Who I'm Becoming

by S. Q. Williams

  “Yes,” she murmured. “You don’t have to lie to me, Montana. I just wanted to surprise you.” I pressed my lips and avoided her eyes. She reached up and brought my eyes back to hers. “I came back. No need to fret.”

  I sighed, nodding. “What’d you get?” I asked, pointing to the bags.

  “Oh.” She stepped back, removing her arms from around me and waltzing around the counter. “There is a nice bakery a few blocks down. They had warm pastries, ready to serve. I grabbed a few of each.” She pulled out the pink box and opened it. I walked around the counter, stepping behind her and running my hands across her bare shoulders. I couldn’t keep my hands off her for the life of me. She hesitated on speaking again, but when she did, her voice was soft. Different. “Um… there were a ton of croissants, donuts, bagels, cinnamon sticks, and even coffee cake. I just told him to pack three of each. Wasn’t sure what you liked.”

  I placed a kiss on the bend of her neck, and she sighed. As I ran my palms from her shoulders to her arms, I felt the goose bumps crawling along her skin. I smiled, glad to know I could make her feel so wound up, and then said, “It all sounds good. I’ll grab some plates.”

  She nodded but didn’t say a word. I finally pulled away, chuckling as I went towards the cabinets. She glanced over her shoulder at me, picking up the box. “What do you find humorous?” she asked.

  I fought another laugh, pulling two plates down. “Nothing, Princess.”

  She grinned. “Sure. Anyway, I remember hearing Ben talk about how the band liked their coffee all the same. One shot of espresso, two drops of crème, and one sugar… right?”

  “Right on the money.”

  She placed the box on the table just as I walked around the counter and set the plates down. “Right on the money?” she questioned. “Is that your catch phrase? Because I have to say, I don’t really get it.”

  I burst out laughing, taking a seat beside her as she handed me my coffee. “It’s just some shit the band and I have been saying for a while now. Half the time it has nothing to do with money. It just means ‘you’re right’ or ‘perfect’ or even ‘don’t change a fucking thing’… shit like that. It’s a good thing.”

  Her eyebrows lifted. “Oh… I guess that makes sense,” she said, biting into a frosted donut.

  Taking a sip of my coffee, I looked her over. She smiled with her eyes, picking up her coffee as well. “So, what are the plans for today?” I asked.

  “Well, I’m meeting up with Shelby at the hotel conference room so we can work on a few things with the crew for a few hours. I’ll probably be done around one or two. After that, I’m free. Why do you ask?”

  “Just wondering…” I paused. Shit, who was I kidding? “No. Actually I want you to… come back.”

  “Come back?” she asked. She lowered her gaze. “Here?”

  “Yeah. Here. Roy and Kelsey are throwing a cookout at their place this evening, and I’d like you to come with me… that is, if you want to.” Oh, fuck. I couldn’t believe I’d even asked. This cookout had been planned for weeks. I wanted to go, but I also wanted to spend more time with Lauren. I was in a dilemma, and the only way it was going to be solved was if she came with me.

  I don’t think she realized it, but her face scrunched up a bit as she lowered her donut. “Are you sure you want to take me around them?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I just know you’re really close with them, and taking me means things have kind of shifted… if you get my drift.”

  I smiled at her, placing my hand on top of hers. “They already know we’ve got something going on.”

  She swallowed thickly. Her cheeks tinted pink, and she shook her head, looking at me through her eyelashes. “Are you sure, Montana? I don’t mind going; I just want you to be one-hundred percent positive about this.”

  “Lauren, I’m positive. Come. I’m sure they’ll be happy to see a change going on in my life. Shit, they’ll rub it in my face.” I shrugged. “It is what it is.”

  She revealed all her teeth as she looked at me innocently. “Okay, Montana. I’ll go, but I will be a nervous wreck. I hope you know that.”

  “Don’t be. They’re good people. It’ll be fun. We’ll have a few drinks, eat some hotdogs and hamburgers… it’ll be chill. I mean, they are goofy and can be a load of dicks when they wanna be, but you’ll get used to it. I’m the worst of them all, and if you can handle me and my mouth, you’ll definitely be able to handle theirs.” I winked.

