Notorious

by Leanne Davis

  On the way back to the house, Kelly noticed Luke from the road. He was standing alone in the grassy cemetery. She couldn’t read his expression. She pulled into the single lane road that circled the cemetery.

  “Stay here. I’m just going to check on your uncle, okay?”

  “Sure,” Tim said his head bent over the video game in his lap.

  Luke didn’t look up at her approach. She stood across the grave from him. He stood still, a frozen statue, his head bowed, and his hair shining in the morning sunlight. He was dressed in a sports coat and slacks, and had fresh flowers in his hand. He was unmoving, silent, shining in the Sunday morning sun. He was praying.

  “I won’t be your sin.”

  “What?” He jerked his head up, visibly startled by her presence. Even though she spoke softly, the words had the effect of a scream between them. How could the graves add such an odd sense of holiness to the atmosphere?

  “What do you do? Sleep with me, and then go confess your sins at church? How does that work?”

  “It doesn’t. I’m not perfect, and I don’t live totally by the guidelines of the church.”

  “You could have mentioned you’d be gone this morning.”

  “You looked peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you. Besides, I didn’t think I needed to give you an itinerary of my plans.”

  “I was hurt you were gone. You’d blown me off.”

  “My plans weren’t a secret.”

  Kelly’s gaze landed on Shelly’s grave. Why did she feel like the other woman standing there? Looking at the gray headstone, she finally understood the enormity of what she was looking at.

  “I don’t believe in God.” What a stupid thing to say. Disrespectful. Downright hateful, in the context of where they were standing and what she was looking at. Her eyes rounded in horror. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

  “I know.”

  “You know I’m an idiot? I’m sorry, I’m nervous, I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No, I know you don’t believe in God.”

  “How do you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Believe still? How do you come here and look at this, and still believe in God? In your church? How can you not be angry and distrustful?”

  “I am all those things. Deeply. I believe that God can handle it if I hurt his feelings.”

  “You probably think I’m terrible person.”

  He smiled. “No. I think everyone has to answer their questions about faith on their own.”

  “I could never accept that if there was a God, why did he totally ignore my prayers and stick me in such a rotten childhood?”

  “I guessed that.”

  “You’re not going to get mad at me? Try to convert me?”

  “No. I told you, I don’t care what you believe.”

  “You’ll just have sex with me though?” Oh God! Where did that nasty comment come from? What was wrong with her? She wasn’t mad, she hadn’t been mad. Rules were rules, Luke was very clear with her. He was kind to her, and she said that to him? And here of all places? Standing before his dead wife’s grave.

  He tilted his head. “What are you doing here?”

  “I don’t know. I was angry to think that you had to go confess about me.”

  “I don’t consider you a sin.”

  “Oh.” She paused, then waved at the grave. “What did you tell her about me?”

  “It’s not a gossip session. Nor is it your business. But I told her I had the first decent weekend since she died. I told her I met someone that I like to be with.”

  “You did?”

  “I did.”

  Kelly spun around mortified with her lack of self-confidence and that she’d had the nerve to stop and interrupt Luke while he talked and grieved over his dead wife. She’d never sunk this low before. She started to walk away. Ashamed and disgusted with her behavior, her attitude, her lack of basic manners and dignity.

  She was equally shocked when Luke’s voice stopped her.

  “It’s okay that you’re here.”

  She stopped dead. She peeked over her shoulder. “It is?”

  “I’m not ashamed of you. You can look at the grave. Shelly’s not going to come out and set your hair on fire. Quit looking so afraid.”

  “How can you joke about this?”

  “I have to sometimes. Otherwise, I’d be dead, too.”

  Kelly turned and looked at the grave again. She knelt down and looked at the tombstone. After reading the dates she looked back up at Luke.

  “She was my age.”

  “Yes.”

