The Courage to Dream

by Margaret Daley

  “No.” Tears welled into his eyes.

  “I know you don’t understand now—”

  “You got that right,” Amy interrupted, rising and putting an arm around her brother as though she would protect him from their older sister. “When were you going to discuss this with us like you promised? Right before you had to leave? The only reason you told us now is because I saw you reading those.” She flipped her hand toward the papers in front of Rachel.

  “I want us to be a family. We can’t be one if we live in different cities.” Rachel knew anything she said at the moment wouldn’t really be heard by either one.

  “Your idea of discussion is quite different from mine. You led Shaun and me to believe we might actually have a say in our own futures.”

  “I suppose I could go and sign the papers, Shaun, without you. That way you could still go to the basketball clinic.”

  “How big of you. We’re staying come September.” Amy shot the words back.

  “We’re a family. We do this together.” After talking to her mother on the phone, she was more determined than ever to keep this family together. She wanted to give her siblings something she’d never had—a real home.

  Amy took a step then another until she was only inches from Rachel. “I will not leave Magnolia Blossom. Ever.” She brushed past Rachel and hurried out of the room.

  The slam of Amy’s door reverberated throughout the house like a gong. Rachel winced.

  With tears streaming down his cheeks, Shaun yelled, “I’m not leaving, either.” He, too, raced from the kitchen and slammed his bedroom door shut.

  Rachel started to follow Amy and Shaun, but when she stood in the hallway, staring at the closed doors, she felt the wide rift between her and her siblings. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to close it. She had to try. She would give them some time to calm down, then she would talk with each one and try to make them understand.

  * * *

  Rachel sat in the living room in the dark, trying to bring some order to her life. The whole day, her sister and brother had given her the cold shoulder. Neither had left their bedrooms, not even to eat. When she returned to New York, she was sure everything would settle down and her life would be like before—except she would be responsible for Amy and Shaun, and there would be a part of her left in Magnolia Blossom, the part that wished she could make a total commitment to Michael.

  She had given Amy and Shaun time to digest her news. She needed to talk to them and get them to understand. She knocked on Shaun’s door, then waited until he said to come in. He was at his computer, playing a game. He didn’t look at her as she entered and sat on his bed behind him.

  “We should talk about this.” Rachel watched him kill a few aliens and wondered where she should begin.

  When his man died, he switched the game off. “I don’t want to leave Magnolia Blossom. My friends are all here. Garrett is the best friend a guy could have.”

  “I know. But my work is in New York, not here.”

  “Amy says you can cook anywhere.”

  She’d heard those words before—from Michael, years ago. “Yes, but I’ll have my own restaurant. That’s something I’ve been planning for ten years. It’s one of my dreams. Do you have dreams, Shaun?”

  His lower lip stuck out. “Yeah, I want to pitch a no-hitter.”

  “That dream is important to you. Well, my dream is important to me. You’ll be able to make new friends in New York and you can come visit Magnolia Blossom and Garrett. He can come see you and you can show him all the neat things there are to do in New York. He’d probably love to see a Yankees game.”

  His lower lip quivered; tears pooled in his eyes. “I don’t want to leave. I’m scared.”

  Rachel went to her brother and hugged him. “I know. Change is scary. But I want us to be a family, to be together, not separated. I love you, Shaun. Please give this a chance.”

  He leaned back, swiping the tears from his face. “I love you, Rachel.”

  “I promise you can come visit every summer. I know that Michael or Helen would love to have you.”

  He pulled away, straightening his shoulders. “Do you think I could see the Yankees play? They are one of my favorite teams.”

  “Sure, and when the Braves come to town, I have connections. I think I could get you in to meet the team.”

  “You can?”

  “Yep, anything for my little brother.” Rachel tousled his hair.

  “I don’t have to go away to school, do I?”

  “Not unless you want to. There are plenty of good schools in New York City.”

  Shaun turned to his computer and began to play the game again.

