Sydney Harbor Hospital: Zoe's Baby

by Alison Roberts

  ‘I reckon John would think it was a great idea, too,’ Teo said.

  That made her look up. ‘Why?’

  ‘He’s helping you through your PND, isn’t he?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘A big part of getting through it is to do with being confident about being with your baby, wouldn’t you say?’

  ‘I guess.’

  ‘You asked me how I knew what I was doing and I said it was because I was Samoan. If you came and spent an afternoon with my tribe you’d understand. You might find a new way of looking at things.’

  He could see the moment that a ray of hope shone through the wariness and determination to keep to herself. The hope that there was a key out there to unlock a door and let her step into the place she really wanted to be.

  Teo believed he had that key.

  ‘I’ll pick you up,’ he said. ‘And if you aren’t enjoying yourself, I’ll take you home again, I promise.’

  Zoe was gnawing her bottom lip so hard it hurt.

  The invitation was pulling her in opposite directions. She desperately wanted to go because, if Teo was so good with babies, imagine what she might learn by watching how the women handled their children?

  But what if it just came naturally because they were Samoan? They’d look at her and think she was some kind of freak. A mother who didn’t know how to love her baby. Teo might be embarrassed that he’d even suggested including her.

  And why was he issuing the invitation? This was a family gathering and she was a total stranger. What could he possibly be getting out of this? He must know that she wasn’t remotely interested in getting involved with any man. Interest in sex had been wiped from her life even before James had disappeared. She hadn’t even been touched by a man with anything other than a medical procedure in mind for well over a year.

  Except for when Teo had touched her shoulder in the waiting room that morning. And that had been simply a way of getting her attention. Connecting. A touch of friendship.

  Was it possible that she could have this gentle giant of a man as a friend? Someone who accepted her PND as well as her baby as simply being a part of who she was at the moment? Someone who didn’t judge her and find her a miserable failure?

  He wasn’t saying anything. He seemed to be enjoying the last of his coffee, just letting the invitation float there in the air between them.

  Zoe had a flash of something like panic. If she didn’t catch it, it might disappear and she would be left wondering if she’d lost the most important opportunity she might ever have.

  ‘I…um… What would I need to bring?’

  ‘Just you and Emma,’ Teo said promptly. ‘No food, please. My family could cater for an army.’ His smile carried a warmth that enfolded Zoe completely. ‘And whatever you do, don’t eat any breakfast. My aunties will take one look at you and think you need a lot more meat on your bones.’

  Zoe made a face. ‘Are you kidding? I’m two dress sizes bigger than I was before Emma.’

  Teo’s smile left his lips but it was still there in his eyes. ‘The Samoan way of thinking is different. I think you might like it.’

  If Teo was a typical representative, Zoe was quite prepared to believe that. The bubble of hope inside her was growing. It was almost a trickle of excitement and that was something Zoe hadn’t felt for anything other than her job in longer than she could remember.

  ‘So you’ll keep next Saturday free? You’ll come to our barbecue?’

  Zoe nodded shyly. ‘Thank you. I’d love to.’

  CHAPTER FOUR

  IT WAS just as well Zoe hadn’t needed to think about bringing food.

  A beach outing with a baby was enough of a mission in itself. She had to pack a supply of clean nappies and wipes, bottles and premixed formula, sunscreen and hats and toys to entertain her with and two changes of clothes. The car seat could double as a place for Emma to take a nap but she had to find a muslin cloth that could provide shade and protection from insects.

  April was the second month of autumn in Australia but there were still days that felt like summer and this was one of them. A clear, blue sky and not a breath of wind. The surf was picture perfect, rolling up the white sandy beach, but Teo didn’t lead Zoe down the steps to the sand. He headed for the large grassed area dotted with trees and some permanent barbecue sites. Every one of them was being used today by groups of families and friends but Zoe could spot the gathering they were heading towards well before they got there.

