Fallen Firsts

by Jillian Torassa

  “Don’t get cold feet now, Marsha Baby,” Malek called, much too loudly, across the campsite. “Remember why you came in the first place. We may not be able to win, but we can plant the seeds of something that could take root someday.”

  “And set the people of the Ten Colonies free,” Christa added solemnly.

  I hugged my arms closer to my body.

  “It’ll be over soon,” Jaron told Marsh in a voice obviously meant to be comforting, though personally I felt he needed a crash course in giving condolences.

  Stillness fell on our hiding place as his words seemed to echo through the air around us.

  Because we all knew it.

  It would all be over soon.

  Part Three:

  Two Revolutions

  Chapter Seven

  Victor

  I shouldn’t have been surprised that Jade had left headquarters. Not only did she always have to do things her own way, but she didn’t exactly trust me anymore.

  I didn’t blame her; we didn’t trust her, either. Not with our real purpose, anyway.

  We couldn’t trust anyone.

  “Are you ready to head back to the lab?” Meghan hadn’t said anything about Jade or Gideon since we discovered that they were missing, but I could tell that she was still irate.

  Girls were weird. It had been her idea to apologize in the first place, and we were all on the same side now. I didn’t understand why she was so angry. It’s not like Jade could do much damage on her own. “Yes. Let me grab my jacket.”

  She stood by the door with a scowl on her face as I shoved my arms into the white sleeves.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “Okay . . .” I picked up the empty briefcase that I was supposed to be filling with evidence. “After you?”

  “Don’t be stupid.” She practically snatched the case out of my hand. “I’m supposed to be your servant, remember?”

  “Assistant,” I corrected as she stormed out of the suite. I hated when she brought that up, but it was the only way Dr. French would let her come to headquarters with me. I sighed heavily and followed her, but the memory still swam unpleasantly in my head:

  “After I was whipped in the place of this ungrateful Third, I went by her First’s home in order to say a final good-bye. The Smart refused to see me and treated me with the utmost disrespect. I was shocked and confused, because up until recently, we had been romantically involved. So I let myself in to her quarters, and in a moment of weakness, forced her into giving me the thanks I deserved. She was simply using me for my power, and I would like to see her punished. I can’t think of a better penalty than forcing her to work with me.”

  “Doctor Doe, we always seek justice. Not revenge.”

  “Yes. Her poor soul desperately needs . . . rebuking.”

  “Well, I suppose we can give it a try. After all, it is our job to redeem the souls of the wicked, and if you think this is a fitting punishment, Dr. Doe, I see no reason why you can’t have what you want.”

  I felt filthy just thinking about it.

  Meghan waited for me at the end of the hallway, still scowling. There were four suites in this building, but as far as I knew, we were the only ones here.

  “Why are you so upset?” I asked as I caught up to her.

  “Shh,” she hissed, putting her finger to her lips.

  “Okay, okay!” Widening my eyes in exasperation, I opened the door and was instantly blinded by the bright winter sunlight. As long as we were out in the open, we couldn’t talk, which was fine by me. It was probably better that way, when Meghan was in a mood.

  Leading the way, I turned left and headed down the perfectly pruned garden path that led to the network of clear sidewalks that webbed throughout headquarters. We had had to wait a good six weeks before we were allowed to come here. Thanks to the lockdown, only one Doctor was permitted to leave Liminis at a time, and it was finally our turn. The main computer lab was in the very middle of the compound, and even though I had weeks to mentally prepare, and even though there was only a handful of Doctors here at this time of year, I was nervous.

  The idea of revolution and anarchy still made my stomach turn.

  The door wasn’t locked—there was no need for that. Everything on those computers was expertly encrypted, and I was having a hell of time trying to find what we came for.

  The video that I watched for orientation.

  The video that would prove everything.

  “She’s a glut,” Meghan whispered, once we were inside.

  Her voice nearly made me jump. “Who? Jade?”

