Let Me Save You

by Samantha Wolfe

  "I really need to get rid of this monstrosity," David said, pointing a thumb at his SUV. "It feels like I'm driving a damn bus."

  "Did you have anything in mind?" Andy asked him.

  "I don't think I want another SUV, and I want something that's fun to drive and looks good," David replied. "I'd like something that handles well in the winter, too."

  "Didn't you guys have a Chevy SS in here a while back?" I asked Andy.

  "Oh, no!" Andy said vehemently. "You are not sucking anyone else into your Chevy cult."

  "It's a cult now?" I asked him in amusement.

  "It's been a cult your entire life," Andy replied. "I swear you were conceived in a damn Chevy."

  "I don't have a problem with driving a Chevy," David said with a smile as he watched our exchange.

  "See?" I pointed at David. "He doesn't have a problem with it."

  "I have something better than a Chevy for you," Andy told David. "You're going to love it."

  "It's not another Ford, is it?" I asked just to get a rise out of Andy.

  "Zip it," he said as he pointed at me with a glare. "You do know there's more than one car manufacturer, right?" I shrugged in response and smirked at him. "Come on, David. This guy is no help to you at all." Andy turned on his heel and briskly walked back toward the building, not even bothering to see if we were following him. David and I exchanged amused grins. We followed Andy toward the entrance.

  "I take it that you guys are old friends," David said as we straggled behind Andy.

  "Our whole lives," I said with a nod. "We pretty much grew up together."

  "Then he's family," David added with a warm smile. The mention of family made me start to feel anxious immediately. I nodded in reply, hoping to God that he didn't say or ask anything about my family. I could feel his eyes on me as I looked straight ahead, but thankfully he didn't say anything else about it.

  We walked into the showroom and approached the reception desk. Andy was nowhere in sight, but his sister Jenny was standing behind the desk. Her dark hair was long and straight, her eyes identical to her brother's startlingly blue ones. She was wearing a khaki pencil skirt and a pale blue short-sleeved blouse.

  "Hi, Jensen. Andy's grabbing a set of keys," she told me with a smile. "He'll be out in a second." Her eyes glanced over at David and lit up with interest. It made me want to roll my eyes. "Who's your friend?" she asked me, her eyes never leaving David.

  "Hi, I'm David," he said before I had a chance to speak. He stuck his hand out toward Jenny, a huge smile stretching across his face.

  "I'm Jenny, Andy's sister." She shook David's hand as her eyes skated down his body with appreciation. I caught myself before I groaned out loud.

  "It's a pleasure to meet you," David said, still smiling. "I'm assuming you're his younger sister."

  "I am," she responded with a wry twist of her lips. "How do you know this bozo?" she asked him as she pointed a thumb at me.

  "I'm friends with his girlfriend," David told her. That got her attention. Jenny turned to look at me with an incredulous expression. Her smirk got bigger.

  "You have a girlfriend?" she asked me as her eyebrows rose.

  "Yes," I answered succinctly, hoping she'd let it go with that.

  "Really? What's her name? Is she pretty? Do you love her?" She sounded eerily like her brother. Why were all these people so concerned with my love life?

  "That's none of your business, Jenny," I said with a small frown. She looked over at David then.

  "You see, David," she told him conspiratorially, "that's code for 'he loves her'. He always clams up about anything he really cares about."

  "Quit giving away all my secrets," I told her with a small smile, unable to deny the truth. I did love her, and I didn't want to talk about it.

  "Are you going to tell me her name?" she asked David with a flirtatious smile.

  "It's Sydney, but you're on your own with the other questions," David answered her and looked over at me with a smile. Why couldn't this guy be a dick? Just then, Andy came back in through a nearby door with a key fob dangling from his fingers.

  "Wait until you see this car, David." He walked up to David with a gleam in his eyes. "We just got it in a couple of days ago, and I drove it yesterday. It handles like a dream."

