Off Screen

by Josephine Traynor

  If she wasn’t sitting up, I would have thought she’d gone to sleep she’s so unusually quiet.

  “Is everything okay? Why did she call you?”

  Jackson pops into my head, and my throat tightens. My breath catches in my throat while I think of his little face. “One—” I have to clear my throat. “One of the kids died. He was three. Amy is the eldest there and acts like their mother hen when the parents have to leave or are tied up with the doctors. She’s taken it pretty hard.”

  We stand in silence before she says, “I had no idea.”

  “Well, I don’t tell anyone. Those inside the hospital and funeral home are all sworn to secrecy, so that makes you and me being the only other people who know.”

  “Funeral home?”

  “It’s the last thing I can do for the kids who leave there with wings.”

  I watch with blurry vision while Riley folds back the bedding to free her legs. Rounding the edge of her bed, she doesn’t hesitate until she stops at my side. My feet are rooted to the floor when she takes hold of my hand to lift my arm and ducks under it. She wraps her arms around me, her skin instantly warming mine, and I naturally tighten my arm around her body. She’s giving me a hug. There are no words she can say, but this gesture is my undoing. Her hands grip around my stomach, and I lower my cheek to the top of her head and we just stand there. Her actions warm my heart.

  I have no idea how long we stand like that. Riley continues to hold me and starts to speak. “Harrison. I had no idea. That would be super hard to handle.”

  “I keep it pretty private.”

  “No. And I don’t mean this the way it’s going to come out. I had no idea you were this kind. I’ve seen you be nice to other people, but this, this is like halo-worthy.”

  If only you knew. The halo wouldn’t fit over the horns. “It’s my way of trying to give back. And you’re right. I haven’t been nice to you. I’m not expecting us to be besties—”

  “Naw. And here I was hoping we could braid each other’s hair.”

  “That’s a shame.”

  We both snicker at our failed jibes.

  “Nice would be a kind word to use.”

  “And I am sorry for that. I promised myself that I would stop being that way with you.”

  Her head moves under mine to nod.

  We stand in silence, and I’m not going to be the one to pull away first. I think I could stand here all night. Amy’s words play over and over in my head: Life’s too short. No regrets. Tell her how you feel.

  “Riley?”

  Her hmm vibrates on my chest.

  “I didn’t get to ask my free question,” I say.

  “What free question?”

  “You asked Amy’s name the other night and said I could have a free question.”

  When there’s no follow-up argument, I will myself to ask her. My only concern is: What if she’s changed her mind?

  “I’ve shown you the bad side of me. Will you give me a chance to show you the good me? The me that’s normal.” Taking a breath, I give her a chance to speak, and when she doesn’t, I continue. “To do nice things for you. The one who could possibly be your friend. To leave everything we have done to each other in the past and start fresh. From right now?”

  My hopes rise when her hands reposition around my waist. “I’m having a surreal moment.”

  “But this is nice. This hug. No one back at the studio is going to believe that we are actually getting along. Living together, eating, playing games, even hugging and being nice. Kind of like the calm before the storm.” I cry out when she playfully pinches my hip. Pulling on her hand to free myself, I step to face her. “This is where I show you I’m a nice guy. Who doesn’t date sixteen-year-olds.” I’m relieved that Riley laughs. She’s just how I’ve fantasised about her. Wearing a simple tank top with short shorts and sexy bed hair. I run my fingers the length of her arm then cup the side of her face. “What can I do to prove to you that I’ve put that old shit between us behind us? I can make a white flag. I can post something on social media.”

  “No. Just … just keep doing what you’re doing.”

  With my hand on her face, Amy’s words spur me on.

  I inch forward to make my move when she speaks again. “Be the gentleman I know you can be.”

  The kiss I desperately want is going to have to wait for another time.

  “Is there anything I can do for you?” she asks.

  I don’t want to go to bed right now and I don’t want to encroach on Riley’s routine.

  Lowering my hand from her face, I say, “I’m going to sit up for a bit.” I tell her that I’m going to see what’s streaming. Reluctantly, I step away from her and turn my back. Holding the doorknob in my hand, I take a moment to think about Amy’s words. I’m torn between making a move and regretting it forever and not making a move and regretting it forever.

  “Harrison?” she calls, and I slowly turn around.

  “I’ll join you for a bit,” she says. “If that’s okay?”

  Giving her a nod, I tell her the truth. “That would be nice. Bit unsure of what to do with myself.”

  I’ve already turned on the lamp in the corner of the room and I’m seated on the sofa when she joins me. Her robe might cover her body, but it just skims above her toned legs, stopping at the thighs. She plops down next to me, and I feel that her joining me is her way of changing her behaviour as well and I take the opportunity to share more of my secret.

  “Since you know what I do at the hospital, I feel I should tell you that you’re involved.”

  “Yeah?”

  My gaze trains on her long legs as she kicks them out and rests her soles on the coffee table.

  “There’s a new kid there, I only met him last Saturday, and he was hoping to meet you. We made a deal. He eats his greens and takes his medication, you’ll give him a kiss.”