  “Don’t stay up too late,” Rachel said as she left Shaun’s bedroom.

  She halted in front of Amy’s door, not really ready for the confrontation. She knocked, her heart beginning to beat faster. Her palms were damp as she lifted her hand to knock again. Nothing. She shouldn’t be surprised. Amy was ignoring her, as usual, but they had to talk about this sometime.

  Rachel eased the door open. The room was empty, and the window was wide-open. Panic began to nibble at the edges of her mind. Quickly she made a search of the house to assure herself that Amy wasn’t around. She wasn’t.

  Rachel returned to her sister’s bedroom and looked at the mess. Then she walked to the open window and stuck her head out. The drop to the ground was only four feet, and the bush under the sill was trampled. Amy was gone, and Rachel’s panic burst forth. She knew in her heart that her sister had run away.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Rachel couldn’t keep her hands from shaking as she punched in Michael’s number. All she could think about was that her baby sister had run away—possibly with Kevin.

  As soon as he picked up, she asked, “Michael, do you know where Amy is?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “She climbed out of her window tonight and is gone. I have no idea where she is and it’s now an hour past her curfew.” Rachel glanced at her watch as though that would change the time.

  “Did you call Kevin?”

  “Yes, he was the first person I called. He’s not at home. His mother thinks that he’s out with Amy.” Rachel sat at the kitchen table, her legs too weak to support her.

  “It’s probably nothing. Amy has lost track of time before.”

  “You don’t understand. My lawyer called yesterday morning. My restaurant deal came through, and Amy knows about it.” Even to her own ears she heard the hysterical ring to her words.

  “It did? And when were you going to tell me?”

  The accusation in his voice cut deep. “I started to tell you last night, then Amy and Kevin were missing and the opportunity passed.” Her voice sounded heavy with emotions she wished she could control, but Michael could always expose her feelings faster than anyone else.

  “I see.”

  She heard the distance in his voice as though he were barricading his heart against her. “I’m scared. What if something happens to Amy?”

  “I’ll be over.”

  He hung up before Rachel could tell him no. She called him back, but there was no answer. She knew he was ignoring her. After the gentle tone of his voice at the end of the conversation, Rachel wasn’t sure she could handle him showing up. Her control was fragile at best.

  She placed a call to Helen. “Amy’s gone. Do you have any idea where she would be? When she’s been at work, have you heard her talking about a place she might go when she’s upset?”

  “No, sugar. I’ll be over to help you look for her. Have you called the police?”

  “Yes, but Henry said there wasn’t much he could do since she is a runaway. He’s doing some checking for me, but I just can’t sit here waiting to hear something. I think she’s with Kevin.”

  As she got off the phone with Helen, the doorbell rang. Not wanting to alarm Shaun, she hurried to answer it. He had finally gone to sleep at twelve, and she would prefer he didn’t worry along with her.
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  Michael, with Garrett beside him, stood in the doorway, his appearance disheveled as if he had dropped everything and rushed over. She knew she’d awakened him, and he must have thrown on whatever was near at hand. His shirt didn’t match his pants, but to her he looked wonderful. Against her better judgment she was glad he was here. She stepped to the side to allow him and Garrett into the house.

  “Thanks for coming. I hate dragging you out at this hour, but—” Rachel swallowed hard. “I’m sure I’m worrying for nothing. She’ll probably come strolling in here with some excuse that Kevin’s car ran out of gas.”

  Michael turned to his son and said, “Why don’t you go back to sleep in Shaun’s room?”

  “Is he still up?” Garrett asked Rachel.

  “No. He finally went to bed an hour ago.”

  Garrett shuffled toward Shaun’s bedroom. “I won’t wake him.”

  After his son left, Michael combed his fingers through his mussed hair, then rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve got a feeling Amy was serious when she told you she didn’t want to leave Magnolia Blossom.”

  “Then where could she have gone?”

