Craving the Cowboy

by Liz Isaacson

  She’d quieted relatively quickly, but Dwayne was mostly concerned about how to prevent future attacks. Frustration boiled through him. She’d shared some things about herself and her life with him. Some deeply personal things, he knew.

  But he also knew she hadn’t shared everything. And with Felicity, he wanted everything.

  Do I push her? he wondered. He turned, and there she was.

  He swallowed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Hey.” His voice came out kind and small and he tacked a smile onto the word.

  Not wanting to be awkward or add to her burden, he unpocketed one of his hands and reached for hers. “Should we go? I know this little pancake house on the other side of town. They have the best cinnamon roll pancakes on the planet. They serve them with icing instead of syrup.” He took a breath, hoping he didn’t sound too cheerful or too dismissive of what had just happened.

  “And I believe you mentioned something about a love of bacon.” He grinned at her, bent down and touched the brim of his hat to hers. “And they have thick-slab bacon they cure in-house.”

  A spark of interest entered her eyes. They turned glassy a moment later. “You’re a really great guy,” she whispered. “I don’t deserve someone like you.”

  “Don’t say that.” He wasn’t all that great, and she deserved the best. He turned and gently led her back to the truck. Once they were settled inside, with the air conditioner blowing, he asked, “So, do you have panic attacks often?”

  She stared at her hands, the embarrassment streaming from her and filling the air between them. “No. That was…unexpected. The smell of brisket reminded me of my father, and I just sort of…lost it.” She looked at him then, her expression open and honest and raw. “It’s odd. We’ve been coming here for weeks, and I’ve been okay. Today, it’s…not okay. I just…I just miss him so much.”

  “I know you do.” He lifted her knuckles to his lips. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

  Her face was a bit blotchy, but when she smiled she was still an absolute vision. He leaned over at the same time he pushed his hat back. “I’d do anything to make you happy,” he whispered just before lightly touching his lips to hers.

  He straightened, his insides quaking at the admission, at the depth of his feelings for her, at the way he’d expressed himself.

  She snuggled into his side like she had on the drive over, and he repositioned his hat back into its proper place. “I’d love some of those pancakes, and as much bacon as they’ll legally allow me to eat.”

  Happiness burst through him. “I don’t think there’s a legal limit on bacon consumption in the state of Texas.”

  “Thank goodness.” She sighed and closed her eyes, which prompted Dwayne to drive as slowly as he could to the pancake house across town if only to keep her at his side, extend this peaceful moment with her, for as long as possible.

  Dwayne arrived at Felicity’s the following afternoon about two o’clock. He found her in the kitchen, singing along loudly to pop music he’d never heard before. She added vanilla to the bowl and switched the mixer on before dropping in two eggs.

  He admired the swing of her hips as she added dance moves to the song, and he burst out laughing when she picked up the rubber spatula and used it as a microphone.

  She spun toward him, dropping the utensil and silencing her voice. Her fingers fumbled over the countertop until she located a remote and muted the music. His laughter filled the silence, and Felicity stalked toward him with a flirtatious smile on her face.

  “Hey, there,” he said, receiving her into his arms easily. “Why’d you stop? I liked that.”

  “We don’t all have your musical talent.”

  “Your dance moves are far superior than mine.”

  “I’ve never even seen your dance moves.” She slid her hands to his shoulders, and he started to sway with her to music only he could hear.

  “Mm.” His eyes drifted closed as she pressed into him and laid her cheek against his chest. He began to hum, and today felt so different than only twenty-four hours ago. “How’re you feeling today?” he asked. “I missed seeing you at the ranch this morning.”

  “You made Spotlight wear the bridle, didn’t you?”

  “’Course.” He noticed that she didn’t answer his question about how she was feeling.

  “I hope you didn’t eat a big lunch.”

  “Why’s that?” He dipped his head so he could trace his lips along her ear.