  “I didn’t realize she was only twenty-nine when she died. Oh God, I’m sorry.” Tears filled in her eyes over a woman she’d never known. She was now sleeping with this woman’s husband. Yet, she was somehow touched by Shelly. Shelly was a human being, how could Kelly not be touched by the death of a woman so young?

  After she finished reading the marker, she nearly threw up. At the bottom was written the name of their baby. Luke had a gravestone with his daughter’s name on it.

  “I didn’t know you were having a daughter.”

  “We’d known for three weeks.”

  So much was illuminated about Luke, his life, his losses, she was going to be sick. How did she dare to make him speak of this? To act as if she could help him in any way? He had a daughter written in stone, Amelia Tyler. A dead daughter lying here with his dead wife. How could he ever move on? Three years? That was nothing.

  And here Kelly had the nerve to be offended that Luke wasn’t with her this morning? To be mad thinking he was getting absolution about sleeping with her? Looking down at this grave, she now understood she was truly nothing to this entire equation.

  Oh God, she was so over her head, she couldn’t even make her legs stand up. She was crying now openly. Luke put his hand on her shoulder. She shook her head. How dare she be here?

  “I’ll go.”

  “I don’t want you to go. I told you, it’s okay that you’re here. I’m okay that you’re here. I’m not ashamed of you. And I like that you care, that you see me, and now you see what happened to me.”

  “I shouldn’t have forced you to be any different than you have been. I had no right. I didn’t know.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. They’re dead. We didn’t cheat on them. You made me remember that they once lived. That I loved them. I get so focused on losing them, I sometimes forget to remember Shelly’s life. Our life together. You’ve made me remember that.”

  “But your daughter…”

  “Yes. And now you know.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He turned her and wrapped her in his arms. “I know that, too.”

  Tears streamed over her cheeks, into her mouth, she wiped at them with her hands. She cried for this woman and the baby that never knew life. And for Luke, who was left alone to live with it all.

  Kelly cried because she loved him. But with the starkness that only this grave could have conveyed to her, her love for him was hopeless.

  She was in love with a man who had died three years ago.

  She finally composed herself. Tim was waiting. She left Luke there. She couldn’t be with him right then, not now. Not after seeing this, feeling this, saying all the wrong things to a man who was so nice to her. She couldn’t stand it. Her heart would break where it already was shattered. But that didn’t matter. What mattered now was for Luke never to find out what she felt for him. And since she’d spent her whole life pretending, why stop now?

  Chapter Seventeen

  John and Cassie’s plane was late, so by the time they got to the house, plans changed and everyone was there waiting for them. Tim was nearly bouncing off the walls. He was the only one. Liam and Nancy were so agonizingly polite to Kelly, it was as if fingernails were being scraped down a chalkboard. Kelly was overwhelmed with feelings over the events of the last week. And all that she could focus on now was how quiet Luke was being.


  The only saving grace for Kelly was Sarah. She begged Sarah to come over after describing the tensions that now existed between the Tylers and her.

  Finally, however, John and Cassie walked through the front door of their house. They were all smiles, and their excited reunion broke through some of the barriers. Cassie was all over Tim and wouldn’t let him go for several long minutes until he started squirming to get free.

  John was next, and Kelly’s heart caught as Tim flung himself with utter abandon at John. He didn’t seem to have any hang-ups about John being his stepfather.

  “I missed you.”

  “You did?”

  “I told you that every night on the phone.” John grinned.

  “Yes, I know. I just like to hear it. I missed you, too. I don’t know what to call you.”

  Kelly winced, leave it to Tim to be right out there with the question all the adults had, too.

  “I have new names for everyone else, Grandma and Grandpa and even an uncle. What do I call you?”

  Cassie put her hand on Tim. “What do you want to call him, sweetie?”

  “What does John want me to call him?” Tim countered.

  John frowned and leaned forward. John didn’t want to say the wrong thing or expect too much. Kelly, however, could read Tim like a book, and she wasn’t afraid to be wrong.

  “Do you want to call John ‘Dad’ now?” Kelly asked.

