“I’ll see to it.” Aiden’s voice rumbles, and I sense him move about the kitchen.
“Thank you.” I look up to him and seen pain in his eyes. I put it there. It’s my fault, but right now, I don’t know how to make it better. “I’ll be right back.”
I rush out of the kitchen to find Seb.
“Seb, have you seen the Franks?”
“Who are the Franks?” he asks looking a little confused.
“They are my mum’s neighbours. Were. Anyway, they were the couple who were at the funeral. Who I saw walking back to the car. Did I miss them?”
“I think so, sorry, Natasha.”
“I’ll be right back.” I fly out of the door and around the corner, walking as fast as my legs will take me. My feet crunch over their gravel drive as I make my way up to their door.
“Hello, love. Didn’t expect to see you here today. Is everything alright?” Mrs Frank is at the door before I can knock.
“Annie, I’m so sorry I didn’t speak to you at the house. May I come in?”
“Of course. Can I get you anything?”
“No. This will only take a moment.” I follow her into the sitting room where all of this started a few months ago. Arthur is sitting in one of the chairs, his feet up, catching a few minutes rest.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to disturb.”
“Nonsense,” Arthur says from behind closed eyes. “What can we do for you?”
“I just wanted to say thank you. To both of you. You’ve both been such wonderful friends to Mum. And to me. And I just felt I had to tell you that.” My words dry up in my mouth. They seem so small and insignificant now Mum has gone.
“Well, it’s been our pleasure. And we’ve enjoyed seeing you grow into the fine woman you are today. Nice to see you with your own fella as well.” Annie gives me a nudge as she goes to take a seat next to her husband.
“Oh, I’m sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have a fella, Annie.”
“Nonsense. That lad from the home. We saw him at the house. Looking out for you. He’s a keeper.”
“He’s just a friend, Annie.”
“Not what he was telling me.”
“You talked to him?”
“Made us a nice cuppa. Seems completely taken with you. Hurting, mind.” Arthur chips in. My heart aches knowing it’s my fault yhat I led him along this path and shut the door in his face.
“Well, I hope I can find someone and be as happy as you both. And thank you again for always being there.”
Mrs Frank gives me a look that sends goose bumps down my spine. I push the uncomfortable feeling aside and pretend that I don’t know that she’s telling me that I’ve been a stupid girl.
“You’re welcome, dear. Now get back. I know today’s been hard on you. Keep in touch, won’t you?”
“Of course.”
I say goodbye and head back to Mum’s. Aiden waits in the kitchen with a large mug full of coffee for me.
“Thank you.” I take it from him with a sad smile.
“You’re welcome.”
I take a sip and calm my frayed nerves and emotions. I feel drained, and all I want is a quiet minute while I work out how best to apologise to Aiden and pick through the last few days.
Before I get a chance, Seb walks into the kitchen with Sarah by his side.
“Natasha, I’m so sorry I’m late.” She rushes forward and tries to greet me with a hug.
My body stiffens, and I sense Aiden do the same beside me.
“I had no idea the funeral was today. After last night, I didn’t think it would be today. Andrew finally told me, and I couldn’t get here quick enough.”
“Last night? What are you talking about?”
“At Solace? You were there.”
“No, I don’t think I was.” I cast my mind back and find… nothing. I remember speaking to Seb, arguing with him even, and Aiden. I can’t forget the cruel way I threw him out. I was mad and angry, but everything else is a blank.
“Oh, don’t worry, Natasha. I’m sure it will come back to you.” Sarah paws at my arm, and I snatch it away. Her sickly smile turns my stomach.
“How did you know where the wake was, Sarah?” I push the words past my gritted teeth.
“Seb told Andrew. He was going to come and pay his respects, but we had a disagreement. I came instead.”
I look to Aiden but can’t read his face. He’s like a statue. His features are rigid, and his usual warm eyes are pools of nothing.
“I promise, this isn’t what you’re thinking. Give me time to work it out.” I mutter under my breath, hoping he’ll hear.
“Oh, are you two still a thing? Clearly, he’s not your submissive or you’d have brought him to Solace last night. I’m sorry if she’s hurt you, but really, she’s not worth it,” Sarah spits the last words, finally drawing a reaction from Aiden.
“Right. Out. Now.” He grabs her arm and all but pushes her out of the kitchen and along the hall to the door.
I grab my phone from my pocket and text Andrew, panic overtaking me.
Was I at Solace last night? Sarah says I was. Natasha
Yes. You made a big show about entering. Why?
Thank you.
My body begins to shake realising I have no idea what happened last night. Who I was with? Who I saw? It turns my stomach, and I take a breath to hold the nausea back.
“Natasha?” Seb looks concerned.
“I don’t know, Seb. I can’t remember anything about last night. I was mad, angry. I remember getting cross with you, but then it’s all a blank. I had a shower…” I fight with my mind, but trying to grab at the memory is like chasing smoke.
“Calm down. We’ll figure it out.”
“How?” Hysteria claws at my throat. “I can’t remember what I’ve done? There’s a gap in my memory and it scares the crap out of me. I could have done anything.”
