Who I'm Becoming

by S. Q. Williams

  Just as I picked up the bar of soap, the shower curtain drew open, and I gasped, covering myself. Montana ran his eyes up and down the length of my slick body, licking his lips and then smirking. “I’ve seen it all. No need to hide.”

  I fought a smile. “I thought I made it clear that I was taking a shower,” I said as he reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.

  “Gotta clean my dick too. Might as well save a little water,” he responded, stepping inside. He closed the curtain, but his eyes stayed on mine. I blinked slowly, clutching the soap in hand. My teeth clamped my bottom lip as he stepped closer to me, eliminating whatever space was between us. Reaching down, he circled his fingers around my hand and took the bar of soap away. “I got you all dirty before… let me clean you up.”

  I blushed. “I’m perfectly capable of cleaning myself, Montana.”

  “I know, but I can’t help myself. I wanna touch you.” His voice was lower, deeper. His face was serious, and his eyes were trained on mine.

  My cheeks blazed. He was too much, but I loved it. I decided to forego the soap and let him have it. With his free hand, he grabbed mine and pulled me closer to him, running the soap down the arch of my back. As he neared my hips, he placed his lips to my ear and asked in a murmur, “Why can’t I keep my hands off you?”

  I didn’t respond. I wanted him to keep talking. I loved when he talked this way to me—naughty and deep. It made my core tingle and the rest of my body weak for him.

  “There’s so much I can do to you,” he breathed, running circles across my ass with the soap. He wrapped his other arm around my waist and glued me against him. A soft gasp brushed past my lips, and I pointed my gaze to meet his. He was still looking at me, running the soap across my cheeks. He brought the soap up to the small of my back, and then in one, quick movement, he turned me around, the warm water dripping between my back and his chest. His sweet lips landed on my neck, and I moaned. He brought the soap up, running it across my tummy and through my cleavage. A groan rattled in his throat as I buried my ass into his groin. His cock was hard, and feeling it set me on fire all over again.

  Music was playing in the background. It was faint with the shower running, but I could hear it, and I worked my hips with it, bringing my arms up and locking them around his neck. He suckled on my neck, dropping the soap and bringing his hands up to cup my breasts. He squeezed them, and I smiled, placing the back of my head on his shoulder, still rotating my hips on his rock-hardness.

  With one hand still cupped around my breast, he brought the other down and slid two fingers between my folds. I panted, rolling my neck. He played with me for a few minutes, building me up more and more. My panting increased, and soon transitioned to soft moans. Montana’s breath was dense as he felt me tense and squeeze around his fingers.

  Caught up in the sensation of his wet body behind me, I jumped as he yanked his fingers out, twisted me around, pressed my back against the shower wall, and then lifted my hips, sliding his entire length inside me. It was completely unexpected. My jaw fell in shock, and I knew my face exposed my inward surprise because a faint smile emerged on his lips. But he didn’t dare pull out. Instead, he stroked softly, clutching my hips. I couldn’t resist. I locked my legs around his waist, pressing the back of my head against the cool, damp wall. My arms closed around his neck, my fingers threading through his wet hair. I sighed as he kissed me, and he pumped harder.

  I didn’t think each time with him could feel better and better, but as he picked me up and stood beneath the water, pressing my back against the other wall as water trickled from his forehead to our lips, I couldn’t believe how great I felt. He tasted me, exploring my mouth with his tongue, thrusting a little rougher as I toyed with his. My body grew rigid, and I clenched my walls around him, evoking a sensual snarl from the wild being known as Montana Delray.

  “Tell me this pussy is mine,” he growled, drawing his lips away. “You’re mine.”

  I cupped his face, pulling his face towards mine. “It’s yours. I’m yours. Don’t worry,” I whispered in broken rhythms.

  Satisfied with my response, he buried his face into the crook of my neck. Our bodies grew way too eager. We ran our hands all over each other—through each other’s hair and all over our backs. I felt the scratches I’d created on his back less than twenty minutes ago and sighed, knocking my head back. I’d left my mark. Something about that pleased me.

