Don't Come Looking For Love

by Natavia

  “Bitch, nigga! Bitch, nigga!” Tookie said still not liking O’Shea.

  “Stop it, Tookie! That’s not nice!” I told her.

  “I hate that damn bird! I’m going to bring my pops pit-bull over here so she can shake her ass down!” O’Shea said getting mad.

  “What the fuck y’all doing?” my mama asked, walking into the house with Harry trailing behind her. If Harry wasn’t getting high and kept himself up, he wouldn’t look so bad. He reminded me of Sinbad.

  “Playing Uno,” I answered.

  “Crack-head! Thief!” Tookie said to my mama when she walked past. Sometimes you had to whisper around Tookie because if you didn’t, she would repeat it.

  My mama didn’t say much about O’Shea coming over. I thought I would have gotten in trouble when she first caught him in the house, but I didn’t.

  “Keep on talking shit, you little fucker! I will fry your ass up and lay you on a piece of bread with some hot sauce. You funky motherfucker! Shitting every damn where! As much as you run your damn mouth, you need to be asking for the toilet!” my mama yelled at Tookie.

  Tookie turned around and started making spitting noises.

  “I should knock your ass off of that damn post! Matter of fact, I’m ready to bring one of those stray cats in here so they can fuck you up!” my mama said.

  She was getting amped up fussing with Tookie like she was a person.

  “Mama, leave her alone! She is just a bird and repeats what she hears people say!” I said.

  “I don’t give a fuck what that bitch is! She runs her mouth like a grown-ass woman! She needs to get a job as a telemarketer the way she runs her mouth. Maybe she can pay some bills! Bitch isn’t good for shit!” my mama said making Harry and O’Shea laugh.

  “Crack-baby!” Tookie said and my mama lost it. She took her shoe off her and hurled it at Tookie, knocking her off her post.

  “Pimp down!” Tookie said making me laugh. I need to stop watching “Friday after Next” when Katt Williams acts a fool. My mama even started laughing at Tookie.

  “Damn, Geraldine, put your shoe back on!” Harry said to her. I didn’t know what type of relationship they have, but if it worked for them, so be it. Harry was a functioning crack-head and was able to work at a car shop fixing cars. He was always oily and dingy-looking but he had a nice set of white teeth.

  My mama’s feet smelled stale. She would clean the house up but when it came to her hygiene, she just didn’t care.

  “Nigga, shut the fuck up! Your dick smells worse! Grown-ass man walking around with a dick smelling worse than a crack-whore on her period. Talking about my fucking feet! Nigga, fuck you! Keep on Harry and just watch how I beat your ass!” she said with her back leaned and one foot in front the other. Her fists were balled up and her ponytail was almost invisible on top of her head. She had a headband on today with her edges gelled down.

  O’Shea was cracking up and I was embarrassed at how my mama’s feet was smelling up the room. Her socks were holey and dingy when they used to be white. Her pink lipstick was on perfectly as always.

  “Okay, Geraldine, damn!” Harry said not wanting to argue.

  “Yeah, I know, nigga, with them long-ass Converses you got on! Motherfuckers ain’t shit but some corner catchers! We see your damn shoes hit the corner before you do! Long-ass, twelve-inch sub feet from Subway with everything on it! Say something else about my feet again, Harry, and watch what I do to you!” she argued with her hands on her bony hips.

  “Look, just get what you need to get so we can bounce!” Harry said. They would stop by two times a day then leave back out. My mama would come home around my bedtime then leave in the middle of the night while I was in a deep sleep.

  “Brownie, there is some steaks in the freezer. Set them out so we can eat that for dinner later,” she said.

  “Ok, mama,” I told her.

  “Grown, lil’ nigga, you staying for dinner?” my mama asked O’Shea. She called him that because she said he looks older than what he really is.

  “Yes, maim,” O’Shea responded. After my mother went upstairs to change her clothes and redo her ponytail, her and Harry started heading towards the door.

  “See you later, Brownie!” Harry said closing the door.

  “What a power couple!” O’Shea said and we started laughing.

  “I need to take a nap!” I yawned.

  “Yeah me, too, I been balling with Kenjay all morning. Let’s go take a nap until it’s time for dinner,” O’Shea said.

  We headed upstairs to my bedroom where I closed the door then locked it. I kicked my blue Old Navy flip-flops to the side and O’Shea took off his Air Forces.

