Ryder

by Ali Parker

  “Mm, I love it when you suck me.” His smile broadened, and then he rolled us over, my legs falling around his hips as I rose up to ride him. I flattened my hands on his chest, and then tugged up his shirt, pinching his nipple to make him growl. All of his sensual sounds were guttural and feral, and I loved that about him. That he sounded like a beast and as much as he wanted my name on his lips, I wanted to make him roar.

  I rode him steadily, leaning back to position his cock against my most sensitive spot and then all at once, the world stopped as I broke apart around him, my release soaking his cock as his name ripped from my throat. My aftershocks milked him, and I stayed put until they stopped, riding him slowly.

  Then I lifted my hips and slipped off his erection, and he closed his hand on my arm as if to stop me from leaving. “Relax, let me take what I want.” Another sound vibrated in his throat and turned into a softer moan as I slipped down and took him into my mouth.

  “Take it all,” he hissed through his teeth. I relaxed my throat and took him as far as I could manage, and he pushed a bit deeper still. I sucked and pulled and nursed as he moaned, running his fingers through my hair.

  After a moment he stilled and held my head, then he thrust his hips, pumping into my mouth before he let me go. I pulled away sensing he was close, and he cursed as I grazed my teeth along his shaft and then tongued his broad head. I glanced up, and he was watching me closely, his green eyes locked in on mine, wild and hungry.

  I took him back deep and tight-lipped his cock as I stroked his base, milking him with each stroke. The taste of salt hit my throat, and I braced for more, pulling hard with my mouth. Another two strokes and he held my head and lifted his hips, but I kept him where I wanted him as steady pulses of his release pumped into my mouth. I gulped them down and nursed until the last drop spilled.

  “You’re so damned amazing.” He rose on his elbows and then reached out and stroked my hair as I wiped my mouth.

  “You say that now.” I giggled to keep it together, but inside I was dying as the reality of my situation came crashing down. I raked my hands through my hair and then righted myself on the blanket. “You’ll not even miss me when I’m gone.”

  “That’s bullshit.” His eyes and tone shadowed with anger.

  “Maybe a touch, but you’ll see I’m right.” He could only see the good in me now, but I didn’t know if I could have happiness without always wanting more, without sabotaging what I had. Luke seemed like the kind of man that I could be with forever, but I didn’t think I could face the rejection if he decided one day he’d had enough. Or worse, how could I hurt him if suddenly I became not enough. You’d think a man with his means could never come up short, but money didn’t buy happiness, and it didn’t make a man perfect. I’d had everything a woman could ask for with Peter, but it hadn’t been enough for me obviously. I’d even failed in my career the moment my patient decided a bullet was his only option. I’d failed them both. I couldn’t bear to fail Luke too.

  I took a deep breath and gathered my clothes, as he tugged his pants up. I put myself back together though I was falling apart. Once I had my clothes in place, I sat there a moment. Did I really want to run from him?

  A voice inside told me there was no other way. I had messed up things so much already, and I hadn’t dealt with them. How could I drag him down with me? He was a nice guy, and he deserved better.

  He was the town hero for crying out loud and there I was like some villain with a dark side, a deceiver who’d killed all the good in her life and only met him because she was too chicken shit to face it.

  It wasn’t the first thing I’d run from in my life. I’d had a long string of things I couldn’t deal with including my parent’s death. I was unfit to be in practice, and I couldn’t even be a good sister. Three years proved that. I’d stayed away deliberately so I wouldn’t have to look at my sister and fear losing her too.

  My life was one big mess, and Luke deserved someone who could complement him, not make him look bad. All those people he’d been proud to introduce me to; like we were in some fairy tale romance instead of the gratuitous relationship that was based on nothing but quenching our thirst for lust.

  It was terrible how fast I could go from feeling special in his arms to feeling like a user, and I wondered what was going on in his head as he tugged on his boots. I wouldn’t ask though; I was afraid of what he might say.

