“You came to Solace in one hell of a mood. You marched in like you own the place, looking as fierce as I’ve ever seen you.” I look at Charles and raise my eyebrow.
“Okay, okay. But I need to explain the state of mind you were in as well. You marched through the reception and went straight to the playroom. I was planning on playing later that evening. It was quiet, but when I saw you come in, I could see something wasn’t right. You circled the playroom like a shark with blood in the water. You had that look on your face, the one where your subs begin to shake with a mixture of nerves and anticipation at what you might do next.”
“I don’t recall any of that.” I shake my head as if the memory needs knocking lose.
“You started to look a little shaky. Confused maybe? One of your old partners approached you, although you looked like you were on a path to someone else.”
“Who approached me?”
“Sarah. She came up and knelt before you.”
“Sarah? She’s been with Andrew for weeks. And Andrew said he saw me with an older man, most likely you. He didn’t say anything about Sarah.”
“He wasn’t with Sarah at that time. I interrupted your conversation and pulled you away. Whatever she said had you riled. You weren’t happy. I asked Sarah to leave, and we went to one of the private rooms.”
“Private rooms?”
“Don’t worry your pretty little head. Nothing happened. You were in a hell of a mood, angry at the world. You wanted to take your frustration out on the biggest masochist you could find in the room, but there was no way I’d let you touch a sub with your head that clouded.”
The weight of Charles’ words crushes a part of my soul. I’d always practised safe, sane, and consensual. As a Domme, I liked to test boundaries and find that magic spot between where pain and pleasure bring euphoria. I bow my head, embarrassed and ashamed that Charles saw me like that.
My eyes prick with the sting of pain from the tears gathering.
“After you shouted at me for a while, the floodgates opened.”
“Floodgates?” I look up at Charles.
“You cried.” He sweeps an errant tear from my cheek. “You were filled with pain and needed an outlet. You cried for some time. After about half an hour you stopped. We had a drink and talked for a while. Then you left through one of the staff exits.”
“So, nothing happened?”
“No. I’m very glad I was here for you though.” The undertone of Charles’ concern is clear. What could have happened if he hadn’t intercepted me doesn’t bare thought.
“Thank you for saving me from myself.” My apology is sincere but doesn’t feel enough.
“You had a dissociative blackout. Your mother had just died. You were in pain and dealing with your grief.”
“That shouldn’t be a reason to lose it as I did. I could have really hurt someone.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I hurt Aiden.” Even before setting foot inside of Solace I’d hurt him. He had taken everything I showed him and never once questioned me. He trusted me and believed in me. What would he think if he knew what my intention was that evening?
“Aiden is your new… friend whom you brought to Solace?”
“Yes.” I sniff back the tears and gather myself, taking the waterfall of emotions and pushing them down until I can analyse them and deal with them on my own.
“You like this man?”
“Boy. Yes.”
“Why do you call him a boy?”
“Because he’s so young.”
“Compared to who? You?”
“Well, yes. I’m forty. He’s twenty-five. I think. I don’t think I’ve actually asked his age.”
“You’ve clearly been having a D/s relationship with him. You brought him to Solace. You’ve never done that. There’s something special about this man. You might want to go away and take a closer look at that.”
“He’s got his entire life in front of him. I’m too old for us to have a serious relationship.”
“Are you in a twenty-four-seven Master, slave relationship?”
“No.”
“Do you call the shots outside of the sex?
“No.”
“Then don’t make that choice for him. Don’t make all his choices for him. Has he shown you that he’s immature or boyish about anything?”
“No. On the contrary, actually.”
“Well then.”
“What?”
“Go and speak to your man. And don’t call him a boy. Consider this for what it is. Don’t look at him as a temporary partner.”
“Isn’t there a little pot and kettle going on here?”
“I’m speaking from experience. Listen to your elders.”
“There’s less of an age difference between us than myself and Aiden.”
“It doesn’t fucking matter if you love the guy.”
Love?
The word spears me and gives me pause for the first time since hearing what my actions included that night.
“Thank you for clearing things up for me, Charles.”
“Anytime, darling.” We embrace, and I give him a small kiss on the cheek before leaving.
My conscience is clear, and I can talk to Aiden without the fear of having cheated on him. But it didn’t erase the shame I felt because of what my intentions were that night.
I make my way back across the city and pull into my road. As I approach the house, I see a blue car in the drive with the driver’s door open. Sarah walks down the path and climbs back in the car before she speeds off in the opposite direction to me.
I rush into the house, concerned as to why she’d be here after what she said at the funeral. I don’t see anything disturbed as I trek through the downstairs. I check upstairs and come to a halt at the entrance of my spare room. The wardrobe has been flung open with many of the corsets and outfits I’d wear to Solace strewn on the floor.
Nothing is torn or broken. It’s like she dumped everything on the floor. I don’t understand it. Fear and confusion get my heartbeat pounding in my chest. It sets my nerves on edge that she’d been in my house. How did she even get in is beyond me? I wouldn’t have left the door unlocked, and she didn’t have a key.
