Brave

by Natalie Gayle

  The silence around me was deafening. I could tell they were all waiting. I could feel three sets of eyes on me watching and wondering if I was actually going to respond. Finally I took a deep breath. What did it matter if he rejected me? It had happened before, and it would happen again. I could do this. It would hurt, but I was no stranger to pain, both physical and emotional.

  Very slowly I raised my chin and turned just slightly towards him. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t because my throat was closed in fear and uncertainty.

  The first thing I noticed was the dark jeans that hung on narrow hips, then a white T-shirt that emphasised his flat belly and defined pecs. Bravely, I raised my eyes a little higher and the pecs ran into a set of wide shoulders. There was a hint of a tattoo peaking out from under one of his short sleeves. It only made his bicep look more delicious and enticing.

  I took one final harsh intake of air and allowed my eyes to complete their journey. They travelled up and up the column of his corded neck to his wide angular jaw.

  His full lips were slightly turned up in what looked like a half smile or was it amusement? I could only image how it would look once the shock registered when he saw my face.

  Above those lips, that looked far too sensual for any man, was a long straight nose with a hint of a flare to the nostrils. The knot in my stomach tightened even further as I finally tilted my head back far enough so my eyes could meet his.

  Every muscle in my body was tensed waiting for the shock, horror and embarrassment I was about to see, once my scars registered with his brain. It was an involuntary reaction I realised. Nobody could hide it, no matter how hard they tried. It was just the shock and surprise. I don’t blame them for their reactions, it just hurt that was all.

  I raised my eyelids that final few millimetres and forced my eyes to focus on his. Right then and there the world stopped spinning for me. Time halted. My sisters faded into the background and I looked into the eyes of one of the most compelling people I had ever seen. Oh, he was handsome, but he was so much more.

  But that was not what had me struck dumb—nope that wasn’t it.

  It was his eyes—those bottomless pools of black onyx. I did a mental double take. For eyes so dark they should have appeared cold and icy.

  But they didn’t—they weren’t cold at all. They were warm and rich. Right then was the first time I could recall in the last five years, a stranger looking at me with warmth in their eyes. Not shock, not pity, not embarrassment. It was warmth.

  The shock paralysed me. I didn’t know what to do or how to act. My brain was shorting out. Nothing made sense. Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered my leg being kicked under the table, but even that didn’t break through my connection with those eyes. I wanted to swim in them, wrap myself in their warmth and burrow down tight.

  I have no idea how much time passed.

  Finally, he thrust his hand forward to me and without conscious thought, I placed my hand in his to shake. What happened next shocked me even more.

  He lent across the table and pulled me into a loose hug and brushed his lips against my left cheek.

  My brain was fried and my nerves were all misfiring. Nothing made sense. I was so far out of my comfort zone.

  He pulled back slowly and gave me a smile that I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

  Then he spoke and his words seemed to swirl around me in a caress.

  “Hi Eden. I’m Xander Todd.”

  Suddenly, I realised I had no box to categorise him into.

  Chapter 2

  Xander

  When I strolled up to the table seating the Sommers girls, I had two clear intentions in mind. One to be polite and say hello. Sophia and Tori were students of mine and I genuinely liked both girls. They were hard workers, always polite and not full of the drama, which seemed to follow most young women around. I didn’t have time for drama in my world. It was a distraction and a waste of energy. I couldn’t afford it from a time perspective. My days were busy enough as it was, nor did I have the patience.

  I taught between twenty and thirty scheduled classes a week. I also had a roster of about a dozen fighters I was in various stages of mentoring and preparing for fights. That was a big workload; plus I did my own training and I took private lessons on request.

  The second thing I wanted to do was meet Eden Sommers. Eden had been an enigma to me since that day I first saw her in the park all those years ago. Something about her and that day had touched me deep in my soul. It was hard to fathom and explain, but what I saw, felt and realised that day would stay with me forever. It was a perfect memory—a moment in time that stood out above all others. It may sound sentimental and stupid to some, but not to me. Over the course of my life, I’ve had a handful of those moments and I remembered them all as vividly. Every single one had touched me deeply and significantly contributed to the man I am today.

  Since that first day, there were many times I could have met Eden Sommers but every time, I’d consciously chosen not to. I don’t know why. I knew about the fire and I knew about her burns. It was common knowledge in this part of town. But until now, meeting Eden just hadn’t felt right. I’m a firm believer in going with my gut and what feels instinctively right to me. For some reason, that only the universe will know, today felt different. Today was the day.

  When I walked in and saw the Sommers girls at the table I knew I had to meet Eden and it had to be today. The feeling intensified the longer I sat over on the other side of the café with Dane and a few of the younger fighters I trained. It finally got to the point where I could no longer sit. When I’d glanced across and saw her making a first rate attempt at being swallowed by the wall and the booth, I had to take action.

  I couldn’t let the girl I knew to be truly beautiful suffer one moment longer in whatever personal prison she was living in. The memory of that day had provided me with comfort and had given me hope as well as something to strive for in my darkest days; it was my turn to return the favour.