  In only a few short seconds, after Montana pulled up and crushed my lips, we both shattered, groaning and moaning as we stilled together, reaching the highest, most blissful point of ecstasy.

  ***

  After our little session in the shower, Montana thought it would be best to lie around for a while. I knew he was trying to make up for all the time we’d lost over the past two weeks; he just didn’t want to say it. But I had to go. I couldn’t stay the night. Staying the night would’ve been a little too much for the first day of making up.

  I didn’t tell him that though. Instead, I decided to keep things light, in hopes that, soon, he’d fall asleep. “So… how many girls have you had in this bed?” I asked, smiling as I ran my hand down his chest.

  He pressed his lips, giving me a slight frown. “Funny.”

  “I’m serious,” I said, giggling as I sat up. I crossed my legs, but he stayed in his spot, fighting a smile.

  “I’m sure you don’t really wanna know.”

  “I do… spill.”

  He bit into his bottom lip, then grabbed my hand to bring me his way again. I laid my head on his chest. “You really want the answer?” he asked softly.

  “Yes.” No… but I had to know. I was nosey.

  “None… you’re the first.”

  I whipped my head up, meeting his eyes. “Oh, get out of here! Don’t lie to me!”

  He laughed. “I’m not lying. I’m telling the truth. I have no reason to lie to you.”

  “But… that makes no sense,” I said, narrowing my brows at him.

  His smile was big and goofy. “Why doesn’t it?”

  “Because you’re the one with the overflow of girls. I’m sure at least one has been here.”

  “None have been inside my place but you, Lauren. I swear.” His tone was serious. His face was serious. I don’t know why, but I still couldn’t believe him.

  “Hmm…”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked as I sat up.

  “Not one?”

  “Not one,” he said simply.

  “So why bring me here?”

  He hesitated on his response, lowering his gaze. “Because… unlike the other girls, I like you. A lot. It felt right to bring you here.”

  I fought a smile. “Why? I mean why not wait a little longer?”

  He reached forward, running his fingers down my jawline. “Lauren,” he said sternly. “I like you. A lot. But I have to admit, these questions are kinda throwing me off.” He shrugged one shoulder. “It just felt right to bring you here while I was home. You didn’t deserve a one-night hotel thing. You deserve to see part of the real me… whatever that is.” He smiled.

  I returned the smile. “Well… I appreciate that. Thank you.”

  He drew me towards him again, and I twisted around so he could hold me from behind.

  “Not even my mom has been to my place.”

  I frowned a little. “Not even your mum? That’s insane. Why not?”

  Silence filled the room. He fidgeted behind me, but he didn’t pull away. “She just… hasn’t. No big deal.”

  That was a lie. Not having your mum come visit was a huge deal. “How long have you lived here?”

  “Two years.”

  “And does your mum still stay here, in Suffolk?”

  I felt him nod. “We’re both busy.” He was obviously getting uncomfortable because he quickly changed the subject. “So what are your plans until the big tour?”

  I blinked. I was curious to know the deal with his mum, but I didn’t want to ruin t
he night, especially as he squeezed me and pulled me in close, his lips on my neck.

  I told him my plans were to head back home and spend time with my family at their farmhouse. He found it interesting and told me to promise him to let him come visit the house one day. I promised as he nuzzled my neck some more. It made me feel warm and fuzzy… I hadn’t felt that feeling in months. Somehow, the topic of his mum disappeared the more we talked, teased, and laughed.

  I’m not sure when it happened, but I ended up falling asleep in his arms. Perhaps it was because I was satisfied with his response about me being the first girl at his place, or maybe I was just completely happy with how things turned out today. I thought, for sure, that he’d make apologizing a lot harder than it was, but he was forgiving and truly sincere. I loved those traits about him.