  He nodded eagerly.

  John smiled with relief. “That’s exactly what I want, too.”

  “Okay, Dad,” Tim said, running off, already onto the next thing, leaving the adults teary-eyed over the monumental step Tim had just taken. But her nephew was too clueless to notice.

  Then Cassie was smiling and finally looking around the room. She nearly did a double take at Sarah trying to hide herself from view. Puzzled, Cassie went straight to Kelly, and they hugged tightly. Kelly was raw with the emotions of the day and had to resist clinging to Cassie and crying out everything. The only ice-breaker was the happiness that seemed to radiate from the newlyweds. They talked and laughed, greeting everyone, obviously glad to be home, and blissful with each other. Their joy helped ease the tension, because everyone else in the room was not so visibly blissful with each other.

  Dinner was prepared by Nancy. Kelly sat down near Sarah, and Luke was seated beside his parents with John and Cassie, Cassie’s dad and wife Estelle, and Tim in between. She kept making eye contact with Luke, but each found the other looking away, confused. Whatever happened this morning had made this thing between them much more than a casual fling. Now, she didn’t have a damn clue what they were. Friends? That seemed a stupid, insipid description of what had happened between them. The meal was strained and quiet. Cassie suddenly set down her fork with a clank on her plate.

  “What the hell is going on here? Don’t all stare at me, looking confused. Why is everyone acting like you have some bad news and you don’t want to tell me? Nancy? Does someone want to fill me in on what went on this week?”

  Tim answered his mother before anyone else could speak. “Uncle Luke stayed with Aunt Kelly and then we went with him while he visited his dead wife, after we got donuts, of course. Didn’t we, Aunt Kelly?”

  Kelly swore to herself. How the heck did Tim know anything different was going on with Luke and her? Every eye looked from Kelly to Luke and back, including her sister’s.

  “I see. Tim, why don’t you go play? We’re about to have some adult talk.”

  “Someone tell me what went on this week. And why is nobody talking to anyone else? What did Tim mean? And while we’re at it, no offense, but why are you here, Sarah?”

  “I invited her,” Kelly said.

  “You invited Sarah?”

  “I did. We’re friends now.”

  Cassie’s eyebrows rose. “You’re friends? You two hated each other.”

  “We did. But then we spent time together, and now we don’t. We became friends.”

  John squirmed.

  “Okay.”

  “Are you okay with that?” Kelly challenged.

  Cassie smiled and nodded. “Yes, I am. You made a friend, huh?” she said it to herself, amazed and pleased. Kelly was a little offended that Cassie was so amazed she’d actually made a friend.

  “You don’t care?”

  Cassie laughed. “Oh. You mean because of John and Sarah’s past? No, I really don’t care.”

  “Good.”

  Cassie nodded toward Sarah. “You’re welcome here anytime. I was just surprised, considering.”

  “Yes, considering,” Sarah echoed.

  Cassie was again looking at Kelly. “I take it you and Luke spent time together, too, and don’t hate each other anymore either?”

  “Yes.”

  Cassie stared at her. “Okay.” She didn’t even glance at Luke.

  “Why aren’t you talking, Nancy?”

  “Leave it alone.” Kelly sat straight up in her chair.

  “What’s going on? Do you know, John?”

  “No. But maybe we don’t want to know.”

  Cassie rolled her eyes at her husband. “You always think that’s the answer. Someone in this family is going to tell me what’s going on.”

  “Just a misunderstanding,” Nancy volunteered weakly.

  “About my sister? You have a problem with her and Luke?”

  “I don’t think this is our business,” John interrupted.

  “My sister is my business.”

  “And so is my family,” John countered, adding gently, “and yours too if you’ll recall.”

  “Of course, I recall. Just because we got married doesn’t mean I’m going to turn into you guys and sweep every damn uncomfortable subject under the rug. What’s the problem here?”