  "Lead the way," David said with a hand flourish. Andy made a bee-line out the door while David and I hurried behind him, trying to keep up. We followed Andy as he weaved through all the other cars in the used-car lot looking for the one he wanted.

  "Ha! Here it is!" he called out, and we headed to where he was standing. We walked up next to a beautiful black 4-door Audi A6. Even I could appreciate it. The Germans didn't mess around when it came to cars. "What do you think?" Andy asked David with a hopeful expression.

  "I like it. I like it a lot," David said with a grin. "It's beautiful."

  "Wait until you drive it," Andy said as he raised the key fob up to David and pushed the button on it. The key popped out of it like a switchblade. "Hop in." Andy turned and opened the driver's side door. David took the key enthusiastically and lowered himself into the car as the amazing scent of leather wafted up out of the open door.

  "It's a 3.0 liter supercharged V-6 with 310 horsepower. All-wheel drive, too," Andy told him.

  "I'm going to pretend I know what all of that means," David said with a laugh as he looked around the gray interior. Andy snorted out a laugh of his own.

  "That means it's fast and handles well in the winter," I clarified.

  "Well, let's go," David added as he put the key into the ignition. Andy walked around and sat in the passenger seat while I climbed into the back. The engine practically purred when David started it. He put the car in drive and eased the vehicle forward and drove us out of the lot. When he pulled out on the street and hit the gas, the engine responded with a nice throaty growl. David grinned over at Andy, who returned it with enthusiasm.

  "Told ya," Andy said happily.

  We drove around for a while as David asked questions about the car. Andy was in his element as he extolled the virtues of German engineering. I swear; the man should have been in sales. If David didn't buy this thing, I would. Eventually, we all started chatting about ourselves, but when the two of them realized they were both into video games; they launched into a lengthy enthusiastic discussion about it that completely left me out. I was starting to feel like the third wheel on a date. Andy was supposed to be my buffer, not develop a bromance with the guy. By the time we pulled back into the car lot, they were exchanging phone numbers so David could join his group of friends in their Monday night on-line gaming.

  "Well, what do you think of the car?" Andy asked David as we walked through the door into the showroom.

  "I really liked it," David answered enthusiastically. "But I'd like to think about it before I jump into anything just yet."

  "I get it," Andy replied. "Take a day to decide. I'll make sure no one else buys it out from under you."

  "I really appreciate you taking the time to show me the car," David told him, then he looked at me. "And thank you for meeting me here. Maybe I could take you guys to lunch to thank you properly."

  "Well, I have to get back to work, but Jensen is always starving to death," Andy said with a smile. I felt a moment of panic at the thought of spending any time alone with this guy. There was no polite way to get out of this. I shot Andy an annoyed look for throwing me under the bus.

  "That sounds great," I finally said, knowing that I was doing it for Sydney. It would mean a lot to her if I could forge a friendship with this guy. The least I could do was try.

  Andy shook David's hand and turned to head back to the garage. I excused myself from David and followed Andy through the door he was walking through. He paused once we were in an empty hallway, and the door had closed behind us.

  "Thanks," I said sarcastically as I glared at him.

  "Dude, it's just lunch," Andy said reasonably. "He seems cool. You should give him a chance." I hat
ed it when Andy was right. I breathed out a sigh of frustration.

  "I know," I agreed reluctantly, running a hand through my hair.

  "Is there something more going on here?" he asked. "Do you think he's interested in Sydney, or are you just being jealous?"

  "I'm pretty sure I'm just a jealous asshole," I mumbled under my breath, not admitting that I was more envious of David himself than of his relationship with Sydney. He was a reminder of everything that was wrong with me, and that made me feel like I didn't measure up to the kind of man Sydney deserved. I fought down the tight choked up feeling in my throat at that thought.

  "Then you better get over it," Andy told me with a serious expression. "You don't want to put Sydney in a position where she has to choose between you and David. Even if you come out on top of that, she'll resent you for it."

  I hadn't thought of it that way. The thought filled me with fear. I couldn't let anything like that happen. I needed her more than anything, and I couldn't be without her again.

