Let Me Save You

by Samantha Wolfe

  David led me to the end of the hall, his arm around my shoulders now. He pushed the door open for us and ushered me out into the sunshine, my eyes blinking at the sudden brightness. He led me around the back of the building and over to his truck where it was parked next to my Camaro. He unlocked the doors and opened the back passenger door. I climbed in mindlessly, my panicked mind happy to let someone else take over for a while. I sat rocking back and forth, pulling at my hair again as David closed the door then came around the other side of his vehicle and climbed into the backseat next to me.

  "Look at me again, Jensen," he said slowly and evenly. "You're safe now. Breathe with me again."

  I looked over at him and copied his breathing again. Slowly, but surely, I started to calm down. The whole while David spoke calmly and carefully as he talked me out of my own head. The first thing I felt when I came back to myself was a deep powerful shame. Shame that I couldn't control this myself. Shame that this man witnessed my weakness. Shame that he knew that I would never be good enough for Sydney. I couldn't even look at him at now. I needed to go, needed to get the fuck out of here.

  David gave me my phone, and I practically snatched it out of his hand. I reached for the door handle, and he gripped my arm gently. "Are you sure you're alright now? If you're still feeling out of control, you shouldn't be driving."

  "I'm fine," I growled, my right hand clenching into a fist. Why don't you just point out how fucked up that I am? I could feel tears threatening to fall again. I couldn't be here anymore. I wrenched my arm from his grasp and burst out of his truck. I hurried over to the Camaro, pulling my keys out of my pocket to unlock the driver's side door. I barely registered that David was still talking to me. He had climbed out of his truck when I had and was standing on the passenger side of my car, but I refused to look at him again. I lowered myself into the seat and immediately started the car, the familiar sound of the Camaro's engine coming to life comforting to me. I backed out, put the car into gear, and peeled out of the parking lot in my haste to escape this nightmare situation.

  Every part of my life felt like it was splintering apart, and I didn't know what to do to stop it. I couldn't run fast enough to escape it. I couldn't fight it without losing control of my mind. Andy was right. I did need help, but I just couldn't bring myself to believe I deserved it. What was the point? I had no future anyway and when Sydney finally left me, I'd make sure of that myself.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Sydney

  Jensen was late picking me up from work. Ordinarily, I probably wouldn't worry about it, but after talking to David earlier, I was starting to freak out. David had called me not long after lunch to tell me about Jensen's panic attack in the restaurant and subsequently running away afterwords. I had tried to call Jensen multiple times since, but he never answered his phone. I had felt helpless all afternoon, wondering where he was or what he was doing. It was almost twenty minutes after five, and I was sitting on the curb outside the now closed building, feeling like I might start crying. I was starting to consider calling David to come get me when Jensen's Camaro finally pulled up in front of me. I almost cried anyway out of sheer relief.

  I jumped to my feet and rushed over to the car, wrenching the door open in my haste to get to him. I lowered myself into the passenger seat and looked at him. He looked haggard and apologetic as our eyes met. "I'm sorry I'm late," he whispered.

  "Where have you been?" I ask with concern. "I've been trying to call you all afternoon."

  "I was just...driving around," he answered as he looked away. I could see the pain in his eyes, and it made me want to comfort him.

  "Come here, baby," I said softly, holding my arms out to him. He let out a deep sigh and leaned over into me, resting his head against my chest as I wrapped my arms around him. His left hand gripped my thigh tightly, like it was a lifeline. I could practically feel his pain, and it broke my heart. "I was so worried about you after David called and told me what happened," I whispered. His body tensed at my words.

  "He told you?" he asked in a harsh whisper as he sat up, breaking free from my embrace.

  "Of course, he did," I replied in confusion. "He was worried about you too. I'm glad he was there to help you." I watched him let loose another deep sigh as he looked out the windshield, avoiding my eyes. A blank mask spread across his face and I felt him pulling away from me to disappear inside himself. He put the car in gear and drove us out of the parking lot without saying another word. I suddenly felt so alone.