I race back downstairs to check if there are any other signs of damage, but there’s none. My heart hammers in my chest as adrenaline races around my system. My body vibrates and makes me feel skittish. I go to the backdoor and double check the lock. And then I do the same with all the windows. The house is secure, but it does little for my nerves.
I try to ring Andrew to let him know Sarah is acting way out of character, but it goes to voicemail.
Have you seen Sarah lately? Is she all right? I saw her leaving my house just now. I don’t want to involve the police, but something is very wrong. Call me when you get this. Natasha.
I test the front door again and then make coffee. A quick google search, and I have a locksmith booked for tomorrow. I’m not going to risk Sarah coming in here again. This goes way beyond just following me home on a couple of occasions.
With the shakes still rattling my body, I pick up the phone to call Aiden.
Sarah’s actions and interference in my life still play on my mind, but I need to make things right. My heart is in my throat as I let the phone ring.
“Come on, pick up. Pick up,” I mutter as I wait.
“Hello,” Aiden’s smooth voice finally answers.
“Aiden, hi. How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
The awkward silence claws at my nerves, and I focus on the end game, rather than shouting at Aiden to just listen to what I have to say and believe me.
“Look, Natasha, if you…”
“No! Listen, I’d like to explain what happened. Face to face.” The words rush out.
“You remember?”
“I went to see a friend to ask for help, and he filled me in on all the details. I wasn’t with anyone else.” There’s a long pause while I hold my bre
ath, hoping that Aiden will give me the time to explain.
“Okay. Do you know why you couldn’t remember?”
“I can explain that face to face. I’d like for us to meet. To talk things over. I’d rather not do this on the phone. Can you come to Maddison’s?”
“Not Maddison’s. There’s a coffee shop at the bottom of Widcombe Hill. We can meet there before I head to The Pines.”
“Okay. Tomorrow morning?”
“Sure.”
“Excellent. Thank you.” I breathe my relief through my words. “Can I ask you something else? Keep an eye out for a blue Ford. It might be nothing.”
“Fine. I have to go.”
Aiden hangs up, and I immediately miss the sound his voice. He’d always been so kind and helpful. Desperate to please. The disappointment I can hear now is crushing.
I battle with myself for the rest of the night, running over the past few months. I knew Aiden had feelings for me that were deeper than perhaps my own. Or at least I thought they were deeper than my own. Everything with Aiden was a so new—new ground that I’d never explored with other partners. The excitement and thrill was addictive, but when I examine some of my actions, I have to ask if there wasn’t always more between us. And perhaps I’d been the childish one with my reaction to my growing feelings.
I missed him. I longed for our time together again. I didn’t want to see him hurt and wanted to protect him from pain. What is the definition of love? Was it the same for everyone?
Maybe I used to consider love as something that others would find. I thought I had been happy and content with my life. Funny how life can turn on its axis in the space of an evening.
At least he chose a coffee shop. I sip the large Americano at the tiny, round table, just large enough to hold my bucket of coffee. I face my chair toward the door, so I can see when Aiden arrives. I am early. My foot has been bouncing against the floor for a full five minutes, the same amount of time that Aiden is running late.
The little bell on the door is annoying. The jangle announces the next patron who happens not to be Aiden.
I check my phone and make sure he hasn’t messaged. Of course, five minutes is no time, and I knew I was being impatient. I down the rest of my coffee and go to the counter to order another.
“What are you drinking?”
“Aiden!”
His low, calm voice makes me jump in fright. I’m missing the composed woman I usually am.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No, it’s me. I’m a little jumpy that’s all. I was just getting a refill. What would you like?”
“A latte, please. Are you sitting there?” He points to the table I’d vacated.
“Yeah. I’ll bring these over.”
The table didn’t just have a convenient view of the door but was tucked at the back of the shop making it a fraction more private than the tables in the centre of the café.
“Thank you for meeting me.”
“No problem.” Aiden takes his coffee, but his whole body is tense. He’s anxious, as am I, and for once, that didn’t play into my hands.
“So, on the phone I said I wanted to explain.” I wait for Aiden’s acknowledgement before continuing, but he barely raises his eyes to mine. “I went to meet a friend of mine. His name is Charles. I was going to ask for the security video of Solace to see if that would help me unlock what happened.”
“Security tapes? What happens there is filmed?” The condemning look he gives me is hard to miss.
“Only the entrance and the lobby area. Members know. We’re not hiding anything, Aiden. And it’s a safety precaution we’re not prepared to waiver.”
“We?”
“Yes. Charles is my business partner. He is one of the owners of Solace.”
“And who’s the other?”
“Me.”
Aiden’s eyes widen. The stiffness in his body is the tell-tell sign he understands what Solace really means to me now.
“Charles asked me to help when he first wanted to open the club. I had some money to invest. It was perfect. Not many people know who Charles is. He’s a member and plays, but he keeps a low profile. None of my friends know I’m financially connected to Solace. I’m a founding member and have introduced friends along the way.”
