Wrong in Love

by March, Aisling

  “Okay,” she said, unsure of what to say or do then. “Bye.”

  She started walking to her new desk and could feel him behind her. She was even more self-conscious of how everything was sticking to her, and she thought she could feel his eyes on her butt.

  Part of her didn’t mind.

  But she should, right? A married woman should mind. She turned around.

  “Are you walking me all the way to my desk?” she asked.

  “Do you want me to?” he asked suggestively.

  She blushed. He was sexy as hell, but she couldn’t let him know she thought that.

  “I know where I’m going,” she said.

  “Okay then,” he said.

  She kept going, dripping water down the hallway, and he kept following her. She wasn’t sure whether to feel flattered or uncomfortable.

  Finally she turned around again.

  “Seriously, where are you going?” she asked.

  He grinned.

  “I work here too,” he said.

  Jocelyn flushed with embarrassment.

  “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” she asked.

  “I thought you’d figure it out when I said I knew this floor well,” he said.

  She could have died from embarrassment right then.

  “I guess I didn’t pick up on that,” she said.

  “Have a good first day,” he said with a wink, and turned down a hallway.

  “Thanks,” she said, watching him walk away.

  After a moment she went down the same hallway to the receptionist desk where she was supposed to check in.

  “Hi, I’m here to see Eleanor,” she said to the receptionist. The girl stared at her, unblinking, taking Jocelyn in and apparently not liking what she saw. Jocelyn self-consciously shook more rainwater off of her skirt and pulled at her hair. To be fair, the receptionist didn’t look like someone Jocelyn would normally be friends with either. Her fake tan and caked on eye makeup made it clear she was someone obsessed with appearances, and although Jocelyn definitely felt it was important to be put together, this starlet look wasn’t a trait most of her friends had.

  “Is Eleanor in?” said Jocelyn, and just as she was afraid the girl would stare at her forever, Eleanor appeared.

  “Jocelyn, it’s good to see you again. Oh, is it raining harder now?” She looked Jocelyn up and down but didn’t wait for her to respond. “I see you’ve met Sophie,” she said.

  Sophie narrowed her eyes at Jocelyn.

  “Yes,” said Jocelyn.

  “All right, let’s give you a tour of the office and then I’ll show you to your desk,” said Eleanor.

  Jocelyn followed Eleanor around the floor, nodding her head at people, knowing she’d never remember their names. She saw the kitchen, where Eleanor told her she should learn how to make a strong cup of coffee, the supply room, and the restrooms. Then she was formally introduced to Colin O’Neil.

  “He’s our director of marketing, and a horrible flirt,” said Eleanor, taking her into the office of the man she’d encountered that morning in the lobby.

  “Jocelyn, it’s nice to meet you. I’m glad to see you’re drying off a bit,” he said. He was giving her that grin again, the one that consumed her and made her feel like one of the puddles she’d run through to get here. She looked away, hoping Eleanor wouldn’t notice the way he was looking at her. She noticed his wet clothes hanging on a door behind him. She imagined him in the office, the door closed, stripping off his wet suit to put on the new one. She found herself looking at his arms, trying to picture the muscle definition, and she shook the image out of her head.

  “You too,” she said.

  “Jocelyn’s married, so you’ll have to keep your hands off,” said Eleanor with a little laugh.

  Jocelyn blushed. Had Eleanor noticed her attraction to him? Had he? And what did it all mean for her marriage to Will?

  Jocelyn walked into the foyer of her apartment that evening to find the kitchen light on and the smell of something delicious wafting down the hall.

  “Will?” she called out. She checked her watch. 6pm. Will should have been in class. She waited a moment, even though it didn’t seem likely a burglar would be cooking dinner.

  “Hey babe,” he said, coming out of the kitchen. He looked like a little kid, wearing Jocelyn’s apron and a mischievous grin.

  “What’s going on? I didn’t expect you home for hours,” she said. She hung her jacket in the hall closet, and met him in the living room.