  Her scoff turns into a giggle, and I’m relieved she’s taken it like this.

  “How old is this kid? And how did you think that was going to happen without telling me your big secret?”

  “I only met him once, I think he’s about ten. I hadn’t worked out the logistics.”

  “So a kiss, huh?”

  “He was hoping for a date to start with.”

  The tablet is long forgotten as she asks me more questions about what I do at the hospital.

  “Hmm. After all this time, I certainly never knew. What other secrets are you hiding?”

  “Truth be told. I have lots. Lots when it comes to you.”

  She turns to face me and asks, “Are they eating you alive?”

  Letting out a sigh, I nod.

  “Good. Tell me what they are.”

  “You might get mad.”

  “I’ll be madder if you don’t come clean. Half of them I probably already know and just need confirmation.”

  Pulling a face as I rattle off all the things I’ve done, I’m running out of breath, and I tell her that I went through her toiletry bag. I suck in a short breath and say, “And I’m really sorry. You are my living amends. I won’t do any of that again.”

  Leaning her head against the back of the seat, she says, “Okay. I knew about you doing three quarters of those. I’m glad you told me because some of those I was suspecting your manager of doing.”

  “Dominic’s always in my corner.”

  “Hmm, the day he called me a whore—”

  I raise a finger to interject. “For the record, I told him off. I said you call her that again, I’ll fire you.”

  “And then you stole my spark plugs.”

  Lowering my hand, I nod. “And then stole your spark plugs.” I laugh. “You’re not a whore. I never thought of you like that.”

  Riley shifts in her seat again and rests her arm on the back of the sofa and her hand against her head. “Ha! So tell me what you really think of me and I’ll tell you.”

  Mirroring her position, I ask, “One for one?”

  “One for one. Good an
d bad.”

  “All right. I’m your biggest fan.”

  Riley lets out a loud laugh. “What?”

  “Yep. Riley’s biggest fan. The username in your Facebook group. That’s me.”

  “Oh, puh-lease. I knew that was you. Trolling around. Checking things out. You’d leave little nuggets of information that only you or someone on set would have been able to confirm.”

  “I wasn’t trolling and I truly am your biggest fan. I’m in awe of your work. These are things you should have heard years ago. Your talent knows no bounds, and you are destined for bigger things than this show. I can see why you push for your character to go in different directions.”

  Giving me a small smile, she replies with the same compliment. “I like your competitive spirit.”

  “As much as this one pains me, you’re not a bad kisser. Bad shouldn’t even be used in the same realm as you.”

  “Dead fish was the term I think you used.”

  “That was cruel. Sad to say, you’re the best kiss I’ve had, and you’re paid to do it.”

  Riley throws her head back to laugh, and I crave to touch her. I want my mouth on that neck. I want to taste her lips again. She locks eyes with me as she settles back into her seat.

  “Well, you’re not a shit kisser, either. Even if it is a fake.”

  “Fake?”

  “I know you’re not giving me your best kisses.”

  I knew it! The urge to kiss her consumes me, and just when I’m about to make my move, she covers her mouth with her hand to hide the yawn.

  “On that note,” she says, “I think I’m going to go to bed. Thank you for sharing with me. I’m liking not having any secrets between us.”

  I still have about three secrets up my sleeve. One: I want you. Two: I love you. Three: You’ll hate me when you find out what I’ve really done, and I know you’ll never want or love me when you find out.

  The click of her door spurns me into action. Turning the light off first, I use my knuckles to knock gently on the door and push it open to find the robe sliding down her arms while she stands next to the bed. She says something, but my pulse is pounding in my ears so loudly that she sounds muffled. It takes me only two steps, and I’m in front of her.

  Hearing her say my name, I cup her face in my hands and bring my lips to hers. Her hands touch my hips, and she opens her mouth farther for me. This isn’t a Declan and Jordan kiss. This kiss is just for me. I slide my hands through her hair, and her robe hits my feet, and she does the same, me giving everything I have into this kiss because I might not get another chance. Her touch ignites everything I’ve kept hidden from her while she presses her body to mine. I stumble over my feet as she brings her body flush with mine. The hours I’ve spent against her body doesn’t even compare to now. As much as I’m loving the moment, my stupid head interrupts again.

  “Another truth?”

  “Now?” She seals her mouth back over mine and holds the back of my head.

  I kiss her until her fingers feel like they are relaxing, and I take my chance. “I like you. I’ve always liked you. Please don’t think this is—”

  “I don’t. I’ve wanted to kiss you for years, too.”

  I bring my lips back to hers; she kisses me until I pull back again.

  “But I don’t want you to think this is just me taking a chance while we are away.”

  “I wasn’t … until now,” she says, and her grip on me loosens.

  “No, no, no, no,” I say, and thankfully she doesn’t resist when I course my arms around her body. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t want a one-night thing. I don’t want a week-away thing.”

  Cocking her head to the side, she asks, “What do you want?”

  “I want every piece of you. I want to know what makes you tick. I want to be the one you confide in. I want to laugh with you.”

