Brave

by Natalie Gayle

  I wondered if Xander would still be up by the time I finished the exam. I’d spoken to him earlier and I really wanted to chat to him later when I was finally done, but with the time difference, he should be asleep.

  He’d said he was well, just fighting jet lag a bit and starting to really cut on his diet. The hype over there was pretty full on, apparently and he’d said getting to and from the training facility from the hotel was harder and harder each day.

  I thought back to the morning he left. It really had flown by, even though it didn’t seem like it would then. His time to leave had rolled around all too quickly and I’d bid Xander a teary goodbye. It was a little easier today, but that was because we were only just over a day away from seeing each other again. I knew as soon as I was done with exams and as I let my mind focus on him again, my stomach would start doing its little happy dance.

  He’d left for the airport just after three in the morning to make his six am flight. We’d spent what there was of the night wrapped in each other’s arms. More than once I’d suggested he should sleep.

  I doubt he’d done more than nap before waking me to snuggle and make slow tender love. He kept saying it would be good to be tired because then he might have a better chance of sleeping away most of the twenty hours travel time it took him to get to the USA.

  Len had driven him to the airport and I had tried to go back to sleep. We’d all decided it would be better if I was at home as the paparazzi were bound to be out in force.

  It was ridiculous really when I thought about it. We’d be back together again in just over a day. If this was what love felt like then it sucked at times. I tossed and turned all the while hugging his pillow to me.

  Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer and I got up and started studying. I’d needed to do something productive. I’d used that same approach to survive the last ten days. I’d never been better prepared for exams.

  There was a sharp rap at the front door and I quickly gathered my things. Len was right on time as always.

  “Morning, Eden. All set?” he asked as he guided me to his truck.

  “Hey, Len. Yeah. I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “You’ll do fine, girl. I’ve never seen anyone study harder.” There was admiration in his voice and that felt good.

  “I have up until recently, because it was all I had in my life,” I admitted a little shyly.

  “That may be the case, but even though your life is a lot fuller now, you haven’t lost your focus on your studies. That’s a job well done,” he said as he pulled from the curb.

  “Len, you always say the nicest things.”

  He gave me one of his slow grins. “Just speaking the truth, Girl.”

  It was time to change the subject. “I spoke to Xander before.”

  Len nodded. “Figured you would have; that’s why I didn’t bother calling him.”

  “He says he’s well, just fighting a bit of jetlag at the moment. He also said something about really starting to cut now.”

  “Yeah, he will be. By the time we get there you’ll get to see him in the worst kind of mood,” Len warned with a little chuckle. “Glad you’re the one sharing a room with him and not me. Although he might be more even-tempered with you around.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He’s going to be on a really strict diet, low carbs, and heaps of cardio work to strip the last of the weight off him. He’s going to be like a bear with a sore head. That boy loves to eat,” Len said with a chuckle.

  “He said something about that. He showed me a photo at his last weigh-in as well. I hardly recognised him. Thanks for the heads up.”

  “Oh, my pleasure. I’ll let you take care of his every wish and command this time round.”

  I burst out laughing. “Stop trying to wind me up, Len. There’s no way Xander could be that bad.”

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Eden. I’ll remind you of this conversation next week when he’s snapping your head off.”

  It didn’t sound like Xander at all, but regardless it was only for a few days. I could cop a few ordinary days. I knew what it was like to be uncomfortable and irritable. I’d had months of it.

  We pulled up outside the Uni a few minutes later.

  “Good luck,” Len called as I went to get out. “I’ll pick you up in three hours, right? I won’t be far anyway, I’ve got a few last minute errands to run before we leave tonight.”

  “Yep, that’s it. I’ll text you if I finish early and no I won’t leave the building until I see you pull up.” I added that bit before he had a chance to.

  “Make sure you do. All looks good.” Len said as he finished surveying the area. He was looking for any stray paparazzi. There hadn’t been any around since Xander left for the US, which was a bit of a relief, but Len wasn’t taking any chances.

  “Thanks again,” I called as I got out and headed to the exam hall. I was a little early, but that was my plan. I wanted to be at the head of the cue to get my favourite seat. I pulled my summarised notes out of my satchel and ran through them one last time.

  A couple of minutes later a few other people started to arrive and a couple said hello. I murmured hello back but dropped my head back to my notes. Today wasn’t the day I was going to start making new friends. I just wanted to get this exam done and head out.

  Finally, the doors to the exam hall opened at a quarter to ten. I moved to the table that the exam attendants were sitting at and gave my name so I could have it marked off on the roll and, in return, the woman handed me a big yellow envelope with my name on it. “Do Not Open Until Instructed” was printed in large text across the front. I moved quickly to my favourite seat—back row, far right.

  I placed my water bottle and a couple of pens in front of me, then pushed my satchel under the desk. All around me the scrap of metal chairs on hard flooring and smashing of table legs and chair rang out. There was a quiet din as everyone took their seats.