  “It was cancelled. I thought I’d come home and make dinner so we could celebrate your first day of your new job.” He held his arms out to give Jocelyn a hug.

  “That’s so sweet,” she said, returning the hug.

  “Yeah, well, that’s the kind of guy I am. Now come on, I want you to see that I do have some domestic qualities.”

  She followed him in to the kitchen, where their small table was set with a tablecloth and candles glowing.

  “It smells amazing, what is that?” she asked.

  “Eggplant parm,” he said.

  “My favorite,” she said.

  “I know. And there’s a special surprise for dessert,” he said.

  “Wow. You went all out,” she said. She went to the table and picked up a bottle chilling in an ice bucket.

  “Apple cider,” she said, and smiled.

  “I wanted it to be complete,” he said.

  “It’s perfect,” she said, and gave him a long kiss.

  After dinner Will brought out a chocolate cake with the words “Congratulations Jocelyn” on it.

  “You’re amazing. This is my favorite,” she said.

  “You think I don’t know that? I’ll get some plates,” said Will, clearing the table of dinner.

  Suddenly Jocelyn felt a wave of nausea.

  “Actually hon, I don’t feel so well right now,” she said.

  He turned quickly.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yeah, yeah, it’s probably just morning sickness,” she said.

  “But it’s seven at night,” he said.

  “You can get morning sickness at any time,” she said. She got up from the table and felt a sharp cramp. “Ouch.”

  “Should I call the doctor?” asked Will, coming to her side.

  “No, not yet. I’m going to sit in the living room,” she said.

  Will followed her and propped up some pillows.

  “I’ll get you a blanket. Here’s the remote. We’ll eat the cake later,” said Will.

  “Thank you,” said Jocelyn. She felt another stab. She hoped it was nothing serious.

  CHAPTER 6

  Jocelyn’s first week of work was flying by, and at the end of the day on Thursday Sophie invited her out for drinks. Sophie had lightened up a bit once Jocelyn had brought her coffee twice. They’d chatted briefly, during which Jocelyn learned Sophie had a serious thing for Colin. Finding out Jocelyn was married made Sophie like her even more than the pumpkin spiced lattes did.

  “Oh, no thank you, I should get home,” she said that afternoon. They didn’t know she was pregnant and she wasn’t sure how she’d hide abstinence for an entire evening at a bar. Besides, she was still having cramps, and she wanted to lie on the couch with her feet up.

  “I thought you said your husband spends all of his time at the library. Come on out, it will be fun. Besides, I need a wing woman to help me talk to Colin,” said Sophie.

  Colin. Jocelyn tried not to let knowing he would be there impact her decision, but it did. Anyway, Sophie was right; Will wouldn’t be home for hours, and Jocelyn was getting tired of being alone in the apartment. She didn’t like to walk around and explore things by herself in the bustling city, meaning she’d spent every night sitting on their couch watching TV, people living exciting lives buzzing by her window. If she ordered a seltzer water, no one would know there wasn’t vodka in it.

  “Okay,” she said.

  “Excellent!” said Sophie, clapping her h
ands. “I need another girl with me so I can talk to Colin. Every other girl here just flirts with him, but you’re married so you’re safe.”

  If only she were safe from Colin’s charms.

  Jocelyn and Sophie walked to the bar together, and Jocelyn was surprised again at how much she liked the petite blonde. She was chatty, yes, but nice, and she had a quirky sense of humor that Jocelyn was finding herself appreciating. She talked about Colin a lot, meaning Jocelyn was learning more about his life than she would have if she’d taken months to get to know him.

  They walked through the door of the bar and Jocelyn noticed Colin standing by a high-top table. She was surprised at how intense her attraction to him was, seeing him in this setting. She felt powerfully drawn to him, like she wanted to walk over to him and claim him as her own.

  He smiled at her and Jocelyn and Sophie when they walked in, and Sophie giggled and led Jocelyn over to him.