Aiden walks back in and looks at me. “Did you go? Last night?”
I nod my head and watch the repercussions hit Aiden and the trust we’d built over the last few months shatter. I wasn’t prepared for how devastated I could feel about Aiden after what I went through today. My eyes sting as tears rush my eyes and fall to my cheeks.
“Don’t. I can’t see you cry. You have no right to cry about this,” he grits out, stabbing his finger at me before he turns away and walks out.
Seb attempts to halt him, but he shoves his arm away.
“Let him go,” I whisper. God, I hadn’t known pain like this before. Utter despair and horror simmer through my veins, dragging me back to that numb haze I’d been living in.
“Do you want me to call Andrew? Find out what went on?”
I nod, although I know the damage is done. In Aiden’s mind, I betrayed his trust. Aiden knows Solace is special to me, and going there, for him, is crossing a line.
I convince Seb and Izzy to leave me in peace, and I go back up to my room. I can’t bear the thought of going home, so I run a deep bath and try to relax. The heat doesn’t shift the numbness, but it soothes my weary body. I close my eyes and will myself back to last night and the memories that are lost.
Blank. Nothing.
The steady drip. Drip… drip of the cold tap echoes in the bathroom. It reminds me of how alone I am in this house. I’m my own worst enemy and need to learn to accept some support every now and then.
I pull myself from the water and find a towel in the airing cupboard. I wrap myself in the scent of Mum’s washing powder. Tonight is going to be a long night.
A grey, drizzly morning greets me when I finally wake. I slept very little through the night, waking every few hours and having to remember where I was and what had happened.
I drag myself to the kitchen and make myself a coffee. The stillness of the house deafens me and sets me on edge. I’d lived perfectly happily for years all alone in my home, and the quiet never freaked me out.
Andrew confirms you were at Solace but didn’t see who you were with. Sorry. Seb.<
br />
The text doesn’t fill me with any hope of being able to explain anything to Aiden. He’s put me in countless new situations since we met, and this is no exception. I’d never had to win over a sub before. Needs and desires were usually paired with preferences to make a good match. Feelings, at least for me, didn’t get involved often.
Aiden has turned all of that on its head, and now I don’t know the best course of action.
I spend the rest of the morning cleaning and tidying the house. I put everything back where it belongs and make sure the bedrooms are perfect. I close the house and head back home.
After starting more coffee on the go, I call Andrew for myself.
“Hello?”
“Andrew, it’s Natasha.”
“Hi, is this about last night? Seb already spoke to me.”
“Yes, but I’d prefer to talk to you myself. And about Sarah.”
“Oh?”
“She made quite a scene yesterday. She came to the wake and made it very clear that she enjoyed my misstep, going to Solace last night. She also went on to tell Aiden that I wasn’t worth the trouble.”
“Natasha, I had no idea she would do that. I’m sorry. She seemed genuinely concerned for you and wanted to pay her respects. Given your history, I didn’t see the problem. I should have accompanied her.”
“This isn’t your fault, Andrew, and I didn’t call to lay blame. How has it been with Sarah? Has she settled?”
“Yes. She seems like a new woman. She’s invested in our scenes, we connect, everything we had hoped for.”
“I see. That’s good news. It’s what we both wanted.”
“And like I told Seb, I did see you last night, but only from across the playroom floor. I think you were talking to an older gentleman. I’d seen him before, but I couldn’t place him. I’m sorry.”
“Again, not your place to be sorry. I shouldn’t have gone to Solace in the mood I was in. I was emotional, and certainly wasn’t in my right mind, considering I now can’t remember being there.”
“Well, that’s a worry in itself and doesn’t make me feel any better. If I think of anything, I’ll let you know. And if I can help, just say.”
“Keep an eye on Sarah. She certainly wasn’t herself yesterday, and she wasn’t there to pay her respects. She was anything but respectful.”
“Oh, I’ll be talking with her tonight. I’m sorry she caused you trouble.”
“You need to learn to stop apologising.”
“Point taken. I’ll see you soon.”
I end the conversation and then move to my priority. I text Aiden and hope that he’ll give me a chance to explain.
Morning. Can we talk?
Are you ready to explain what happened? I’m not sure what we have to discuss if not.
My mind, like my heart, is a turbulent mess. I’m not sure if I can pinpoint anything for sure. I did know I can’t stand the thought of Aiden thinking I’d gone off and spent the evening topping some sub at Solace.
I’d like to try and explain. We have a lot to talk about.
I came to support you yesterday. I told you we weren’t finished, but that might have been a mistake. I didn’t think you’d go running to Solace.
That’s what I’d like to explain.
You remember?
No, but I was there. I’m sorry.
Why can’t you remember? Isn’t that a little convenient? I want to support you, but I can’t talk to you now.
Aiden is right. I had to work out what happened and have a clear conscience before I tackle my feelings for him. I knew the way I spoke to him when I told him to leave was masked with grief and pain. We had truths to discuss, but I didn’t want to cut him from my life. I’d spoken with haste while suffering in my heart. Not the best time to make a decision about a relationship.
You’re right. This isn’t finished between us. Natasha.
