Don't Blame Me

by Kay Blake

“Um…okay. I guess,” I said dryly. Pick me up around seven that way I’ll have time to get out of my work clothes.”

  Adrian smile widened. “I can help you with that,” he said.

  I laughed. “In your dreams, Adrian. That isn’t what I meant. I will see you at seven. You already have my address.” And with that, I walked out of the room refusing to turn back around. I wanted him to watch me walk and let those other women be jealous.

  Maybe I was a little jealous. Maybe it was because he looked so damn good while he was being photographed or maybe it was more of the fact that I still had feelings for him after all this time, regardless of the pain the end of our relationship caused.

  Later that evening, I glanced at the floor length mirror at the navy blue dress that I wore. I didn’t know what Adrian had in mind, and I don’t even know why I agreed to it in the first place. But I had to admit that it was nice spending time with him after all this time without wanting to kill him. I guess you can say that time had matured me for the most part.

  Right on cue, the doorbell rang, and I grabbed my purse and opened the door. Adrian stood there in dress pants and a dress shirt sans the suit jacket. His hair was tied back up and I looked him up and down with much appreciation.

  “You look beautiful,” Adrian said. He took my hand, twirling me around.

  “Thank you.”

  “No, thank you. Seriously stunning. I can’t wait to see what you’ll wear next week. I can’t guarantee I will be able to keep my hands off of you though.”

  “Oh really?”

  “No promises,” he said with a wink.

  We stepped out of my apartment, and I locked the door before following him downstairs to the black Mercedes he had parked in front of my building. It was a beautiful car, and I was glad that there wouldn’t be cameras trying to see what was going on as they surely would’ve if he had come to get me in a limo. Once we made it to his apartment building, we rode the elevator to the penthouse. He, of course, had this floor and the one below it for privacy reasons. I was surprised about how nice it was for such short notice. It was classy but very manly. He had leather couches and a chair with a wide tv that was mounted on the wall. He had a nice rug in the middle of the room, and a couple of paintings here and there. I could tell his place needed some more personal touches, but for the most part, it didn’t seem like the typical bachelor pad that was barely lived in.

  “Your place is nice.”

  “It’s coming along. I feel like something is missing though,” he said with a casual shrug.

  “Like what? You have a fantastic view and I am sure you will make more changes to this place once you get more settled.”

  “What I had in mind wasn’t a thing, but rather a person.” He looked at me then something in his eyes I couldn’t read.

  “And who would that be?” I asked him already knowing where he was going, but wanting to actually hear him say it.

  “You.”

  “Why would you want me here?”

  “Because I believe that good or bad life happens the way it does for a reason. There is a reason we are back in each other’s lives. Sure, the article thing was the original reason, but both of us are seemingly in good places. I think there is a reason for that.”

  I raised my eyebrow. “Maybe I’m just being nice to you. After all, I haven’t seen you in years, and I am technically on assignment.”

  He shrugged. “Or maybe you are feeling what I am feeling. Maybe you are just denying it.”

  I raised my eyebrow, a smirk on my face.

  “And before you say something sarcastic, know that I know you. I know how you operate for the most part.”

  “You haven’t known me in a long time, Adrian.”

  “Do you think that much about you have changed?”

  “Yes,” I said indignantly.

  “Sure, maybe you have a little. But I don’t think you have that much. Maybe you’re doing what I’ve known you to do. Acting like you’re not fazed by me. Maybe you want me just as much as I want you. As much as I wanted you since I saw you again. As much as I wanted you since forever. I never had another woman like you. No matter how pretty she was, she wasn’t you. No one had your personality, your charm, or sounded the way you sounded when we made love. Those kinds of things you can’t replicate. You can only hope that the universe will bring that back in the cards for you, and make sure that now there is a second chance, you don’t fuck it up.

  “Who said I wanted a second chance of anything than what it is?” I said, my throat suddenly much too tight.

  “You didn’t have to. Your body says it. Your voice says it. I don’t know if you realized that your voice raised a little. And your body isn’t as straight as it was, almost as if you’re more relaxed. I could be wrong, but I was never really that wrong with you. At least I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t.”

  I didn’t say a word because he was right and I didn’t want to tell him that. He didn’t need any more encouragement, but even as those words played in my head, my body as usually betrayed me. Talk about being loyal.

  “That doesn’t necessarily mean that. Maybe it just gives us a chance to heal and then move on. Maybe that it all it is a chance to move on and close the door behind whatever it was or whatever relationship it was.”

  Even as I spoke those words I knew that it was more than that. I knew that. It was much more than just closing the door on old wounds. It was almost as if we were meant to cross paths again. Fear wouldn’t let me willingly take that chance. Part of me wanted to tell him what really happened the day we officially broke up. After another moment I decided that now wasn’t the right time.

  “I think you don’t want to admit that. And that’s fine. I know how you are. You’re stubborn. Your stubborn streak is one of the things I loved about you. I still….I just don’t want to lose out on what could be different with the two of us.”

