A Little Bit of Crazy (Little Bits)

by A. E. Murphy

  “I live to make it interesting.” I wink at him.

  He runs his hands through his dark waves and straddles me on the couch, his hands grip my wrists as his weight pins me down. “You think it’s funny?”

  I nod, “So will you in an hour or so. It’ll be a great story to tell the grandkids. Two months after our wedding my dearest wife taped everything to my ceiling. Including my computer screen and our wedding photo, and…”

  “Grandchildren?” the disbelief in his eyes is a little unnerving. His eyes have softened immensely so I must have said something right. One of his hands comes down and brushes the hair from my forehead. “You want kids?”

  “In like ten years or something. Not right now.”

  “Three years.”

  I frown. “Ten.”

  “Two.”

  “Eleven.”

  “Three.”

  “My womb, my rules, and unless they make it legal for babies to go into clubs there’s no way in hell I’m ruining my body and my freedom at such a young age. I’m twenty three. Give me chance to grow up.”

  “Five. Besides, I’ll do the work.”

  I growl in frustration and tug my arms free, “So. I have stuff I need to do. It’s work time. Unless you’re planning on servicing me with that beautiful mouth of yours I suggest you go back to your own office.”

  “You mean my ceiling office?” he mumbles and stretches out to the side of me. Leaning on his elbow so he’s above me. “I like option one.”

  “Mr. Gerald Davidson on line one,” Margie calls over the intercom.

  “Works a calling,” I smirk and shove him off the couch, he lands with an oomph on his back. I snort and skip over to my desk.

  I pick up the phone and start my boring conversation on how many of such a product needs to go to such a store blah, blah, boring as hell. James kisses me on the forehead, winks and heads to the door. Not before noticing the cracked wedding photo that is back on the wall. He picks it up and leaves without looking back.

  “Hello?” Gerald says snapping me out of my daze. I can’t help it, James has a perfect ass. Too perfect it should be a sin.

  “Sorry Mr. Davidson, the line broke up for a second. Please continue.”

  When work finished I headed into the room that held a bed and a few of my clothing items and an en-suite bathroom. I changed into a navy blue tight tube dress and sparkly navy heels. Gorgeous. My hair fell in waves to my waist and I was good to go.

  “How long you going to be hubby?” I say as I step into James’ office. I’m shocked to see Claire, blonde, skinny, kind of pretty if you like the anorexic look, sat on his desk as he types on his computer. My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline at the sight of her laughing and straightening out his tie with her bony fingers. Her legs are crossed and so close to his arm he could lean over and kiss them. No doubt he can see up it.

  They snap to attention as I walk in and James’ smile drops and his eyes darken as he takes in my outfit, “You look.” Claire stands from his desk and moves behind him, snapping him out of his daze. “I just have to send a couple of emails and I’m done.”

  “By all means continue. I’m going out. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I frown and head to the door. Wait… what was that outburst about?

  James looks startled for a moment before his brows furrow in confusion then hurt flutters across his eyes, “Wait… what?” My thoughts exactly. “I can’t come with you?”

  “No, but bony blonde there can show you a good time, I’m sure.” I growl and slam the door behind me. Carlson is gone, he finishes at six and it’s already seven. I dragged my day out knowing my husband would be finishing late. What a shock it is to find him with another woman.

  Bony blonde, I slay myself.

  You’re over reacting. Why do you even care?

  I have no idea.

  “Wait, Maya. What’s wrong?” he asks and grips my arm to stop me from escaping. Damn him and his strong hands, body, everything. GAH!

  “Nothing, I just changed my mind, I don’t want no husband cramping my style. Go have fun. You have permission,” I say and I mean it.

  No you don’t.

  “You’re jealous?” he grins and tilts my head up. “Dear lord. One night sleeping with me and I’m already melting that frosty exterior. It was the cereal wasn’t it?” His eyes are alight with humor. Bloody asshole.

  I yank my arm free and straighten my dress a little aggressively, “I am not jealous!” chin up. “I just don’t want you there.”