  “Please take me home.” I covered my face as tears threatened to spill.

  He pounded his fist against the ground. “Dammit, Harper. Open up to me. Tell me what the hell is the matter, and I’ll try to help. Whatever it is, you don’t have to carry it alone.”

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I snapped back so fast he actually flinched.

  But then he took a deep breath and held my arms. “I think you’re blaming yourself for something. Maybe a few things. Things you can’t change now, and maybe that you think I won’t understand or that I’ll judge you for.”

  He was good. Mr. Hero had me pegged, but he still didn’t know the truth, and I was determined he never would. It wasn’t easy to tell someone that you’d destroyed your marriage because you’d been unfaithful. He’d never trust me, not that it mattered. And then there was the other thing. How I’d neglected my patient because my own life was so screwed up that I was preoccupied. I hadn’t seen the signs and done something to stop it. It had been the final straw. The one that broke my sanity along with the camel’s back.

  “Stop trying to be a fucking hero. You can’t help me. You can’t save me. So just take me home.” I stood up, but he refused to move.

  He pegged me with a hard glare. “Sit your ass down. I’m not taking you anywhere. You don’t have to tell me anything, but you’re going to hear me out. If you don’t like what I have to say, then I’ll take you home.”

  “Why bother?” I was a lost cause. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t see it.

  “Because I think you’re worth it.”

  I didn’t have the strength to tell him how wrong he was.

  Chapter 12

  Luke

  She lifted her chin defiantly, but she hadn’t met that side of me, and if she thought for a moment that we were leaving without her opening up and letting me in, then she was sorely mistaken. I hated to push her for fear that she’d hate me, but something told me I needed to push, and it wasn’t Finn’s voice I was hearing.

  “Are you going to take me home?”

  “No, not until you tell me what’s so damned horrible. I’ll go to New York and find out for myself if you can’t tell me. Because I care and I think someone’s hurting you and making you feel like you’re responsible for something you couldn’t help.”

  “You’re wrong. I’m the one who fucked everything up okay. I’m the one who asked my parents to come to see my sister and me. They’d still be alive if I’d just told them not to come. They didn’t want to. My dad didn’t want to miss church long enough to travel, and I’d had Mom talk him into it.” She clenched her fists.

  “That’s not your fault. I understand how it might feel that way, but trust me. I felt the same way when my parents died. Like if I’d just done something then they’d still be here. But that’s not how it works. It was their time. If it hadn’t been that day and time, it would have been another one.”

  “You think it works that way, but I don’t. That ‘everything happens for a reason’ shit is a lie people tell themselves to feel better.” Her face was a mess of tears, and she wiped her nose and choked them back.

  “It still doesn’t make it your fault.” I wasn’t going to let her blame herself.

  “No, but what happened to my marriage was. I strayed because I wasn’t happy. I have an ex who’s still in love with me even though I had an affair because he wasn’t enough for me. I had a good thing, it was decent, he was kind, but I felt empty.” She folded her arms across her chest as it to hold herself together. “Are you happy. Or should I keep on? Did you know I
got so distracted with my personal crises that I didn’t hear one of my patient’s cry for help? He killed himself just before I came here. I found where he called my cell phone. He’d left a voice mail that I didn’t see until it was too late. I could have done something, but instead, I was too busy wrapped up in my own selfish life.

  “You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s selfish decision. How is that your fault? And as for your marriage, you weren’t happy. You can’t help how you feel. But what I want to know is how do you feel when you’re with me? That’s all I care about. Not your past and what you’ve done.”

  “It doesn’t matter how I feel. I don’t deserve to feel it.” She shook her head and stared off into the distance, but I put myself in front of her face. She wasn’t going to get off that easily.

  “Tell me, Harper. How do I make you feel?” She made me feel complete, and I couldn’t imagine she didn’t feel the same way. The past few nights we’d spent making love had solidified the way I felt. Even though I’d started out wanting her for a moment, I wanted her forever now. I couldn’t imagine that she might not feel the same.