  “We’ll check some of the teen hangouts.”

  “We’ll have to wait until Helen shows up and can stay here with Shaun and Garrett. Do you want some coffee until then? I know I woke you up.”

  “Sure.” He walked with her to the kitchen. “How did Shaun take the news about the move?”

  “Okay. He wasn’t happy, but we talked about it.”

  “You realize when we do find her the situation will still be the same.”

  “Yes.” Rachel poured him some coffee, trying to keep her hand steady as she gave him the cup. “I didn’t want to break up the family, but since I’ve been waiting for her, I’ve been thinking. I guess I’ll have to see if she can stay with someone here in Magnolia Blossom for her last year of high school.”

  “As I said before, she can always stay with Garrett and me.”

  “Thanks. I’d hoped that Amy and I would get to know each other all over again, but that doesn’t look possible now.”

  “Rachel, it doesn’t have to be like this. The option of you staying is always open.”

  The doorbell sounded again. Rachel used the excuse of answering it to avoid replying to Michael’s statement. She was relieved to see Helen on the porch. Rachel pulled her into the house.

  “I’m so glad you’re here. Can you stay with Shaun and Garrett while Michael and I go look for Amy?”

  “So you called Michael?”

  “Yes. I thought she might have gone to see him.”

  “Sure, Rachel. Haven’t you noticed whenever something goes wrong you call Michael? Who did you call first, him or me?”

  “Not another word, Helen. I don’t need you to play matchmaker now.”

  “You called Michael. Just as I suspected.” Her smile was way too smug as she strode into the kitchen and greeted Michael.

  “We’re going to try the turnoff on Miller Road. I also thought the park and the bluff nearby. Any other places you can think of, Helen?” Michael asked, downing his coffee in several swallows.

  “The dock at the end of the Old Farm Road, your riverboat.”

  “Helen, if Amy comes home, call me on my cell phone. I don’t know when we’ll be back.” He put his hand on the small of Rachel’s back to guide her toward the door.

  * * *

  The dim light of dawn grayed the landscape as Michael pulled his truck up to the bluff that overlooked the Mississippi River. “It doesn’t look like anyone is here.”

  “Let’s check around just to make sure. This is the last place. If she’s not here, where is she?” Rachel felt weariness in every part of her body. The night had been long and unproductive, and she felt as though she’d lived through a month’s worth of nights instead of one.

  Michael turned, sliding his arm along the back of the seat. “Rachel, you may have to face the fact that she has left Magnolia Blossom.”

  “But she wanted to stay. That’s what this is all about.”

  He opened his door. “We’ll take a look.”

  Rachel heard the resignation in his voice and knew he thought searching the bluff was futile. But the alternative was going to Aunt Flora’s and admitting defeat. She couldn’t do that just yet. Right now she would give anything to find Amy safe and sound.

  After making a careful inspection of the area, Rachel met Michael at the truck. The sun peered over the horizon, casting its rosy hues into the blue sky like long fingers reaching for something unattainable. The warm air smelled of grass and pine. Birds sang in the trees along the bluff as though there was nothing wrong in the world.

  Rachel couldn’t bring herself to open the truck door. “If Amy stays here, I’ve failed to keep the family together. I didn’t realize how much that would bother me until now.”

  “You have been away for years. Why is it so important to you now?”

  She flinched at the question that pierced her armor. “I don’t want them to feel they have been totally abandoned by their family. I want them to feel that at least someone cares about them, especially now that Aunt Flora is gone.”

  “You’re talking about your parents?”

  “Yes. It’s hard to accept that your mother and father don’t want you around. I’ve been there. I wanted to make it better for Amy and Shaun.”

  “So you want to be their mother and father.”

  “I guess something like that.”

  “But you aren’t. Be a sister to Amy, not a mother. Aunt Flora filled that position quite well. And sometimes no matter what we do we can’t shield our loved ones from being hurt. Both Amy and Shaun have a strong faith. That will help them through this.”

