Don't Come Looking For Love

by Natavia

  The next day, I woke up, showered and dressed. Just like clockwork, my mom had already left the house to start her day. I fed Tookie then walked outside on the porch. I was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and drinking a glass of milk when Kenjay and O’Shea walked toward my house. I almost choked on my sandwich because I was getting nervous again. They both had on basketball shorts and tank tops. Kenjay had a basketball in his hand so they must be ready to hoop. Although, it was only 11 a.m., the block is packed. There are even a few guys on dirt bikes racing in the street.

  “What’s good, zero? Where is one at?” Kenjay joked.

  “I don’t know, ugly! She isn’t in my back pocket! Why you wanna know anyway?” I asked him.

  “Because I wanna know where her skinny ass at,” he said.

  “Ohhhhh, you like Janae!” I teased him.

  “Man, whatever! Don’t you like O’Shea?” he asked. My stomach started bubbling. Every time I got nervous I had to sit on the toilet.

  “Come on, nigga! Are we hooping or not?” O’Shea asked him taking the attention off of me.

  “You coming Britain?” O’Shea asked me.

  “OK,” I said locking the door then walking down the steps behind them.

  Once we got to the basketball court, the girls rolled their eyes at me and started whispering. They were the most popular boys in the neighborhood. Well, Kenjay especially since he lived here. O’Shea just visited.

  “Earthquake!” Takera hollered out. I gave her the finger and took a seat on the bleachers.

  “Hold this for me, Britain,” O’Shea said handing me his phone. After I put the phone in my pocket, I really start receiving a lot of stares.

  As they played ball, Takera and her friends started dancing to get the boys to notice them. O’Shea didn’t pay them any mind as he dribbled the ball. He glanced over at me a few times making me get goosebumps.

  Rattle came and sat down next to me. Janae said that he likes me, but he is ugly to me. He scooted down, getting really close to me and when I slid down more, so did he.

  “What’s going on, Britain?” he asked staring at my boobs.

  “Nothing much, just watching them play,” I respond.

  “Why you not with Janae?” he put his arm around my shoulder.

  O’Shea is now looking over at us missing the pass. He never really paid me any mind until we kissed yesterday.

  “He doesn’t like fat girls,” Rattle said. I bend his fingers away from my shoulder and squeeze them until his acne bumps turned redder than what they were. After I let him go, he calls me names but I block him out as I head back home. I was embarrassed because Takera and her friends heard what he said to me and started laughing. I didn’t care what they said, but when they did it in front of O’Shea, it made me mad.

  I went home and turned on the TV. We had illegal cable because my mom got the hook-up from Harry who also had his hands into everything. I dozed off as I was watching BET. It was reruns of “Girlfriends.”

  I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on my door. I got up to answer and it was O’Shea.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “You got my cell-phone,” he said, holding his hand out. I let him in then he grabbed his phone off the coffee table. He looked around the living room.

  “I didn’t think a crack-head house would look like this! It’s clean in here,” he said. I’m not offended because everyone thought that by looking at my mom’s appearance.

  “Bitch, nigga. Bitch, nigga.” Tookie said sitting up on her post in the corner of the room.

  “What the fuck was that?” O’Shea asked looking around.

  “That’s my parrot, Tookie. She picked up my mama’s language all the time,” I laughed.

  He walked closer to Tookie, examining her. She twisted her heads to the side then turned around, facing the wall with her wings spread. Tookie doesn’t like strangers and when you got close to her, she ignored you.

  “I never seen one close up before!” he said poking her. She turned around, nipping his finger.

  “Owww!” he said shaking his hand.

  “She doesn’t like to be touched if she doesn’t know you!” I said rubbing Tookie’s head. She made a kissing noise so I gave her a peck on her beak.

  “Can I have something to drink?” he asked looking down at me. O’Shea looked like he was eighteen instead of fourteen. But I got that all of the time, too. A few grown-ups in my neighborhood told me I was too developed for my age. Even some of the older guys in their twenties tried to talk to me.

  I went into the fridge to grab the Kool-aid. After I poured it into the cup, I handed it to him. I took a seat next to him and continued to watch TV. Being around him alone wasn’t as bad as it was when everyone else was around.

  “Can I kiss you again?” he asked.

  “I guess so,” I answered.

  He scooted closer to me and I closed my eyes. A few moments later, he placed his lips onto mine, letting me taste the cherry-flavored Kool-aid. I stuck my tongue into his mouth like how I seen Harry and my mama do a few times.

  His hand slid up to my breast, and I knew he was more experienced than me. I felt an urge come about me that I couldn’t explain but it had never happened before. He leaned me back and squeezed me tighter. I felt the hard thing poking me on my leg again. I pushed him back.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” he said. In the middle of his shorts there was a tent.

  “I don’t know but I felt funny, too!” I told him.