  Kelly smiled at Cassie’s loyalty, and the fact that she didn’t let anyone get away with anything. Deal with it here and now was Cassie’s opinion. Poor John was looking at her with both pride and exacerbation.

  “It’s my pictures. They just sort of caused some discomfort for everyone involved.”

  “Luke?” Cassie assumed.

  “No. Leave it, it’s fine.”

  Cassie glanced at Liam. “Oh. I see.”

  John sank lower in his chair. He looked like he’d suddenly swallowed a lemon.

  “Well, we’re all adults here. I really don’t see what the big deal is. Obviously, those are old pictures. I don’t think they matter much. They were taken to be looked at, no crime there, and I’m pretty sure they’re gone now, so let’s move on.”

  No one answered.

  “Oh, come off it. This family has forgiven me for having an abortion and killing my ex-husband while living under their roof. I think we can forget a few naked pictures taken over eight years ago.”

  Kelly bit her lip. Only Cassie could get to the heart of the matter in two sentences.

  Luke started to laugh. Everyone looked at him, shocked. As if Luke had suddenly broken out in song and dance at the dinner table. Luke didn’t laugh. Ever. He smiled. He was polite. He even chuckled. But Luke never laughed. Except now, he just laughed, for real.

  “My sister-in-law has a point,” Luke said glancing around the table.

  Nancy’s eyes lit up as she smiled at Luke. Kelly didn’t. Liam didn’t.

  “Sweetheart, maybe we have blown this out of proportion,” Nancy said gently to her blushing husband.

  “No. No. It’s as bad as you think,” Kelly volunteered wearily.

  Only then did Liam raise his eyes and look at Kelly. She tried to smile, but her embarrassment made her lips stiff and unnatural.

  “I’m awful sorry,” Liam said to Kelly, in his soft-spoken tone.

  “Me too.”

  “No. No. It was us in the wrong. We were embarrassed and handled this terribly. We’re sorry.”

  Kelly regarded her nemesis, Nancy, with a wary eye. “Cassie always claimed you were next to sainthood.”

  “Not hardly. I’m so ashamed of how we treated you. Can you forgive
us?”

  Kelly hadn’t expected quite that much sincerity from Nancy. She glanced across the table and found Luke watching her. What was he thinking? What did he think about what happened today? What did he think of their private affair being a casual topic of dinner?

  “Sure. It’s forgotten.”

  “Good, then does anyone want to hear about our honeymoon? Or is there some other drama we missed?” Cassie asked.

  With that conversation out of the way, the atmosphere ceased feeling forced, and everyone had questions for John and Cassie, who gladly went into detail about their trip.

  ****

  “Be careful with her.”

  Luke did a double take when Sarah came over to him, using a low tone that seemed to threaten him.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Kelly. She’s nothing like she pretends to be, and is about as worldly as a twelve-year-old, so be careful with her. She’s fragile.”

  “I take it she’s been talking to you.”

  Sarah straightened proudly. “Yes, we’re friends now. Best friends, maybe. I see how she’s been looking at you, and I just wanted you to be aware she’s vulnerable. Don’t laugh. I’m being serious. We believed Kelly had no heart, and low and behold, we all find out she actually wears her heart on her sleeve. She’s a fantastic actress, and I think you should be aware of that.”

  “I am,” Luke said wearily, wondering how he wound up being lectured by his brother’s ex-girlfriend.

  “And I’m sorry.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve been meaning to apologize to you for a long time now. But I was too embarrassed. I said some nasty things to you when I was with John, and I apologize for that now. Seeing as how we have Kelly in common now. I was immature and stupid acting, I wanted you to know that.”

  Luke was mystified. He and Sarah now shared Kelly? Did they? What was it he considered Kelly to be? His friend? His lover? His…no, not his girlfriend. The evening couldn’t get much more bizarre.

  “It’s forgotten.”

  “I know you don’t like me much, and I deserve that. But I hope you’ll give me a second chance.”