  Though Montana made himself come off as an arrogant and self-centered guy on stage, he was far from it in real life. In reality, he was sweet to the core, and he cared. He was still a guy, yes, and he had needs and desires that made him seem like the filthiest person on the planet, but that’s not what made him. He may not have known it, but he cared a lot more than I expected. It was in his nature—his soul—and I wanted to learn more about him. I just needed to find the courage to open up to him a little more myself. Truthfully, the thought of that only seemed to panic me.

  ***

  A buzzing noise interrupted my sleep.

  I fidgeted and groaned, and Montana adjusted behind me, sighing. The buzzing continued, and Montana finally sat up, leaning over me. It didn’t register before, but once the buzzing started again, I sprang up and quickly snatched my phone.

  “Who is that?” Montana asked with a slight frown.

  I turned away from him a bit, swiping my screen and ignoring the call. “Oh… no one.”

  “Why is there a big DON’T ANSWER on the screen, then?” He looked from me to my phone, and I glanced down, avoiding his eyes.

  “It’s just a guy—”

  “A guy?” he said before I could finish, his voice raising a notch.

  “Yes,” I went on. “A guy I met while I was out one night. He won’t stop calling. I’ll have to change my number if he keeps it up.” I forced a soft laugh, and Montana’s shoulders visibly relaxed, along with his eyes.

  “Oh. Okay.” He paused, lowering his gaze to my phone and pointing at it. “You need me to handle it? I can easily tell him to fuck off.”

  “No!” I said way too abruptly. His eyes expanded. Shit… I had to cover up. “I mean… I’m just… I’m not up for the drama. He’ll stop calling. It was last week when we met. He’s just desperate.” I shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

  He nodded, and once he started to lean back against the headboard, I sighed, clutching my phone. I couldn’t believe myself. Why didn’t I just tell the truth? I was sure he, of all people, would’ve understood. It was the thought of talking about it that bothered me. I couldn’t.

  I checked the time on my cell phone, and it was just past midnight. I stood from the bed, and Montana’s eyes popped open to look at me. As I gathered my things, he sat up, scanning me from head to toe.

  “You’re leaving?”

  “Yes. I should go. I’ve got some work to do tomorrow morning and could use some rest.”

  “Do you have a hotel booked?” he asked.

  “No. I’m sharing a room with Shelby. I’m sure she’s expecting me to arrive soon.”

  Montana blinked then quickly climbed out of bed, walking around to my side. For a moment, I felt like he could sense my panic, so I stiffened, holding my dress tight in my arms. When he met up to me, he placed the palm of his hand on my cheek, his eyes soft. The softness relaxed me a little. “You don’t have to leave, you know? You can stay here…”

  “I can’t,” I whispered.

  He laughed. “You can. Stay,” he murmured, and then he leaned down to gently kiss my lips. My heart stuttered by how feathery-light it was and how fuzzy it made me feel. My skin responded with goose bumps.

  “I really don’t want to be late tomorrow,” I whispered as I backed away towards the door. He caught my arm before I could get too far, shaking his head in disapproval. “You won’t be late. I’ve got you covered.”

  I paused, debating on whether staying the night was actually wise. We’d just made up, and all of a sudden, things felt like they were moving kind of fast. It didn’t feel wrong, but it felt quick. I was not sure how that was really making me feel. To me, it seemed it would all end sooner than I wanted and I’d be disappointed in the long run. I didn’t want that.

  I started to reject, but he immediately cut me off by cupping my face and drawing my mouth towards his. His lips landed on mine, and the kiss was tender and warm. I melted as I drowned in his embrace, soaking it all up. A moan caught in my throat, and like the helpless romantic I was, I threw my arms around his neck, sinking into his chest. I felt him smile behind the kiss, but he didn’t dare stop. He knew he had me, and he knew I was bound to stay.

  I couldn’t resist Montana, and I didn’t know why. There was just something about how sweet he was. There was something about how sexy and dominant he could be, yet how caring and sensitive he could be as well. He had a mix of traits that I loved and had longed to find for months, but he just didn’t seem like the right guy. The right guy I thought I’d fall for was meant to be an average man with an average lifestyle. He wasn’t supposed to be famous or a part of anything that dealt with music. He was supposed to be simple. Meek. Unique.