  Holding her hand in mine and looking down into her eyes I’d felt a knife twist in my heart. Her incredible denim blue eyes hit me like one of Dane’s right hooks. As a professional fighter and an instructor, I’ve learned to read people through their eyes. Their eyes always give them away.

  I’ve seen the genuine fear of physical pain, anger, frustration, lust and humour—every emotion you could think of. But looking into Eden’s eyes, I saw something I’d maybe only seen once or twice before. It was deep emotional fear and pain. Emotions collided and merged into one another, as well as her eyes pleading not to be hurt and rejected. The look in her eyes was so raw and real that I just wanted to sweep her into my arms and protect her from all the horrors she must contend with on a daily basis. I wanted to help her fight and slay every one of the demons that hounded her.

  In that split second of realisation, I moved forward and tried to give her a friendly hug. Her body felt stiff and tense. But I anticipated it, and wondered when the last time anyone, other than family, had spontaneously shown her any kindness or affection.

  Eden’s reaction to me was what I’d expected. She was shocked and shaken up—but, not in a bad way. In fact, I think I almost saw a hint of a smile tickle her mouth. I didn’t want to upset her but I knew I needed to nudge her out of her comfort zone.

  I introduced myself and waited.

  There was one of those awkward pauses. I’m sure Eden was trying to comprehend why I’d hugged her and why I wasn’t pulling away. Both Tori and Soph were watching, waiting to see how Eden would react.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Eden’s soft pink tongue flicked out and wet her lips; then she spoke very quietly.

  “Hi, Xander, nice to meet you.” It was hardly more than a whisper and her eyes lowered a fraction as she finished her sentence.

  Oh yeah, the burn scars were noticeable when she looked directly at you, but they weren’t hideous. The skin was kind of red and shiny looking. The way her hair fell covered most o
f it and I could understand why she carried herself that way and let her hair flop forward all the time. The other side of her face was perfect and maybe that’s what made the scars more noticeable?

  My fingers itched to pull her hair back and really look at the scars. Was that wrong? I don’t know. That’s just what I wanted to do.

  “Come on, Edie, please say you’ll come.” It was Tori almost pleading with her sister.

  Eden dropped her chin and sat further back against the bench. She was retreating, moving to protect herself from something that she couldn’t control or she felt threatened by.

  I wanted to reassure her that if she came along it would be fine.

  “It’s a very low key, no pressure sort of night. These guys won’t even know you’re there, with how busy I’ll have them.” I turned my attention to Tori and Soph. They both groaned good-naturedly in unison. “What’s the point of training if you don’t go hard?”

  “Can I get back to you on that?” Sophia joked back at me, with a cringe. I could feel Eden’s eyes on the side of my face. I purposely didn’t look back towards her just yet. I wanted her to feel comfortable, to see that I wasn’t a person to be afraid of, even though I knew most people thought I was one scary dude.

  “Sure. You won’t change my mind though.” I knew just how much Sophia like to train hard so I bought into her humour.

  “Yeah, I know. I also know better than to protest too much or my work load will increase exponentially.”

  “Who said you weren’t a smart girl?” We all laughed at that. I think even Eden managed a small chuckle. I needed to wrap this up and head back to the boys before I stepped into that awkward amount of time that turns from saying hello and being polite to lingering like a bad smell. “Okay ladies, I’ll leave you to finish.” I turned to look directly at Eden and caught her quietly checking me out. “Great meeting you, Eden. I really hope you can make it tonight or any other time you might want to come along. Door’s always open and the invitation doesn’t expire.”

  I tried to push as much warmth and openness into my eyes and expression. Just like you would when you’re trying to coax a small child or pet into doing something. Eden may be all grown up but after what had happened it was obvious to me; she was well and truly back to square one with meeting new challenges.

  “Thank you,” she said in a voice that was not much more than a whisper again and I actually wondered if the burns had affected her voice.

  “You’re welcome, Eden. Your sisters talk about you all the time. I’m sure they’d love it if you came along and saw what they get up to.”

  She nodded slightly and I could see her really thinking it over. That gave me hope. I may not win this battle but I’d at least have a shot at winning the war. I was a guy that could work with the long term.

  I threw the Sommers sisters a “Catch you later, girls,” and headed back over to the booth my crew was lounging in.

  As I slid up into the bench seat, Dane looked over and rose an eyebrow at me. He didn’t need to speak. I already knew he was wondering what I was up to. Problem was, I didn’t really know at this stage, either. I just knew I had to try and reach Eden; pull her out of her shell a little—I wanted to see the beautiful girl smile again without the shadows in her eyes.

  I wanted her to feel the innocent pleasure that she felt that day when she was laughing with her sisters, just living life.

  “Why didn’t you ask the girls over?” Micah asked. He was a cocky young fighter that had joined my squad a few months ago when he moved here. I liked the kid, but he still had a lot to learn and manners were one of those things. When he asked why I hadn’t asked the girls over, really what he wanted to know was, why hadn’t I brought them over for him to flirt with.

  “They’ve got their sister with them.”