  She giggled and pushed against his chest. “Because I need you to be my taste-tester.” She skipped over to the kitchen counter and lifted the paddle attachment. After collecting a spoon from the drawer in the island, she scooped up a bite of cookie dough and extended it toward him.

  He joined her at the island and let her feed him the dough. It was one of the sexiest things he’d ever done, and he couldn’t look away from her dark eyes. Lightning struck between them, and Dwayne had the distinct impression that there would be many storms ahead for him and Felicity. But he wanted to weather them all right at her side.

  She scraped her bottom lip with her teeth and said, “So?”

  He almost choked but managed to swallow the sweet treat without incident. “Tastes amazing.”

  She grinned and started scooping the dough. “How are you with a knife?”

  “Decent. My mother wanted me to be able to take care of myself.”

  Felicity nodded toward a cutting board and chef’s knife. “Oh, yeah?”

  He picked up the knife. “I think when I turned twenty-one, still lived in the homestead, and didn’t have a girlfriend, she realized I needed some culinary skills.” He chuckled, remembering the “summer of sauces” he’d endured.

  Felicity got out a rainbow of bell peppers and set him to making rings she was planning to sauté for the bratwursts a neighbor down the street would be grilling. He told her about the months of cooking lessons his mother had given him, the “week of breads,” and “month of salads.”

  “I like your mom more and more.” She bumped him with her hip, and Dwayne had never felt as comfortable with a woman as he did with Felicity. He tried to put a cap on his swelling feelings, but they grew and grew.

  He chopped while she baked cookies, while one batch finished, and she scooped another. His thoughts circled around starting a conversation of their past relationships. She’d hinted that she hadn’t had a lot of boyfriends, but she’d never asked him about his romantic history.

  When Dwayne finally ran out of peppers, he turned to the stove to start the fire to melt the butter. “Felicity,” he said, his heart fluttering the way his fingers did. “I have something I want to tell you.”

  The timer went off on the second batch of cookies, and she silenced it with a quick look in his direction. She pulled the tray out of the oven and silenced the timer. “What’s that?”

  “So, you said you hadn’t had a lot of boyfriends.” He picked up a handful of peppers and set them in the sizzling butter. After adding a swirl of salt and several shakes of pepper, he faced her. “I haven’t dated a lot in recent years, but before that, I was engaged.”

  Her eyes widened and her mouth opened into a cute little O. “Engaged. Wow.”

  “Her name was Serenity, and well, we were together for a year before I proposed. Engaged for two after that.” He didn’t want to get tangled in all the memories. All the should’ve’s and could’ve’s. “In the end, she couldn’t go through with it.” He ducked his head as his heart belted out a warning for him to stop opening himself up so wide. After all, it didn’t want to get shattered all over again.

  “Why not?” Felicity asked.

  Dwayne picked up the wooden spoon she’d gotten out for him and turned back to the softening peppers. He stirred them, the words clogged behind his vocal chords.

  “You don’t have to say.” Her hand landed on his bicep, somehow giving him strength and courage.

  “She…she found ranch life too slow.” He looked at Felicity, his fear finally out. “
I…I worry about that with you, too.”

  She searched his face, shock traveling over hers. “Dwayne, how can you even think that?”

  He shrugged one shoulder, his insecurities rushing through him like water over a steep drop.

  “I grew up on a ranch,” Felicity said. “I love ranch life.”

  Her sincerity calmed some of his fears. “Maybe I’m being ridiculous,” he said quietly. “It’s just…I never saw that coming from Serenity either. Her father owns a ranch on the other side of the Hammond orchards.”

  “The Rhodes?”

  He nodded, his focus singular on the peppers, which were coming along nicely. “She left Hill Country completely after we broke up.” Which Dwayne was extremely happy about. If she hadn’t, he was sure it would’ve taken longer than a few years to start dating again.

  “I heard she’s going to law school,” Dwayne said. “Lives in a high-rise in Dallas or something.” He pushed the peppers around. “These are done. Where do you want them?”

