Notorious

by Leanne Davis

  But now it was different. He remembered Kelly’s voice better than he did Shelly’s. He missed Shelly, but he was used to that. Somehow, missing Kelly was worse, more raw. For a handful of moments, after three years of misery, he could feel something. He smiled and laughed. He had a good time. And now, going back to nothing, was impossible.

  He finally asked Cassie how Kelly was, after a month went by. Cassie shrugged and told him Kelly requested she not talk to Luke about her. Luke asked John, and John told him he knew nothing. Which of course, was a lie—he knew something, but John wasn’t about to go against Cassie. He wanted to call Kelly, but that would be selfish on his part. What good would come of that? They had no future. He chose to break it off, chose to hurt Kelly. What right did he have to contact her again and rub that in?

  He did hurt her. He didn’t intend to. And the crappy part about all of it was that Kelly got that. She forgave him, before he could even forgive himself.

  Finally, he even asked his mother.

  “Why haven’t you ever asked me about Kelly?”

  “Ask you what, dear? You’re a grown man, as you pointed out. Whom you date or don’t is entirely your business.”

  “Since when do you think John and I aren’t your business?”

  “It’s easy with John. Cassie tells me everything I need to know. And you, well honey, I guess there’s nothing really new about you.”

  Luke couldn’t believe his ears. “My life is too boring for you to even try and pry details out of?”

  “Well, yes, I guess that’s one way of putting it. I know what your problem is, honey. And you’ve made it clear you don’t like to talk about Shelly or Amelia. So I respect it. And in regards to Kelly, well, she was just your rebound, wasn’t she, Luke?”

  Luke gave his mother credit for being good. She was savvy enough to play dumb. Kelly was more than a rebound fling. Luke was somewhat mollified that at least his mother was fishing for details, contrary to what she claimed.

  “I just want to know if she’s doing all right.”

  “Call her then.”

  “No. I’m not dragging this thing on.”

  “I can tell you, she’s alive.”

  Luke flinched. “Point taken.”

  “I don’t want to meddle.”

  “Since when?”

  “I love you. I really do. And I’ve witnessed first-hand what lousy cards you’ve been dealt in life. But Kelly was the first decent thing that happened to you since Shelly died, and you want nothing to do with that. I can understand not wanting to put yourself out there. Being burned so badly once before, any sane person wouldn’t want to risk it again. I get that. So does Kelly. Now you need to accept your own decision.”

  Luke couldn’t believe his ears. His mother was telling him to let it go? Hadn’t he done that already? No one seemed to get that it was a sacrifice for him, too, and that Kelly was better off without him.

  ****

  After a couple of months, he even wandered into Sarah’s shop one afternoon.

  “Luke?”

  “Hi.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  He shuffled his feet and looked around. There wasn’t one manly thing in sight so he had no reason to be in Sarah’s shop.

  “Do you talk to her?”

  “Yes,” Sarah said, knowing exactly whom he meant.

  “Let me guess? You’re not supposed to talk to me about her? I just want to know how she’s doing.”

  Sarah looked around, as if making sure they weren’t being spied on, and then she stepped closer and said in a low voice, “We e-mail every day. She’s doing wonderful. That’s all I can tell you.”

  “Wonderful?” Luke repeated. The word seemed a bit much to Luke. How come Kelly was doing so “wonderful”?

  “Yes. She’s made some changes in her life and they really agree with her. So yes, those are her words, she’s doing wonderfully.”

  “What kinds of changes?”

  “Can’t say. Just rest assured, you were very good for her, life-changing, in fact.”

  “Great,” he mumbled, as he turned and left. He’d had positive, life-changing effects on Kelly. And she was doing just “wonderful.” No wonder Cassie wasn’t mad at him. Apparently, they all had him to thank for Kelly’s new and improved life.

