Dare to Live

by S. B. Alexander

  Roxanne took my hand. “We didn’t come here to see two men puff out their chests to see which one could win the girl.” She started to tug on my arm.

  I held steady.

  “You’re dating this asshole?” Kody asked me, his gaze never wavering from Mack.

  Suddenly, the blood drained from my face. I didn’t like his snarky tone. For all Mack’s faults, he wasn’t a bad guy, or at least he hadn’t been. He’d always been sweet to me. That’s because he wants you. Still, he’d treated my mom with respect and had always lent a hand to wash dishes or cook when he was hanging out at our house.

  “That’s none of your business,” I said.

  Roxanne squeezed my hand. “I’m going to the ladies’ room.” She didn’t like fights. While she was a strong woman, confident in everything she did, she had a phobia about men who fought. She’d seen a lot of patients come into the ER banged up and bloody, but the blood didn’t bother her as much as the sound of bones cracking. When we’d been in nursing school, she’d always said, “I’ll fix them, but I’m not watching anyone get hurt.”

  The next singer was belting out a tune by John Mayer.

  “I’ll join you,” I said.

  Mack caught my arm. “We’re out of here.”

  I sneered. “I’m not leaving.” The man didn’t own me, and we certainly weren’t dating.

  A muscle ticked in Kody’s jaw. “Let go of her.”

  Mack did let go but got in Kody’s face. “She’s my girl. So stay away from her. Or I’ll make sure I put you in a coma again.”

  I gasped over the loud music. Mack put Kody in a coma? No freaking way. I dipped back in my memory, wondering if I knew Mack had put someone in a coma. But all thought was lost when Kody struck first.

  He rammed his fist into Mack’s jaw, the sounding making me cringe. Roxanne took off.

  Chairs toppled over as bone connected with bone. The music stopped, and the only sounds were grunts and cracks as Kody and Mack fought.

  I ran to Lowell to get him out of the way. The last thing he needed was to get beaten up. We couldn’t afford more medical bills, either.

  People at the nearby tables scrambled out of the way.

  Just as I grabbed the back of Lowell’s wheelchair, Mack lunged at Kody. Kody fell backward, his head narrowly missing the corner of a table.

  Mr. Robinson rushed over with two bouncers, who peeled Mack off Kody. “Get him out of here.” Then he extended his hand to Kody, who took the help as he climbed to his feet and licked the blood from his lip. “Get in my office.” The soft voice Mr. Robinson had had with me was now deadly.

  Kody glowered at Mack as the bouncers hauled him out of the club.

  “Go,” Mr. Robinson yelled at Kody. “I’ll deal with you in a minute.” Mr. Robinson’s face was red, with fury spitting out of his eyes.

  Kody touched his lip as Jake rushed to his friend’s side.

  I guess my night was over.

  Lowell glanced up and over his shoulder at me. “I’m going with Mack.” The crowd around us parted as Lowell wheeled out after Mack.

  I should have headed out with my brother to make sure he got home okay, but I shucked that idea since he was a grown man. Instead, I beelined it for the bathroom to check on my friend, not giving Kody a passing glance.

  Roxanne was sitting on the counter of the far sink, near the wall. “Is it over? I just can’t deal with seeing a fight. So did Mack really put Kody in a coma? Did you know about that? Are you okay? Lowell?”

  I settled against the wall in between the sink and the toilets. I couldn’t wrap my head around coma or how Mack seemed to brag and be proud that he’d put Kody in a coma. As for Kody, up until he’d launched his fist into Mack’s jaw, I would’ve never pegged him for a fighter.

  A lady in her thirties entered and locked herself in a stall.

  I shrugged. “It’s over, but no, I had no clue about Mack and Kody’s feud.” My voice hitched. I’d seen a side of Mack that I’d never seen before. It sure spoke volumes about his character. Sure, he was rough, badass, and had done some jail time for disorderly conduct and drugs, but never for punching someone to the point that they ended up in a coma. “I’m a little freaked out, but Lowell is fine. He went after Mack.”

  My head spun, and the liquor was compounding my dizziness. My one night away from problems had turned into more problems. Why are they yours? You didn’t put Kody in a coma. You didn’t start the fight.