  “Do your parents wonder where you are?” I asked O’Shea.

  “They are busy with their own lives. My mother is always working and my father is always running the streets. I guess it was easier for my pops to just drop me off over his girlfriend’s house most times,” he said.

  “Who is his girlfriend?” I asked.

  “Tammy is his girlfriend. Well, one of them anyways. Kenjay is not my real cousin. My pops started taking me over there with him while my mama was at work. I guess he didn’t have anyone to watch me while he ran the streets. I’m old enough to stay home by myself now, but Kenjay and I grew really close. My neighborhood is whack! My school is whack and it’s just something about the hood that I like. I don’t fit in with them square-ass people,” he said.

  I guess O’Shea and I are both being neglected by our parents.

  “Can I kiss you?” O’Shea asked staring at my cherry-flavored, glossed lips.

  “I don’t care,” I said closing my eyes. He placed his lips on mine like he always did. His tongue slipped into my mouth and then his hands slid up my shirt and onto my bra. Every time he did that, I would stop him but I didn’t stop him now for some reason. Maybe it was because summer break was almost up and I wouldn’t see him like that anymore. He became a close friend like how Janae and I were. She had been very distant lately.

  His penis pressed against my leg and I got this funny feeling between my legs. He started grinding into me, making my body temperature rise a little more and I started grinding back. I didn’t know what the feeling was but it felt like I needed to be touched down there.

  “What are we doing?” I asked him.

  “Making each other’s body feel better!” he said reaching under my sundress. I had never had sex before but I knew O’Shea did because he told me.

  I lay still trembling as he took off my underwear. I was so happy my grandma Brenda, my father’s mom, bought me some cute underwear with the letters on them.

  “I’m not going to hurt you Britain,” he said.

  “What am I supposed to be doing?” I asked.

  “Taking off your clothes!” he said getting undressed like it was nothing.

  I stood up and slid my dress down, “Bra, too!” he said sitting down on my full-sized bed.

  “I don’t know about taking off my bra,” I told him. My chest was bigger than some of the girls my age around here and I didn’t want him to thank I was weird.

  “I like them! They remind me of the girl titties that’s in the porn videos my pops let me watch,” he said. I shyly took off my bra then lay down on the bed with my hands covering my breasts. He slid his boxers down and my eyes got big. Is that supposed to go in me? I wondered.

  “Why does it look like that?” I asked.

  “It’s called being horny. It happens when you really like someone,” he said climbing on top of me under the covers.

  He kissed my lips and I just lay under him while he tried to stick that thing into me.

  “Oww!” I cried as he pushed it in.

  “Calm down, Britain!” he said trying to push further. He must be too big to enter me.

  “Let me try something else,” he said while sticking his finger in me. Once his finger started slipping in and out of me, he added another one until my body relaxed and it didn’t hurt as much. After a f
ew minutes, he tried inserting it again. It seemed harder than before. He must really like me.

  He pushed further into me and I could feel myself tearing. Tears fell from my eyes as he slowly thrust into me, making me gasp. He slowly pumped in and out, and after the pain went away, my body temperature rose again. I felt the same way I felt when we kissed and it made me have some kind of ache between my legs. A noise escaped his mouth and his eyes closed.

  I uncovered my boobs and wrapped my hands around his waist along with my legs. My body just all of a sudden responded to his. I didn’t know what else to do.

  He started speeding up and it was starting to feel better. A few moments later, it throbbed then he grunted before he collapsed on top of me.

  “That’s it?” I asked.

  “I guess so! I haven’t finished so fast since the first time I done it,” he said as if he was embarrassed. He stood up and his facial expression changed.

  “There’s blood everywhere!” he panicked.

  I got up but my legs were trembling and they felt a little weak, “What did you do?” I asked, crying.

  “I don’t know! This never happened before!” he said. I put my hands between my legs and there was blood on the tip of my fingers.

  “I’m going to die!” I screamed.

  “I think I popped your cherry,” he said sitting on the end of the bed.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I heard some of the niggas say when they fuck a girl and it’s her first time, she bleeds,” he said.

  “Take a bath while I change your sheets before your mom comes back. I’m going to throw these ones out,” he said. I hurriedly grabbed my things for my bath.

  After I sat down in the tub, the small ache eased away from my bottom. I looked down between my legs and there was a small stream of blood floating up. I was never having sex again.