  “So? She looks like a real hottie.” And that was part of the problem. From the left side Eden looked absolutely normal. Drop dead gorgeous actually. It was only head on or from the right with her hair back, that anyone would notice. “More the merrier, I say.” He nudged his shoulder into Owen trying to get him to join in. Owen glanced at me, looking for my lead. Owen was a local and knew the story of Eden. Everyone here did except Micah. Most people I knew were respectful of Eden and left her to her business.

  Conversation at the table had stopped and all the guys were looking to me. That’s when Micah realised something was amiss.

  “What?”

  “That’s Eden, Sophia and Tori’s older sister. They’re having a quiet afternoon together; they don’t need you breathing down their necks, Micah.”

  “Well, why can’t they have a quiet afternoon over here with us?” I watched the rest of the table almost groan as Micah carried on with it.

  “Just tell him, mate. He’s not going to let this go until you explain.” Dane sounded frustrated and a little pissed at Micah. Micah was definitely the tenacious type and it served him well in a fight but, by God, it could be a pain in the arse at times.

  It wasn’t really my story to tell, so that in itself made me feel a little uncomfortable about discussing it.

  “Eden has some scars on her face. She was in a fire a few years back. Now she doesn’t socialise much. She seems to prefer to keep to herself or just hang with her sisters.”

  Micah looked shocked and the first thing he did was turn his head to stare at her.

  “For fuck’s sake, mate. Don’t stare.” Dane beat me to it, and it came out quite a bit harsher from him than it probably would have from me. Dane had a short fuse at the best of times and Micah often pushed Dane’s buttons.

  He looked back to me. “But she looks normal.”

  “She is normal. She just has some scars down the right side of her face.” Now that the topic was on the table, I decided now was as good a time as any. “I invited Eden to come and check out what we do. Hopefully she’ll take up my invitation. So spread the word through the guys I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable. Nobody stares, everybody treats her absolutely normal. Anyone does something to upset her and they’ll answer to me. Got it?”

  There were nods all round the table and I knew the guys were surprised, but they wouldn’t challenge my word or go against my direct instructions. That was one thing I demanded at the dojo—respect. Respect for me, the arts we studied, themselves and their fellow peers.

  “Can I ask what your deal is with her?” This time it was Lincoln. Linc was a quiet one. He didn’t say much. Only when he had something to say, or when he wanted to know something. I could appreciate that, but that didn’t stop me from feeling a little defensive at being questioned. At this stage I wasn’t exactly sure what my “deal” was. I was very much “playing it by ear”.

  “I’m not intending anything at this stage. I just want her to feel comfortable enough to come along and watch her sisters. Everyone understand?”

  I pinned them all with a solid stare. Yeah, they got the message.

  I took a deep breath and finished the rest of my black coffee in two big gulps and threw some cash on the table to cover things

  “Right. I’m out of here. I’ve got some stuff to do before class. See you then and bring you’re “A” game boys.”

  They all nodded and Dane got up and followed me out.

  He said nothing until we were out on the street. “Want to tell me what the real story is ‘Pretty Boy’?”

  “Nope.” I opened the door to my truck and glared at Dane as he got in the passenger side.

  An amused smile broke out across his face. “How come?”

  “Because I don’t know what it is, yet. I just know I need to see if I can help her.”

  I glanced over at Dane as I pulled out into the traffic.

  “She another one of your projects?” It was a fair enough question. I was known to help out with “strays” and others I felt could use a leg-up. I was fortunate enough to have had a few people help me out along the way. I was just returning the favour. Well, at least, that’s the way I saw it.

/>   “Not exactly. She needs to decide she wants help first.”

  “True.” Dane had a knowing smirk on his face. “But we both know you’ll work real hard to convince her. Won’t you, Pretty Boy?”

  This time I grinned and chuckled. My best friend knew me too well and I struggled to stay pissed at him. “Probably.”

  * * *

  Eden

  I was still shocked as Sophia dropped me a few streets over at my therapist’s appointment. Ever since the fire I’d had therapy, counselling, and shrink sessions. Whatever you wanted to call it. It was all part of the healing process, apparently. Now I only went every couple of weeks and the nature of the sessions had changed.

  The sessions were now more about setting goals for me to “join the world” again. It was about setting small steps, to try and get me to where a normal twenty-three year old woman would be. Sounded good right? The only problem with that, was the fact I’d never be normal.

  I walked up the stairs and Grace, my counsellor, met me in the reception area. She guided me through into her office and I took up my familiar position on the navy blue sofa. As sofas went it was comfortable, but the room never really felt “comfortable”. Sure I liked Grace; she was a good counsellor and I should know. I’ve had a dozen or more that I could remember over the various stages of my recovery.

  “How are you today, Eden?” Grace poured some water from the crystal pitcher sitting on the low table between the sofa and the single overstuffed chair she sat in.

  I raised my chin a little. Grace knew how I looked and she never made me feel uncomfortable. I was safe here with her. Or, at least, that’s what I kept trying to tell myself. It was really only in the last twelve months or so that I’d been making a real effort to get my life sorted. You don’t recover from burns quickly, physically or emotionally. For the first year I was struggling just to get my health back to some level of “normal”. Then I had to finish the last year of school, which took me two years by correspondence. My life was very much about small steps.