  “To use your powers for good?”

  I rest my forehead gently against hers. “Yes. To use my powers for good. I want you. I want you to be part of my life.”

  If I hadn’t been standing right in front of her, I might not have heard her speak.

  “I want you, too.”

  “I’m willing to wait for when you’re ready. I want to prove to you that I’ve changed. I want you to know that I’m the man for you, however long it takes for you to believe that.”

  Riley’s hands slip behind her back to take hold of mine, and she takes a step back. “You’re right. Clara’s right. If anything is going to happen, it can’t be tonight. As much as I want to, I don’t see anything good coming from giving in to blatant desires now.”

  I’m about to punch myself in the nuts for agreeing.

  “Believe me,” she says. “This is not a no. It’s just a no to right now.”

  “I don’t want to let you go.”

  Confliction is clearly playing on her mind. She hesitates with letting me go and lifting her face as if she wants to kiss me again. I reluctantly let out a sigh while she says, “Nothing more than a kiss is going to happen.”

  “This is going to sound weird. Can I leave the bathroom doors open? I just need to see you first thing or I’m going to think it’s a dream.”

  “I’ll go you one better. You get your pillow. You can sleep on top of the covers, and I’ll sleep underneath.”

  Dropping her like a hot potato, I turn and run for my pillow to hear her laughing as she calls out for me to stay out of her toiletry bag. I return, and she’s pulling the covers up and ducking under while I put my pillow next to hers.

  “Are we doing the right thing?” she whispers, and we both get settled.

  “I don’t know. This. This right here, right now—”

  She lifts her head as I put my arm underneath. Her head nestles into my neck like a hundred times before just perfectly.

  “This feels so right.” I’m just pissed off that I could have been kissing these lips all this time. My soft kiss on her forehead prompts her to lift her head and press her lips to mine. “Wake me up when you get up. I don’t want to waste a second of time with you. Wasted too much already. For the first time in three years, I’m finally getting my wish.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That I get to sleep next to you.”

  Her body shakes against mine until she can’t stop the laugh from bubbling out. “Laying it on a bit thick, aren’t you?”

  She continues to laugh, so I slip my arm out from under her and turn to my side and loom over her. I know I said I wouldn’t touch her, but I just can’t help myself. She lets out a gasp when I kiss her fiercely. Pulling back, she lifts her head to chase my lips.

  “Does that show you how serious I am? I’ve been super guarded with my feelings towards you. Only two people know how I truly feel about you, and you make number three.”

  “Well, I’m glad to be in the know.” Her voice sounds sleepy as I move to be on my side.

  Mirroring my stance, she lies on her side and leans into my touch. I ache for her to return the sentiment. Her skin feels like silk against my knuckles. Her eyes flutter while my strokes get lighter and lighter. Her soft breaths even out, and her eyes stay closed.

  Realising how tired I am, it’s not long till my reality leads me into my dreams.

  Fifteen

  Riley

  The loud motor purring in my ear is enough to wake me. Except the purr isn’t a motor, it’s from the hunk of hotness lying next to me. The normal thing would be to pinch myself; instead, I tentatively reach out and carefully seal his nostrils together. The snoring stops for just a moment until his mouth drops open and he takes a big gulp of air. I drop my hand and pretend to be asleep.

  Holy shit, I have Harrison in my bed. I thought I dreamt it.

  “You could have just pinched me, you know,” he says as the mattress shifts.

  Opening my eyes, I am face to face with him. I instantly cover my mouth with my hand so I don’t breathe on him.

  “Don’t get shy on me. I tasted those lips last night.”


  “But the breath behind it might put you off kissing them again.” I kick the covers off my legs and jump off the bed. I close the bathroom door behind me, load up my toothbrush, and get myself sorted. Wiping the back of my hand against my mouth, I open the door to find Harrison flat on his back, hands behind his head, wearing nothing but his long grey sweatpants.

  “I lucked out. You got the comfy bed. Although I do think I got the best night’s sleep in years because of the person sleeping next to me. So, you get up early. What do we do now?”

  Making my way to the bed, I give a little shrug. “I usually do some yoga. Some stretches. Meditation. Coffee and then go for a run.”

  “Sounds like you do a full day before you even start work on the show. Just come back to bed. Another fun fact about me, I love to cuddle.”

  I compromise with a quick snuggle back in the bed. Harrison is quite flexible when he’s not joking around with all the yoga poses. Meditation is another insight into his playful mind as he makes up funny chants on the spot. Try as I might, I have to take a peek at him while he chants. He’s sitting awkwardly cross-legged, hands upturned on his knees with this thumbs and middle fingers touching. Hair wild from the night before, I shake my head when he continues.

  “Ohmmmm-my-god-check-out-that-hot-guy-you-should-be-kissing. Ohmmmm-you-might-want-to-move-out-of-that-pose-or-I’m-going-to-be-stuck-in-mine. Ohhhhm, when-Harrison-asks-you-out-on-a-date-you-will-say-yes.”