  She took a deep breath and held her head back, her face to the sky. “Amazing. But what does it matter when I’m leaving? We knew it all along.”

  “Then stay with me.” Her eyes widened, but I wasn’t letting her speak until she heard me out. “I mean it. Move out here; I’ll even build you an office so you can set up practice. I can take care of you and make you happy. We’re good together. Deny it.” I dared her to tell me we weren’t.

  She threw her hands up in the air and rested them on her head dragging her fingers through her hair. “I can’t uproot my life on a whim.” She shook her head giving me a look like I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had, but I knew what I wanted.

  “Sure you can. It’s easy when you’ve got as much money as I do and before you refuse, think long and hard. Life is much easier out here. You’ll never want for a thing. I promise.”

  She covered her face and gave a nervous laugh. “You can’t just throw some money at me and make my problems go away.” She placed her hand on my arm. “Thank you for the nice gesture, but please just take me home. I think it’s for the best I don’t stick around. I’m leaving tomorrow. I should let Nora know and get my things gathered so I can get an early start.” I looked at her unable to speak, and she shook her head. “Yeah, I should really get back.”

  “Get back to what, life without me? Come on, Harper, you know what we have is incredible. It’s the best thing I’ve had in years. Don’t run away from me too.” I pulled her close, and she tried to pull away only to fail. I wasn’t letting go.

  “You can’t keep me here. You knew it wasn’t going to last and you were content with that.” I hadn’t realized I’d fall so fast, but she’d surprised me in more ways than one.

  “I didn’t know I’d feel this way, but now that I do I don’t want to lose you.” It wasn’t a matter of just losing her, but if she left, it was going to hurt. I could already feel the sense of longing.

  She jerked away and walked past my bike headed down the hill. “You never had me.” She shook her head and continued walking. I’d let her go knowing she wouldn’t get far and I packed up our things and got on my bike, cranking it up. She’d made it as far as the cemetery and was leaning against the old wooden fence that surrounded it.

  I rode up and waited, giving her all the time she needed, knowing there wasn’t much else to say. She wasn’t going to stay, and I wasn’t going to have her in my life much longer. I couldn’t stand the thought of it, and I was so angry about it I’d gone numb. She finally turned around leaned back against the fence. “I’m sorry. It’s what I have to do. You can go on without me; I’ll call Nora to get me.”

  “I’m not leaving you out here.” I wasn’t about to drive away and leave her there all alone and miles from home. I wasn’t that kind of man.

  “I’ll be alright,” she snapped. She took out her phone, and after poking at it, she put it to her ear. “Dammit.” She put the phone down and stamped her foot.

  “Get on; I’ll take you home.” I wasn’t taking no for an answer, and I wasn’t asking. She must have recognized my tone because she turned and met my stare.

  “Fine, but don’t bother trying to get me to stay. I’ve made up my mind.” She was so stubborn and defiant that I wanted to take her across my knee and spank her ass. But I made room for her behind me and cranked my bike.

  “Nah, I’m all done trying to convince you, sweetheart. You do whatever you want.”

  “Giving up? Good call.” She held on to my waist, and I rode off, speeding toward home faster than I should have, but getting there not a moment fast enough. I wasn’t the one giving up, and I resented her saying so. If she wanted me to beg she was barking up the wrong tree.

  She didn’t say a word as she got off the bike and headed into her house and I wasn’t about to stop her. She’d been content to go on with life without me and now she could.

  She wasn’t the first woman I’d had to learn to live without. I spun out of her drive and headed home. I pulled the bike into the garage and went straight to the fridge. There were enough food and alcohol left from the party to get drunk and full on. And if I were lucky it would fill the enormous hole she’d left in my heart.