  She busied herself getting out a plate and lining it with a paper towel. He slid the peppers onto it and put another slab of butter in the still-hot pan and added another handful of vegetables.

  “So now you know,” he said. “I wanted you to know.”

  “Thank you, Dwayne.” She spoke with that same soft, reverent tone he adored.

  “So,” he said in a stronger voice. “Anything like that in your past?”

  She laughed and joined him at the stove. “Not even close.”

  “You’ve had boyfriends, I’m sure.”

  “One or two.”

  Dwayne stopped cooking and looked at her. “One or two? That’s all?” Impossible. Someone as beautiful as her? Surely she had men asking her out all the time.

  “I…spent a lot of time on the ranch, with the horses.”

  “All right.” He cooked vegetables while she boiled pasta for a salad. The hours passed easily with casual conversation and flirty touches. Finally, she deemed everything ready and asked him to get the tables set up on the driveway.

  Before he slipped out the front door to do as she asked, he drew her into his embrace and kissed her. “I had a great afternoon.” He smiled down at her.

  “Just wait until the party starts.”

  Dwayne stayed behind the scenes during the block party. Felicity had changed into a flirty pair of black shorts and a lemon-yellow blouse, leaving her cowgirl hat behind. She laughed and spoke with her friends and neighbors, and Dwayne liked the non-cowgirl version of her as much as the ranch woman he’d first met.

  She finally dragged him off her front steps and out to meet the community she’d become part of over the past several weeks. It seemed important to her that he know them, so he shook hands and made small talk.

  He knew a few of the families, as they were generational Grape Seed Falls residents. He stuck close to a man only a year or two older than him, a Rick Dunham.

  “You still makin’ those custom saddles?” Dwayne asked.

  “Yep.” He served himself some of Felicity’s pasta salad. “Your dad used to buy one from us every year.”

  Dwayne’s birthday was coming up, and he suddenly knew what he wanted. “How long does it take to make a saddle like that?”

  Rick sized him up. “Depends on what you want.”

  “I’m training up a horse right now, and I think I’d like a saddle for him.”

  “I like a cowboy who thinks the saddle is for his horse and not him.” Rick grinned at him. “Come by the shop, and bring your horse.”

  “Oh, Payday isn’t ready for a trailer yet.”

  “Almost,” Felicity said, sidling up to the conversation.

  “You think so?” Dwayne looked down at her to see if she was serious.

  “Why? Where you takin’ him?” She leaned closer. “Surely you’re not going to board him with Levi.”

  Dwayne sucked in a breath and said, “No. Rick’s gonna make Payday a custom saddle.”

  Felicity whistled as she twisted the top on a hot dog bag that had been left open. “He’ll be the fanciest horse at the ranch.”

  “One can hope,” Dwayne said with a smile.

  Chapter Seventeen

  July passed in one long wave of heat. Payday made good progress so that by the time August dawned, Dwayne could put a saddle on him without incident. It wasn’t the custom-made one from Rick, as Dwayne hadn’t gotten Payday into the trailer quite yet.

  Spotlight was coming along a little slower, but Felicity hadn’t exhibited any frustration over the issue.

  In fact, since her panic attack just before the Fourth of July holiday, she hadn’t shown any more tears, any more grief, any more sorrow over her father’s death. Dwayne suspected she’d been sharing that part of her life with Capri, and that made his heart hurt. But he didn’t know how to make her share with him.

  He made sure he was in the pasture or training ring before her, so he could greet her with a smile each morning. They shared lunch—and more than a few kisses—every weekday. And she’d started coming to church with him, too.

  They’d never spoken about the sermons they heard. Dwayne simply wanted her to be able to feel the power and spirit of the Lord for herself, and he often needed time to make sense of Pastor Gifford’s words for himself anyway.

  It didn’t really matter what the pastor said. Dwayne had always appreciated the feeling of simply being in the church. The music more than anything the pastor said soothed his soul, and Dwayne just wanted Felicity to experience a part of that comfort.