  She squeezed my hand, bringing it up to kiss my knuckles. “Well if that’s the case,” she said, sighing, “…I’ll be just fine. It’ll be a walk in the park.”

  I laughed. “We’ll see about that, Princess.”

  LAUREN

  Sixteen

  “Sheesh! Why does your phone keep buzzing?” Shelby asked as we entered the coffee shop a block away from the hotel. Shelby was short and cute with her thin rectangular glasses, squinty eyes, and straight black hair. Her tan skin was always clear and only seemed to enhance her beauty. I was quite envious of her skin. It was never too oily or too dry. Her complexion was perfect. She was kind of geeky, which I loved. She was funny and a tad bit insecure, but we were pretty much just alike,

  I looked at her briefly then down at my cell phone as I powered it off. “It’s you know who,” I whispered.

  Her eyes expanded. “Oh, no! You know who? What the hell?”

  “I know! I changed my number a month ago. I don’t know how the hell he keeps finding it.”

  Shelby walked past me, shaking her head before giving her order to the barista. I gave mine as well, and we stepped aside. Shelby placed her elbow on the counter, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “What does he want?”

  “There’s no telling with him,” I sighed. “But last night, he almost got me in trouble. I was with Montana, and he called during the middle of the night. The call woke us out of our sleep.”

  “No way!” she gasped, her face breaking into a smile.

  “Are you smiling?” I asked, fighting my own. “Why are you smiling? This is no laughing matter.”

  “Because… Montana,” she said and then laughed. “You were with Montana. I was wondering where you were last night. I figured you’d ran off and got drunk somewhere again.”

  I rolled my eyes at her playfully, and the barista handed us our drinks. We made our way to a table in the corner, and after I took a sip of my coffee, I lifted my head with a slight grin. Shelby noticed, and as she stared at me, my grin grew wider. “He didn’t want me to leave.” I was bragging a little, but I couldn’t help myself. “But I had to cover up the call and say it was some guy I met that wouldn’t stop calling. Luckily, he believed me, but I feel so awful for lying to him.”

  “Oh, please,” Shelby scoffed. “If you wouldn’t have lied it would’ve put you into some deep shit. I mean, of course you’re gonna have to tell him sooner or later, but you two have just made up, and I think right now is the wrong time to bring it up. Save the drama for when things get a little dull… if you catch my drift.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I know.” I blew out a sigh, wrapping my fingers around my cup. “If I tell you something, promise you won’t think I’m crazy,” I said.

  Shelby paused on sipping her drink, blinking rapidly. “I can’t make that promise. You know I always think you’re crazy.”

  I laughed. “Okay. Okay… well, just listen. So, last night, Montana and I did a lot of making up, and I don’t know if it was an ‘in the moment’ kind of thing or if it was real, but he asked me to get serious with him—you know, no more games or screwing around. Serious.”

  Her eyebrows glued together. “And you said…?”

  “I told him we’ll see how things go… and that whatever happens, happens.”

  “Hmm…” She shrugged and lifted her cup to take a quick gulp.

  “Well, you can’t just say that and expect me not to wonder what you’re thinking.” I laughed a
nd Shelby sat back in her seat. “Tell me. What are you thinking? Should I have said something else?”

  “I think that was a good response, considering you two have just gotten back on good terms and all. Plus, you like him, and he likes you. I don’t see why you wouldn’t take the leap.”

  I sighed a breath of relief. I’m not sure why Shelby’s opinion was always so important to me. She’d never been in a long-term relationship. She enjoyed her single life. She was a hard, dedicated worker that always put fun on the backburner, but for some reason it always seemed she was right. “Good,” I said.

  “But you need to tell him about Wy—”

  “Ah! No!” I squealed, covering my ears. “We no longer say his name, remember?”

  She snorted a laugh. “Ugh. You are insane! Anyway, as I was saying, you need to make sure you tell Montana what’s going on and what you’re going through with you know who. It would be ugly for him to find out on his own, and you know that.”