Aiden studies my face, and I leave it open and honest for him to read. “Okay, so you looked at the tapes.”
“We didn’t need to. Charles was there that night and knew something was wrong when I arrived. He caught me on the playroom floor and took me to one of the rooms. We talked, and he let me vent.”
“Vent? Nothing else? What about your memory?” He takes a sip of his coffee, clearly not impressed with my explanation.
“He’s a Dom and one of my oldest friends. I trust him. He said I’d likely had a dissociative blackout due to stress or grief or a combination.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that you went there with something in mind. You were upset, I get that, but it’s not like I’ve even come close to saying no to anything you wanted to do. Hell, you’ve led me down some sexy rabbit hole and then just dumped my ass when it suited you. I told you I didn’t hold it against you. You were angry, and I understood you needed space. Running to Solace is what I can’t handle.”
“I’m sorry, Aiden. I didn’t mean what I said to you.”
“Really? I know that you have an issue with my age.”
“I don…”
“Don’t even try to lie. You do. You don’t like me being so much younger than you. It’s slipped between us a few times. It doesn’t bother me.”
“Fifteen years, Aiden. We’re not talking a few years difference. I’m forty years old.”
“I know.” He offers me his gorgeous smile, showing his dimple and everything. I swear, if we do get things straight, I’m going to have to toughen up when he does that, or I’ll be a pile of mush on the floor.
“Being that old has repercussion for a long-term relationship.”
“Name one.”
“Seriously? You want to do this now?”
“Seems like as good a time as any.” He crosses his arms and leans in on the table.
“Okay, kids. Kids. It’s too late for me. Children are not in my future. Can you say that you’re happy to make that decision now?”
“How can you ask me that on the spot?”
“You asked for one reason our age gap could be a problem. That’s what I see. Plus…”
“Yes?”
“We don’t know each other. I don’t know enough about you. You can’t answer that question knowingly.”
“You can ask me anything. I’ve been more open and honest with you than anyone else in the world.”
“I know that.”
“Then what is the problem?” Aiden strains each word, his frustration gritted out with each syllable.
My mind is blank. I’ve been hiding behind the age gap, but there isn’t anything concrete to stop us being together. If he wasn’t sexually submissive, then we’d have a problem, but he is. That was my gift to him, unlocking a side to him he’s never experienced before. We’ll always have that bond. Even my heart knows what it wants. Yet, I’m hesitant.
“Look, Natasha, I’m all in. You might have your doubts or concerns, but I don’t. You’ve bewitched me from the moment you kissed me. I was yours. I didn’t realise I would fall quite so hard, but, for me, there’s no going back. But I won’t play second to anyone or anything else. You need to want the same thing as I do. You may have discovered that I’m submissive, but I’m not going to be played for a fool.” He pulls his stool out and walks out of the café.
Holy fuck!
Being shocked by a submissive isn’t a habit I want to encourage. It’s an impressive feat for Aiden to achieve. I didn’t have any come back for him, even if he’d given me the chance to air one.
The next morning, I return to The Pines. I pull into the car park and scan for Aiden’s car.
I pick up the pen o
n the counter of the sign-in book and pause. Only a handful of signatures have been written above mine on this page. Mostly Aiden’s. So few others come to visit with any regularity.
A wave of sadness rises when I think of a possible future life with no family to rely on or visit. When I think of family, I picture my friends. Family doesn’t have to be bound by blood. It’s a cliché, but an accurate one for me.
I walk through the corridor and head to Peter’s room. I hadn’t seen him since before Mum had died. Visiting here, seeing Peter and Aiden and my Mum had become so much more important to me than I ever gave it credit. I missed it. I missed looking forward to seeing Aiden and having something special in my life that was just for me.
Alarm bells should have been crashing in my ears. A few months ago, I would have been turning and seeking refuge in familiarity. Not now. Perhaps grief and emotion are warping my outlook?
I knock on Peter’s room. “Hello, have time for a visitor?”
He looks up from his paper and takes a good, hard look at me.
“And you are?”
“I’m Natasha. We used to play chess together.”
“Chess?”
“Yes. You were rather good.” I enter the room and take a seat on the foot of the bed. “I was hoping we could talk about Aiden today.”
“Aiden?”
“Yes.”
“What do you want to know about him?”
“Nothing in particular. I thought we could talk about anything you’d like to share.”
“He’s always been a good boy. Jessie and I were only too happy to take him. Of course, it was harder in those days.”
“Who’s Jessie?”
“Jessica. My wife. She doted on both of us. Wonderful woman.” The warmth and love are still so clear in Peter’s voice. He mellows mentioning her.
“Interesting piece you have.” He points to the diamonds resting at my throat.
“It’s pretty unique. I purchased it a few years ago. It’s one of my favourites.” The unique bow design of diamonds makes this necklace a one off, and one I couldn’t resist. If I didn’t have such discerning taste with jewellery, then I’d be bankrupt with the number of pieces across my desk.
Finally More: The Evermore Series Book 5 Page 18