  It was the most crowded. The most colourful. And by far the noisiest. She could see women of generous proportions wearing brightly coloured floral dresses and men wearing board shorts and T-shirts like Teo was. And there were children. It seemed like there were dozens of children running around and the younger they got, the less in the way of clothing they were wearing. Two tots weren’t even wearing nappies.

  Zoe felt completely overdressed in her jeans and singlet top. She also felt intimidated by the shouting and laughter she could hear. And they were all Samoan people, which made her feel pale and out of place. Her steps slowed.

  ‘I’m not at all sure about this,’ she confessed. ‘I had no idea your family was so big.’

  Teo let her catch up. He was carrying Emma while Zoe had the overstuffed nappy bag. ‘I wasn’t expecting this many either,’ he said. ‘Word gets around the community, though, and I expect everybody wanted to welcome Alisi and the kids. Come on, I’ll introduce you to Alisi. I think you two will get on just fine.’

  Amazingly, they did. After a series of introductions that made Zoe’s head swim and hugs that felt as warm and squashy as the most comfortable couch in the world from all the ‘aunties’, Zoe found herself sitting on the grass beside Teo’s favourite cousin.

  ‘I love your jeans,’ Alisi said. ‘You’ll have to tell me where I can go shopping.’

  ‘Bondi Junction’s good.’ Zoe unstrapped Emma and picked her up from the car seat. Far more effort had gone into dressing her daughter than herself and Emma was wearing a pretty, smocked pink dress, white socks and tiny sandals.

  ‘Oh…isn’t she gorgeous?’ Alisi’s face lit up with a wide smile that reminded Zoe of Teo’s grin. She reached out to touch Emma’s face with her forefinger. ‘Lalelei pepe,’ she crooned.

  Inexplicably, Zoe felt the prickle of tears at such effusive admiration of her baby. Emma was beautiful. She felt proud of her.

  ‘Yours is a darling, too. Her name’s Kali, yes?’

  ‘Ai.’ Alisi nodded. ‘And those two ragamuffins plaguing Teo are my ui, Maru and Sefa.’

  Teo didn’t look like he was being plagued. He had half a dozen small boys in bright board shorts and nothing else dancing around him as he dribbled a football across the grass. There was a whoop of excitement when he kicked it and the boys competed hard to be the first to reach the ball. Except for one, who clung to Teo’s hand.

  ‘That’s Sefa.’ Alisi smiled. ‘His uncle Teo is his favourite person in the world.’

  Alisi’s baby was enjoying a breastfeed. All Zoe could see were chubby brown limbs and nothing more than a singlet and nappy for clothing. Emma was even more overdressed for this outing than she herself was. In an attempt to cover her sudden awkwardness,she found a bottle of sunscreen and began smoothing it over her daughter’s equally chubby limbs.

  She was fitting a frilled, white sunhat on her head when one of the aunties spotted Emma.

  ‘Oh…’ she cried. ‘The lalelei pepe. Please…’ She held out her arms and Zoe didn’t have time to even consider refusing to share her child. Emma was scooped into strong brown arms and carried away to be shown off. Zoe watched in astonishment as Emma was passed from one woman to another, often after what was obviously a difference in opinion over how long someone’s turn should be. What was even more astonishin
g was that Emma seemed to be loving it.

  Teo must have been keeping half an eye on her while playing football with the boys. Maybe he could sense her astonishment and took it for concern because he eventually called in one of his cousins to take over supervising the children and went to rescue Emma. He plucked her from the arms of a woman who had the most beautiful long black hair and a frangipangi bloom tucked behind an ear.

  ‘My turn,’ Zoe heard him say with authority. ‘I’m her honorary uncle, after all.’

  He held Emma with his two huge hands around her middle. Zoe’s breath caught in horror as he suddenly swooped her skywards so that she was balanced in his hands looking down at his head. Then he bounced her. Emma’s face split into the biggest grin ever and the gurgling sound of her laughter could be clearly heard.

  Everybody watching beamed approvingly.

  ‘Ua fiafia le teine.’ Alisi smiled. ‘She’s happy.’

  And Zoe wanted to cry. It was the first time she had heard her baby laugh.