  “But I don’t? You’ve always had a way of getting right to the point.”

  “God is with them. He is with you. Your parents may have abandoned you, but God hasn’t. You are never alone.”

  “I feel that way right now.”

  “Then maybe you need to turn to the Lord. Let God be there for you.”

  She wanted to. Something was missing in her life. She realized she needed help. “Let’s go back to the house. I want to be there when Shaun wakes up so I can explain what happened.”

  Rachel remained silent on the ride to Aunt Flora’s. She thought over what Michael had said to her. She knew she couldn’t be her sister and brother’s parent, that she couldn’t erase what their mother and father had done to Amy and Shaun. She did feel she could ease the hurt, be there for them. But Amy wanted nothing from her. The gulf between them was as wide as the one between Michael and her. She was good at keeping people at a distance. She had learned from a master, her mother.

  Lord, help me to reach Amy. I love her and want us to be a family. I don’t know where to begin. Please guide me in what to do.

  Shaun and Garrett came onto the porch when the truck pulled up. A troubled expression creased her brother’s brow.

  “No rest for the weary. I was hoping to shower and change before I had to talk to Shaun about Amy.” Rachel climbed from the truck, feeling both physically and mentally exhausted.

  “Helen told me Amy didn’t come home last night. Where is she?” Shaun chewed on his lower lip, trying desperately not to show how worried he was.

  But Rachel saw it in the lines that marked his young face, in the distressed tone of his voice. She placed an arm around his shoulders and guided him into the house. “That’s true, Shaun. Amy’s left, and we don’t know where she is. Do you have any idea where she would have gone?”

  He shook his head. “She doesn’t tell me much, especially lately.”

  Rachel listed all the places Michael and she had searched. “Any other hangouts we didn’t go to?”

  Shaun snapped his fingers. “The church. She has gone there before when she was upset.”

  “It’s worth a look. Rachel, why don’t you stay here with Shaun? If she is there, I’ll call.”

  “But I should come with�
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  “Rachel, Shaun needs you,” Michael said in a low voice. “He’s worried about Amy. Your presence will help him. Let me check first.”

  While Michael headed for the door, Rachel proceeded into the kitchen. “Let’s get some breakfast while we wait. Helen, do you want to stay?”

  “Yes, sugar. I’ll even help cook.”

  “No, you’re a guest. Besides, cooking will take my mind off my troubles. You sit and entertain Shaun and Garrett.”

  Rachel immersed herself in the food preparation, fixing enough to feed an army. She kept mixing and cooking to take her mind off where Amy could be. What was she doing? Rachel remembered the impulsiveness of youth and the feeling of being invincible. The combination of those two things could get a person into trouble.

  You are never alone. Michael’s words came to mind. Rachel thought of this summer and how she had become involved in the church and in the town.

  Oh, dear God, please let her be all right. I need You.

  When the phone rang, Rachel grabbed the receiver so fast she was sure she surprised everyone in the kitchen. “Yes?”

  “Rachel, she’s here at the church,” Michael said.

  “I’ll be there. Please keep her there.” Rachel hung up before Michael could talk her out of coming. She had to see that her sister was all right with her own two eyes.

  At the church she jumped from the car and rushed up the steps to the large double doors. If Amy hadn’t wanted to stay, it would have been difficult for Michael to keep her. Rachel prayed he was able to persuade Amy to stick around because Rachel had been going out of her mind with worry about her baby sister.

  Michael met her at the doors into the sanctuary. “She’s sitting in the back. I’ll make sure y’all have some privacy while you work this out.”

  “Did you talk to her?”

  “Yes. She knew I was calling you.”

  “She did?”

  “Actually, it was her idea. I think y’all need to talk.”

  “I’ve been trying to.”

  “She’s ready now, Rachel.”

  The foreboding tone to his words made her apprehension mushroom. “What happened, Michael, to change her mind?”