  “Yes,” I breathed. “I know. When the time is right, I’ll tell him.” I paused, twisting my fingers in my lap. “I know this sounds kind of loony, but I really can see me and Montana happening for a while.”

  “Well, you are the first girl he’s actually given this kind of attention to. To hear that he wants to try something serious with you is fucking unbelievable,” she said, scraping at the sticker on her cup. “He’s the wild one, you know? The party hound. The show off! The fans aren’t going to be happy to hear he’s trying to settle all that down. It means they have no chance now. Montana was their last hope.” She laughed.

  I stood from my seat, waving my hand in the air. “His fans will just have to suck it up.” I pushed my chair beneath the table as Shelby stood.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not how it goes down. Just make sure you take cover when you’re in public now. You don’t want to have any sharp objects or chairs being thrown at you. That won’t be pretty,” she joked.

  I laughed as we headed for the exit. “Funny.” And really it was. But knowing that Montana could actually be mine and no one else’s made me feel proud. I knew there were plenty of women he could’ve chosen from, but he chose me. Montana Delray, the FireNine bass player with the wicked smile, flawless hair, and perfect piercings, wanted me. What girl wouldn’t get a bit of a swollen head about that?

  MONTANA

  Seventeen

  The sun was just setting. I had a six-pack of beer tucked beneath my arm, and Lauren’s arm hooked through the other. As we approached the door, she released a breath through parted lips. I stopped and turned her way. “You okay?”

  “Fine, just a little nervous. I mean, I’m used to passing by the band after shows. They don’t pay much attention to me backstage, but here… well, I’ll have to interact. They’ll interact.” She bit into her lip and whispered, “What if they don’t like me?”

  “Babe,” I murmured. “Calm down. There’ll be no reason for them not to like you. I like you, and if I’m good, they’re good. Trust me, I’m sure they’ve been looking forward to something like this happening for a while. They aren’t gonna screw it up.”

  She looked puzzled. “What, do they all think you’re incapable of… getting serious with someone?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Hmm.” She nodded, squeezing me against her. “Okay, well, let’s go in. Can’t wait out here all night. Don’t need them getting the wrong impression.”

  I leaned forward and kissed the middle of her forehead. She beamed up at me, and as I turned the doorknob, I felt my heart racing. What the fuck was I doing? I hadn’t thought of it the way she did. I was bringing her here to meet the people I was closest with. I’d never brought a girl around to meet my people… not like this. These boys and their families were like my family. I cared about their opinions. What if they didn’t like her? What would be their reason? What if it made me look at her differently? What if shit changed?

  “Fuck,” I breathed.

  “Hmm?” Lauren looked at me with a confused glare.

  I shook my head. “Nothing. I thought I… forgot something.”

  Her frown lifted. “Oh.”

  Voices sounded a short distance away, and I knew they were all probably hanging out in the den. Our feet tapped across the marble floors, and as we got closer and closer, my heart pounded more and more. I couldn’t even imagine how she was feeling. Shit. Was this the right thing to do? Maybe it was too soon to bring her around…

  Unfortunately, before I could do something stupid like run back with my hand locked around Lauren’s wrist, Kelsey caught sight of me, and a wide smile spread across her lips. “MONTANA, MONTANA!” she sang, rushing towards me.

  I smiled as she neared us. “Kelsey, Kelsey!”

  She giggled and gave me a quick hug. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

  I shrugged. “Of course. You know I wasn’t about to miss out on free food.”

  “I get that,” she said. “Free food is like a free pass to heaven.” Her eyes drifted from mine to Lauren’s who stood motionless beside me, a faint smile on her lips. She was nervous as hell. I could see it all over her face. “Montana,” Kelsey murmured. “Don’t be a dick. Introduce us to each other,” she demanded, motioning between herself and Lauren.

  “Oh.” I turned. “Right. Lauren, this is Kelsey, Roy’s fiancé. Kelsey, this is Lauren, my…”

  “His girlfriend,” Lauren said quickly, filling me in. My eyes expanded. Did she just put a label on our relationship? I had to admit it made me feel kind of warm inside. She reached for Kelsey’s hand, but Kelsey shook her head and refused her hand, pulling her in for a tight hug instead. It took Lauren by complete surprise.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Lauren. I’ve heard great things about you. We have to chat after we eat.” Kelsey glanced at me and whispered something behind her hand to her. I couldn’t hear it, but Lauren laughed and looked at me.

