by J. G. Sumner
My heart was already fractured, but now it’s shattered into a million little pieces. I did this. I messed up the lives of everyone I love—the only family I have, and I did it without hesitation. I’ve been beating myself up for months, but Jasper just got the TKO with one solid punch to my proverbial gut. “Do you think there’s any way she’ll forgive me?” I muster the courage to look him straight in the eye. This is perhaps the most important answer he can give me.
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. One minute she says she hates you, the next she’s sobbing because she loves you so much and wants you to come home. The pregnancy hormones aren’t helping, I’m sure.”
A beacon of light illuminates the black hole that’s become my heart. Hope flutters in my stomach, and a renewed desire to hold Kate in my arms gives my body the strength to fight the battle raging within. “You’re sure it’s my kid?”
Jasper purses his lips. He’s mad. “Does it really matter? You love her, and for whatever reason, she loves you. I don’t know if she’s crazy or if you have the biggest cock known to man, but that woman can’t get you out of her head. Judging by the way your eyes light up when I mention her name, I’d say she’s your drug and you need that fix.”
Jasper couldn’t be closer to the truth. I’ve been drinking alcohol as a substitution for being with Kate. I’m emptier and more alone than I’ve ever been in my life. The life I had with Kate was full of light and happiness. Now, I’m walking through a dark, frozen tundra in the middle of winter. There’s no life around, just me and my self-destructive thoughts and actions.
“What do I do?” I can’t look at him this time. I’m too much of a coward to see the disappointment in his eyes. I know what to do, I just need him to confirm it and hope I’ll get some strength and self-confidence from his words.
“You need to get clean and go back to her.”
Conner comes to the table with the appetizers. I wait for him to leave before I pick up a short rib and take a bite out of it, in search of the sustenance I need to become mentally and physically strong enough to fight the battle to get my Kate back.
Chapter Three
Tony
Jasper spends the next several days more or less babysitting me and making sure I don’t take another drink. So far, I’ve done pretty well. The shakes went away after a couple of days and I’m now eating regular meals. Although the scale says differently, when I look in the mirror I’m not as gaunt looking, and I think I’ve gained some weight.
My every thought is filled with Kate. Of course, that’s how it’s been since the day I laid eyes on her during that train ride from Venice to Florence. I think about what she looks like with her pregnant belly and glow. I long to hold my hand against her tummy and feel my son kick. I want to be able to pick up her midnight snacks and pamper her with massages. That’s what keeps me strong and allows me not to give in to the constant urges I have to punish myself with another bottle of Jack.
Periodically, Jasper will show me a picture of Kate on his phone. She’s even more beautiful than I remember yet there’s a haunted look in her eyes. I wonder if it’s because of me or what Matteo did to her. Thank God he’s dead or I would kill him myself. I should’ve been the one to kill him.
“Come on, mate. I want to check out this swanky secret bar before we head back to New York,” Jasper calls from the living room.
I throw on a long-sleeved Lucky Brand shirt and my shoes before joining him. “I didn’t take that long, and I still don’t know why you’re taking me to a bar unless you want me to get loaded with you.”
“Think of it as a test. If you can make it through tonight without having any alcohol, then I won’t have to spend every goddamned second with you and we can see about getting your woman back.” Jasper stands up from the couch and flicks off the “tube,” as he likes to call it.
The thought of coming face-to-face with Kate is scary, but exhilarating. My heart races and I smile just from thinking about her. I have a lot of things I want and need to say. I’m just worried she won’t give me a chance. I know I can be the man she deserves.
I’ve wanted to call her so many times, but Jasper refuses. He continues to remind me that I need to get my shit completely together before venturing out on that voyage. I think he’s worried I may start drinking again if she rejects me. I might. I don’t know. I already half expect she’s going to slam the door in my face. The rejection is relative to what I deserve and I think I’m prepared. “Will there be food at this place? I’m so hungry I think I could gnaw my arm off.”
“Nope, you’re going to have to wait to eat. There’s a sushi place right around the corner. We’ll hit it up afterward.” Jasper opens the door to wave me out. “Ever since you stopped drinking, you’ve become an eating machine. I swear you have the metabolism of a fourteen-year-old boy.”
Jasper’s right. Between working out in the hotel gym and swimming laps in the pool to get back into shape, I’m always searching for my next meal. “What’s this bar called?”
“The Noble Experience. It’s a secret pub in the back of this restaurant. You can only get in with a reservation. Let me tell you, getting a time was no easy feat. I had to text this number a week before at 12:01 in the morning and wait for a text back confirming us. The place gets great reviews and I can’t wait to check it out.” Jasper shuts the door and we head down the hall to the elevator.
“So, what I’m hearing is that this isn’t my test. You just want to go check this place out before we leave.” I hail the elevator, and it immediately opens. It’s empty and we step inside. Jasper presses the button for the lobby.
“Tomatoes, tomatoes. Perhaps you’re right, but it’s a good test for you.” Jasper slugs me in the shoulder.