  I twisted the cap from my beer and turned it up killing half of it in one swig and then took a few more and headed upstairs. When I got to my room, I found her sweater she’d left from the night before and as I lay across my bed, the smell of her perfume wafted around me from the sheets. I got up to move to the chair by my window and looked out to Nora’s house in the distance. I hoped like hell her sister could talk her out of leaving, but why would she?

  I polished off the other half of that first beer and then opened another. There wasn’t anything else I could do. If I had learned one thing from my ex, it was the hard fact that you can’t ever make another person love you. No matter how much you loved them.

  Chapter 13

  Harper

  Leaving hadn’t been easy, and it wasn’t only because of Luke. Leaving Nora hadn’t been easy, and the two of us had cried over breakfast promising that we wouldn’t wait another three years to see each other. I told her maybe next time she should come out and see me. It might be best considering it might be too soon to see Luke again. I didn’t want to go falling back into bed with him, or I might never get away. I couldn’t believe how hard it was to leave without a proper goodbye, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it no matter how much Nora wanted me to.

  I’d driven out early and was back home by ten o’clock that night having made one stop on the way to stretch my legs and eat. Every motorcycle on the way made me think of Luke and who knew there were that many on the streets. A part of me wished he’d come after me, but after putting up one hell of a fight, that was nothing more than wishful thinking at its best.

  My apartment was stuffy, and I longed for the clean air of Kentucky. I wasn’t about to open a window and instead opted for the fan I kept in the hall closet. If I closed my eyes, it still wouldn’t be as heavenly as the breeze had been up on that hillside.

  I decided not to call my ex and tell him I was back in town. He’d only try to see me, and it was far past time to move on.

  I decided to run a hot bath and rest my aching bones. Sitting in a car the entire drive home had taken a toll on me and I stretched out in the tub and released a long breath. I closed my eyes, and all I could see was Luke. He had looked so good the night of the party stretched out in his bed. We’d slowly undressed each other, and he’d crawled to the center of his huge bed where he laid back and called me over to join him. His thick erection lay across his lower abdomen pointed straight up his tight stomach, almost touching his belly button. Thick and proud, it waited, and he stood it up as if it were an offering for me to do with what I wished.

  The heat built slowly in my core as I remembered the way I’d crawled to him, like a prowling cat about to pounce and I kissed
my way up his thigh and across his heavy sac up his shaft and across his hand until my mouth was on his glossy head. I had swirled my tongue across the tip and then pleasured him until my aching need won out and I climbed on and rode him, greedy for my own release. He’d given it to me too, but it wasn’t like I’d expected him to fail. He was a generous lover as well as commanding, and that was my favorite part about him.

  Why couldn’t I get him out of my mind? I opened my eyes and sat up and took a washcloth from the basket beside the tub and wet it, making sure the water was nice and hot. I let the steam rise up around me and then I shut off the water, leaving a slow, steady drip hoping the sound would soothe me I laid back with the hot rag across my face and tried to think of happier, less heartbreaking thoughts.

  It was no use. I kept seeing him; beside me, inside me, smiling and laughing. I’d loved his playfulness and the way he’d challenged me. He hadn’t given up on me, not until I’d given him no choice.

  It had been nothing more than a fling, the equivalent to a summer’s romance that only lasted as long as a vacation and not a moment longer. The kind you fondly remember as you carry on with life.

  I’d get over it. I’d move on and think of it, but I wouldn’t let it hinder me.

  I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself.

  I got out of the tub and headed to bed hoping I’d wake with a better outlook on things, one that didn’t include Luke.

  I woke up hours later and took a deep breath to build up my courage to face the day. It was supposed to be cleansing but instead, I felt empty. I missed my sister and Luke, and I didn’t want to go into work. Aside from my patients and a few acquaintances who were still speaking to me since the divorce, I didn’t have anything keeping me here.

  I dragged out of bed and went to the kitchen where I’d left my phone charging on the counter. Nora had messaged curious if I’d made it home and I felt bad that I had probably made her worry.