  “For sure,” Lauren said.

  We entered the living room, greeted by everyone else. Gage and Deed were standing in front of the open patio door. Eliza was the only one missing. Lauren stood at my side, greeting the boys shyly.

  “You know, I never got your name,” Deed said, extending his arm and taking Lauren’s hand in hers.

  “It’s Lauren,” she said.

  “Lauren. Cool. Fits you.”

  She nodded and then pointed her gaze on Gage. “Gage, I assume you still know my name.”

  “How could I forget?” he asked. “Montana, I forgot to tell you this, but Lauren saved my ass during that show in New Mexico last year. I spilled blue Gatorade all over my favorite white shirt, and she was kind enough to lend me the shirt she was saving for her brother. I still owe her for that actually.”

  “Yeah?” I asked.

  “Hell yeah. It was nice of her. The shirt was signed and everything. Probably would’ve cost a fortune on eBay. I didn’t have any spare clothes. Everything was miles away, and we only had ten minutes before we were back on stage. She’s a savior, I’m telling you.” He nudged my side. “And a savior’s a keeper.”

  I laughed, brushing him off. “Dude, shut up.” He sipped his beer, fighting a laugh. “And just so you know, Lauren and I are good now. We’re trying something new.”

  “Oh yeah?” Roy asked, stepping into the mix. “Something new like what?”

  I looked down at Lauren. She nodded as if it were okay for me to tell them the good news. “Well, last night we made up… a lot. Like, shit was on fire last night. Blazing.” I licked my lips, looking down at her. She slapped my shoulder playfully and the boys burst out laughing.

  “Montana… stop it.” She blushed.

  “Anyway, we talked, made up, and we’re gonna try something serious together. If it works out, it works out.”

  “And if it doesn’t, it doesn’t,” Lauren said, finishing my sentence. I nodded.

  “Well that’s good for you guys,” Kelsey said, wrapping an arm around Roy’s waist. “Just go with the flow.
It’s always better that way.”

  I reeled Lauren into me by the waist. “Of course.”

  “Well, we were just about to play some beer pong in the game room while the food was getting ready,” Roy said. “You can join us if you want to.”

  “Yeah. That sounds fun,” Lauren said, nodding at him.

  “Alright. Let me take this pack of beer in the kitchen,” I said, pulling from her.

  Lauren caught my arm. “I’ll come with you. I could use something citrusy to cool me down.”

  I nodded and told the boys we’d be in the game room in just a bit. As we neared the kitchen, I heard pots and pans clattering and when we entered, I smiled because it was none other than Eliza.

  “Well, looky here,” I said, walking in her direction.

  She placed a hand on her hip, pursing her lips. “Montana…”

  “What? Are you not happy to see me?”

  “I’m upset with you. You didn’t tell me you were bringing anyone.”

  I glanced back, smiling as I looked at Lauren, but she was frowning, her body stiff. Wait… did she not know who this was?

  “I mean, it would’ve been nice of you to tell me personally that she was coming. I deserved to know first,” she said, walking around the counter. As she met up to me, she gave me a warm hug, and I hugged her back, shaking my head.

  “I wanted to surprise you guys.”

  “Yeah.” She released me, and started in Lauren’s direction. Lauren’s face was still emotionless. As Eliza met up to her, she blinked rapidly and straightened her back. “Hi, Lauren. I’m Eliza. It’s wonderful to meet you.”

  “E-Eliza?” Lauren stuttered.

  I stepped around Eliza, nodding at Lauren. “Yeah, Eliza Grendel. Gage’s wife.”

  “Oh.” She released a heavy breath of relief, shaking her head. “Oh my gosh! I feel so idiotic.”

  I laughed, and Eliza looked at me, confused but smiling. “Why?” I asked.

  “Okay, this may come off weird since I work behind the scenes for FireNine and all, but I’ve only ever heard about you. I’ve never actually seen you.”