Room to Grow

by Lisa Heaton

  He nodded. “Thousands of them. The crews will start removing them after the first of the year.”

  Once in the truck, she said, “Has business been good?”

  “Fall and Christmas were good. After we get the lights down and stored, it'll slow down to basic maintenance for our contract clients.”

  She was about to ask another question when he said, “Is it okay if we don't do this, pretend that you care about the business?”

  “I do care about the business.”

  “You walked away. You don't walk away from what you care about.”

  The rest of the trip was made in silence. When they passed by the coffee shop, he noticed how Sophie looked the other way. He still did the same thing any time he was in the area.

  He pulled into her drive but didn’t put the truck in park.

  “What will you do tomorrow for Christmas?” she said.

  “I'm going to see my parents.” He looked straight ahead and not at her.

  “That's good.”

  “Yeah, I'm trying with my dad.”

  He looked around at her, too curious not to ask. “What will you do?”

  “I'll hang here.”

  “But Chloe's home, right?”

  “Yeah, but she texted a little while ago that she’ll be staying with a friend.”

  He studied her for a few seconds. “Your parents, they’ll come to town, though?”

  “They go to my brother's in Sacramento every other year.”

  “You’ll be alone,” he said more as a statement than a question.

  “It’s no big deal.”

  Josh put the truck into park, propped his elbow on his door, and rested his chin in his hand. “What did you think would happen today when you showed up like that?”

  Her cheeks grew red, and she reached for the door handle.

  “There goes Sophie, running away again.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Have this conversation with me,” he said. “What did you expect today? How did you think I would react after three months apart? Am I supposed to be okay? Am I supposed to overlook the fact that you've been with him?"

  “I haven't been with Kevin. He's been around because of Chloe. He's made every move imaginable to try and get me back, but that never happened. It's never going to happen.”

  “Why?”

  She looked at him for a long time before answering. “Because I'm in love with you.”

  Josh slid his hand behind her neck and pulled her to him. “Make me believe that.” He lowered his voice to a soft whisper, “Will you do that?”

  She nodded with her eyes wide and a soft smile.

  “Soph, there’s nothing in the world I want more than this, more than you. I just need to see you invest all of you the way I’ve invested all of me.”

  He let her go and sat back in his seat. “Have a good Christmas, babe.”

  “You, too.” She reached for the handle and then turned it loose again. “I was bodacious today. You would have been proud of me. I stood up to Kevin and his mom.” She hesitated, then added, “And to that bratty kid of mine.”

  “First, I’m always proud of you. Second, I sure wish I could’ve seen you in action.”

  “You will.” She leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the check. With that she hopped out of the truck and watched as he backed out of her driveway.

  Yeah, he thought, he could see bodacious in her eyes again. Not as if he’d had a choice, but he was sure glad he had waited on that woman.

  ***

  At midnight Sophie’s phone sounded.

  Josh: Merry Christmas!!

  She replied: Merry Christmas!!

  He texted a photo from his journal.

  Today we tried to pull weeds from cracks in the retaining wall by Sophie’s patio. They would snap off without us ever reaching the roots. Sophie said, “This is what happens when you have cracks in your wall. Weeds creep in, and it’s hard to stay ahead of the damage.” She often reminded me after that day, “Only an impenetrable wall is safe from destruction. Keep your life impenetrable, Josh, so you don’t have to break off weeds that’ll only grow back.”

  Sophie studied her own words and how they paired with what Josh had said earlier. He was right. Doubts would come. Fear that he would want a younger woman someday, as Kevin had, would be crippling if their relationship wasn’t impenetrable.

  More than anything she wanted to believe he could love her young or old.

  Sophie: Wise words, ones I plan to grasp and retain for a relationship worth fighting for.

  Josh: I hope so

  All he had ever wanted was a chance with her. Now, she knew how he had felt. If he had turned her away at his door, saying it was too late, she would have been broken. The thought of how the day could’ve have gone so terribly wrong made her even more grateful for his willingness to give her another chance.

  Sophie: Thank you for giving me this chance.

  His reply: I’ve heard that somewhere before

  Sophie: When will you go to your parents’?

  Josh: In a few hours. I want to get there when my mom first wakes up

  Sophie: Is it my fault you can't sleep?

  She waited and watched until he replied: Yes, but that's nothing new

  Her heart sank, so she typed: I'm sorry if I messed up your Christmas.

  Josh: Are you kidding me? Ur pretty face at my door was a game-changer

  Sophie: :)

  Josh: What's messing with me is that you'll be alone on Christmas day

  She sighed at that and typed: Don't worry about me. Just enjoy time with your fam.

  Josh: I never, not 1 min of any day, stop worrying about u

  Tears sprang to her eyes as she replied: I never, not one minute of any day, stop thinking of you and wondering and worrying about you.

  Josh: Now that's the way to fight! I needed to hear that

  Josh: Good night Soph

  Sophie: Night, Josh.

  After that, she was able to sleep. Peace flooded her heart, and she just knew that they would find their way back together. That would be her redemption story.