  At exactly ten the person overseeing the exam stood at the front of the room and instructed us that all mobile phones and devices had to be turned off and stowed out of sight in our bags. Nearly everyone had done that. None of us were completely new to the rules. Then we were advised the three hours allocated time was starting now and to open the envelopes.

  I opened my envelope and pulled out the contents. On top was the answer page. There were one hundred multiple choice questions. Underneath that was the question booklet. I opened it up and my stomach dropped and my hand flew to my face.

  Tears pricked my eyes and I reached for my water bottle to take a sip before my throat closed right up. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

  I leafed through the pages. They were screen shots of social media sites and my scarred face was front and centre in each one. Right there. I couldn’t have looked worse. How could this happen? My eyes couldn’t help but read the comments below the photos.

  “Can you believe he’s seeing this freak???”

  “She must be amazing in bed to make up for that face.”

  Then someone had put underneath “All cats look grey at night. Hehehe!”

  “Dump her Pretty Boy. I’ll fuck you so good.”

  “No wonder we haven’t seen her before now. Who’d want to take her out in public?”

  The more I read, the more the tears started to fall. I wiped my sleeve angrily across my eyes. Who had I been kidding? How could I really do this? I dropped my head and tried to shut it all out.

  What should I do? What should I do?

  Should I call the exam overseer or should I just get on with it? I had an exam to do after all.

  Rage and equal parts hurt, burned through me.

  Then I realised something. Previously I would have wanted to flee and hide. Not anymore. This time I was angry.

  I wanted to fight. Fuck them!

  I wasn’t doing anything wrong here. This was on them. Not me.

  I could do this. To fail or hide would let them win.

/>   This time I was winning.

  With shaking hands I turned the offending pages face down and pushed them to the left of my desk. I tried to focus on the questions and do what I was here for. I knew I could answer every question correctly. I’d studied until this stuff was second nature. I’d done the hard work. I wouldn’t let them beat me.

  The words blurred in front of my eyes as I tried to read the questions; emotions ripped through me. All the while I thought about what I’d seen and read. Who would do this to me? I kept playing it over in my mind? Why would anyone be so hurtful? How could people do this? Had this been going on the whole time? Surely, Beth would have told me?

  Then I started to think this through a little more as I answered the questions on autopilot. How had those pages gotten into the envelope? They had to know me. Who would do this?

  I snuck a glance out from under my eyelashes, everybody seemed to have their head down. Well, someone was guilty. I kept at the questions, going with my first instinct—today, I wasn’t going to second guess myself. Whatever I thought was the right answer was going down on the page.

  What did they have to gain from this? Who were they anyway? I ticked off a few more questions and I was about to start on the last twenty five when I felt the sensation of eyes on me. There was no one behind me or to my right.

  I glanced up from my pages but didn’t turn my head—only my eyes. It was a skill I’d become incredibly proficient at over the last few years.

  And there I had my answer. Half a dozen seats down and in the row in front was Cindy and the look on her face told me everything I needed to know. I may not know all the details about this yet, but she was certainly involved. I was that good at reading faces. I’d been hurt by so many.

  I flew through the last twenty five questions—my mind whirring with everything, but the exam. I closed the exam booklet and didn’t even bother to review my answers. I glanced at my watch. A little over an hour and a half. I put my hand up and an exam supervisor came over to me.

  “I’ve finished.” I passed my exam papers over to a woman who looked like a librarian that had swallowed a tart lemon; the expression on her face was that pinched. She glanced down and noticed the other pages on my desk.

  “What are these?” she motioned down in an accusing whisper.

  Exactly what the hell were these? I picked them up and passed them to her. She looked at them and a few seconds later shock settled over her face. She motioned for me to join her outside the exam hall and signalled to the other exam supervisor that she was leaving the room.

  “How did these get into the room?” she said with a little too much attitude in her tone. I mean really, why would I bring something like that into an exam? I wasn’t the perpetrator here. I was the victim but I’d be damned if I was going to act like it any more.

  “Excellent question. I opened the envelope and those pages were in the question booklet. I’d like an explanation as to how that happened.”

  That seemed to set her back. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

  “I came here to do an exam. I’ve taken it. Now you need to deal with this. How did this happen?” I demanded.

  “I can’t explain it, but I will lodge an official incident report.”

  “You’re damned right you will and I want a copy of those before I leave.”

  The woman hurried off and came back with a form and a copy of the pages. I filled out the form and she notarised the bits she needed to.

  “I’ll submit this immediately.”

  “You do that. I don’t think I need to mention to you that this is bullying and victimisation. I thought this university had a nil tolerance policy for such. The university had better get to the bottom of this or I’ll be considering my options.”

  She nodded her understanding and hurried away. My phone beeped with a text from Len letting me know he was outside. I’d text him while I was waiting for the woman to document the incident.