  “Too bad, and yes you are jealous. You are so jealous,” he laughs and swiftly kisses my lips making me pout like a child. “Come on, let me send these emails and we’ll go together.”

  “I’m busy.”

  He pulls me in for a deep kiss and I feel something cool and hard wrap around my wrist. What the fuck? “You handcuffed me?” He laughs and wags his arm where my cuff is linked to his by a thin chain. “You asshole, undo these now!”

  “Nope, because you’ll run,” he smirks and laces our fingers. “Come on, I’ll be five minutes tops.”

  “Then you have to go and get changed,” I eye his suit. Of course it’s gorgeous but not club worthy. “The girls are waiting for me already.”

  “I still can’t believe you got jealous,” he laughs and opens his office door. Claire is sat on his desk chair. She looks startled. “I thought I told you to leave!”

  “I wanted to apologize,” she says and looks at her shoes. Ugly shoes.

  “You already did, now out.”

  “Yes Mr. Freeman.” She quickly scrambles out as we head over to the desk. Must sterilize everything bony blonde skank touched. Lighter and gasoline at the ready. Whoosh! Airplanes at the ready, bombs drop. Neeeeeeeeeoooooooor boom!

  “Why are you making silly explosion noises?” James smirks as he lifts me onto the desk and lowers himself into his seat.

  “I didn’t realize I was,” I mumble before laughing a little. “I really am crazy.”

  “I like crazy.”

  “Crazy doesn’t like bony blonde,” I grumble. James laughs as he types. Every so often, just to be annoying and even though we’re already late, I tug my arm, causing him to slip a few keys. Then I lift it to examine my nails whilst whistling innocently. “Sorry am I bothering you?”

  “Do that one more time and I’ll keep them on all night. That’s a promise.”

  “Kinky.” Sounds good. I like kinky promises.

  He leans forward and nips at my wrist with his perfect teeth, I squeal pull away and his own hand comes up and smacks him in the face. His head jerks back and he yelps. I burst out laughing, tears stream down my face it’s just that funny but I soon sober when blood leaks from his right nostril.

  “Fuck,” he winces and stands abruptly. He cups his face with his cuffed hand and turns so fast towards the bathroom he pulls me off the table. I scream and land with a thud, pulling him with me. I scream some more when his bloody nose drips on my chest. “Sorry.”

  “Get off me,” I laugh and shove him away. “I hate blood. It’s gross. Get these cuffs off me!” He climbs to his feet and helps me up before tugging me towards the bathroom. I sit on the counter and wipe his face with a damp flannel. He smiles and works the blood off my chest. I’m thrilled it didn’t get on my dress but I make him double check anyway. “Take these off. I promise I’ll wait.”

  He sighs but acquiesces. I flex my hand and grin before kissing him on the nose and skipping back into the office.

  We finally make it to the club, only two hours late. The girls don’t mind. I smile and reintroduce them to my husband. Summer gives me a look that says, “You better tell me about this later.”

  The men gather around our table while we take to the dance floor. It’s the same routine as always. The only time Chris gets up is when some guy is looking at Summer. The only time Tony joins Jessica is when a guy is touching her. He’s not as caveman. Marie and I are the only single ones. Scrap that, Marie is the only single one so she tends to go nuts.<
br />
  A little introduction of my friends, Summer is about five foot five, short bobbed black hair, blue eyes, really pretty. She reminds me of what I’d imagine a pixie to look like. She’s got a very petite frame but she’s not scrawny or too skinny. Her boyfriend Chris is my height with dark blonde hair, he’s cute in a prep boy kind of way.

  Marie is also my height, maybe about an inch taller as her blonde hair is always back combed and boosted at the top. Her eyes a gray, she’s a classic beauty, her lips are thin and her nose a little too big for her face but it suits her well. It’s as if all of her not quite right features fit together perfect. No one could ever call her ugly because she’s not. She’s also crazy as hell, not as crazy as me but nearing the edge. Her bluntness is a marmite trait. You either love it or you hate it. She’s not mean, she never says anything to be mean, she just has no brain to mouth filter.