  The toilet flushed, then the redhead came out. She washed her hands and wiped them before she walked out.

  “We should get out of here,” I said. “I’m tired, anyway.” I had questions for Mack.

  But my questions blew out the door when Kody lumbered in. Roxanne and I exchanged a wide-eyed look. The man didn’t belong in the ladies’ room and not because of his gender. He was too big for the small space.

  “Can I speak to Jessie alone?” Kody asked Roxanne in a quiet tone.

  She raised an eyebrow at me.

  I flicked my head at the door. Kody wouldn’t hurt me. If anything, my fantasy of him and me in a restroom surfaced. Jeepers. You said earlier that you didn’t like possessive men. Yet here you are, lusting over him. I couldn’t exactly tell my body to calm the heck down, especially when Kody’s cologne of pine and wood trickled up my nose, making me quiver.

  Roxanne left, leaving us in silence with a soft beat cutting through every now and then from the music outside the restroom.

  Kody rested his big body against the door, angling his head. So many emotions shone in his eyes that I couldn’t pinpoint just one.

  My chest rose and fell as we studied each other for what felt like hours but had to be only one minute.

  Finally, he lowered his gaze to his boots. “I don’t know how to say this.”

  I pressed my hands into the wall. “You could start by telling me what’s going on with you and Mack.” My tone came out sharper than I’d wanted it to.

  His head shot up, pinning me to the wall with a look of disgust.

  I gnawed on my lip. I didn’t want to fight with a man I hardly knew, especially since I knew nothing about the feud he had with Mack.

  He grabbed the door handle, shaking his head. “Coming in here was a mistake.” His voice was feather-light as though he was about to break down and cry.

  Suddenly, I wanted to take away the misery embedded in his eyes. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for something I didn’t do.

  I popped off the wall and closed the space between us. Before I could think logically, I lifted up on my toes and planted my lips gently on his, careful not to put too much pressure on his busted lip.

  He tensed as I trailed my tongue over his lips.

  “Um…” he said.

  In my head, I heard yum and pushed my tongue inside. I pressed my body against his, my hands sliding up his oh-so-muscled arms. He didn’t kiss back. He didn’t even move until I moaned. Then his hands got lost in my hair. His tongue was tangling with mine. In a blink of an eye, I was in another world, feeling light-headed, tingly, and so much more. He took control of the kiss as he pulled me to him, our bodies molding perfectly together. He tasted like freedom and felt like my future.

  He slowed the kiss to a nibble. “I’m sorry.” He gently pushed me away. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t move in on other guys’ girls.” He ran a finger over the piercing in my eyebrow.

  I licked my lips, wanting more of him. “I was the one who kissed you. And I don’t belong to anyone.”

  Someone pushed in the door, or tried. Kody moved out of the way. A lady made a perfect O with her mouth and was ready to leave until Kody said, “No, ma’am. I was leaving.”

  The lady ran into the stall. Kody had his hand on the open door, ready to walk out.

  “Kody, what did you want to tell me?” I asked.

  He swept his gaze over me. “Never mind.” Then he was gone.

  I ran out and into Roxanne. “Where did he go?”

  “You kissed him,
didn’t you?” she asked with a smirk on her red lips.

  I lifted a shoulder. “Maybe. He seemed so sad. I wanted to take away his pain.”

  “I would encourage you to run after him, but I think you need to let things die down for now,” she said.

  She was probably spot-on. The liquor was messing with my head, and tomorrow was another day. I was sure the events of that night would definitely look different in the morning, especially that kiss and the scuffle and my singing and my DNA test results. Suddenly, my life came crashing back.

  Chapter 7

  Jessie

  I turned onto my stomach and buried my face in my pillow. I felt as though someone was banging a hammer against my head. I groaned then screamed, the pillow muffling my sounds. I shouldn’t have consumed so much wine yesterday. Slowly, I lifted my head, squinting at the sun’s rays spilling in through the window.

  I peeked at the clock on my nightstand and almost vaulted out of bed, but then I decided that wouldn’t be a good move. I had to take things slow today. Advil first.

