Brave

by Natalie Gayle

  He didn’t give me a chance to say anything or even get my thoughts in order before his mouth descended on the left side of my throat. Just like I’d done, his lips teased and tickled me. My body shivered and pressed tighter to him. Then just when I thought it couldn’t possibly feel much better, he flicked his tongue across my skin and it felt so incredibly good. This time it was me moaning out my pleasure, and if I thought I was feeling need before, it was nothing compared to what I was feeling now.

  My feelings were so strong, they were starting to scare me. It was all happening so quickly; it kind of felt forbidden. I pulled away and gave him a little smile.

  “Enjoy that?”

  I nodded my head because I didn’t think I could form words at this point in time.

  “You want to watch the rest of this movie?”

  I needed to get home, but I didn’t want my time to end with him just yet. “I probably should be getting home soon.”

  “I can’t say I like that idea, but it’s probably a good one. If we sit here much longer, we’re likely to take things further and I said I wasn’t going to pressure you and I meant it.”

  “Umm… I don’t exactly think I was doing much to dissuade you.”

  He let out a little chuckle. “True. But I want you to get to know me before we go there. And I want you to be comfortable in yourself. That will take a little time.”

  “Okay…” I didn’t quite know what to say to that. Was ‘thank you’ the right thing? “Thanks for understanding.” I hoped it didn’t sound too lame.

  “I know it will be worth the wait.”

  A nervous giggle slipped out. “Oh. I hope it doesn’t become a disappointment.”

  “Don’t worry about it. We’ll be fine.” I like the way he said ‘we’ll’. It gave me hope. I only hoped whatever fascination he had with me didn’t wear off. “But before we head out I want to ask you something.”

  I sat back against the sofa and he took my hand. “I was wondering what you were doing tomorrow?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t really have anything planned. Probably just do some study and make sure I’ve got all my assignments in order.”

  “Well, I’ve been thinking about what you said and I think you’re right.” I had no idea what he was talking about. “I think you should come shopping with me and pick out some stuff to make this place seem more like a home.”

  My stomach dropped and I felt terrible. “Xander, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to offend you before. Forget I said anything. This is obviously the way you like your place and it’s not up to me to pass judgement.”

  He pressed a finger to my lips. “Hush. It’s not like that at all. It’s not that I don’t like the decorating and furnishing stuff you were talking about before. It’s more that I have no idea where to start. So I haven’t. Hell, I have trouble figuring out what to wear if it doesn’t involve training clothes. That’s why I firmly stick to jeans and t-shirts. I can’t seem to screw that up too much.” Everything I’d seen on him so far had looked casual but seemed to really suit him. “Now will you please come out shopping with me tomorrow?”

  Shopping centres, people, crowds. “I want to say yes, but I should warn you, I’m not very good in crowds. I don’t like people looking at me and I kind of feel a bit overwhelmed.” I was such a cripple in so many ways.

  “I can understand that. I’ve seen you do it. But this time you’ll be with me. Could you at least give it a go? I’d like to spend the day with you. If it gets too much, we can just call it quits—deal?”

  He held out his hand as if to shake on it and I reluctantly put mine in his, but before we could shake he leaned in and kissed me on the mouth, quickly and firmly. That crazy heady feeling I’d been struggling with a few minutes ago was instantly back and I wanted him.

  “Deal.” There was nothing reluctant about how I answered him.

  Chapter 11

  Xander

  I stifled a yawn as I sat in the corner booth of the café I’d first meet Eden in a couple of weeks ago. This morning I was waiting for Dane and Reed to arrive. Once a month Dane and I had breakfast with Reed. Things were very different now I wasn’t constantly training for a fight, but Reed would always be a special person to me. You can’t go through what we had and not have an unshakable bond.