  It was the longest twenty minutes of my life as he drove us home in silence, never looking at me once. When we pulled into his garage, he didn't even wait for me to get out of the car before disappearing up the stairs into his condo. I sat there as despair filled me. I wish I knew what was going on inside his head right now. Was he mad at me? Was he just embarrassed about today? I didn't know anything. I wished he would just talk to me. I wished I knew what to do. I got my phone out of my bag to call David, hoping he could help me figure out what to do.

  "Did you get a hold him?" David asked when he picked up on the first ring.

  "I'm at his place with him right now, but he's completely shut down and pushed me away. He won't talk to me, and I don't know what to do," I blurted out with a sob.

  "Shh, easy Syd," David said reassuringly. "This isn't unusual. His anxiety attack was pretty intense today. You need to take it slow here. He needs to feel safe, and you don't want to overwhelm him right now."

  "How am I supposed to do that if he doesn't talk to me or even acknowledge that I'm here?" I asked, my voice rising in frustration.

  "Give him time. If he feels overwhelmed, he's just going to run," David explained calmly. "He needs to know that you're a constant in his life, like your sister was for you. He just needs to know that you're there for him no matter what. That doesn't mean you have to talk about anything. Hell, trying to push him into talking will probably make it worse."

  "Okay."

  "Where is he now?" David asked.

  "In his condo somewhere," I answered, crying quietly. "I'm still in his car in the garage."

  "Go find him. Sit with him. Just be there for him right now, alright?"

  "Okay." I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

  "And Sydney, remember what it was like for you," he continued. "Remember how hard it was for you deal with this. He's not rational right now, and you need to take this slow. He'll share when he's ready."

  "Okay." I actually felt better now. Thank God for David. He was saving me all over again.

  "Call me if you need me," he offered. "I'll be here."

  "Thanks, David." I laced the words with deeper meaning; thanking him for everything he'd done for me over the years.

  "You're welcome, sweetheart." His warm tone reflected his understanding of everything I was actually thanking him for. We ended the call, and I sat staring at the door into the foyer, my heart feeling both trepidation and hope. Please let me handle this right. I couldn't afford to mess this up. Our future depended on it. A future with this man whom I was desperate to see happen, and I would do whatever it took to get there.

  There was complete silence as I entered the living room. Jensen hadn't been in the kitchen, and he wasn't in the living room either. I glanced up toward the ceiling, wondering how this was going to go. I wasn't sure if he was angry at me or not. I didn't know how I'd handle it if he was. I sighed and forced myself to head up the stairs to continue looking for him, my anxiety increasing with each step. I could see into Jensen's bedroom as I reached the top of the steps. He was lying on the bed with his back toward the door. He didn't even bother to take off his work boots. His body was curled in on itself into a fetal position as if he was trying to shut the world out. It hurt to see him like this, when I knew how strong that he was, even if he couldn't see it in himself.

  I walked slowly across the room and stopped next to the bed to slip off my shoes. I paused to stare at him, fearful that he'd jerk away from my touch. With a resigned sigh,
I crawled up onto the bed and over to Jensen. I sat with my legs crossed next to him and gently placed my hand on his hip. His only response was a deep sigh, and I took that as a positive reaction. We sat like that for what felt like an eternity as my heart ached for him.

  After a while, I couldn't take it anymore, so I scooted myself down toward the foot of the bed and carefully spooned myself against his back. I wrapped my arm around him and snuggled in close to him. To my amazement, he actually grabbed my hand in his and held it tight against his chest. I breathed out a sigh of relief and nuzzled my face against his back, relishing the scent and feel of him. "I love you so much," I whispered, feeling the overwhelming power of my love for him flow through me in a rush. He let out another deep sigh at my words.

  "And I love you," he said in a barely audible whisper. He pulled my arm even tighter around himself, and I could feel his thumb rubbing small circles on the back of my hand. I felt tears of relief well up in my eyes. I couldn't stop the sob that escaped me or any of the others that followed. Jensen turned toward me abruptly. "Baby," he whispered and cradled my face with one hand; his eyes lost and forlorn. "Please don't cry." He pulled me into his arms, and I pressed my face to his chest. "I'm sorry," he breathed into the hair on top of my head. "I'm here."