  “Good to see you two made it out. What can I get you to drink?” he asked. He kept his green eyes on Jocelyn, and she wondered if Sophie noticed.

  “White wine,” said Sophie.

  “Just a seltzer,” said Jocelyn.

  “With vodka?” asked Colin.

  Jocelyn hesitated.

  “Yes, please,” she said. She’d have to pretend to drink it until she could substitute it with a plain seltzer when no one else was looking.

  “Did you eventually dry off?” he asked Jocelyn with a playful smile. She saw for the first time that he had dimples.

  Now Sophie definitely noticed.

  “What do you mean, ‘dry off?’” asked Sophie.

  “That first day, I got caught in a downpour on my way in and I ran into Colin in the lobby,” she said.

  “I showed her the way to the office,” said Colin.

  “Oh, that’s cute, your first date,” said Sophie sarcastically.

  “It wasn’t like that,” said Jocelyn.

  “With Colin, it’s always like that,” said Sophie, and she whisked her wine off the bar as soon as it had been set down and walked away.

  Jocelyn looked at Colin helplessly, unsure of what to say next.

  “Jocelyn,” he said.

  “Colin,” she said, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes.

  Stop it, Jocelyn, she told herself.

  It was hard to, because she didn’t want to. She’d never been this attracted to someone she barely knew before.

  “Tell me all about yourself,” said Colin, pulling out a barstool for Jocelyn to sit in. She hesitated, but only for a second before sliding next to him. She ignored the stabbing pain in her lower abdomen and smiled.

  “What do you want to know?” she asked.

  She stayed out late and when she got home Will was waiting for her.

  “I was wondering when you’d be home,” he said cheerfully, checking his watch.

  “I’m sorry, I was out with coworkers, and I lost track of time,” she said. She felt guilty phrasing it this way. She’d been out flirting with one specific coworker, and trying to hide the fact that she was pregnant from him, like he wouldn’t figure it out in seven months. Thankfully Colin had turned to talk to someone early on in the night, and Jocelyn had been able to order a plain seltzer water.

  “Don’t apologize, I think it’s great you’re getting to know people.” Will put his arms around her waist and pulled her into him. “I want you to feel like Boston is your home, too.”

  “Temporary home,” she corrected.

  “What?” he asked.

  “It’s our temporary home. We’re leaving when you finish law school,” she said.

  “Oh, that. Yeah, sure,” he said, but Jocelyn thought he didn’t sound too certain.

  The stomach cramps continued all night and into the morning. Jocelyn sat at her desk, focusing hard on the computer screen, trying to ignore what felt like an intense period coming. It couldn’t have been her period. She’d read that when the uterus expanded, it sometimes cramped. That must’ve been what was happening.

  “Coffee?” asked a voice.

  Jocelyn looked up and saw Colin set a coffee on her desk. Of course she couldn’t drink coffee, but she said thank you anyway.

  “I figured after such a late night…” he trailed off, then his smile disappeared. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

  She was surprised that he’d noticed that about her. She’d thought she looked pale that morning too, but when she asked Will, he’d glanced at her and said no.

  “I don’t feel great,” she admitted.

  Colin glanced at Tim’s shut door.

  “He’s at a meeting in New York. Why don’t you take off?” he asked.

  “I don’t know that that will go over well, it’s still my first week,” she said.

  “Nah, go ahead and take off. I’ll cover for you,” he said.

  She felt another stabbing pain.

  “Really?” she asked.

  “Yeah, really. Go ahead,” he said. He looked concerned and Jocelyn was suddenly overcome with emotion that he seemed to care about her. She’d been feeling so alone lately, and with the pregnancy and the pain, that loneliness was compounded. Colin barely knew her but he was worried about her, and she felt grateful.

  “Okay, thanks,” she said. She gathered her things and started to leave.

  “Jocelyn,” Colin called after her.

  She turned around.

  “Yeah?”

  “Your coffee,” he said, handing her the cup.

  “Oh, that’s right. Thanks,” she said, taking it and leaving.