  As I looked across to where she’d been sitting last time, I almost expected her to be there. Funny how your mind plays little games, sometimes. I took a sip of the hot coffee the waitress had placed in front of me and my thoughts moved to what she’d told me last night. I guess I’d never thought of all the strange quirky idiosyncrasies that would accompany a trauma like that. When she told me about them they were totally understandable, but I’d been focused on the obvious—the bit that you’d could see and the obvious reactions to it.

  I’m sure there was a lot more I would learn along the way and I had every intention of spending the time to get to discover it all. She was more than just a fascination to me. I was fast realising I enjoyed spending time with her. Unlike most women she didn’t grate on my nerves with pointless chatter and crap. Sure she had some hang-ups, who didn’t? But she was also very grounded and what had happened to her had made her very unpretentious and kind of an old soul.

  If I didn’t stop thinking about her and recapping the events of last night, my dick would be hard again. I was tired because I’d spent most of the night thinking about Eden rather than sleeping.

  Fortunately, I was saved from my own personal torture by the arrival of both Dane and Reed. I stood as they approached. Reed and I clasped hands in the handshake we’d been using for years. It was more of a grab where you gripped your hand around the person’s thumb and wrist, rather than a shake.

  “Good to see you, man.”

  “You too, Reed,” I said as we all took our places in the booth.

  We did a quick perusal of the menus and ordered before we got down to chatting.

  “So what’s been happening, Xan?”

  “Oh, same old, same old.” Dane shot me an amused look and I ignored him. I knew exactly what he was thinking—Eden. “Classes are building. I’m just about to add a few more. I’m thinking about seeing if I can work in with a few other clubs and get more of a regular tournament schedule going for the students that want to train and compete.”

  “Yeah, that’s a good idea. People always love competing and it helps keep them focused at training if they know they’ve got a competition coming up.”

  “Yeah, I agree. That’s what I was thinking.” The waitress turned up with coffees for Dane and Reed, plus a refill for me.

  “So what about you, Dane. Have you decided to get serious yet?”

  I watched my good friend squirm a bit. Dane had always had plenty of talent and could certainly more than hold his own in any situation, but he’d never been inclined to have the insane “killer instinct” that was needed to be the best in this game.

  Ironic really. People joked and referred to the determination to win as “killer instinct”; in my case I knew exactly what it was. I lived with the ramifications of my competitive nature or “killer instinct” every day. There were no visible scars for people to see, but they were there in my heart and head, and they ran deep. I wasn’t fighting anymore, was I? They were deep enough to stop me doing the one thing my dreams had been built on.

  “I’m toying with the idea.” I almost choked on the sip of coffee I’d just taken.

  “Since when?” I demanded.

  “For a little while now.” Well that was news to me. Dane had always been happy to be one of my ring men. Sure, he’d fought in the cage heaps of times, but not at a high level or seriously. Well, things change. He was certainly still young enough to give it a red hot go.

  “I might just have something for you in about three months, if you’re interested. A promoter out of the US is venturing out here and is putting a card together. It’s a big deal. Title fights and lots of coin. I could certainly get you one of the undercard bouts.”
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br />   Three months would be tight. Dane was in great shape and he could fight but he wasn’t a hardened fighter per sé. He’d need a lot of specific skills and serious sparring to get him ready. My mind automatically started to plan a programme in my head as the omelette and bacon I had ordered were placed in front of me.

  “When do you need to know?” Dane looked over at Reed as he buttered some toast. Reed was in his early forties and had a light dusting of silver at the temples, but his hair was still thick and his eyes were still bright with that freaky silvery grey colour. Plus the guy was in good nick. He’d looked after himself and he still trained bloody hard. It wasn’t unusual for him to pop in and have a rumble on the mats with the boys.

  “Ideally Monday, Wednesday at the latest.” Dane nodded and looked serious. I needed to have a word to him before he made any decisions like that. There was a lot to consider and think about.

  We talked about who the other likely contenders on the card might be as we ate. I had one or two fighters that might be options. I needed to have a think about it and talk to them over the weekend. I didn’t take this stuff lightly.