I laugh. I know him all too well. He’s always the guy looking for the next top-secret adventure that very few know about. I should know; we spent much of our time in college searching these spots out instead of doing our homework. Those were, perhaps, some of the fondest memories I have, and they remind me how lucky I am to have Jasper as a friend. We’ve been through hell and back together. “All right, let’s go get her done. My mouth is already watering at the thought of having sushi.”
We take a cab over to G Street and get out in front of the Neighborhood Bar. “What’s so secret about this place?”
“I told you, it’s in the back. Follow me.” Jasper pays the driver. When we step inside, it looks like any other restaurant or bar in the area. People in their twenties are dressed in the typical laidback California attire consisting of jeans, flip flops, and their favorite name brand long-sleeved shirt. I swear I could live here. The thought of wearing sandals year-round and the moderate temperatures is very appealing.
Jasper pushes through the crowd toward the restrooms. People are waiting in line to use the facilities, and we’re greeted with a dead end and nothing but a wall full of kegs. Jasper continues in the direction of the large metal canisters, and for a brief moment, I think he’s going to cut in line to take a piss. It wouldn’t surprise me. He can be such a dick sometimes. Instead, he pushes on the wall with the big silver barrels, and next thing I know, it’s moving and we’re entering a hallway illuminated in red. A hostess is standing at the end of the soundproof room.
“I’ve got a reservation for two.” Jasper smiles coyly at the woman, probably hoping to score later tonight. I’m going to have to make a point to ask about Kendall. We haven’t talked much about her since he’s been here.
“Can I have your name, sir?” The hostess remains unfazed. My guess is he’s not the first hot British lad to flirt with her.
“Jasper.” He leans over the podium and points to what I presume is his name on the paper she’s studying so intently. With a sly hand, he softly rubs it against hers before bringing it back to his chin.
One of her eyebrows quirks up, and even with the red lighting I can tell she’s blushing. I guess she’s not so immune to his charm after all.
“Very well. Right this way. P
lease be advised you have a two-hour time limit. Also, I’ll be seating you at the bar. There isn’t a lot of room between the stools and the tables behind you, so please, no standing in the walkway or the waitresses won’t be able to get by. Do you have any questions?” She gives me the glance over and then impales Jasper with her stare.
Jasper has the smile of a devil. “Just one. Will you be joining us tonight?”
The corners of her mouth make a quick leap toward the heavens before she quickly recovers and produces a face void of any emotion. “I apologize, sir, but it’s forbidden for me to fraternize with the customers.”
“But isn’t it your responsibility to ensure the customer is enjoying himself?” He’s used this line a hundred times and I know he thinks he’s won. There’s something about this girl that makes me think she still has the upper hand.
“I suppose that might be the case at other places you frequent. However, it’s a privilege to be included on the guest list here. The environment inside and our unique selection of beverages will surely make you satisfied with the experience. If for some reason you’re not, you’re more than welcome to leave. There are plenty of people waiting for the opportunity to take your seats.”
I let out a hearty chuckle. Tears fall from the corners of my eyes and my stomach muscles literally ache. Jasper just got schooled. It’s happened so infrequently I can’t contain the pleasure I’m getting from watching him squirm.
“If you change your mind, you know where I’m at. I can assure you that I can provide you an experience like none you’ve ever imagined.” Jasper follows the hostess through the door.
I keep up, but get a side view of the hostess. She’s got a smirk on her face. Either she’s happy with her reaction toward Jasper or she’s intrigued by him. Who wouldn’t be? Jasper has charisma and animal magnetism that draws chicks to him.
I pass through the doorway and enter a small room which has maybe ten tables and a wooden bar with the capability of seating up to twenty customers. The wall that houses the booths has small skulls covering the entire thing. In front of me, there is a large picture frame in which the image digitally changes periodically. It kind of reminds me of something from Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion.
Behind the bar are shelves holding various types of alcohol. My hands begin to shake and my mouth waters. I can’t believe that I’m affected this much just by the sight of it. Jasper and I take a seat and we’re greeted by the bartender, Trever. He explains they only offer alcohol that was available during the pre-Prohibition era. Therefore, there’s no vodka, wine, or beer.
The menu is short, offering only about ten items and none of them have a price. The last one is dealer’s choice. Jasper orders this.
“So, tell me what kind of alcohol you usually drink.” Trever listens intently while I study him. He looks to be about late twenties, with brown hair and green eyes. He’s clean-shaven and has a tan in the middle of February, indicating he’s probably a surfer or bicyclist.
“I usually drink ale, but if it’s not available, I like Jack and Coke.” Jasper eyes me when he mentions the Jack. That was always our go-to drink in college.
I swallow down the pool of saliva that’s formed, and at this moment, all I can think about is ordering my own.
“How about for you?” Trever leans toward me in an effort to listen to my response. Despite it being such a small room, it’s quite loud.
“None for me. I’m the designated driver. I’ll just have a Coke.” I give an awkward smile. I’m sure he isn’t buying my story. Whatever. All I want to do is get out of here. I don’t know why I agreed to coming. The temper that has sporadically taken control of me since I’ve been trying to get sober is quickly rearing its ugly head.
“Sorry, man. We don’t have Coke.” Trever grabs a couple of glasses. “I can make you something that tastes like a Coke.”