  Without looking at me, she went straight for the nearest machine and turned it on. “Of course Jade. Who else would I be talking about?”

  “Okay. I’m sorry.”

  Luckily, Meghan didn’t seem to want to elaborate because we were too exposed here. There were too many places for an eavesdropper to hide, and one dead Third on my conscience was more enough.

  My heart fell into my stomach. “What kind of gun did the shooter have?”

  “Um, a .22, I think,” Gideon responded. “Why?”

  “Roke.” I pulled Michael’s bare shoulder off the table, and the worst was confirmed. “There’s no exit wound. The bullet is still inside of him.”

  My gloves were scarlet. Michael was too pale, and suddenly his blood pressure dropped. I knew what was about to happen, but my brain wouldn’t accept it.

  The sting in my eyes brought me back to real life, and I had to shake my head to get the image out of it. A glance at Meghan told me that she was searching through old files with heavy concentration, and I quickly crossed the room to look through the physical copies.

  I silently cursed Galilea. If it wasn’t for her—if it wasn’t for her nosiness and her affinity for forbidden Love—I wouldn’t have been here in the first place. I wouldn’t have seen Michael shot, wouldn’t have been responsible for his life, wouldn’t have witnessed his death . . .

  “We need to stabilize him and call for transport to the north island. We don’t have what we need here.”

  I hadn’t seen Michael since he disappeared from Wissen Schule. In fact, I has assumed he was dead.

  “Defibrillator.”

  No! I knew he hated me, and I could have been kinder, but I never stopped caring. I just gave him his space, because—

  Well, what if I never got a chance to explain—?

  “Clear.”

  Michael’s body jerked under the paddles. This was my fault. If I had been a better Doctor—if I had been a better friend—if I had—

  “Clear.”

  The short beeps coming from the vitals cart lengthened into a shriek. I didn’t want to witness this. But I couldn’t leave him to die alone, either. I may have shouted something, but I wasn’t really sure. I wasn’t really there—

  And then neither was he.

  “I’m sorry, Dr. Doe. There’s nothing more we can do. Please call it.”

  Something had changed. Even though he hadn’t been conscious, whatever made him human was gone. And I would never get the chance to fix it. Fix all of it. My throat felt dry as I glanced at my watch. “Time of death: 1:13 am.”

  I had seen death before, but never like that. Blinking the exhaustion from my eyes, I opened the file cabinet. I wanted and needed to be with Meghan, but now I had another reason to destroy the Doctors: Michael’s death was on them.

  On me.

  ---

  After failing to find the information that we had hoped to find, there was no reason for us to remain at headquarters. Which meant we had to go back to checking the extensive computer network in Liminis.

  It also meant that I didn’t have an excuse to miss my birthday dinner with Mark and Lindi.

  It had already been a stressful day at work—Dr. Snyder had walked in on me continuing the search I was doing on Galilea’s behalf—and I was hardly in the mood to socialize. Especially with people I barely knew.

  I stood uncomfortab
ly in front of my parents’ blue front door. This was the third time I had been there, but I was just as nervous as the first. Though the Council couldn’t return my missing memories, they offered to reintroduce me to the family I had been torn from, and I questioned, once again, whether or not I had made the right choice.

  Especially since Meghan couldn’t be with me. Well, wouldn’t. She had been angry since Jade and Gideon left headquarters, and I couldn’t pretend I understood why. I guess that was just the form her grief was taking.

  I took a deep breath before reaching out my hand and knocking firmly. If being a Doctor had taught me anything, it was how to remain calm and collected, even under the tensest of circumstances.

  Light footfalls grew louder as Ari—Mother and Father’s Third—approached, and the door finally opened.

  “Good evening, Ari,” I said with a forced smile.

  She bowed her head respectfully.

  “My parents should be expecting me.”

  I followed her hand as she gestured me into the home, and I waited for her to go ahead and show me into the living room.

