Off Screen

by Josephine Traynor

  “I’m home, and before you start getting stuck into me for not telling you sooner …”

  “What? Are you done? I thought you were meant to be there until the weekend. It’s only Thursday. What did you do?”

  “Why is it that you assume it’s me?”

  “Because it usually is you.”

  At the sound of pipes rushing with water, I have to tell myself to not think of Riley in the shower once again. Talking to Amy helps quash any dirty thoughts.

  “So tell me what happened,” she says.

  I explain to her about the bikes and the bits I know won’t upset her. “And like magic, I teleported back here and I’m now at Riley’s.”

  “You’re with Riley? Willingly?”

  “Yes, willingly. I was injured. She’s looking after me.” Just as I talk about her, Riley appears around the corner in simple jeans, a singlet top, and is towelling off her wet hair. Amy and I talk for a little bit longer before the pinging of my phone with messages and texts is too much to bear. I don’t mention that we’ll swing by later, I want that to be a surprise. Amy will freak when she knows Riley’s coming. “Amy, as always, been great talking with you. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

  I turn the phone off having seen at least five messages from Kit showing up on the screen and I’m certainly not in a position to get back to him. Crouching before my suitcase lets me know of the soreness just in my lower back as I pull out of a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. The kids haven’t seen me in anything else. “We can’t go in and see the kids for a few hours. No visitors until after midday today.”

  “When did you start seeing the kids?”

  “When I started making decent money. I prayed, wished, and vowed that if my brother went into remission, then I would do what I could. Every year, I’d send a donation to the hospital.”

  Her eyes tear as I tell her the wonderful machinery my donations have bought.

  “It’s my way of making penance. Making amends.”

  “What do you have to make amends for?”

  So many things. “Mainly the things I’ve done to you.”

  Her gorgeous smile fades, and guilt rises within me.

  “I’ll forever be sorry for what I’ve done. I’m working hard to make up for it.” Having overheard her feelings about me to Clara at the cabin, I have a need to hear her say it as a way of reassurance.

  “I think I heard you say something the other morning and I want you to say it again.”

  She catches her breath, and her hands drop, but my arm holds her firm.

  “Say it.”

  “I can’t,” she whispers.

  “I want to say it, too, but I need to hear you say it first.”

  She repeats that she can’t.

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s the tiny piece you haven’t been able to strike at. To make fun of. You made fun of my appearance. My lines. My career. My ability to do my job. Those, I can bounce back from.” She takes a shaky breath. “For you to know that I love you and for you to reject that, I know I wouldn’t recover from that.”

  “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m in love with you, Riley. I think I’ve been in love with you since you walked into Acting 101 class.” Seeing my words make her shift nervously on her feet, I continue. “Do you know how relieved I am to say it? To have you know? It’s felt like I’ve been carrying a huge boulder on my back for years. Even when you weren’t around me. Finally, you know how I feel about you. I love you. I want you to be with me. The way we fight, I know we can make an awesome team, and there’s nothing we can’t beat. When the studio told me that I couldn’t do Restless Times without you, it made it all clear that I don’t want to do it without you and that’s the same for my life. Everything around me is better with you in it.”

  Nodding, she says, “I can’t stand you in that shirt.”

  Thinking our critical days were over, I ask her why.

  Her big blue eyes stare into mine as her lip curls at the side. “It makes me think impure thoughts about you.”

  We stare at each other for so long, it’s like she never said anything.

  “Don’t get me started about inappropriate thoughts. I don’t think there’s a way I haven’t imagined us doing it,” I say. She pulls on the shirt, and I playfully resist. “Be honest. Did you honestly think of us doing it?”

  “All the damn time.” She sighs. Her tongue darts out to swipe across her lips before she closes her eyes and kisses me deeply.

  I skim my hands over her skin as she rests her hands on my forearms when I wrap them around her. Accidentally on purpose, I brush my hand past her side boob and try to reach around to bring her closer.

  “Put your hands on me,” she says against my lips. “I want your hands everywhere.”

  I curl my finger into her pants, and her hot skin melds with mine.

  Her hands dig into my hair. So much for hiding my erection. This is not the kind of kiss you give if you don’t want it to go further. This is the kind of kiss you give when you’re ready for everything more. With my hands on her arse, I dig my fingers in as she moves slowly on me.

  Riley drops one of her hands to take hold of my wrist and brings my hand to sit on her hip. “Touch me.”

  I tighten my grip, taking a healthy grip of her arse while holding her in place at the hip. “I’m just unsure as to what level I’m allowed to go to.”

  “If you want to go all the way, I don’t think I’ll get you to stop.”

  “You want to go all the way?”

  Her lips stop, and she sits back to look me in the eye. “Are you fifteen?” Riley squeezes her eyes shut. “Sorry, old habit. Harrison. Yes. I want you. I want every part of you.” Her words slow as she stares up at me. “You don’t want the same, though?”

  What? No. I don’t think I’ll want anyone else ever again. “I do. Oh God, how I do. It’s just Clara’s got in my head.”

  Riley slouches, and I know it’s stupid to mention another woman’s name when you’re wanting to get intimate with her.