  She’d just gotten home when the bleeding started. It came in a rush, like a massive period, and she ran to the bathroom, praying it was something else, some sort of pregnancy thing she’d never heard of. When she looked though, she knew it was the loss of her baby.

  CHAPTER 7

  Jocelyn waited in the Emergency Room for an hour and a half before being brought for an ultrasound. She’d never noticed how dire these rooms were; faded linoleum, harsh lights, uncomfortable plastic chairs. It seemed cruel to have people waiting to find out if their child would live or die sitting in such a horrid place.

  When she’d arrived a stern-looking triage nurse had checked her HGC counts and measured the blood in her urine, and she’d already been told that it didn’t look good for her baby. She sat in one of the blue plastic chairs, staring blankly at a TV in the corner of the room which had just finished showing the news and now was on Wheel of Fortune.

  She wondered where Will was, and the more she thought about it, the angrier she got. He had a pregnant wife. He should have been checking his phone constantly. He was so selfish sometimes. With five brothers and sisters, how had he become so self-centered?

  He was studying hard, she knew. He’d always wanted to be a lawyer. He wanted to be able to provide a comfortable life for his family. Which, Jocelyn thought, he couldn’t do if there was no family to provide for.

  Colin crossed her mind for a moment, and rather than push the thought of him away like she usually tried to do, she let her mind wander away from this dire situation and toward him. She wondered what he was doing that night. She’d overheard him saying he was meeting friends for drinks, and then Sophie had interrupted and asked where, because she and her friends were also going out for drinks, and maybe they could all meet up.

  Jocelyn would much rather have been meeting Colin and even Sophie for drinks than sitting in the ER praying for her baby to survive and waiting for an absent husband.

  She heard a deep voice say her name, and she turned. Will was at the front desk, and he looked like he’d come in a hurry. His corduroy jacket was awry, with one sleeve partially off and the collar up at the corners. His long satchel bag hung precariously off one shoulder, not draped across his body like it usually was. His brown eyes were wild as they dashed about the room, scanning the sea of people waiting for treatment. Finally his eyes rested on Jocelyn and he rushed toward her.

  “How are you doing?”
he asked. He stood before her, his face full of concern.

  “I’ve been calling you,” she said coldly.

  “I know, I’m so sorry baby. I didn’t check my cell after class, I just went straight to the library. I feel awful, I can’t believe I haven’t been here for you.”

  Jocelyn found herself softening.

  “I don’t think the baby’s going to make it,” she whispered.

  Will took a seat next to her.

  “Is that what the doctor said?” he asked.

  “The triage nurse. I still have to go for an ultrasound,” she said.

  “Adams?” A different nurse, this one heavyset with a kind face, called her name from the doorway.

  “That’s me,” Jocelyn said, rising from her chair.

  “I’m coming with you,” said Will.

  They followed the nurse to a room down the hallway with an ultrasound machine. Will guided her with one hand on her back, which Jocelyn found comforting.

  “I’m sorry sir, but you’re going to have to wait outside,” the nurse said.

  “What?” Will asked. His face started to turn red with anger.

  “Down the hallway, there’s another waiting room,” said the nurse.

  “It’s all right,” Jocelyn said. She didn’t need him here for this anyway. She was getting used to being alone.

  She changed into a hospital gown and waited for the technician. She stared straight ahead, her eyes focusing on the peach colored wall. She was fighting to not think about how much blood she had just seen in the bathroom, about the little life that she knew she was losing.

  The technician was a stout man with a lisp, and Jocelyn wished it were a genteel woman instead. She could use a woman’s sensitivity right about now.

  “All right, let’s see what we got here,” said the technician.

  Jocelyn glared at him. He sounded like he was about to work on a car, not examine a woman having a miscarriage.

  She closed her eyes while he did his exam. She didn’t need to look at the screen to know her baby was gone.

  “You can get dressed. I’ll send the report to your doctor,” he said when he finished.

  “What did you find?” she asked.