  The second Sunday in August, Felicity slid onto the bench a few minutes after the pastor had stood to start. That was her usual routine. Arrive just a bit late and slip out as soon as the sermon ended. Dwayne didn’t mind. He showed up ten minutes early and listened to Sally play the organ, feeding his spirit in that short time.

  “I’m going to Marysville after the sermon today,” she whispered, keeping her eyes on the pulpit up front. “Do you want to come with me?”

  “Yeah, of course.” Dwayne’s heart started pounding, as he’d never met her mom or her brothers. Felicity had talked about them a lot, claimed to be in constant contact with her oldest brother, Gordon, and Dwayne knew there was some bad blood between her and her mother.

  “Why are you going home today?” he asked.

  “It’s my brother’s birthday.” She tucked her hand into his elbow and crossed her legs. Today she wore one of her three dresses—the navy blue one with bright pink flamingos stitched into the fabric. “I wasn’t going to go home until Labor Day, but Parker called and said Gordon would really like it if I was there. And it’s only an hour and a half, so….”

  Which gave Dwayne two and a half hours to figure out how to meet his girlfriend’s family.

  Felicity felt better driving beside Dwayne than she had in almost a year. They’d been getting along so well that when Parker had called that morning, Felicity had immediately agreed to come for dinner.

  Parker and Gordon knew about Dwayne, but her mom didn’t. So the closer to Marysville the truck went, the bigger the pit in Felicity’s stomach became.

  “Remember how I said our ranch wasn’t as nice as yours?” she asked as he passed the “Welcome to Marysville!” sign.

  He cut a glance at her. “Are you nervous?”

  “A little,” she admitted.

  “You’ve told me all about your ranch,” he said. “And your family. It’s going to be fine.” He squeezed her hand. “I want to meet them.”

  Of course he did. Dwayne was a good man, and Felicity struggled to believe she deserved someone like him. Someone who had such great faith. Who never seemed to get tired, though she’d seen him take a twenty minute nap during lunch. Who never said a bad word about anyone. Felicity had never had much drama in her life either—except with her mother—and she found herself praying that everything would go smoothly as Dwayne made the final turn and pointed the truck down the road where her family’s ranch waited.

  “It’s
on the right up there.” She nodded as if he wouldn’t be able to see the huge arch announcing the Bluebonnet Ranch and Family Farm. “My father carved that sign, and he insisted we get up there every fall to stain the bluebonnets.” She spoke in a quiet voice, fully expecting the memories to smother her the way they had in the past.

  But they didn’t. A smile carved its way across her face, and she continued with, “He loved bluebonnets. Used to give them to me and my mother every year for our birthdays. He grows them in the back corner of the yard. You’ll see.”

  Dwayne simply squeezed his hand and took a long look at the sign.

  “Doesn’t look like my brothers have done the staining yet.” She noticed the faded flowers on the arch.

  “That’s a big arch,” Dwayne said as they passed underneath it. “How did you get up there to stain it?”

  Images flowed through Felicity’s mind like the lavender honey her mother loved. “Daddy used to rent the fire truck.”

  “You can rent a fire truck?” He came to a stop in the driveway of her childhood home, and Felicity’s vocal chords seized.

  She shrugged though she wanted to tell him that the former fire chief was Daddy’s brother, so getting access to it hadn’t been all that hard. But the wave of homesickness assaulting her kept her silent. And when Gordon stepped onto the front porch, Felicity launched herself out of the truck with a laugh.

  She ran up to the steps and took them two at a time, saying, “Happy birthday, Gordon!”

  He chuckled as he caught her around the waist. “What are you doin’ here?”

  “Parker said to come.” Felicity beamed at her oldest brother, who she’d always gotten along with.

  “And you brought your boyfriend.”

  Felicity sucked a breath in through her teeth, which made a whistling sound. “Um, yes, Dwayne came with me.”