  “Dr. Doe!” Mother stood as I entered the room, her dark hands clasped tightly in front of her. “We’re so glad we could celebrate your birthday with you.”

  Mother and Father didn’t remember me either; they had elected to have their memories wiped—just as I had been forced to—when I was removed from their home, so the tension in the air was palpable. Edgar, who was my younger brother, chose that moment to come running into the room, reminding us all that I didn’t really belong there, even if I had been redeemed.

  “Oh, he’s here.” Edgar was only ten years old, but he should have understood the importance of politeness by now. It was something I had learned from the moment I had set foot inside Wissen Schule.

  “Yes, darling, it’s Doc—your brother’s—birthday today. We are going to celebrate together. As a family.”

  Edgar rolled his eyes and ran out of the room again.

  “Where is Father?” I asked, pretending that Edgar’s dismissal didn’t deeply affect me.

  “He is finishing up his work and will be home shortly. Please, have a seat.”

  Nodding my head in gratitude, I sat on the long couch. Mother glanced around uneasily before joining me. On the opposite end, of course.

  “How has your work been at—?”

  “—the Textile House?” she finished for me, assuming that I wouldn’t have remembered. “Very slow. Until the next group of Thirds graduates, the demand for new tunics and uniforms remains low.”

  I wondered how much she knew.

  “And how is work—”

  “—as a physician?” She smiled slightly as I finished her sentence in return. “Always interesting, always new. What has Edgar been up to these days?”

  He ran into the room again. “Training to be a Second,” he said smugly, plopping himself down next to Mother.

  He was nothing like the children I had looked after before my official redemption. Back when I had been a bondsperson. Back before I had a family.

  “They think I’ll be a good mechanic.”

  Even though he had disrespected me openly, I couldn’t help but notice the proud look in Mother’s eyes as she smoothed his curly black hair. “Now, now, Edgar, you must be polite to our guest.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me before hopping up and running away for a second time.

  “I do apologize,” she said, clasping her fingers on her lap once more. “He has so much energy.”

  Energy. That was one word for it.

  “If you’ll excuse me, I need to see how dinner is coming along.”

  I nodded as she rose and then stared into my lap as she disappeared into the kitchen.

  This was nothing like the birthdays from my forbidden memories, and I wanted nothing more than to go home, eat a small meal, and wait for Meghan to sneak over so that we could discuss our next act of sabotage.

  That’s when Father arrived.

  “Lindi, I’m back, is he here yet?” he yelled across the house.

  I felt color rise to my cheeks.

  “Oh, Dr. Doe. I didn’t see you there.” Mark’s hands fell from a cup around his lips to his sides, where they hung stiffly. “My apologies.”

  Standing, I reached out my hand. “Not at all,” I said with a smile. “Welcome home.”

  He couldn’t keep his eyes connected with mine, and he quickly started to fidget. “Have you seen Lin—I mean, your mother?”

  “In the kitchen.”

  “Oh. Thanks.”

  And once again, I was left alone.

  Deciding to see if they needed help, rather than sit solo on their couch, I followed Mother and Father’s path into the small kitchen. The earnest whispering from the other side of the door, however, gave me pause. Sneaking up, more quietly now, I pressed my ear against the wood, curiosity getting the better of me.

  “She was there at lunch again, what was I supposed to do?” Father hissed.

  “I told you, Mark, you can’t listen to that garbage. We have a son to think about.”

  Two sons, actually.

  “But she had news. That Second from the posters—they caught him, Lin. That means the lockdown will be lifted.”

  I narrowed my eyes. That Second from the posters? That better not be who I thought it was.

  “So? That doesn’t prove Galilea’s theory.”

  While we waited to drive to headquarters, Galilea had been out talking to people. Because of her activity, I hadn’t felt comfortable spending too much time in the computer lab, but I had noticed, since Meghan and I had returned a few hours before, that her urgency seemed to have intensified. I wondered if Gideon’s capture—if that’s indeed who Mark was talking about—had something to do with it.