  “106 and Park” came on and it was Lil’ Wayne and Birdman’s “Stuntin’ Like My Daddy” song. I bobbed my head to the lyrics.

  “I can spit better than that nigga!” O’Shea said. I looked at him funny because Lil’ Wayne is the hottest rapper out.

  “Whatever!” I said rolling my eyes.

  O’Shea turned the TV down then started rapping. After a few minutes, he stopped. I sat quietly.

  “What you think?” he asked smiling.

  “That was hot!” I told him.

  “My pops trying to get me some studio time now. I can’t wait! I’m going to be the hottest rapper. You watch. That’s my dream,” he said smiling.

  “What you want to be when you get older?” he asked.

  “I don’t know yet. I like Fashion and drawing,” I told him. He nodded his head.

  “You know Rattle likes you?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I don’t care, though. Rattle head is shaped funny!” I told him and he laughed. His phone chirped and he looked at it.

  “Well, that’s my pops. It’s time for me to go home,” he said getting up. I walked him to the door.

  “I be back over this way Friday for the weekend. I will holla at you later,” he said quickly pecking my lips then bolting down the steps. He got to his father’s car and I waved him off before I shut the door. I couldn’t wait to tell Janae about what happened.

  O'Shea

  “What the fuck you doing coming out of that crack-head house?” my pops asked me.

  “I was chilling with my friend!” I said.

  “Her chubby ass daughter? Boy, I hope you not a chubby chaser! Now, that skinny one she be wit’ is the one you need to be chilling wit’!” he told me smoking his blunt. My pops was thirty-two years old and acted more like my brother than my father.

  “Britain is prettier than Janae!” I told him.

  “Janae has the potential of being the wifey type. You know like the other bitches I be wit’!” he said.

  “Janae likes Kenjay,” I explained.

  “Listen, lil’ nigga, these lil’ bitches ain’t shit but sperm catchers! They are only good for two things and that’s looking good on your arm and spreading their legs. Don’t you ever fall for none of these hood bitches around here! Especially one whose mother is a scary- ass crack-head! You going to blow up one day and they are really going to start chasing you. A handsome lil’ nigga like yourself, they wouldn’t mind trapping you. So, if you ever fuck one, use a condo
m like I taught you! What you tell these hoes before they start catching feelings?” he asked me.

  “Don’t come looking for love!” I responded. He smiled then dapped me up, passing me the blunt.

  I remember when I was ten years old and I caught my father messing around with my aunt, Tammy. I told my mom and she told me to stay out of grown-folks’ business. I called Tammy my aunt but she is my father’s sidepiece. Everyone thinks me and Kenjay are cousins, but we really are not. My pops always used to take me around his girlfriends. Eventually, I got used to it so now when my mom ask me if I been over Tammy’s house, I lie.

  My father dropped me off at home then left. He would be back before my mom got off. No matter how much he cheated, he never stayed out and he never came home late. He always told me not to fall in love when I knew that he loved my mama. I asked her why he cheats and she told me that cheating with your dick and not with your heart doesn’t count. I spent the majority of my time locked in my room. I hated when my mom acted like their relationship was perfect. She pretended to be happy but she wasn’t.

  We lived in a mini-mansion out in the suburbs but my mom spent all of her time working. She neglected me in a way, and now, I only had my pops to talk to. But only if she knew I was fucking, she would be pissed. Out of all the things she could talk to me about she told me over and over not to bring any babies to her. I guess she felt like I was heading in my father’s footsteps.

  I couldn’t wait until Friday came so I could see Britain again. She was different and didn’t drool over me like everyone else. She was easy to chill with. I thought I was crushing on Janae, but being around Britain was different. I needed to get my cornrows re-done before I see her again.

  My phone rang and I answered. It was Elay calling me. She was eighteen years old. She just graduated from high school and I would be entering the tenth grade after summer break.

  “What’s up?” I asked her.

  “Nothing, boo, what’s up with you? Can I come over?” she asked. For the past two weeks Elay has been coming over while my mom was at work. My pops knew all about her coming over and even bought condoms when he first caught her in my room. We were going to school together but she was a senior and I was only a ninth grader. We didn’t see each other much in school. When she saw me at the arcade a few weeks ago she finally said something to me.

  “Come on, I will unlock the door,” I hung up. I took a shower while she was on her way.

  Half an hour later, Elay was lying across my bed with just her bra and underwear on. She had the word “Juicy” written in glitter on the back of her underwear. I was starring at her breasts and butt, wondering why she didn’t have a lot like Britain’s. I never noticed until now how small Elay’s breasts were.

  She climbed on top of me after I lay down and kissed me sloppily. I gripped her butt like they did in the porn movies my father gave me to learn from. It didn’t feel the same as it did before. Britain’s body is softer and her lips are juicier.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked, playing with my limp dick.