  Montana was unique, but he was far from simple or meek.

  I really couldn’t grasp what was going on with me. I loved every part of hanging out with him, but I couldn’t stand who he was or what he represented because it was all too familiar to me.

  Finally breaking the kiss, Montana dipped his head back and whispered, “Stay the night. Please. I’ll beg you if I have to.”

  I stared into his eyes, and it was those eyes that won me over. “Are you giving me puppy dog eyes?” I asked, laughing.

  “Is it working?” he questioned.

  “Very much so.”

  “Good.” His upper lip curled up, and he grabbed my hand, leading me back to the bed. I dropped my things on the floor before climbing under the covers and resting my head on his chest.

  “This feels good, you know?” he said.

  “Good? What do you mean?”

  “I mean… this… with you. It feels good. I’m comfortable.”

  I sighed, nodding. “I know what you mean. I feel comfortable too.”

  He kissed my forehead, and it didn’t take too long for silence to fill his large bedroom. Soon, snoring erupted, and I looked up at him, laughing. He’d passed out. I figured he was exhausted with all the band had going on.

  I didn’t dare bother him, and I refused to leave while he was sleeping with me in his arms. He was comfortable with me, and I was telling the truth about being comfortable as well. His skin felt nice against mine. I missed this. Him.

  I knew with the way things were going I was going to have to tell Montana the truth about my past and me sooner or later. I knew I’d confused him before with my wishy-washy attitude, but there was a reason behind it. I feared this kind of commitment. Hell, I feared things like this period, but I knew he feared it just as much, perhaps more. He was taking a huge risk by wanting to get something serious started between us. Montana didn’t do serious, but the fact that he wanted to do it with me spoke volumes.

  How could I destroy that? How could I be selfish enough to only care about my feelings and not his? How could I take something he’d finally become comfortable with, away from him? Something he’d never experienced? The truth was I cared about Montana’s feelings a lot. I knew how it felt to be hurt and betrayed. I couldn’t be that girl. I had to at least give “us” a try, and I was going to do just that.

  But I couldn’t make any promises. Just like he was giving himself to me, I was doing the same. And just as I could hurt him, he could easily hurt me. A
nything could’ve happened between us. It was only right to be prepared.

  MONTANA

  Fifteen

  When I woke up, I ran my hand across the sheets beside me. It was cool beneath my palm, and my eyes immediately popped open, scanning the naked side of the bed. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered, sitting up. I ran my hands across my face, shaking my head.

  She’d let her fears get the best of her again. She was gone, and had to have been for a while because the other side of the bed was freezing cold. Annoyed, I climbed out of bed and went for my phone on the dresser. She was about to get some choice words from me. I’d done all I could the previous day to make her feel comfortable. I told her I wanted more, and just like that, she bailed on me? Not even a goodbye?

  Yeah. I was kinda pissed.

  I snatched the door open and walked down the hallway with the phone glued to my ear. As I rounded the corner, though, I felt like a fool because there she was, standing in the kitchen with a bag in one hand and a cup holder with two cups of coffee in the other. I lowered the phone, and as I did, hers rang. She cursed beneath her breath. She’d just gotten in apparently. Her hands were full, and she seemed winded, as if she did her best to hurry back before I was awake. I ended the call, and as if she sensed my presence, she turned around, meeting my eyes.

  “It was me calling,” I said, running a nervous hand over my forehead.

  “Oh.” She placed the things on the counter and walked towards me. “Well, are you okay? Did you need something?”

  I shook my head quickly. Hell no. I wasn’t about to make myself look like a true fool. I’d already given her enough sentiment the night before. Telling her that I thought she bailed on me and I was about to call just to yell and shout at her (and possibly beg for her to come back) was not about to happen… at least, not right now. “Nah. I was just wondering where you’d run off to, is all.”

  She smirked, nearing me and circling her arms around my waist. Leaning back with a small smile on her lips, she said, “You’re paranoid.”

  “No,” I lied.