  “I know that. But what if she’s telling the truth? That the Doctors were only searching for him because there was a gathering of rebels—”

  “Don’t you think that if the Doctors were in charge, Dr. Doe would have said something by now?”

  “Why would he? We’re practically strangers to him. Besides, he’s one of them.”

  Mother huffed as she headed toward the door, and I had to back away quickly before I was discovered. I darted to the couch and sat down right as she re-emerged.

  “Dinner will be ready in about five minutes,” she said with a tense smile.

  “I look forward to it,” I said, mirroring her forced nonchalance, even though I felt short of breath myself.

  “And you’re sure you’re alright eating in the kitchen? I’m sorry we don’t have anything fancier.”

  “Being here with my family is all that matters.” I wondered how much information I could get out of them during dinner. How much did I dare try? I had begun to question the effectiveness of Galilea’s plan (find the video while she talked to people around town), but it was as though this new information—the fact that Gideon had been caught and was being held by the Doctors—had broken a dam inside my brain. Suddenly I could think clearly again, and the prospect of discrediting the Doctors didn’t seem so daunting.

  “Yes, well, you’re too kind.” She smiled once more and left me alone to my thoughts, which were now reeling with new possibilities.

  ---

  As I stood in front of the prison, I wondered again who had taken over my body. Not only was I working with Galilea to prove that the Ten Colony Council never existed, but I was about to talk to Jade’s new boyfriend.

  And he wasn’t exactly my favorite person.

  With a growl, I forced myself into the building.

  “Doctor Doe,” I said, flashing my badge at the security guard. “Here to see the Second prisoner.”

  “Yes, Doctor.”

  He got up with a grunt and headed into the cell blocks.

  “In here, sir.”

  It was a concrete room with one small, barred window high up on the wall. Gideon sat on the ground, one leg crossed underneath him and the other knee pulled up to his ches
t. He was covered in bruises—obviously he had been beaten and tortured, probably for information—and his eyes widened when I entered.

  “Thank you, you may leave us,” I told the guard.

  With a bow, he exited, shutting the door behind him.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Gideon didn’t get to his feet.

  I chose to overlook his show of disrespect and straightened my shoulders instead. “Where is Jade?”

  “Dead.”

  “Don’t lie to me.”

  “Why shouldn’t I?”

  Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself. Our plan to uncover proof that the Doctors had control of the Colonies wasn’t going well, but Galilea was optimistic. Even if we found information, however, the people of Liminis, though shook up of late, were still deeply indoctrinated. We needed another way to convince them, and for my new plan to work, I needed Gideon’s full cooperation.

  “You’re right,” I said. “You have no reason to trust me. I’m a Doctor, and I’m part of the problem you’re trying to destroy.”

  He snorted derisively. “Yeah. That’s one reason.” But I could tell he was listening as he pulled both of his knees up to his chest.

  “Look, believe it or not, we’re trying to do the same thing.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Bring down the Doctors and free everyone from the stigma that Knowledge is evil.”

  I had never heard myself say the words out loud before, and a few bumps popped up over my arms.

  Gideon appeared almost as shocked to hear my words as I was, glancing quickly at the security camera suspended from the ceiling.

  “Don’t worry,” I told him. “It doesn’t pick up sound.”

  His eyes narrowed at me—though my back was to the camera, anyone paying attention could still read his lips. “Is that why you were at headquarters?” he asked, barely opening his mouth.

  “Yes.”

  He turned his back to me—to the camera.

  Good. Anyone watching would think it was a snub.

  “Your apology was real?”

  With a sigh, I shifted my weight and crossed my arms, addressing his question. “When the Doctors found out that Meghan and I were dating, they abruptly put an end to our relationship, but not until months after it started. It didn’t seem fair. Besides that, her First found out the truth when she was Loving one of my supervisors, and she needed our help to prove it.”