  I strode from the exam hall and down to the front where Len was waiting for me. I got in the truck and pulled the door closed with a little more force than was probably necessary. Rage still burned through me. How dare people try to screw with me like this? But what did I do about it?

  Len looked at me with questions in his eyes. “What happened? Did you blow the exam?”

  “I didn’t blow the exam,” I seethed. The more I thought about it the crankier I got.

  “Well then, what the hell’s wrong, Girl? I’ve never seen you pissed like this.” I didn’t answer just pulled the pages from my satchel and handed them to him.

  He popped his reading glasses on and scanned through them while I gritted my teeth.

  Len said nothing, but he got a twitch in his jaw that I’d seen on Xander a couple of times. He put the pages on the console between us then took off his glasses and tightened his hands on the wheel. He was just as pissed as I was.

  Finally he spoke. “You got some work out gear at Onigashima?”

  “Yep. I do.”

  “Let’s go. We’ve got a date with some bags. We’ll work out the mad, then figure out what to do.”

  “Sounds good,” I agreed.

  * * *

  Eden

  As my gloved fists smacked into the bags I realised what Xander had been feeling that day down in the barn. This is what it felt like to work your demons out on the bags. The physicality and burn felt good. It fed the rage, but exhausted it at the same time.

  Each hit was a punch to everyone that had doubted me or been unkind. I didn’t ask to be the way I was. This was the badge I wore because I’d survived. I’d toughed it out and made it through not only the fire but the years of rehab.

  Screw them all.

  Now they were pissed at me because I dared step above some imaginary line or that was the way it seemed. They were jealous because me—scarred Eden, was with Xander the “Pretty Boy.” Some people sucked so badly. I thumped the bags harder. My hands were numb, but I didn’t care.

  Len was beside me doing exactly the same. It was as if we were in some unannounced fight with everyone else. I laughed inwardly at the change in my life. Before, if this had happened someone would have wrapped me in a hug and cooed words of encouragement and I’d have hidden away and not come out for weeks until I’d worked up the courage again.

  The thought of Len doing anything like that was laughable. He’d dealt with it the only way he’d known how. He’d thrown me a set of gloves and told me to get to it and he was right there with me smashing bags as well. Now I was facing my demons in a whole different way. A way that actually felt productive.

  I didn’t last as long as Xander had that night. After fifteen minutes, I couldn’t keep going. And the last few had been a serious effort. I pulled off the gloves and walked over to the bench seat that ran the length of the room. Len joined me shortly after, thoughtfully grabbing a couple of bottles of water for us.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes sipping at the water and getting our breaths back. Well, I was getting my breath back. Len seemed to be in really good condition for an older guy. He looked like he was deep in thought, but he was still fresh.

  “So you want to tell me what happened now?” he asked after a while.

  There was no escaping it. “Yep. I do,” I said and went on to tell him the whole thing including my suspicions about Cindy and how I’d submitted the incident for investigation. My temper was still boiling.

  “I just don’t get why people need to be so damned horrible, Len,” I finished.

  “One of life’s mysteries for sure. In my experience they’re generally the type that feel entitled and instead of respecting hard work and dedication, they get a kick out of trying to bring other people down. Not worth knowing or wasting energy on.” There was an edge to his voice and we were both a lot calmer but still pissed about the whole thing. “Don’t let ‘em worry you, Girl. You’re so much better than that.”

  “Thanks, Len. For the first time since the fire I actually feel a
ngry at being treated like this. I don’t deserve it and I’m not going away. It’s their problem not mine. I’ve done nothing wrong except dare to be with a guy that they think is above me, apparently.”

  “You’re probably right, but pay them no mind. I raised my boy to think for himself and make his own mind up. He sees a hell of a lot more than a few scars when he sees you. Pity the rest of ‘em haven’t taken the time to look as well.” Len was defending me and complimenting me all at the same time.

  “Thanks, Len, your support means a lot to me.” I gave him a shoulder bump, which earned me a wry grin. Len wasn’t really the hugging type.

  “So what are you going to do about it?” he looked at me and asked.

  “I don’t know. I doubt this will be the end of it. I’m guessing they’re looking for me to crawl back into my hole and not come out. It feels like they want me to run, but not this time. I’m not going to do that. We’re happy in our relationship; I’m not going to let these people undermine it.” I let out a huge sigh. “I really have no idea what they hope to achieve. Do you have any ideas?”

  He thought on that for a minute. “Well, haters will always be haters, so there’s probably some of that. It’s also crossed my mind that this is some sort of stunt to get Alexander off his game. But I am very glad that you’re not going to back down. I knew you were made of tough stuff the morning I met you.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence. I wondered whether this was some sort of stunt against Xander. Do you think it is?” That concerned me. I didn’t want his attention distracted from the fight.

  “I don’t know. The internet isn’t really my thing. I know how to do my computer banking and check my emails and find stuff, but as for that social media crap. No idea. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know people that are real good at it.” A little twinkle came into his eye and I got the feeling Len had a plan coming together in his head.