  “So how’s your family, Dane?”

  Dane’s family had always been close fixtures in his life and as part of that, they’d been involved with the sports and activities he played.

  “Yeah, all good. Mum’s still the same, constantly fussing over everyone and dad… Well, he pretends he hates it, but we all know better. Macey’s just about to graduate from her nursing degree and Maddie is supposed to be studying hard in year twelve but seems to be more interested in any dickhead that shows her the slightest interest.”

  And that was a challenge. Maddie was gorgeous. She had long dark hair and a really exotic look about her. A complete dick magnet in more ways than one—she could raise them up with just a look but unfortunately the losers were just as attracted as the good guys.

  “That’s good to hear. How’s your dad, Xan?”

  “Yeah, he’s okay. Down in Sydney visiting with my aunt at the moment. He’ll be back in a week or two, I think.” That would create a whole new bunch of issues, well maybe. I wondered what Eden would think of him. He was gruff and very blunt.

  We chatted for another half an hour on everything and anything that seemed important. I started to make a few moves to indicate I needed to get going. Then Reed cleared his throat and looked directly at me. I knew there was another reason to this breakfast meet and it looked like I was about to hear it. Sure we caught up regularly, but Reed had a different air about him this morning and I’d sensed there was something he wanted to talk about.

  It was nothing more than an intense stare. I’d seen it before and I had a fair idea what was coming.

  “That promoter I mentioned, the one who’s putting on the card here? Well, he’s got an even bigger shindig going down in Vegas a couple of weeks before…They’d like you to be the contender in the feature fight.”

  His words resounded in my head in slow motion and sort of distorted as if I was in a tunnel or something.

  My first instinct was to go with the reply I always did. “I don’t fight in the cage anymore.” But maybe it was the fact that Reed had never looked more serious, or the fact that he had his hand up as if to combat my rebuttal, that I kept my mouth shut momentarily.

  “It’s big money this time, Xander, and I know you can take him. In fact you’ve taken him before.” Well, it couldn’t have been recently because I hadn’t fought in a cage for over three years. It was twelve hundred and seventeen days to be exact since I’d thrown the punch that ended The Cobra’s life. And not once had the guilt got easier. Time might dull the pain a little, but it did nothing to ease the guilt. That was a demon I was still fighting every minute of every day.

  “Who is it?”

  “Luke “Lights Out” O’Donnell and you can’t tell me you’ve not been keeping track of what he’s been doing?”

  “Yeah, I know what he’s been doing but I can’t say I’ve paid a lot of attention.” It was a blatant lie. I knew every damned fight he’d had, every strike he’d landed, every hit he’d taken and every knockout he’d made. Once a fighter—always a fighter. It wasn’t something that you turned off.

  I just had a problem with my conscience or confidence or whatever you wanted to call it. That was my oni to fight. Up until now I hadn’t wanted to. I had no incentive, no real reason to fight. Now after my big speech and tough love with Eden, I was feeling like a fraud. How could I be preaching about fighting demons when I was the biggest charlatan of the lot?

  “Well, he’s still raw over the fact that you took him out for that Pan-Pacific Title a few years back. He wants another shot at you. Only this is a much bigger stage.”

  “What are we fighting for?”

  “The chance to have the number one spot that you walked away from.” Well, that was speculation. I wanted more than anything to be number one. Did I still feel that way? I needed to think about that a lot more before I gave Reed my answer. Instead I went for the obvious question that everyone asked. Money was always important, but if I were going to fight again the catalyst for getting me in that cage wouldn’t just be money.

  “How much are we talking?”

  “One million for an appearance. Five for the win—promoters are almost shooting their loads at the thought of getting you two back in the cage.” Fuck! That was huge money. I’d done all right from my limited number of professional fights. I’d earned enough to buy the property I lived on now, set up Onigashima and give myself the start of a nest egg but I was far from a rich man.