* * *
The next few days give me the time I need to master my emotions and start to see things clearly. The grief didn’t wane, but I recognise the feeling of loss and helplessness and breathe through it.
I had to clear Mum’s belongings from The Pines today. Maggie had been asking for a few days, as the room was in demand. I hadn’t been back since she passed, and I miss the routine. I hadn’t realised just how much I’d enjoyed giving my time to my mum.
Aiden hadn’t been in touch since our text conversation. I couldn’t go to him with anything new as my memory hadn’t cleared. I am still in the dark. If he’s there when I arrive, I’ll hope he’ll talk to me. I miss our friendship and didn’t realised how much I’d grown to depend on it. How lonely my life was before I gave him room within it.
I pull into the car park and see Aiden’s car, blocked in by a small blue Ford. It’s not like there aren’t enough spaces. I park and head over to ask if there’s a problem. I don’t get far before the Ford screeches out, spraying a cloud of dirt and grit in its wake.
I turn toward the entry and take a deep breath. I couldn’t put this off any longer.
Maggie greets me at the reception. “Thank you for coming, Ms Devlin. I understand how hard this must be.”
“Thank you. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make it sooner.”
“We’ve put a few of Agatha’s belongings together to make it easier for you. Would you like a hand?”
“No. No, thank you. I can manage.”
I head toward her room and force myself not to look around for Aiden.
Mum’s door is closed. I’ve never seen it closed before, and it serves as another reminder that this isn’t a usual visit.
I push the door, and it creaks as it swings open, revealing a neat and empty room. Two boxes rest on the bed, together with the small suitcase I brought with her clothes. I can still smell the faint floral notes of her perfume, like she’d only left earlier today. She’d worn the same scent for as long as I can remember, and it will always remind me of her.
I pull open the drawers, but it looks like the staff has packed everything. The few photos and other belongings are all neatly arranged into the boxes on the bed. I pick up the first box and walk it back out to the car. I’d brought a gift for George with me and needed to deliver it and detour to the kitchen on my way back in. I key in the code and find George busy at the sink.
“Hello, George.”
“Natasha.” George stops what he’s doing and comes over to embrace me. “I’m so sorry to hear about your mother.”
“Thank you, George. Here.” I pull out of his hold. “I have some new coffee for you.” I place the basket on the counter, a selection of artisan coffees for him to savour.
“Oh, well, with your taste in coffee, I’m going to enjoy these.” He rifles through the different beans and blends.
“Thank you for all the coffee, George. You’ve been a true support during my time here.”
“It’s been my pleasure. I’m just sorry it’s been so short. Aiden’s sure going to miss you.”
“I’m sure he’ll manage.” I didn’t want to think of the idea of never seeing him again.
“Pop back in and visit, won’t you?”
“I’ll try.” I say goodbye and leave to fetch the rest of Mum’s things from her room. I pull the suitcase behind me and balance the box on my forearm.
“Can I help you with that?” Aiden is standing in the hallway as I balance and try to close the door to Mum’s room.
“Um, yes, thank you.” I let him take the box.
“How’s Peter?”
“He’s okay.” His clipped answer doesn’t allow room to enquire further. Aiden might have offered to help, but it didn’t feel like he wanted to talk.
We make it to my car without another word.
“So, I’d like us to go for a drink. Talk.”
“Can you tell me what happened when you went to Solace?”
“Not yet. I still can’t remember anything.”
“Then we don’t have anything to discuss.” He turns and walks back toward The
Pines.
“You’re willing to throw what we had away?” I shout. I didn’t want to waste this opportunity to talk with him.
“I’m not the one who did that.” He calls back over his shoulder.
“You know I was hurting when I said those things to you—when I threw you out. Please don’t hold that against me.”
He pauses but doesn’t look back. I watch as he steps through the entrance and disappears.
I wait, my heart beating a mile a minute until it calms back down. Instead of getting in the car and driving away, I root around in my bag to find my phone and send a text to Charles.
I needed to get some answers. I can’t let Aiden walk out of my life.
“Thank you for meeting me, Charles.”
“It’s no trouble, Natasha. Come in, come in. How can I help you?” He leads me through into the sitting room, and we take a seat.
“I need to see the security footage from the 15th.”
“Why? You know the cameras only cover the entrance and restaurant.”
“Yes, but I just need to… I can’t remember anything that happened that evening. I have no recollection, and it’s terrifying.”
“The 15th?”
“Yes, last week.”
“You don’t need a video camera.” Charles picks up my hand and holds it in his. “I was at Solace and saw you.”
“So, you can explain to me what happened?” My voice cracks as hope bubbles inside my chest. It mixes with the fear in the pit of my stomach at the possibilities of what Charles is going to tell me. Aiden feels betrayed enough already. If I did actually play at Solace, there would be no way to smooth things out between us.
“Oh, sweetie, nothing happened.”
“Nothing?”
“Well, not that you’re probably worrying about.”
I stiffen my spine and sit up taller, trying to make sense of the situation. “I’m not worried, I just want to understand what happened. I have no recollection, and it’s more than a little disturbing.”
Finally More: The Evermore Series Book 5 Page 17