  Throughout Christmas morning Sophie thought of Josh, but she wasn't lonely. She was glad he had gone to see his dad. That was a big step for him and might be something that helped settle the deep-seated anger he felt.

  Chloe texted a brief Merry Christmas. Even that surprised her after the way she had blown up the day before. No message from Kevin, a fact that was more than fine with Sophie.

  Sophie felt something, a sense of being light on her feet after unloading so much truth. She wasn’t a hundred percent certain she had handled it well, but she was now an unpacked bag. It felt good to stop carrying around everyone else’s opinions and plans for her life.

  Now, she wanted to pack that bag full of a life ahead with Josh. “Yes,” she said aloud. “It seems ridiculous to think a younger man would want me.” She smiled at what she knew deep down. “But he does, and I'm going to fight for that.”

  He hadn't texted, so she hadn't either. She had hoped and waited. Then she had to ask herself if that would be her fighting for him or him fighting for her? Why was she waiting?

  She snapped a photo of her reindeer socks and sent it.

  He texted one of his socks with a hole in the toe.

  She laughed at that.

  Her: All okay with your dad?

  Josh: Not yet, but it will be I think

  Sophie: Praying.

  Josh: You okay alone? :(

  Sophie jumped up, ran to the kitchen, and defrosted a muffin. She sent a selfie with a caption that said: I'm not alone after all.

  Josh: That's fighting dirty

  Sophie: But I'm fighting for you!

  Josh: I see that, and it gives me hope

  She swallowed hard and typed: I love you.

  Josh: …

  Josh: …

  She kept waiting.

  Finally, he replied: Smiling. Nothing could make me
happier than that. I love you!

  Josh: We are about to sit down to eat. Enjoy my muffin

  Long after they texted, Sophie kept thinking about what Josh had said, that her fighting for him was giving him hope. That’s what she had to do more of: fight and give him hope.

  With that in mind, she showered and dressed, then went to get her luggage from the hall closet. She took it all into her home office and began filling the bags. He had said he didn’t think the company meant anything to her because she had left. Nothing was further from the truth. Her months there had given her more purpose and confidence than she had known in many years. She would prove that to him, too.

  After she loaded her car, she drove to the office, thankful she had never sent her key back to him. She had intended to but something about that seemed so final. Too, the thought of his receiving the key in an envelope and of how that would make him feel had kept her key on her ring months after her last day at work.

  Once inside with her bags, she got to work reclaiming her office. For the time being, she would make do with the conference table until she could get her desk brought back. She unloaded her books and photos back onto the shelves. She re-hung art on her walls. The more she worked, the more it was becoming hers again, a fact that gave her immense satisfaction.

  Next, she went into Josh’s office and grabbed stacks of file folders and miscellaneous papers and took them to her desk. Over the next few hours, she sorted and made sense of it all. When she had a handle on it, she sat back in her chair and smiled. She was back, and it felt right. Until the day Josh fired her or she retired, she wasn’t leaving this place again. This was the place God had given her room to grow again after a long and fruitless winter.

  ***

  He hadn’t heard from Sophie again, so Josh hoped that Chloe had come home to spend time with her mom. Whatever Sophie had meant by her standing up to Chloe, it must have been intense for Chloe to stay at a friend’s rather than at home on Christmas Eve.

  On his way to his folks’ that morning, he had several times considered turning around and going back so that Sophie wouldn’t be alone. He stayed on the road only because he hadn’t gone home for Thanksgiving, which had upset his mom. He had, instead, gone to Rodney and Justine’s. The food was amazing and the company good, but he didn’t stay long. Like an idiot, he had driven past Sophie’s house before going to theirs, a move he regretted when he saw Kevin’s Porsche in the driveway. From that moment on, he had been shaken and not very good company.

  Later that night when he texted her, he had only done it to interrupt what may have been a moment between her and Kevin. Her telling him she had taken a retail job was good news for him. If she had gotten back with Kevin, she wouldn’t need to work at the mall.

  Now, so far from her on Christmas Day, he wished nothing more than to be there with Sophie. Instead, there he sat in the awkward silence with his dad watching the game.

  “Why are you going back home tonight?” his dad said.

  “I have a busy day tomorrow, so I need to get ahead of things.”

  His dad only nodded.

  So far, his dad had been pretty relaxed that day. Even still, Josh had hardly been able to let his guard down. After so many years of arguments over almost anything, he had learned to expect them. It was sad that Josh found himself feeling almost uncomfortable in a calm environment with his dad.

  This trip was the first time he had noticed his dad’s age creeping up on him. Twice he had lost his glasses, one time on his head. That was normal for most anyone, but there was something off that Josh couldn’t define. His dad just seemed less present, maybe even less powerful.

  “It’s good that you came.”

  Josh blinked a few times. A positive comment was rare. “I’m glad I did.”

  “Your mom was sad all day on Thanksgiving. She said it was my fault you didn’t come, because you were afraid I’d be rude to that girl.”

  “That girl’s name is Sophie,” Josh said.

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  He hadn’t told his parents that he and Sophie had broken up since he had been holding on to irrational hope. Now he was glad he hadn’t mentioned it.

  “Maybe I’ll bring her next time.”