“No, thank you. I’ll just take a water.” This night is getting better by the minute. Jasper better hurry and have his experience or I’m going to lose my mind.
Trever places two glasses of water in front of us with no ice. I look at him questioningly.
“Oh, we don’t have crushed ice. We have ice blocks and they don’t fit in these glasses. We chisel each piece to fit in the cocktails.” Trever pours a few ingredients into a mixer and mashes up some unrecognizable item in another cup. It’s almost as if he’s creating a magic potion. Within a few minutes, he produces what would be equivalent to a Jack and Coke back in the day.
I’m completely intrigued. “Where did you learn that?”
“Ha! Tricks of the trade. I’ve been a bartender for many years. After a while, you kind of learn what goes together. When I started working here, they had an entire training program based on drinks from the pre-Prohibition era. It’s been a lot of fun to learn.” He continues mashing up ginger in a cup as though he’s coming up with a secret potion.
For once, I’m glad to be sober. This is a unique experience I wouldn’t want to miss. I glance over at Jasper sure that he’s eating this up as much as I am. Instead, he’s typing away on his phone. “What’s going on?”
Jasper looks up as though he’s been caught red-handed in the candy jar. “Ah, nothing. Just some work I’m taking care of.” He puts the phone in his pocket and takes a sip of the room-temperature water.
Something’s not right. I can tell when he’s lying. “Is everything okay with Kate?”
Jasper raises one eyebrow. “Why would you ask that?”
“Because the expression on your face tells me it isn’t just work. There’s something more.” I love that I know him this well.
Jasper swallows hard. “Kate’s fine. There’s nothing for you to be concerned about.”
Just as I’m getting ready to probe further, Trever presents Jasper with his secret potion. Jasper swirls the drink around with the tiny metal straw before taking a sip. “This is a bloody good drink. It tastes just like Jack and Coke, and it packs a punch. There’s definitely a solid amount of alcohol in here. Just the way I like it.”
I take a sip of the bland water sitting before me. I glance at Jasper’s drink and no longer have the urge to taste it. The only thing on my mind is Kate and figuring out a way to get her back—that’s if she’ll take me.
Trever sits a drink down in front of me. I look at him questioningly.
“Try it. There’s no alcohol, but it tastes like soda.”
I take a sip of the dark liquid poured over a block of ice. The carbonation bubbles in my mouth. Sure enough, it tastes just like a Coke. “Not bad. You’ve got a gift for this.” I take another sip, pleased to be drinking anything other than the tepid water.
“Thanks, I like to think of myself as a mixologist.” Trever wipes his hands on a towel and moves onto the next customers.
“So, are you going to tell me what you were really doing?” I wait rather impatiently for Jasper to fess up. He stares at me and doesn’t speak for what seems like an eternity. I tap my hand on the bar indicating my lack of patience.
Jasper takes another long sip of his drink, emptying the contents of the glass. “Kate’s in the hospital. She’s bleeding and they’re worried about the baby.”
I don’t have to look in the mirror to know the color has drained from my face. It makes sense due to the fact that my heart just stopped beating. Sweat beads form across my forehead. “When were you going to tell me?”
Jasper puts down the glass and turns in the seat to face me. “You’re not ready to go back. I don’t want to see what this will do to you. The last thing you need is for something to happen to that baby or, God forbid, Kate, and you spiral out of control again. I can’t let that happen—not on my watch.”
For a brief moment, I think I see tears in Jasper’s eyes. It’s then and there that I realize I didn’t just damage myself, but I hurt Kate, Jasper, and everyone who cared about me. I’ve changed everyone’s lives, and not in a good way.
I look down at the hands that are shaking in my lap. They don’t
look like mine anymore. They’re aged and worn. They belong to my dad. I am my father. I’ve grown up, but I’m still acting like a kid. I’ve refused to take responsibility not just for myself, but for the family I created. This is exactly what my parents were talking about before they were killed in the explosion. They wanted to know when I was going to settle down and quit acting like a hormonal teenager.
I flex my fingers, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. Today is the day. No more excuses. “Let’s go.” I stand up from my chair and head for the door. I remove the cell phone from my pocket to make the call that will put me one step closer to becoming the man I want to be.
“Where are we going?” Jasper slides up beside me.
“The airport,” I say without hesitation or making eye contact with my friend.
Jasper tugs on my arm to stop me. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. You’re not ready yet.”
I push through the secret keg door that leads out into the public part of the restaurant. Maroon 5’s “Misery” is filtering through the room. With a fool’s determination, I know this is what I have to do. I’m going to get my girl back. There’s nothing Jasper is going to say or do to stop me. “I’m more than ready. I’ve screwed around far too long. Kate needs me.”
Jasper wraps an arm around my shoulder. “It’s about fucking time.”
I hail a taxi and we get in just as I make arrangements for a flight back to New York.
Chapter Four
Kate
“What do you mean you called Jasper? I don’t want Tony to know about this!” I scream at Kendall between contractions.
“Jasper needs to forget about Tony, and get back here to take care of you. You need to be the priority, not that piece of shit.” Kendall crosses her arms over her chest. She hates Tony with a fiery passion and would love to get the call that he’s drank himself to death.