  I was kind of embarrassed because this never happened to me before. I stay getting on the hard from the smallest things and now I couldn’t. My mind was set on getting some, but my dick wasn’t working. I got to ask my pops about this later. Maybe it didn’t work anymore. Now, Elay was going to run her mouth to her older friends about me.

  “I don’t know I’m tired. I been hooping all day with my cousin,” I told her.

  She climbed off of me, “Do you be messing with any of those hoodrats from over there? It’s nothing but a drug-infested neighborhood!” she said.

  “No,” I replied. My father always told me when a girl asked you a question about another one deny it regardless of the situation.

  “Why isn’t it getting hard?” she asked.

  “I don’t know!” I said, getting up.

  “My parents will be home shortly so you have to leave!” I lied. They wouldn’t be home for a few hours. My pops wouldn’t care but my mother would.

  “Why can’t we date? You know, go to the movies or whatnot,” she asked.

  “I don’t know, Elay. I’m too young for all of that! Plus, I thought this was our secret because of my age?” I asked.

  “I don’t care what people say! Besides, you look and act eighteen!” she said, getting dressed.

  Elay is very pretty and almost resembles Rihanna. But she was the talk of high school. I heard all the rumors about her when she was going there. She slept with a lot of guys on the football and basketball teams. Whoever said rich girls wasn’t freaks, are liars. There are a lot of rich kids in our school and the majority of the girls are freaks. Even some of the chicks in the hood didn’t get down like that.

  After Elay left, I started jotting down some lyrics to a rap song I was working on. For some reason, all I could think about was Britain and when I did, my dick sprang to life.

  Janae

  “It’s okay, lil’ boo, just let me stick the head in!” he said, fondling me. My mom stole some money from someone and now I have to pay for it. My virginity is about to be taken away all because she owes someone money that she couldn’t pay back.

  They said that my mom stole some money from his pockets when he was drunk at the strip club while giving him a lap dance. My mother is the neighborhood whore. She is only twenty- eight. She had me at fourteen. She doesn’t even know who my real daddy is. I have an eight-year-old brother that didn’t live with us because his father took him away from my mother. I hadn’t seen my brother since he was one and my mom didn’t even care. She was down at the strip club trying to make ends meet while I was at home alone with a strange man. She even gave him the key to get in the house. I hate her. I knew she could pay him back but she chose not to.

  I lay still as he fondled my small breast, putting his mouth on it. His rough hand slipped into my underwear as he touched me down there. Tears slipped from my eyes and my slim body trembled from his touch.

  “You are so damn sexy!” he said, slipping his middle finger into me, making me gasp.

  “That’s right, baby! It feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked as he played in my vagina.

  “Relax your legs! If you don’t do what I tell you, I will kill you! I see how you be looking at me! I know you want this!” he said, pulling a gun out of his pants with his free hand.

  I burst into tears because no one was here to save me. A voice in my head told me to relax and let him do whatever it was that he had to do.

  He slid down my panties and took off my sports bra. Then he stood up taking off all of his clothes. Once he was done, he spread my legs open, sticking his tongue down there. It felt slimy but it gave me a tingling feeling. He kissed it then slipped his finger inside of me again. But for some reason, it didn’t hurt anymore. I closed my eyes as my body trembled and my vagina started beating as fast as my heart. I guess this feeling was what made my mama a hoe.

  Once he was done, he climbed his solid body on top of me and spread my legs further apart by wiggling his hips. He gripped my waist then held his penis at my entrance. He sloppily kissed my face as he painfully broke through my hymen. Tears poured down my face as he thrust into me not caring that I was in pain.

  “Owwwwww!” I screamed as he pummeled into me. He was thrusting in and out of me in a fast pace. After a few minutes, his sweaty body collapsed on top of me. I lay there whimpering as he sloppily kissed my lips. When he stood up, I could see blood dripping from his manhood. I sat up and looked down between my legs and there was blood everywhere.

  “You a woman now!” he said getting dressed. I pulled the covers up to cover my small breasts. He dropped a few bills on the nightstand next to my bed.

  “Buy yourself some new underwear and bras!” then he left out.

  I hated my mom for what she did to me! Her own daughter. I got up and headed to the bathroom to run my bath water. My legs were cramped and my vagina was sore. After I stopped the water, I eased down in the tub. As soon as my bottom hit
the hot water, it stung. I couldn’t tell anyone about this because he would kill me.

  Britain

  “Cheater!” I said as O’Shea and I played Uno.

  “Girl, you wish! You a hater for real!” he said laughing showing his boyish dimples.

  O’Shea had been coming over almost every day for the past month. When his dad didn’t bring him, he snuck over in a cab. I hadn’t been seeing much of Janae since she started her summer job bagging groceries.