  Last but not least, we have Jessica, she’s platinum blonde, her hair almost white. Problem is she’s bleached it that much it ruined her hair so now its cut into a pixie crop atop her round head. Jessica is the quietest of our group, she’s a little shy until you give her vodka then she’s aggressive. It’s shocking at how fierce she is. We’ve scrapped one too many times after she’s had vodka. After the last time which was two years ago she stopped drinking hard liquor and now drinks wine. I’m grateful for the change of beverage.

  Her boyfriend Tony is a stunning Asian man, he’s seven years older than us and worships the ground Jessica walks on. Literally. He completely loves her to pieces and she loves him. They met the summer after high school and have been together ever since. It’s sweet and romantic. They seem so solid together, so comfortable with each other.

  I dance with the girls on the dance floor occasionally glancing at the table where the men are. I’m not surprised to see a woman chatting to my husband, he is rather yummy. He looks tense and uncomfortable as the woman hands him a card. I watch as he shakes his head, showing his wedding band and she walks off looking dejected.

  Take that whore!

  You used to chat guys up in bars.

  Yeah but I never got rejected.

  True dat.

  His eyes meet mine, I wink and go back to dancing with my girlies. This is the life. It’s not long until we attract males. I happen to attract a very cute Hispanic looking guy wearing a pink top with gold sequins across the neck and three quarter beige trousers, he immediately comes up behind me. I laugh and let him spin me out and in. He grins down at me and pulls me to him as we move together. He’s hilarious, emphasizing the word honey, whilst waving his hand around and shaking his ass. Telling me he loves my hair and his boyfriends a stylist and would also love my hair and how we’re the hottest thing in this club.

  I notice how his hands don’t feel right not only because he’s gay but they just feel all wrong like I want to physically reject them with something hot and deadly, I have a feeling if he was straight at this point I’d be hissing and spitting venom. A part of me is wishing they were James’ hands but he doesn’t dance apparently. He better not have ruined me for all other men. Yes our sex is great, yes our relationship is ok now, but this is ridiculous. The jealousy, the eagerness to see him and mess with him. I don’t want to want him. I don’t want to need him. I need and want no one but myself and my bank account. Yet after one night he already has me on a guilt trip and suddenly I’m all about him.

  “Your husband just left the building,” Jessica says in my ear. I glance at her for a moment before sighing and pulling away from my dance partner. “See you tomorrow?” she winks and takes over with Scott my little dance buddy.

  “I’ll be back in five,” I smile and rush towards the entrance. Why the hell has he left now? God it’s cold.

  “He just left in a cab,” Tony says from beside the door where he’s puffing away on a cigarette. “He was pretty pissed. Said the words, I don’t know why I deal with this shit.”

  “Thanks Tony,” I grumble, hating his honesty. “What did I do wrong?”

  “You were dancing with another man.”

  I roll my eyes, “That dude is gay. I thought it was obvious with the sequins on his top.”

  Tony shrugs and exhales a wave of smoke, “God its cold. Want me to call you a cab?”

  I shake my head and wave my phone at him. “Already done.”

  Tony stands with me as I wait for my taxi to arrive. Fortunately it’s there within ten minutes, I can’t believe how cold it’s gotten. I climb into the waiting car and call out my address to the old dude in the front. The car smells like vomit and cigarette smoke. Yuck. This is why I have a private car hire service, they actually sanitize their cars before and after every journey, unfortunately it would take them longer than a cab to get here. Or I just drive myself when alcohol isn’t involved.

  I throw the driver the cash and scramble out. This is the earliest I’ve ever come home. And it’s for a guy, a guy who’s angry, a guy who up until yesterday I really didn’t give a shit about. Now I’m chasing after him like a love sick puppy.

  You know what? I’m not going to chase him, he can chase his own tail, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m going straight to bed. Goodnight world.