  “You know what I mean. I’m sure she said the same thing to you. If I want something more with you, then I have to get to know you. I guess the big question is, do you want something more with me?”

  Riley lowers her head and mutters, “Can’t believe we are having this conversation now.” Lifting her head, she’s biting her bottom lip.

  “It’s not a trick question. Either you want to spend time with me and move into a territory that I think we both want to go or you don’t. Either way, you’re going to have to tell me.” Placing my hands on either side of her face, I pull her closer and give her a gentle kiss. “I’ll take anything you want to give me.”

  Riley crosses her arms, and the next thing I know, she’s taken off her shirt, and her breasts, the torturous beauties, are on display for me.

  “I want you, Harrison. If this ends up breaking my heart, so be it. I know what it’s like to live without you. I want to know what it’s like to live with you. To be with someone who wants me.”

  If Riley was offering this up to me without us spending the time that we have, I would have claimed all that I wanted without any regard for her. I would have taken what I wanted and just told her to go on her way. But this is now. Now I want to treat her the way I think she deserves to be treated. The way that will have her coming back for more. Coming back for me.

  I slip my hands over her waist and stop under her breasts. They are magnificent. My mouth waters, and I take them in. The dusty nipples pucker, begging to be touched. My thumbs seem to have disengaged from my voice of reason as they slowly caress the underside of her breasts to then rise and circle around each nipple. Riley responds by letting her head drop back and arches her back towards me. Her skin prickles, and it gives me the boost to keep going. One thumb continues to run rings while I lift her a breast to my mouth where my tongue mirrors my thumb. She takes hold of the back of my head and digs her fingernails in by way of encouraging my efforts. Shuffling along the
hallway, she’s clearly not ready to take me to her bed, so I’ll take her to the bed I was in last night.

  “God, that feels good,” she says. “I can’t wait to feel that tongue in other places.”

  I scrape my teeth on her tender flesh before pulling my mouth away to give her other breast the same attention. We are too far gone for me to care about the erection pressing against my pants. Moving my fingertips up and down her back has her moaning and me taking as much as my mouth can take. I was so focused on what I was doing to even notice she had undone the buttons on her jeans and was now moving her hand between her legs under her knickers.

  “Can I do that?”

  “Only if you join me?”

  I keep rolling my fingers and squeezing her divine globes as I nod.

  Snagging my finger on her jeans, I drag them downwards, causing her to lose her footing. Giving them a tug so she shifts on her feet, I keep looking her straight in the eye and wait for any kind of hesitancy. When I get none, I lower everything she’s wearing to her ankles. Riley steps forward and lifts her hands to my shoulders, but I hold her back by placing my palm flat against her perfect stomach, giving her a nudge. Her knees stop against the bed. Another gentle push of my hand causes her to fall back on to the mattress with a bounce.

  “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this, all of this, with you. Not just what we are doing right now, but getting to know you. I want you to know that. For me, it’s more than this,” I say as I lift my hand and give her breast a firm squeeze.

  “I know. If I thought any different, I wouldn’t be doing this.” I seal her hand over mine while bringing my other hand to her inner thigh and up. She lets go when I reach the apex, and I continue, turning my palm up to feel wetness.

  “I want you just as you want me.” I’m a little disappointed when she doesn’t divulge any further. I’m almost on the verge of telling her that I love her, but something stops me.

  She pulls on my shirt while I move my fingers through her folds. Reluctantly, I remove my hands as fast as I can and replace them when the shirt clears my arms. She tugs me onto the bed with her, and her lips are on mine as I push my fingers past her lower ones. Her mouth opens, and my tongue moves over hers while I relish my intimate touch. There’s no resistance as I glide my two fingers all the way in up to my palm. Our kiss is full of need. She’s kissing me deep and she curls her hips forward every time my fingers fill her. I rub my thumb against her nub, and she jolts her hips forward. Her perfect body is totally at my command. She waits a moment for me to remove my hand. I curl my fingers inside her, and she lets out a gasp.

  “You like that?”

  “I do. You keep doing that and touching my clit, I’m not going to last much longer.”

  Hearing that she’s close only spurs me on more. I move my fingers deeper while I take her breast with my mouth. It’s when she pulls her hand out of the way, Riley calls that she wants me inside her when she comes. Feeling her fingers move around me, it’s never felt so good to have a condom put on.

  “Riley?”

  “It’s okay. I’m not going to last long, either.”

  Truth be told, I don’t know how I’m going to resist her touch. It’s been three years of hope, lust, and wishing, want and restraint, and I fear I’m going to blow in the next twenty seconds.

  “It’s not that. I just don’t want to feel like a teenage virgin. A two-pump wonder.”

  When she stops laughing at my self-deprecation, her mouth morphs into an O as I enter her slowly until there’s no more of me to give. I hold my breath as she tightens around me; the sensation is heavenly. Coupled with the connection I feel for her, the moment intensifies to a level I’ve never felt as she stares up at me. I capture her mouth; she opens it to moan. My thrusts are shallow and deep.

  “Roll onto your back if you need a break. I don’t mind leading.”