  ****

  Kelly stayed away for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and even Easter. He assumed she had to come home for Christmas, or, at the very least, Easter. But she didn’t. There was no talk about her either. No one ever mentioned her around him. Cassie and Tim left town twice to visit Kelly. Sarah went to see her, too. Still, no one said a word to him, and finally, he stopped asking. It was more than clear to him Kelly didn’t want him knowing anything about her.

  Luke did just as he’d been doing for several years now. He got up, went to work, came home, and then started all over again. His routine was only broken up by visiting his dead wife every Sunday. It wasn’t exactly how he pictured life.

  And he still missed Kelly like hell.

  She had to come home soon though. Cassie was pregnant and due to give birth at any time. There was no way Kelly would miss that.

  What he would do about Kelly when she came back, he wasn’t so sure. He looked forward to seeing Kelly. And that was something at least, something more than just going through the boring motions of his life. It was something real and something that wasn’t about Shelly. Or being sad.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Luke leaned against the wall next to his mother and father as they sat talking with Tim. Cassie’s father and stepmother were there, too. Cassie was in labor. And they were all gathered in the hospital waiting room, the atmosphere jubilant. Even Luke was jubilant, but for a completely different reason. After nearly eleven months, Kelly was coming back to town.

  He jerked his head up at the sound of heels clicking. Kelly walked down the hospital corridor, her long-legged stride making it seem more like a world renowned cat walk than a sterile hallway. She was as stunning as he remembered. Her long hair fell around her like a shining, reddish silk scarf. Her face was nearly mesmerizing in its perfection. She had on heels that looked like they could kill a man if she chose to step on him. She wore a red dress that was bold and skimpy, but somehow was able to pull it off and make it seem classy and almost appropriate for the birth of a child.

  Luke straightened against the wall, ready to go to her. To say something. How had he survived so long without her? Then he stopped. A man stood behind Kelly. Luke was about to dismiss him until he realized he knew the man.

  It was Brett. Brett Carlton. What the hell? Why was he following Kelly?

  The entire waiting room came alive when Kelly stepped into it, an effect she had everywhere she went. He used to find it annoying, and now he just understood it. Who could resist her? His parents, Tim, and Cassie’s father, were all standing now and smiling, greeting her. Hugs all around. Tim was jumping up and down, making sure Kelly could hear him over the adults. Luke stayed in the background, his eyes on Kelly. What concerned him was Brett was also watching Kelly.

  His mother’s eyes widened, and she fluttered her fingers to her lips when she spotted Brett. His mother was star-struck by the actor? He couldn’t believe it when Kelly turned to Brett and introduced him as casually as she would anyone. Luke’s own mother stammered and blushed like a groupie.

  Finally, Kelly got around to him. Luke was starting to think she would completely bypass him. Everyone’s eyes were on them. Kelly’s cheeks reddened.

  “Hello, Luke.”

  He nodded. What was there to say with that Hollywood trash watching them? It would be awkward between them no matter how civilized their break-up was. Of course, he still didn’t feel right about calling it a break-up because they were clear with each other all along that they weren’t a couple. Still, how was he supposed to react when she shows up with what? Her boyfriend?

  Luke was so disgusted with her, he had to clench his jaw from saying something sarcastic. To top
off his anger, Kelly’s stupid shoes made her three inches taller than him, and her stupid boyfriend was a good six inches taller still. Nothing like making him feel like Tim, standing among the adults. Luke took a step back, trying to deflect from the infuriating problem. Why had he ever encouraged Kelly to wear those damned stilts of hers?

  Then Kelly turned to follow his mother into Cassie’s room. And there stood her tag-a-long, right next to Luke.

  “I’m Brett Carlton.”

  Luke looked around him, there was no one near them, so Brett must have been addressing him. Luke sighed loudly, then finally turned and looked at Brett, hardly believing his ears. As if Luke was born in a barn, the asshole introduced himself? What a self-centered prick! What was he supposed to do? Make polite conversation with Kelly’s new lover? Wasn’t he the reason Kelly’s life was so wonderful?