  But, I could just imagine what the publicity was going to be like. “Pretty Boy”, the killer up against…Lights Out. They…would…be…merciless. That was something else I needed to think about. Could I handle that level of media scrutiny? As much as you avoided it and stayed away from social media and everything else, there was always something or someone that came up and started a shit storm. And if it didn’t happen organically, you could bet your arse the promoters would stir it up—anonymously of course.

  However, even if I turned up I’d pretty well be set for life. But, it wasn’t about the money. It was about the principle. It was about actually living by the code you prescribed to and preached daily. It was about personal integrity.

  Both Reed and Dane were staring at me, assessing me.

  “When’s the fight?”

  “This is the kicker. Eight weeks yesterday!”

  Eight weeks was insane but probably achievable.

  Eight weeks of hell. Eating, breathing and sleeping the fight. No distractions, no mistakes.

  Fight preps especially for a fight like this were insanely brutal. I’m talking hours of training everyday, an incredibly strict diet, eight hours of solid sleep each night and no distractions. I’d probably need to drop about twelve kilos. I fought Welterweight. That meant I needed to be under 77kg at weigh-in. I could do it, but I was going to be as grumpy as fuck getting there and the last week to strip the water was pure torture.

  I let out a low whistle. “Eight weeks. That’s fucking tight.”

  “It is. But it was a scheduling and venue thing.” I nodded my understanding. It wasn’t uncommon.

  Reed turned and pegged me with an eye lock. “What are your thoughts?”

  It wasn’t the first time he’d asked me this question, in fact he’d asked it at least a dozen times over the twelve hundred and seventeen days that had passed. I guess he hoped one day I’d be ready to return. Maybe I was… But I wasn’t going to answer today.

  I had a lot of soul searching to do first.

  “When do you need to know by?”

  “Yesterday would have been great. Tomorrow would do, Monday would be cutting it fine. Tuesday is too late.”

  I understood how these things went down. The promoters needed to lock in fighters to kick start the publicity machine. If they couldn’t lock you in for a fight they moved onto the next fighter that they could.

  This time it was I
who pinned Reed with the stare. “You up for training me?”

  “Wouldn’t have it any other way man! If you’re in the cage, I’m in your corner.”

  I nodded. “Thanks man.” I figured that would be his answer, but you didn’t know these things until push came to shove. Last time he’d trained me, I’d killed a man under his watch. I looked at my watch and realised I needed to get my skates on. I’d told Eden I’d pick her up at ten. It was now a quarter to.

  “You got somewhere you need to be?” Reed looked at me questioningly. I knew right then he was thinking about and assessing the distractions. I decided then and there if this was going to happen it was going to be on my terms—best to start as I intended to continue. I was three years older and wiser. I made my own decisions.

  “Yeah, I’ve got to go pick up my girl.”

  Dane just grinned at this and I knew he was amused by the whole thing. My phone would start pinging with texts soon.

  “Since when?” Reed looked a bit surprised.

  “It’s recent.”

  “She going to be a problem?” I didn’t like the tone or the look he gave me.

  “It’s Eden and it doesn’t matter if she is. She’s my concern, not yours.”

  “I need you to be one hundred percent focused on your training if we do this.”

  I knew the drill. Hell I’d done this before many times. I wasn’t some novice kid.

  “Save the speech, Reed. I haven’t decided yet.” I threw some cash on the table to cover my share of the bill and headed for the door. “You can give me the lecture if I decide I’m still a glutton for punishment,” I called over my shoulder as I walked away.

  I had a lot of thinking to do.

  * * *

  Eden

  “Will you just sit down and take a damned chill pill. You look okay. Not as good as you would look if you wore that new top of mine with those skinny jeans, but I guess Rome wasn’t built in a day,” Sophia huffed out and plopped down on the sofa. I looked down at the baggy long sleeved T-Shirt. It was casual and fun wasn’t it?