  So yeah, I go up in the elevator, enter our apartment, and ignore the startled man who is sat on the couch watching TV, with a beer in his hand and head straight to our room. I strip down, pull on one of his tops, wash my make-up off and climb under the covers. It’s then I notice I’ve gone to his bed, his room. Annoyed with myself I huff, climb back out of bed and open the door. Then I slam into a solid warm chest.

  Without looking up I step around him, ignoring the sigh he lets out. I start to walk down the hall but a warm hand grips my arm. “Maya.”

  “Yes?” I say still looking straight ahead.

  He sighs again and pulls me into his chest, his solid arms wrap around me, “Come to bed.”

  “That’s where I’m going.”

  “With me.”

  “No.”

  “I’m sorry for leaving you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  I say nothing, I know I’m probably being childish. He started it. Now I’m grumpy.

  “Maya. Tony texted me. He told me that guy was gay.”

  “Great stuff.” I meet his eyes, he looks at me intently, affectionately. “You honestly think I’m that much of a bitch that I would dance with another guy in front of my husband? We weren’t grinding, or barely touching. It was just silly.”

  “I wasn’t paying attention to his clothes, I just saw red and left.”

  I shrug, “I’m not bothered, and I’m going to bed. In my room.”

  “Look… I’m sorry. If it was the other way around what would you do? What did you do when you saw Claire?”

  “You mean bony blonde?” I snort. “For a start she was sat so close you could see up her cheap skirt and she was touching you. And you were smiling at her. Big difference to dancing with a gay guy.”

  “I didn’t know he was gay. I just reacted.”

  “Whatever, I’m going to bed,” I attempt to pull myself free but he only squeezes me tighter. “Let go of me.”

  “No, we’ve been getting on great, don’t make me get the handcuffs out,” he jokes and kisses my head. “Please. Come to bed with me.”

  I relent, not only because he sounds genuinely remorseful but also because I know he will most likely get the handcuffs out and I don’t want to have a marked wrist. “Fine. But you owe me sex.”

  “That I can handle,” he smirks and it looks beautiful. “Anything else?”

  I nod, “I want a bigger closet.”

  “Then maybe we should move, as I suggested before our wedding. Get a nice…”

  “If you say house in the suburbs I will hurt you. No, if we are going to move it is going to be a penthouse apartment with all the trimmings. Like this but bigger,” I interrupt. He laughs and kisses me softly on the lips. “And I need a proper closet. And a bar, we need a bar.”

  “I can agree with bo
th of those.”

  I smile up at him, “Good. Then let’s go get number one off the list. I’m out of condoms.”

  “I don’t have any. You’re on birth control. Can we really not just…”

  I shake my head with a sigh. “Nope, no and oh yeah, nope. Let’s just sleep.”

  He grins mischievously and lifts me into his arms making me squeal in shock. “There are other forms of sex that don’t require me being in you.”

  “Hmm, I like the sound of that.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  After battling with the tentacle monster, going for a run and showering I search the full fridge and decide to make my sleeping husband a cooked breakfast. He certainly deserves it after last night’s performance. Who knew a man could use his tongue so efficiently? Christ I’m tingling all over just thinking about it.

  I place the sausages and bacon under the grill and smile a little. As much as I hate the thought of marriage and being tied to one guy I definitely got lucky. Girls like me just don’t get guys like James. Yet somehow I have him and I feel guilty. He deserves so much better than me.

  I fry a few eggs in a little butter and follow it up with some mushrooms as the bacon and sausages sizzle under the grill. Once the beans and tomatoes are ready I fill a plate, place it on a tray with a round of buttered toast, two coffees and two glasses of OJ. I add the newspaper that I picked up on my run, wrap the cutlery in napkins and beam, completely proud of myself.

  Next, I skip into the bedroom and place the tray on the bedside table. He’s sleeping on his belly, his arm hanging off the bed. I smile and kiss his angelic face. With a loud groan he stretches and rolls onto his back wrapping his arms around me and pulling me with him. I giggle and pull myself free.

  “Morning,” I whisper and open the blinds by pressing the button next to the headboard.

  The morning light spills in and James slowly awakes, he sniffs the air and grins when he sees the tray. “What’s this?”