  Having her on top of me is going to be my end. Her hips move up and down as her fingers reach for her clitoris. My back is happy for the reprieve, and I take hold of her breasts.

  My back starts to twinge when she calls out while opening her legs wider to me.

  “Just like that,” she moans as she sits fully and leans forward to kiss my chest. “Come with me.”

  Calling out, I tip my head back and press my hips up just to get that little bit deeper. She runs her tongue along my throat before leaving a trail of kisses down my neck. I’d thought of a thousand fantasies of how my first time with Riley would be, and this wasn’t one of them. I’m not disappointed, I just wanted to woo her.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks as I’m still inside her.

  “Nothing. Just trying to sear this moment to my brain because I don’t even think I’m going to believe it.”

  Sucking gently along my jawline, she lifts her hips and pulls herself free of me and says, “Believe it. It’s happened and hopefully will happen again.” Her fingernails tickle along my happy trail, and she asks if I’m okay.

  “Fucking perfect. Feel like a million bucks, and I’m just going to lie here for a few more minutes to savour the moment.” I relish in the closeness of her as she wriggles into my side. “Why did we waste so much time when we could have been doing that?”

  “I guess if we did just do that, I don’t think it would have been this good. I think it would have been shallow and meaningless. This. What we have now is anything but. Well, for me anyway. This is the real deal for me. As long as we keep being honest with each other, I don’t see why this can’t work. It’s early days, I know, but I’ve never felt this way about someone. Just promise you’ll always speak the truth to me.”

  And there I go, making promises I know I’ve already broken as I tell her I will.

  Seventeen

  Riley

  I always thought Harrison would be the affectionate type. He’s been super attentive and even rests his hand on mine as we head to the hospital in the taxi. His reasoning for not taking his car is understandable. It’s amazing how at ease Harrison is making me feel. Our relationship has never been this easy. I’ve been mindful of his back, but there was nothing wrong with his hand or mouth as he was able to give me three more orgasms and left me crying out for him to stop.

  “Not sure who is going to freak out more. I mean, all the kids love you even though they aren’t allowed to watch the show. The parents, on the other hand …”

  “Oh, I’m sure they love you.” I playfully hit him on the shoulder as he puffs out his chest and shrugs.

  “What’s not to love?”

  Not a lot if I list the things. I know he was wanting me to say the words I’ve said to Clara but I just couldn’t. I’m not there. Mentally, I’ve been there for years. I’ll find the right time to tell him that I love him. My phone starts to ring as I step out of the taxi, and Harrison sees that it’s Lydia.

  “Let it go to voicemail. It’s my first day to have you all to myself,” he says.

  “As you lead me in to meet a heap of strangers.”

  Letting the call go to answering machine, I pocket it just before he slips my hand in his. I instinctively look down and give the side eye to see if there are any photographers around.

  “Relax. No one knows we are here. I haven’t called the paps on you for at least a week. And I’m not going to again.”

  Harrison lands a kiss on my forehead. The gesture is sweet, and I’m caught in the struggle of trusting him completely. We are pretty distinct even when we are dressed down. I haven’t put anything on my face other than mascara, which I instantly regretted considering where I’m going, and a slick of lipgloss.

  “Anytime you want to get out of here, we can just say the word.”

  “How long do you normally spend here?”

  With a shrug, he says it depends. “Sometimes just an hour, other times, I’ve been here for most of the day. We’ll just play it by ear.”

  The sterile hallway plays havoc with my emotions. I hate being sick as an adult, let alone as a child or feeling so helpless
to your own child. Harrison presses the buzzer to let the nursing staff know we are here when the door swings open. A nurse breaks into a huge smile and throws her arms open wide.

  “What are you doing here? This is a nice surprise.” Her arms automatically fall as her gaze moves to me and her mouth drops open. “Was going to say, it’s not like you to come here empty-handed. Look who you brought.”

  There was no option to if I wanted a hug or not, it just happened.

  The two of them keep talking as the nurse introduces herself and holds me tightly in her embrace. “It’s so nice to meet you. The kids are going to freak.”

  “That’s what he said.” I laugh and follow Harrison inside who squirts sanitizer on his hands. The simple pleasure of touching someone proving to be the reason for someone to get sick weighs heavily on my mind. “So where’s this boy you said I’d go on a date with?”

  “You sing out if you need anything, okay?” the nurse says. “Nice to have you here. The place could do with a bit of excitement. I’ll go get Toby ready for visitors.” She leaves me with Harrison while I also wash my hands.

  “If I don’t introduce you to Amy first, she will kill me. First her and then Toby,” he says before we stop at the first door on the right and he gives a gentle knock on the door. A familiar voice squeals as he brings his finger to his lips to shoosh her. “Quiet, or they will all come to your room.”

  “How come you have today off?” the female asks, and I assume it’s Amy. She certainly sounds like a sixteen-year-old, and as she rounds the corner, her young and small frame takes my words away. “Oh, my God. Quick, Hell must be freezing over. Riley is here with you.” She reaches out her hand for me to take. “She’s real. She’s really here. Hi. I’m such a huge fan. I love you on the show.”

  “Right here, kiddo.”

  Amy ignores his comment as her eyes get wider when she moves towards me.