  "I hate it when you pull away from me," I sobbed. "I feel so alone when you do that."

  "I'm so sorry," he repeated, this time his voice hitching with emotion. "I'm so fucked up." His breathing became stuttered as he started to sob uncontrollably.

  "I'm the one who's sorry," I said. "I just wanted David to help you." I felt his body suddenly stiffen.

  "What?" he asked in a harsh whisper as he pulled his head back to look at me.

  "I...I told him what happened to you," I stammered out; feeling panicked at the anger that began filling his eyes. "I...I asked him to talk to you about his job to...to see if you would let him help you."

  He abruptly sat up and turned away from me, his legs hanging off the side of the bed. I could see his fists clenching at his sides, his body practically vibrating with anger. "You had no fucking right to tell him those things," he growled. "None at all."

  No, no, no, I was losing him in an entirely different way now.

  "You...you ambushed me," he hissed out, still facing away from me. "You manipulated me." He stood and started pacing next to the bed.

  "It wasn't like that," I sobbed as I sat up. "I just wanted to help you."

  His face twisted with rage as he stopped and looked at me. "By having him give me a fucking panic attack in a goddamn restaurant? What the fuck, Sydney?!"

  "Th...That's not what I was trying to do," I desperately tried to explain. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, his breaths harsh and loud. "You need help, baby."

  "I don't need any goddamn, fucking help!" he shouted at me and stalked out of the room. I could hear his boots pounding down the steps. A moment later, I could hear him cursing loudly. I guiltily reached into my pockets, touching the keys to his truck and the Camaro that I had taken off the hooks on the wall as I had entered his condo. I didn't want to risk him running away.

  The sound of his boots coming back up the steps filled me with trepidation. He stormed into the room, his eyes blazing with rage. "Give me my fucking keys," he said in a low deadly voice as he towered above me at the edge of the bed. I recognized an intimidation tactic when I saw one. It made me angry, and I wasn't going to let it work on me.

  "I'm not letting you run out on me again, you son of a bitch," I said as I climbed off the bed to stand and meet his eyes with my own anger. "So you'll just have to fucking take them from me." He continued to stare at me, his nostrils flaring. There was no way I was going to back down now. "You don't just get to run away from me every time things get hard. Don't you want to fight for us? Are you just going to throw this away again because I fucked up this time?"

  "I wasn't leaving you," he growled out between clenched teeth.

  "Weren't you?" I growled back. "You've already done it before. What am I supposed to think when you yell at me and storm out?" Sobs ripped out of my chest as I spoke. "I won't let you do that to me again." I broke down completely then, unable to speak past the deep tearing sobs coming out of me. I lowered myself to my knees on the floor and buried my face in my hands. I could feel him still standing there, doing nothing. I pulled the keys out of my pockets and let them tumble to the floor. If he wasn't going to fight for us maybe he should just leave.

  I felt the motion of him dropping down in front of me. I refused to look at him, and kept my face in my hands. I heard the sound of the jingling keys as he picked them up. I felt my heart starting to break all over again. I'd have to call David to come get me after Jensen was gone. I waited for him to stand and walk out on me, but he didn't move. I heard another jingle and then a thump from several feet away. I looked over to my left and saw the keys on the floor next to the dresser where he had tossed them. I glanced forward to see Jensen kneeling in front of me. His face was devoid of anger now and filled with remorse and regret.

  "I'm not leaving you again," he whispered as he captured my eyes with his and reached for me, cupping my face in his palms. "I couldn't, even if I wanted to. I love you, and I can't live without you anymore. I don't want to live without you."

  "I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I swear I wasn't trying to manipulate you."

  "I know," he said and gathered me into his arms where I sobbed and sobbed, both of us mumbling apologies to each other. Eventually, he pulled away enough to press his lips gently against mine, and I felt my body ignite with need. He must have felt it too since he suddenly crushed my body against himself, his kiss turning feral and desperate as he devoured me with his lips and tongue. I started tugging at his shirt, frantic to feel his skin under my hands. He paused long enough to pull his shirt off for me, and he groaned as I pressed my hands to his chest, gliding them across his warm skin.