  It was eleven in the morning, and Kody’s cookout started in an hour. I closed my eyes. Kody hadn’t said a word about the cookout when I’d been with him last night. The club. Argh! Again, I screamed into my pillow. I had kissed Kody. I’d never made the first move on any guy. Heat flushed my cheeks as I replayed how hard he’d been against me, how sweet his lips had tasted, and how he’d taken control of the kiss. Above all, I remembered how my stomach had done a salsa dance.

  I couldn’t go to his house later. With no alcohol in me that morning, I was regretting what I’d done. Actually, I was embarrassed. The guys I knew didn’t like when a girl made the first move. Not only that, Kody had left the bathroom abruptly. Sure, we’d been interrupted, but when I’d gone back out into the club, he hadn’t been around. Jake had said Mr. Robinson was talking with him. Oh God. I hoped he wasn’t in trouble.

  Another reason I couldn’t go to his cookout was because Kody probably wouldn’t want me there because of Mack. Not to mention, I didn’t feel like myself. I felt like an eighteen-wheeler ran over me, and seeing Kody would only remind me that I couldn’t get serious with him or anyone.

  I rolled over, raised my left arm, and placed my hand behind my head. I slipped my hand under my tank top and kneaded my left breast, checking for lumps. I had a great perky set, size C cup bordering on D. I couldn’t get rid of the one awesome trait I had—the one that made me who I was and made me feel like a beautiful woman.

  I sighed heavily. I would always be giving myself breast exams. I wasn’t sure if I could live always wondering when or if I would find a lump or a mass. I switched to the other breast, when my door flew open.

  I fumbled for the blanket, but I didn’t cover myself in time. Mack strode in with his dirty-blond hair wet and jeans covering his lower half. He wore no shirt and showed off his tatted chest, pierced nipples, and a wall of solid muscle. He was in great shape, and he was handsome. But outer appearances were deceiving with him.

  “Don’t you knock?” I hadn’t heard anyone downstairs. Maybe Lowell had come home last night, although when Roxanne and I had been leaving The Cave, Lowell had sent me a text that he would be staying at Mack’s house.

  I finally managed to pull the blanket up to my neck. “Where’s Lowell?”

  “Darlin’, you don’t have to hide those babies. I’ve seen them before.” Mack made himself comfortable, cocking one leg on the bed while he planted his right foot on the floor. “Lowell is in the shop. He gave me his house key.” His hand slid to my thigh.

  I clutched the blanket as though it would protect me from him. “Mack, we had one night. I’m not interested in another.”

  Grinning, he began rubbing my leg. “Really? Seems to me you need to get laid. You were playing with yourself. I can take care of your needs.”

  He sure could. He might have been rough on the outside, but he knew how to please a woman, and I hadn’t had sex since our last encounter. I could use some relief. Then I threw that idea out the window. I didn’t want to lead Mack down a dead-end road.

  I pulled my tank top down but kept the covers over me. “So, did you beat Kody into a coma?”

  Withdrawing his hand from my leg, Mack chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Are you into that Maxwell guy?”

  “What happened between you two?” Despite his flaws, Mack had always been a straight shooter. “Does Lowell know about your past with Kody?” Not that my brother knowing would change anything.

  Mack’s nostrils flared. “Just let it go.”

  I sat up straighter. “I want to know.”

  “You like Maxwell.” His jaw hardened. “Don’t you?”

  I swallowed the cotton-ball feeling I had from the liquor. “If you don’t want to tell me, then get out.”

  He pounced before I could move. Once his large body was straddling me, he searched my face as remorse swam in his dark eyes.

  With my hands, I mapped my way around the colorful flowers and intricate symbols that adorned his chest and arms. I was sure they had meaning to him, but I didn’t know what. “What’s going on? Did you lose your races? Are you in trouble? How did you get that scar on your chin?” Mack was struggling with something. “Is it a girl?”

  He crawled off me and sat on the edge of the bed. “I got into a fight, hence the scar on my chin.” His bicep bunched as he picked at the seam of his jeans. “I’m not racing anymore either, and not because of a fight. One of the racers crashed and died. All I could think about was Lowell and how he ended up in a wheelchair. I don’t want to die or end up in a wheelchair. I came home because all I thought about for the last several months was you.”