  Adrian closed the space between us and I could smell what seemed like peppermint on his breath. He grabbed my waist and pulled me close to him, and my heart quickened. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to tell him no. I didn’t know how to tell him no. Now all of me was feeling all jumbled up and confused. My body responded to just being around him. I knew that if he kissed me, we would end up in his bed. Was that a chance I was willing to take?

  “Leah, I missed you so much. So much,” he whispered.

  “I don’t think this is a good idea, Adrian,” I said, my voice so soft that I wasn’t sure if he heard me.

  He leaned towards my face, his lips so close to mine that I could feel his warm breath. I closed my eyes, knowing that I wouldn’t turn him down. I couldn’t. I felt the lightest tap on my lips, a gentle brush that fluttered over them. I kissed him back slowly at first, feeling dizzy with all kinds of emotions. I pulled away to look at him, trying to read what was on his mind. But he pulled my face towards his, his lips tougher now, needier, as he crushed his mouth against mine. The kiss between the two of us became so intense that I had begun to feel weak in my knees. The warmth of his mouth sent a warm current down my body, and I shuddered in need. His tongue rolled around my mouth and I relished it all. It felt wonderful. I needed more.

  “Please let me have you,” he said, his voice husky.

  I lowered my arms and took a deep breath. I clung to his shoulders and opened my eyes hesitantly to look up into his eyes. His dominate stare was so intense, that I wanted to look away, but for some reason, I couldn’t. He pulled me to him with his stare alone. I wanted this crazy attraction that we had between us to stop, but I knew it wouldn’t. It was much like it was before. And after thinking of all the reasons I should stay far away from him, it was then that I realized I never really stood a chance. He still had my heart, so any reasoning was futile. I opened my mouth trying to say something, but there were no words. I couldn’t find my voice. It was a feeling I had experienced with him before, but not to this extent. It was heavy. Intoxicating. It scared me. I was afraid I would fall apart again and in th
e wake of that, there would be nothing left for there to be picked up.

  He was an addiction. A drug. My favorite drug. And I knew that if I took a hit of it this time, I wouldn’t be able to quit. I was lucky the first time. I couldn’t risk a relapse because what if I couldn’t let go this time?

  He placed his fingers gently on my chin, lifting my face to his. And the doubts I had about wanting him started to waver. My body and mind were on the same page. He lowered his lips to mine. It was so intense that I gasped, my body damn near collapsing. He held me firmly, his tongue moving around in my mouth, and I moaned. I was not winning this. He pulled away, his gaze hungry.

  “If you want to stop now. I’ll stop. But if not, let me have you. Let me make love to you. Touch you in ways that you have never been touched before. Love your body in new ways.”

  I let all that he had said roll around in my mind, before finally responding.

  “Yes,” I said with a soft nod.

  He picked me up by my ass, his hands gripped my cheeks, as he brought me to his bedroom. His hands were still big as I remembered, but they felt different, more in control.

  Placing me down on the bed gently, his eyes roaming my body as if he was memorizing every part of me. Lifting up my dress, his fingers traced the outline of my thong, and I squirmed once his fingers gently caressed my pussy. Leaning over my thighs, he took in my scent before letting his finger trace over my clit. His finger flicked over my folds, and then slowly one of them slid inside. A strangled moan left my throat, making me sound like another person. I had been wet for him since this afternoon, even after I showered and played with myself thinking of him. I was wet and dripping with a need so bad, that I grinded on his finger. He slipped another one in there, bringing me back to the first time we had sex. The same hooded look in his eyes and my juices sliding down his fingers. His lips joined his fingers, as he sucked and moved in and out, his pace wilder.

  I squirmed under his touch, my moans becoming louder as I clutched the sheets. This was torture, and I already knew that I would come quickly as I reached my climax. Adrian’s tongue was buried in me as I let out a sound I never let out before, the waves of pleasure washing over me. He continued long after I had stopped shaking and I couldn’t take it anymore, pushing my hands against him to get him to stop. He seemed satisfied with my response and smiled.

  “I missed the way you used to come for me too. I think I want new memories, though.” He stood up, taking off his shirt and pants and walking over to the dresser near the bed. Opening the drawer, he pulled out a condom and made his way back to the bed. Once he was out of his briefs, his dick long and wide stood at attention and I found myself watching him, not remembering him being this big before.

  Rolling the condom on, he paused before sliding into my warmth. I let out a long sigh as he slid inside of me, causing me to grit my teeth in pain and then pleasure. He groaned before he started to thrust, moving slowly at first teasing me. As soon as he got inside, I was ready to come all over again, and I let him know that by grinding up against him so he could go faster. As his pace quickened, I made a guttural noise of approval. He took it as a way for his thrusts to become deeper, as he watched the ecstasy on my face. I clutched his ass, as he moved in and out, crying out for more, the Lord and other things that weren’t coherent. This is when we worked best together. We were two bodies that fit perfectly like a puzzle. We were always in tune when sex was involved.

  Adrian groaned as I tightened around him, my legs following suit. I screamed his name over and over, my vision becoming hazy as I came again. He pounded into me before coming as well, letting me know by the animalistic sound coming out of his throat. Sweat trickled down his face and he gasped, his hair no longer in a ponytail.

  “You’re amazing, he said. He placed a kiss on my nose and laid down beside me.