  He abruptly tore my shirt up and over my head then pulled my bra off of me. His palms cupped both my breasts, and I moaned at the feel of his hands on me. It felt so right. He was looking down where his hands were kneading my breasts, his lips parted with arousal. His fiery green eyes came back up to mine, and he leaned forward to kiss me again with a guttural growl deep in his chest. I could feel it vibrate into my hands as I continued to caress his bare chest. His thumbs began rubbing across my nipples, the shock of pleasure jolting to my aching core. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck and pushed him down toward my chest. He didn't fight me at all and immediately latched onto my right nipple with his mouth, gripping it firmly in his teeth, lashing the very tip with quick flicks of his tongue. I groaned and writhed against him, aching for more and thrusting my chest up to him.

  "I love your tits," he moaned as he pulled away for a moment, admiring them. I pulled his face close to mine again and kissed him fiercely, sucking his lower lips into my mouth and biting down until he moaned. I sucked the pain away, sliding my tongue across it softly. "Fuck," he breathed out as I pulled back again. "What you do to me, baby."

  "Take off your pants and get on the bed," I told him in no uncertain terms. "Then lay on your back." It was my turn to claim him, to take what was mine. His green eyes lit up with an absolute carnal brilliance that took my breath away. He stood and rushed to follow my commands as he pulled off his boots and pushed down his pants and boxers to step out of them. His cock was so gorgeous and so hard for me that I wanted to suck it into my mouth.

  I watched him lay down in the middle of the bed. He was staring at me with such need and longing that I found it breathtaking. He was beautiful and perfect and all mine. I trailed my gaze down his body as I slowly lowered my scrub pants, kicking off my athletic shoes, so I could pull them off. My eyes caressed the lines of the defined muscles of his chest and abs, lingering on the deep grooves of his hip muscles, thinking about licking them. Finally, my eyes rested on his cock as it lay hard and heavy against his belly. Holy fuck, I wanted this man so badly it made
my sex throb almost painfully.

  I crawled across the bed to him slowly and sensuously. Watching his darkening eyes follow my every move and knowing how I affected him. I straddled his lower legs and paused with my mouth just inches from the head of his cock and watched in fascination as it twitched, pre-cum beading on the tip. I looked up, meeting his hooded eyes and finding him breathing heavily and his mouth hanging open. "Please, suck it, baby. Please," he pleaded with me, his words sending a shiver through me. He'd never sounded this desperate for me before. It made me feel so powerful and so very sexual. It was a heady feeling indeed.

  "Beg again," I told him in a low voice, our eyes still locked on each other. "Tell me how bad you want it."

  Please, baby," he begged in a deep sexy voice. "I need your mouth on me so bad. I want my cock inside your mouth. I need you, Sydney. Please." His voice caught on the last word, his desperation almost palpable.

  I bent down the last few inches and pressed the tip of my tongue to the base of his cock. I ran my tongue up the entire length of him as his body jerked and twitched under me. He closed his eyes as I lapped up the bead of pre-cum from the tip with a hum of pleasure. I pulled up and paused, watching him look at me again, his eyes pleading for more. I gave him what he wanted.

  In a rush, I gripped the base of his cock and took all of him into my mouth in one fluid motion. "Holy fuck!" he shouted as his back arched up off the bed and his eyes rolled up into his head. I began stroking my mouth up and down the length of him, gliding my teeth over the edge of his crown each time I passed it. "That's it baby," he forced out between harsh sucking breaths. "Fuck me with your mouth. Just like that. Oh, fuck yes." His words spurred me on, and I increased the pace, loving how out of control I was making him. His hands flew up into my hair, and he tried to take control back from me. I paused to glare at him, my teeth sinking into his tender flesh with just enough pressure to let him know it was a warning to stop what he was doing. He immediately released my hair and brought his hands up behind his head, as if he didn't trust himself to not do it again.