ve got the best of Co-pilots,” Kelly said over her shoulder.

  Jenni nodded and tried to settle down to reading. She had been reading Dan’s last book for several weeks now, and she was surprised at herself that she still hadn’t found the time to finish it.

  Her position grew uncomfortable for reading, so Jenni grabbed a couple of throw pillows and propped herself up. She stretched out in her gray, fleece sweat suit and started to read. Within moments, however, she was sound asleep.

  When Jenni opened her eyes, she was instantly awake. Sitting across from her was Dan James. He had apparently been there for some time, watching her sleep. As her fear was replaced by recognition, he smiled.