  "I'm trying here, Andy," I said. "I really am, but my head has been messed up for so long now. I'm really struggling with this." He looked shocked at my admission. Hell, I was shocked by what I had just said, but after last weekend he knew I was having problems. There was no point in hiding it from him. I actually felt a sense of relief knowing I didn't have to do it with Andy anymore.

  "Have you told Sydney about this?" he asked me. I shook my head, feeling too guilty about it to speak. "You should."

  "I...can't," I whispered, staring at the floor. The more messed up that she realized I was, the more likely she'd be to see how unfit I was for her. I just couldn't risk it. I felt the weight of Andy's gaze on me. God only knew what was going through his head now.

  "Brother, you need help," he finally said. My eyes flashed up to meet his, shocked at his words. The concern in his eyes gutted me. "If you can't even share things like this with the woman you love, then you need help." I knew there was a lot of truth to his words, but I couldn't imagine sharing any of my fucked-up problems with a complete stranger. Admitting any of this at all to Andy had been painful. I didn't know how to respond to his suggestion right now.

  I looked away from his intense eyes and glanced out the small window in the door we had just walked through. I could see David standing at the reception desk talking to Jenny. It was obvious from their body language that he was flirting with her, and that she liked it. He was leaning in close to her as he spoke, his eyes focused and intent on her. Jenny kept smiling coquettishly up at him. I heard Andy snort out a laugh, and I realized he was watching them too. I was more than happy to change the subject.

  "Are you still loving on David right now?" I asked sarcastically.

  "Dude, I gave up trying to protect Jenny from guys a long time ago," he answered with amusement. "If anything, someone needs to protect them from her. She'll eat him alive."

  I turned back to look at Andy, and even though he had dropped the subject, I knew this wasn't the end of it. I would try my damnedest to avoid it though. "I'd better get going before David gets devoured then," I said with a tight smile. "I'd hate to have to tell Sydney he was eaten alive on my watch." Andy nodded, his eyes still filled with worry.

  "See you later, brother," he said with a forced smile of his own and gripped my shoulder in his hand for a moment. No, this was definitely not the end of this conversation.

  "Later." I walked back out to the showroom. I was starting to think I was destined for all my relationships to become strained and uncomfortable. It was not a comforting thought at all.

  "It smells amazing in here," David sighed as we sat down at our table in the barbecue place where we had decided to eat.

  "If you're going to get off on the food again, I'm out of here," I replied with a wry smile. See? I was trying to be friends with him.

  "Let's see you go ten months without barbecue and see how you feel," he replied with a laugh.

  "Was the food that awful there?" I asked curiously.

  "No, it was great actually, but I really missed the food here," he answered. "I kept having dreams about cheeseburgers and barbecued meat."

  "The staples of the American diet," I grinned. The waitress approached the table, and David ordered a beer. I chose a Coke, but for the first time since last week, I really longed for some alcohol myself. I could use something to take the edge off my discomfort of being in this weird situation. If only I didn't have to go back to work after this.

  "I've got two weeks to get as much American food into my system as I can, before I have to go back to work," David said after the waitress had left.

  "Where do you work?" I asked him.

  "I work in the Behavioral Health unit at the hospital," he explained evenly. "I'm a psychiatric nurse there." I was taken aback by this. I felt tendrils of icy fear climbing up inside me. Could he tell that I was fucked up in the head? Fuck. It was all I could do not to sit there staring at him with my mouth hanging open. I needed to steer this conversation in a different direction, now. Unfortunately, David continued speaking before I could think of anything to say. "I'm really looking forward to getting back to work though. Did Sydney tell you I picked psych nursing because of her?" I shook my head at him as the conversation continued to careen out of my control. "After she lost her parents she was pretty messed up. I was a nursing student at the time, and I was fortunate to be there for her when she was admitted after trying to commit suicide and helping her changed everything for me. It made me realize that psych nursing was something that I really wanted to do."