  Teo brought Emma back to her then.

  ‘Don’t know about her,’ he said, ‘but I’m starving. I’ll help with the cooking and then it’s time for a swim.’

  Zoe found a bottle of formula and Emma didn’t object to having cold milk. She saw Alisi glance at the bottle and cringed inwardly but she couldn’t detect the slightest judgement in the glance. In fact, Alisi sighed with something that sounded like envy.

  ‘Her hair is so lovely. Like the first kiss of sunset. We get the most beautiful sunsets in the world in the islands.’

  ‘I’ll bet.’

  ‘Have you ever been to Samoa?’

  ‘No. I’ve never been out of Australia.’

  ‘You’ll have to come and visit.’ The statement held as much authority as Teo’s had when he’d reclaimed Emma and announced his position as her honorary uncle.

  Did he mean that? Would that make him an honorary cousin for her? Someone with the kind of bond that was palpable amongst this big group of happy people? The notion was more than appealing. It gave Zoe an ache of longing. She’d never had any siblings. Or cousins. Or even a family in the true sense of the word.

  ‘We would love to have you,’ Alisi added. And then she laughed. ‘My husband, Rangi, refuses to leave the islands. He expects the world to come to him. I said I had to go and visit Teo and he couldn’t understand why. Teo comes here every few weeks, he said. Why go all that way to a smelly city?’

  ‘Does he? Go home every few weeks?’

  ‘He has a house near the beach. He says it’s the home of his heart. He works for a week at the local hospital at least once every three months or so.’

  ‘Really?’ Zoe was impressed. ‘That’s a wonderful thing for him to do.’

  Alisi nodded. ‘Everybody loves Teo. He has the respect of a chief.’

  The two young women were sitting on a rug beneath the shade of one of the trees close to the barbecue area. Everyone else seemed to have something to do around them, either playing with the children or preparing the food. Delicious aromas of garlic and lemon, seafood and roasting meat were drifting over the area, bringing the children to crowd around the picnic tables.

  Zoe found herself watching Teo. There was a lot of laughter happening around the hot grills of the barbecues, the group of men clearly good friends.

  ‘How many of you are Teo’s family?’ she asked.

  Alisi laughed again. She had her baby lying in her lap now and she was holding Kali’s hands, gently making her dance with her arms.

  ‘All of us,’ she said. ‘And none of us, in a way.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Teo was an only child. His father died in a fishing accident when he was a tiny baby. His mother met an Australian tourist and came here to be with him but she was sick and didn’t realise it. By the time they found the cancer it was too late to treat it. I think that’s why Teo works at our hospital so often. He doesn’t want that to happen to anybody else. Anyway, her man left her and she was too ashamed to come back home. Teo cared for her and he was too young to know how to come home when she died. He ended up in foster-care until Hina found him one day, in trouble on the streets. He was about thirteen then.’

  ‘Hina?’

  ‘Over there. In the blue and white lavalava. Sarong, I mean. She took him into her family. Adopted him, in the end, because there were a lot of papers to sign. That wouldn’t happen in the islands. Our families can be blended without any of that fuss. Anyway, she’s his first auntie and she has a lot of family here.’

  Zoe was curious now. To be alone as a child and watch his mother die of cancer would have been appalling. And Alisi’s tone when she’d mentioned foster-care had been one of enough disgust to suggest that the care hadn’t been acceptable. Something clicked in the back of her head. No wonder he was prepared to bend rules and keep children in hospital with their mothers if the alternative was a foster-care system he didn’t trust.

  Something else shone through as well. Teo had been found in trouble. On the streets. How awful had that time been for him? And how could someone end up radiating the generosity of spirit and laid-back charm that Teo had if he’d had such an unhappy childhood?

  He was the most extraordinary man.

  Emma had finished her lunch as everybody else began eating what was, to Zoe, the most extraordinary feast. The aunties insisted on cuddling both Emma and Kali, clearly well practised in juggling babies and eating their meals one-handed. Alisi was happy to hand Kali over and Zoe felt relaxed enough by now to do the same with Emma.