  When his dad didn’t reply, Josh said, “Are you going to be rude?”

  With a shrug, his dad said, “Maybe.”

  “At least you’re honest.”

  They sat a moment more before Josh said, “I’m in love with her. It won’t go well for you if you say anything to hurt her.”

  Once he realized his father wasn’t going to respond, Josh looked back at the game feeling satisfied with the exchange. Not once had he let his father get him started. He couldn’t remember a time together when that hadn’t happened. If it wasn’t Josh’s tree-hugging profession, which was what his dad called it, it was Josh’s hair or tats. Always, something led to a blow-up.

  Only once that day had his father even lost his temper, and that anger was directed toward a package that he couldn’t open that morning. Before his dad could get too upset, Josh had pulled out his pocket knife and cut through the plastic.

  “Stay the night, Joshie,” his mom said when she came in and sat next to him.

  He smiled. “Joshie? We’re still doing that?”

  “You’ll always be Joshie to me.”

  “I’ll stay later but not all night.”

  “You don’t need to drive two and a half hours so late.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll pack up some leftovers for you.”

  On it went the rest of the night. She insisted on sending food home with him even when he said no. She was a good mom, reminded him of Sophie in some ways.

  Josh smiled at that thought. He wouldn’t dare tell Sophie that observation since she would take it the wrong way, as if to equate her with being his mom’s age. That wasn’t the case. His parents were older when he had come along, so technically they were old enough to have a kid Sophie’s age.

  The thought of Sophie being back in his life, or at least knowing she would be eventually, made all his recent hard work worth it. Over the past month he had taken a huge leap of faith to prepare for their future together. That they would make it back together was a sense that never faded, so he had acted on it and now had no regrets. That feeling, along with the verse that kept reassuring him that winter was past and the time for singing was coming, was what had kept him holding on.

  He took out his phone and texted: Hope you’ve had a good Christmas

  Sophie: It’s been a full day. Much accomplished!

  Josh: Good to hear. So you weren’t sad?

  Sophie: Not even.

  His final text: Good day here as well. Sleep well

  Sophie: You too.

  Though tempted to keep the conversation going, he knew it would be a mistake. If he was going to give her time to work through her deeper issues, then constant relationship-like behavior would only hinder that.

  Through prayer and listening to God’s quiet leading, Josh had come to understand that Sophie needed to see who she was through His eyes before she would ever be secure in their relationship. For the first time since being with Sophie, Josh wasn’t worried. He wasn’t afraid. Peace was real, his own personal possession. Not if, but when they got back together, they would both be in a better place, one that would create that impenetrable wall around them that he knew they now lacked.

  Finally, after eight, Josh stood to go. By then, his mom seemed to be mostly talked out, and his dad had been dozing for the past half hour.

  The roads were mostly empty with it being Christmas night. He enjoyed the quiet drive and left the radio off most of the trip. It was nice to have the time to think and be alone after a day of family time. His mom had asked about Sophie once when his dad wasn’t around. It was nice to be able to answer honestly and say that she was okay.

  Once home, out of habit, Josh went in through the back and straight up to bed. Tired from only two hours o
f sleep the night before, Josh fell into bed and closed his eyes. Soon, they flew open again. It was a smell he recognized, one he hadn’t smelled in months, a candle that used to be in Sophie’s office, one so strong that it smelled the whole place up. He threw the covers back and went tearing down the stairs and into Sophie’s office.

  When he flipped on the light, he just stood scratching the itchy hair on his chin. Much accomplished, that was what she had said of her day. She wasn’t lying.

  He walked around the conference table and looked at the photo of her and Chloe. That made him smile, so he took the photo back up with him to his room and set it on his bedside table. That was his view as he drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty

  Unsure what to expect, Sophie walked up the steps and entered the office. When she hadn’t heard anything from Josh the night before, she assumed he had stayed the night with his folks. His truck in the parking lot said that wasn’t the case.

  She went in, hung her coat on the peg in the entry, and went into her office. The anticipation of seeing him made her heart thump an erratic beat, and she wondered what he thought about her reclaiming her office.

  Josh came to stand in her office door, clean shaven and cup of coffee in hand. “There’s more where this came from in the kitchen.”

  “Thanks. I’ll get some in a minute,” Sophie said.

  He nodded and went to his office. A minute later, he called out. “Do you have the Wakefield file?”

  “It’s in your desk drawer under W.”

  She watched him look.

  “Found it.”

  A smile settled on her face, and her heart grew warm. He didn’t look at her, but that was okay. She would wait this out. Now that she knew she wasn’t too late and now that she knew he wanted her to fight for them, it would all be okay.

  All day it was just the two of them. Rodney and the crews were off the rest of the week. Justine and Avery wouldn’t be back in until it was closer to time to re-open the garden center. Sophie did all she could do with so little to keep her time occupied.

  Only on occasion did she look up to find Josh looking her way. He seemed intent on not looking. At lunchtime he had asked if she wanted a sandwich, a question that she believed to be an invitation. When she said yes and made a move to stand up, he nodded and said he would bring her one back. She was let down but not discouraged.