  I reached out and touched his hand, noticing a cut on one of the knuckles. “Mack, we’ve talked about this.”

  He huffed.

  Our sexual chemistry had been great, but relationships were more than sex. Mack was highly possessive, loved to drink, and was a mean drunk. I didn’t see myself with a guy like him. Mack had trust issues. I’d seen it firsthand when he was dating a girl in his teens. He wouldn’t let her out of his sight. He’d always thought she was cheating on him. She’d asked Lowell to talk to him and tell him she wasn’t doing anything of the sort. But Mack wouldn’t listen. I suspected his trust issues stemmed from his childhood. His father had cheated on his mother before he’d left Mack and his mom high and dry.

  But you saw Kody could be possessive too. In retrospect, I didn’t believe Kody was possessive. He’d most likely been acting on revenge more than anything.

  Mack threaded his calloused fingers through mine. “I’m not a bad guy.”

  He wasn’t making this easy. “You deserve someone who can be there for you at all times. I’m not that gal.” I wanted to be gentle and truthful. “I’ve got Lowell to take care of.” Plus, I had my own health problems. I would bet Mack would have been devastated if he found out I might have my breasts removed. Any guy would. No one would want me if I had the surgery.

  He hopped up. “It’s because of that Maxwell guy that you don’t want anything to do with me.” His tone went from hot to cold.

  I rubbed my temples. My head was pounding incessantly, hunger pangs pricked my stomach, and I was thirsty as hell. “That’s not the reason.” I was telling the truth.

  Roxanne called my name before she pranced into my room. When she did, she froze. “Am I interrupting?”

  Mack blew past her without a word.

  She was dressed in capris, sandals, and a top that flowed down to mid-thigh. Her makeup was painted on to perfection, and her hair was pulled back with a headband, similar to how she’d worn it the night before.

  I flopped back on my bed, sighing so loudly that my head hurt worse than it had when I’d woken up.

  She sat in the window seat then crossed her legs. “Something going on with you and Mack?”

  “No. He quit racing and wants to get serious.” If I knew Mack, he wouldn’t give up so easily. I wasn’t sure how many more times I had
to turn him down before he got the message.

  “Mm.” Her tone dropped. “He looks great, but he’s not for you.”

  I got out of bed and swayed. I leaned against my nightstand for a brief second, willing the dizziness to go away. Once the room wasn’t spinning, I ambled into the bathroom. I had to get in the shower, whether I was going to Kody’s or not.

  Roxanne followed me in. “You’re not feeling good?”

  When I turned on the shower, hunger and nausea washed over me. “I’m not going to Kody’s today.” Even though I wouldn’t have minded seeing Kody.

  “Okay.” She leaned up against the sink. “Let’s do something else.”

  I’d expected her to pout or argue. “Have you changed your tune about Kody?”

  She shrugged. “Last night was odd. I’m sure Kody thought Mack was hurting you. I know I did. But I think we need to chill and let the events of last night die down.”

  I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the shower. “I couldn’t agree more. Besides, the only thing I want to do is eat, take Advil, down a pot of coffee, and watch movies all day.”

  “We can cook here,” she said. “I’ll get started. See you downstairs.”

  I loved Roxanne. The last thing I wanted to do was act like I was happy and cheery to meet Kody’s entire family. To me, that was too much work at the moment. I also didn’t want to go out in the bright sunshine or deal with packed restaurants on a Sunday after church. At the thought of church, I thought about my mom. She’d rarely missed Sunday mass. Lowell and I had never gone with her. She would ask us every week if we were interested in going with her. I hardly had weekends off. So when I was free, I didn’t want to spend my time in church. I wished I had gone with her, if for no other reason than to spend that time with my mom.

  By the time I ventured downstairs, Roxanne had bacon frying and was whipping up a batch of pancakes.

  I got myself some coffee then sat down at the island. “Where are Mack and Lowell?”

  “When I came down, Mack was leaving. He said he had plans with his mom. Lowell came in for coffee then went out to the shop.” Roxanne’s bubbly personality wasn’t shining so brightly today.