  ‘You’ve got to try this,’ Alisi said, reaching for a huge, plastic bowl on the table. ‘It’s called okai’a. It’s lime-marinated tuna. Delicious. Sefa! Put that back. You only need one coconut bun.’

  ‘And this is my favourite.’ Teo appeared by Zoe’s side, and put some meat fresh from the grill onto her plate. ‘Honey-glazed chicken.’

  ‘Thank you. It smells wonderful.’

  He hesitated for a moment. ‘You OK?’ he asked quietly. ‘Enjoying yourself?’

  Zoe nodded. ‘They’re very kind people.’

  ‘You coming for a swim later?’

  Zoe shook her head this time. ‘I didn’t bring my bathing suit.’

  ‘I could lend you a sarong,’ Alisi offered. ‘No good for swimming but we could take the babies paddling.’

  ‘Great idea,’ Teo said. ‘When the tide goes out a bit further, there’ll be some lovely shallow pools down there near the swimming pool.’

  The rock pool was set into the cliff side and was large enough for any swimmers who wanted to stay out of the surf. At high tide, the waves broke over the edge of the pool but it was far enough out now for the pool to look as clear and calm as a mountain lake. Inviting enough for Zoe to wish she had brought her bathing suit. It had occurred to her to do so but the new curves of her post-pregnancy body were not something she had any desire to put on display. Anywhere. Her concerns seemed a bit silly now, in the company of so many women who were obviously completely at ease with their larger figures.

  There were platters of fresh fruit offered for dessert and a taro bread pudding that Hina had made. And then, by tacit consent, the whole group settled for a rest period. Someone produced a guitar and started singing softly. Several small children went to sleep on the laps of adults, including Emma, who was tucked into the folds of Hina’s blue and white sarong. When Zoe offered to take her back to put her in her car seat, Hina waved her away with a smile.

  So Zoe sat with Alisi in the shade of the tree, listening to the music and watching the waves breaking on the beach and the crowd of people out enjoying the gorgeous day. Coogee beach was a very popular place on a day like this and Zoe wouldn’t have been surprised if she knew some of the people out there, swimming and sunbathing, but she h
ad no desire to move away from this group of Teo’s people.

  She might be overdressed and the only pale person amongst them but somehow, in a very short space of time, they had made her feel as if she belonged.

  The rest period appeared to be over with the same kind of unspoken agreement with which it had begun. Children woke up. Some of the women began clearing the table. Teo stood up and stretched.

  ‘Time for a swim,’ he announced. He stripped off his T-shirt, rolled it into a ball and threw it like a football to one of Alisi’s sons.

  ‘But I want to swim with you, Uncle Teo.’

  ‘Later. I’m going out past the waves. Too deep for you, Sefa.’ He turned away to head for the beach and Zoe caught her breath.

  Teo’s left arm, from above the elbow to the top of his shoulder, was covered with an intricate tattoo. The skin was almost black. It was the lines of uninked skin that made the patterns.

  Alisi had noticed her involuntary gasp.

  ‘Nice, isn’t it?’ she murmured.

  Zoe didn’t know what to say. Tattoos were not something she had ever associated with the kind of man she knew Teo to be.

  Alisi smiled. ‘It’s a pe’a,’ she told Zoe. ‘Tattoo in Samoa is an art form. It’s been practised for two thousand years. Originally, it was only meant for women of rank but now it’s become a mark of manhood.’

  It was certainly masculine. Zoe couldn’t her take her eyes off Teo. She watched him run towards the surf, splash through the shallows and dive through a bigger wave. And then he was swimming, parallel to the shore, with a powerful overarm stroke that made his body move at an impressive speed.

  She was still watching as he came out of the water and she was close enough to see the water dripping from the thick waves of his hair. The way his big, brown body glistened and the wet board shorts clung, leaving very little to the imagination.

  The tribal tattoo was a work of art, she realised. As much a part of Teo as the rest of his rich, vibrant culture. And it was ultimately masculine. The mark of a warrior.