  I sat speechless as the waitress dropped off our drinks and took David's order. I shook myself out of it when she turned her attention on me. I told her I'd have the ribs and watched in disappointment as she walked away. I didn't know how to change the subject without it being obvious I was uncomfortable with this conversation.

  "Is that what you were doing in the Ukraine?" I asked, hoping bringing up his trip could somehow work to my advantage.

  "Yeah," he answered. "I mostly helped the people over there dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. There's been so much violence in the Ukraine. A lot of people over there have been devastated by violence and the loss of people they cared about."

  A giant sucking pit suddenly opened up inside of me. Is that what they called what was wrong with me? Did I have fucking PTSD? Suddenly, I couldn't breath. I abruptly stood up from the table as David looked on with concern. "I have to use the restroom," I mumbled and fled across the room to the men's room. I tried to make my steps slow and unhurried until I was out of David's sight, then I practically ran down the short hallway and entered the men's room. Fortunately, it was a single toilet in a small room, so I could lock myself in alone.

  "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I whispered harshly. Now David had to know something was wrong with me. How could he not? It was his fucking job. I paced in a circle in the tiny room, pulling at my hair. My lungs felt like they couldn't get enough air into them as I gasped out breath after breath. I could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter as my heart pounded away inside me. I glanced up and saw my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were wide and filled with panicked fear. I looked like a goddamn crazy person. I couldn't go out to David like this. I didn't know what the hell to do. Each passing moment made it more likely he'd come looking for me, and I didn't want him to see, to know just how fucked up that I was. He'd know I wasn't good enough for Sydney, and I never would be. She'd listen to him and leave me. That thought brought tears welling up in my eyes as I continued to stare at myself, the terror and anguish in my eyes devastating to see. I'd never been more afraid in my entire life.

  I backed away from the mirror until my back hit the closed door, and I let myself slide down until I was sitting on the disgusting bathroom floor. I didn't even fucking care. I rested my forehead on my bent knees and felt the tears pouring out of me. I couldn't stop it. Fuck, I needed Sydney right now, right fucking now. I lifted my head, pulled my phone out of my pocket, and fumbled with it,
trying to bring up Sydney's number. I froze with my finger over the call button. What was I doing? I couldn't call her at work and put this shit on her. I felt myself start to rock back and forth with my indecision. I covered my mouth as a soft keening sound started coming out of me. This is it. This is me finally losing my fucking mind. I heard a small thump as my phone slipped from my fingers onto the floor.

  "Jensen?" I heard David's calm voice as he knocked softly on the door. "Open the door." I rubbed a hand across my face, trying to wipe away the tears. I sucked in a few more breaths, trying to get control of myself.

  "I'm fine," I forced out between ragged breaths. "I'll be out in a minute."

  "Come on, man," he continued undeterred. "I got our food to go, and we can leave out the back door." I opened my mouth to tell him to go away, but closed it again. What was I going to do, sit in here until he left? I suspected he'd just wait me out anyway.

  I forced myself to my feet, my breathing still out of control. My hands shook as I fumbled with the lock. I was starting to feel claustrophobic in this tiny room, and my heart rate skyrocketed. When I finally got the damn door unlocked, I flung it open and rushed out of the room in a flurry of motion.

  "Whoa, whoa, whoa," David said as he placed his hand on my chest and stopped my forward momentum. "Easy, I'm going to get you somewhere safe. Okay?" I looked at his face. There was no pity or disappointment in his expression, just calmness and understanding. "I need you to focus on your breathing, alright?" he said as I nodded frantically, my eyes starting to dart around the hallway we were in. Thankfully, no one else was around. "Jensen," David calmly spoke my name again and my eyes flashed back to his. "Watch me. Breathe with me. In your nose and out of your mouth, slow and easy." I nodded this time as I watched him take slow measured breaths, and I tried to match mine with his. "There you go; that's better," he said after my breathing slowed a bit. I watched him bend down and pick my phone up off the floor, his voice still speaking soothingly to me. "We're going to head out the door behind me and get you out of here." He stood and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Come on."