  “Wow,” I said softly.

  “Is that a good wow?” he asked.

  “Yes. I missed that. I missed you even if it pains me to admit it.”

  He chuckled. “I want another shot, Leah. Can we try again? We can take it slow.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t have to decide right now. I just now that you are mine, and I am yours. I always have been. Always will be. And I won’t give up on you or on us.”

  I nodded. It was all I could do. I was tired. Drained, but in a good way. I snuggled against him, my mind wandering in a million places, but my body winning as I fell asleep.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Adrian

  The next morning I woke up to the sounds of the classic oldies playing. It wasn’t blaring, but loud enough that I could hear the faint traces of it from the bedroom. Looking to my right, I could see that Leah was no longer in bed with me. And I was reminded of last night, the way I wanted to have her in so many ways, and the fact that I stopped myself. Everything was perfect. Much too perfect, but for some reason I wanted to prove to her that I was different than I was before. Different than I’ve been in a long time. And most of all I wanted her back. All of her. Mind, body, and soul.

  I know she got used to taking care of herself. She was always so stubborn and feisty. It was so many things. I thought back to how she was the calm in the storm back then. When I thought about how demanding my father was, and how emotionally abusive my mother was, she was the only thing that anchored me. She gave me some kind of peace. I glanced at the little note that she had left on the side of the dresser.

  Wanted to go for a jog, and then work out for a bit.

  Leah

  I decided to go look for her and that was when I realized she was downstairs in the workout area of my apartment. I walked down the stairs and saw my beautiful Leah focused as she punched the punching bag hard. Her muscles were toned, and each time she punched the bag, her muscles flexed just a little. It was both amazing and sexy that she was so into working out now. The smell of sweat penetrated the air. She wore a sports bra and shorts, her hair tied up by a hair tie. The expression was one of determination and fury mixed into one. I marveled at the way she moved with such focus. And as I watched her, I realized that there was something else that I loved about her. Something that made her who she was. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and pull her down to the floor, her body sweaty, and mine willing to get that way if I could have her again.

  All of a sudden she stopped and looked at me a sheepish look on her face.

  “Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?”

  “No. You didn’t. I woke up realizing you weren’t next to me.”

  She looked down at the floor, her eyes avoiding me.

  “I’m glad that I didn’t wake you,” she said.

  “Did you sleep okay?” I asked.

  “I think so. I had a lot on my mind. One of the reasons I’m doing this, but otherwise it was okay. You?” she said.

  “Better than I have in a long time. “

  I wondered what that meant. I know we still had so much to talk about, but a part of me was delaying the inevitable. In my heart, I felt that whatever she had to say would be the end of what I wanted with her. From her. And I was being selfish because I wanted her all to myself. All of her. And this time I wasn’t letting anything get in my way of that.

  “I’m going to take a shower. Do you want to join me?” she asked me.

  “Is that really a question?”

  “Who knows? Maybe you would change your mind, and want nothing to do with me. Or maybe being in a tight space like a shower, would be too much for you and you would want to keep your distance. I don’t know. Just thought I would ask.”

  “You? Naked? You don’t even have to ask.”

  Making our way upstairs, I went to the bathroom to turn the water on and then stepped out to get extra towels. By the time I returned, she was in the shower, the water pouring over her and instantly I was hard. Fuck. This was going to be much harder than I thought. Her eyes were closed and I could see that she was in deep thought. Stepping into the shower behind her, I watched the wat
er run over her body, and her ass and it took everything in me to hold my composure.

  Once she had finished her shower, she got dressed. She seemed lighter. She hummed a song I wasn’t familiar with, her eyes sparkling. Unlike before. I didn’t want this to end. I followed behind her and once I reached the kitchen, I clicked the coffee machine so I could have some coffee. After the shower, I didn’t want to do anything at all but to stay with her, touching her body, and make her let out the sounds she made when she was in the shower. She smiled as the sweet aroma of coffee filled the air.

  “You know I used to hate coffee, and then I started working at the magazine and realized that it was almost a necessity. Smelling this right now is giving me a warm and inviting feeling if that makes sense. It’s like crack in a cup. I am addicted now.”

  “You can always be addicted to other things.”

  “Yes. And if I recall correctly, I was addicted before. Addicted to you actually. And well, you know how that went. We were no good for each other.”

  “We were young.”

  “And dumb.”

  “But in love.”

  “Or lust,” she counted.

  “Are you telling me you didn’t love me back then?”

  “No. I…I just know that I gave my all to that relationship and then it ended and I was left trying to pick up what remained of my broken heart. It was too much. Too much. Not enough me in there.”

  “And if things are different now?” I asked.

  “Different how?”

  “I am not the same immature boy I was in college.”

  She nodded, but said nothing else, and even after what happened last night, she was still keeping her guard up.

  “Are you really that scared to try again? What if things could be different from them? We were stubborn college kids. We didn’t really know what life really was.”

  “I don’t know. I mean you’re right, we didn’t know. I guess that was being naïve. It doesn’t mean that we have to open up past wounds or open doors that were meant to be closed. It just isn’t necessary. I don’t think I even see the need for any of that.”