  Luke did not need to be told he was being the asshole. He told Kelly to move on. And she did, but now, he had a problem with that. A major problem. He didn’t expect Kelly to move on with the “Ken” doll of the Hollywood world. Luke had to assume that she must be involved with Brett, otherwise she wouldn’t have shown up with him to the birth of her second nephew.

  Finally, Luke offered his hand to the outstretched hand of Brett and they shook amicably. What else could he do, but introduce himself?

  “Yeah, I know. I’m Luke Tyler.”

  Brett nodded politely, and it pissed Luke off even more that his name meant nothing to Brett. Obviously, Kelly never mentioned Luke to her new man.

  “Tyler. You’re family then?”

  “Yeah, you could say that. My brother’s the father.”

  “And Kelly’s brother-in-law, John Tyler, right? She talks about her sister and her sister’s family all the time. I feel like I know them already.”

  “Yeah, that’s great.” Just fucking fantastic. Brett was already a family member himself then, wasn’t he?

  “Are you divorced yet?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Weren’t you getting a divorce or something? The tabloids blamed Kelly, but we both know she wasn’t the problem. So did you ever get divorced?”

  Brett seemed to recover from his surprise at Luke’s abrupt, and admittedly rude question.

  “Yes, I’m officially divorced now. You didn’t read about that, too?”

  “No. I avoid those cat box liners at all costs.”

  “Cat box liners?”

  “Yeah, that’s all that crap from those tabloids is good for, a cat to shit on.”

  Brett suddenly smiled his thousand-watt smile that seemed to make all the American females’ hearts flutter. Luke wanted to tell Brett he spent too long with his whitening gel on.

  “I’ve never heard it put quite so correctly. No wonder Kelly has such affection toward you.”

  “She mentioned me?” Affection? What was he? Kelly’s first puppy?

  “Yeah, in passing.”

  “Any of those rats follow you two here?”

  “By rats, you mean paparazzi? No. I was shooting a movie in Canada and to everyone’s knowledge I’m still there.”

  “What the hell made you come here?”

  “Kelly. She seemed to think if we came to town, no one would call the media. I don’t have the faith she does, but I figured, why not try? Sometimes I need a break from the spotlight.”

  “I’m sure it’s a real trial.”

  Kelly came out then as Cassie’s doctors went in. Kelly was smiling and talking to John, who was smiling also. John was driving Cassie nuts because he knew too much about birth, and she kept telling him to quit being a doctor, and start being the new father.

  “Kelly sure loves her sister, doesn’t she?”

  Brett was talking to him again. Luke was staring at Kelly. He had to physically turn to look at Brett. Brett had been staring at her, too.

  “Cassie is all the family Kelly has.”

  “And your family. I think it’s great how your family has embraced her as well as Cassie.”

  They have? That was news to Luke.

  “Do you even know Cassie?”

  “Sure. She and Tim came to visit Kelly a couple of times.”

  And you were there? Luke wanted to ask, but didn’t trust himself.

  “Sounds like you and Kelly are close,” Luke finally said.

  “She’s the reason I ever made it in the movies.”

  Luke looked up, startled. Brett could now ask his price to do a movie. When was there a time he wasn’t made?

  “When I first came to Hollywood, I met Kelly. She took pity on me and how pathetic I was. I got caught up in my image and the lifestyle. She made me clean up. By then, she was making it pretty big and had some clout. She got me my first couple of auditions, and they got me in the door. She’s never bailed on me since.”

  “She never mentioned that.” Didn’t Kelly say Brett and she were just friends? As if in passing? Not that she’d sponsored and more or less launched his career.

  “One look at her and I knew she was something special. I met her at a party full of models and actresses, and none of them were like Kelly. For one, she never makes a fool of herself, because she’s always sober, and second, she had that certain quality about her. You know what I mean? She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

  “Beautiful?”

  “Surely you’ve noticed how gorgeous she is?”

  “Is that why you’re here? Because of how she looks to you?”

  Brett smiled. “I guess you are family, huh? A brother figure to her, so maybe you don’t see it. But hell no, I’m not here because of that.”

  Then why? The man obviously knew nothing about Kelly if he was going to stand there and call her beautiful and gorgeous.

  “Luke, honey? Can I talk to you?”

  Luke turned to find his mother next to him. He followed her until she turned in the corridor and hissed, “What are you doing?”

  “What do you mean ‘doing’?”

  “You’re grilling Brett Carlton. For God’s sake, you’re being rude as can be. You said the tabloids are only good for cats to shit on. How could you be so foul-mouthed to one of the most famous people in the world?”

  “You’re upset about that?”

  “You’re embarrassing our whole family.”

  “You’re totally starstruck. Get over it.”

  “And you’re jealous. You’re acting like a sixteen year old who just lost his girlfriend to the senior quarterback. You broke up with Kelly, not the other way around. So if she wants to drag her boyfriend to see her sister, then that’s her right. And besides, if you’re not more discreet, Kelly’s going to hear you. Do you want that?”

  “Have you talked to Kelly since last summer? Brett mentioned how wonderful it was that our family took Kelly under our wing.”

  His mother hesitated, then straightened her shoulders. “Yes, I’ve talked to her. But your name didn’t come up. We have an unspoken agreement about that.”

  “That’s just great. And now you’re warning me about how to talk to Kelly’s new boyfriend?”

  “You know what? You chose this. You can’t take your bad decision out on others. Besides, that man has done nothing to you.”

  “You’re kidding me, right? Have you forgotten you’re my mother? Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

  “Of course, I am dear. I love you, it doesn’t mean I can’t like Kelly.”

  His mother was talking to Kelly? Why couldn’t his mother understand it wasn’t a bad decision, but reality that made anything with Kelly so unworkable?

  “Anyway, dear, please don’t make a scene. This is John’s day, not yours.”

  Luke froze. He couldn’t believe his mother just said that. Nancy took a moment, but she suddenly groaned out loud, and reached out toward him. “Oh God, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I was only talking about not making a scene with Brett, not that…”

  “It’s not my baby? No, you’re correct. It is John’s baby being born, not mine.”
<
br />   He turned and left before she could answer. The day had gone from bad, to worse, to utterly terrible in the course of an hour.

  ****

  He should leave. He ran cool water over his hands and splashed his face. Looking in the mirror at his reflection, all his anger vanished. Anger was better. Anger made him feel in control, it gave him power. It was better than this, feeling lost and sad. He had nine months to prepare for Cassie’s baby. A baby that had nothing to do with his own loss. Something he’d kept in perspective until getting angry at Kelly, and then taking it out on his well-meaning mother.

  He came out of the men’s room and stopped dead.

  Kelly stood there. The hallway was empty. They stared at each other. He remembered things about her he had no business remembering, or feeling. He chose this. What good was he for Kelly? He couldn’t ever erase his past. He couldn’t even get her pregnant, if he wanted to. So why did she have to be the one woman he’d continue to see throughout his entire life? He’d get to see her move on, all right. Move on with a new man, get married, and have kids. Just like he told her to.

  And still, here she was.

  “Did my mother send you?”

  “Your mother? No. Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Oh, I see. This is how it’s going to be? You’re angry at me because I was worried about you?”

  “Don’t worry about me.”

  “I just thought…”

  “That I can’t be happy that my brother is having a baby? Well, I can.”

  “Yeah, you sound thrilled.”

  “Leave it. Your sympathy doesn’t help.”

  She physically jerked as if he’d hit her. “No. I guess I didn’t help you at all, did I?”

  “No.”

  “I see. We ended it so we wouldn’t hurt each other. Why are you being like this?”

  He shrugged. “I have nothing left to lose.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Luke stormed off down the hallway, the carpet absorbing his angry footfalls. She was shaken. She’d never, in all the time she’d known Luke, seen him act this way. She’d heard only the tail end of his conversation with his mother, but enough to be worried. Luke wasn’t a hurtful person. He never went out of his way to hurt anyone, and yet, here he was. Why? What did he want from her? She left him alone just like he asked.