  O’Shea came in and washed his private area off. Once he was done, he pulled his basketball shorts up then sat down on the toilet seat. I covered up my boobs and he laughed.

  “I seen everything already, Britain!” he said.

  “So, what!” I snapped.

  “What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

  “You made me bleed, idiot! It wasn’t supposed to be like that! When the girls in the movies have sex, they look happy!” I said with tears falling from my eyes.

  “Those people in the movies are acting!” he said. I rolled my eyes and started washing up. Once I was done, he handed me a towel. I dried off and got dressed. I put a pad in my underwear just in case.

  O'Shea

  I felt bad because I hurt Britain and I didn’t mean to. Maybe, I should’ve waited until she got a little older but my dick hurt to be inside of her. I couldn’t help the urge that I had every time I was around her. When I kissed her lips, it got really hard especially when her boobs were pressed against my chest.

  “Feed Tookie while I put the steaks in the oven!” she said.

  “Fuck no! Last time I fed her, she almost pecked me in the eye,” I told her.

  “You made me bleed!” Tookie said mimicking Britain. How did she hear everything?

  “Tookie, no! Don’t say that!” Britain said and I laughed.

  “You know how to cook, right?” I asked, sitting down on the couch.

  “Yes, I do! I’m always in the house by myself. I had to learn and I used to always watch my grandma,” she said, seasoning the steaks then putting them into the oven.

  My phone beeped and I looked at it. My pops was texting me telling me he was on his way to come get me. I guess my mom was tripping again because I liked hanging out in this neighborhood. Tammy treated me like more of a son then she did. I was tired of being in the middle of my mama and pops’ business. As soon as I turned eighteen, I was out of there and never looking back.

  “I can’t stay for dinner. My pops is on his way,” I told her pecking her lips. I got another text and it was him telling me to meet him over Kenjay’s house.

  “Okay,” she said sadly.

  “You want to walk me outside to the fence?” I asked.

  “Okay!” she said.

  “You made me bleed!” I heard Tookie say as we are leaving out.

  My pops was pulling up down the street around the same time we got to the fence. I pecked her lips again then one-arm hugged her. As I walked away, I turned around and she was still standing there. She waved at me then walked into the house. She didn’t have a phone so I could never talk to her when I was not in the hood.

  “What the fuck I tell your punk ass about going over that crack-head house? Why the fuck you keep hanging around that lil’ fat bitch? What the fuck is wrong with you? You supposed to have a dime-piece around your arm!” my pops shouted.

  “Leave him alone!” Tammy said coming out of the house.

  “Mind your business when I’m talking to my son!” he shouted.

  “Nigga, he over here more than he is at home! So, what he does is my fucking business, too! He can like whoever he wants! You are just mad because he isn’t like your no-good ass! Britain is a decent, pretty little girl. She doesn’t run around here like these other fast-ass girls! I’m sick of you teaching this boy how to be like you! He has a good heart and all you doing is ruining him!” Tammy screamed.

  “Get in the car, O’Shea!” my pops yelled at me. Kenjay was standing behind his mom grilling my pops. He didn’t like my pops and I could see why. My pops was a heartless, ruthless-ass nigga.

  “Fuck you talking like that to my mom for?” Kenjay asked with all the hood nigga he had in him.

  “Watch your mouth lil’ nigga!” my pops said.

  “Nigga, you ain’t my damn daddy! Fuck wrong with you?” Kenjay said walking towards my pops and Tammy held him back.

  My pops looked at me, “Get your bitch ass in the car now!” he said.

  I didn’t budge because I was tired of my pops, too. He ran his mouth too much.

  “Hell no! I’m staying here! Tell mama come and get me!” I told him. I usually didn’t talk back but that mess he said about Britain made me mad.

  He slammed me into his Benz and that was when I lost it and punched him in the mouth. He picked me up then slammed me again before Kenjay punched him on the side of his face, making him stumble. He knocked Kenjay on his ass and Tammy cracked a trashcan top on the back of his head. I punched my pops again then he punched me in the stomach. Kenjay hit him again then we jumped him. I was sick of my mom and pops. They didn’t give a fuck about me. I even heard them talking one night and she told him how she wished I was a girl. She didn’t even want me! She never wanted a son!

  Some of my father’s homeboys came from out of nowhere and broke it up.

  “You putting your hands on me, nigga! I takes care of you! Find your own way home! You turning on me because of that fat lil’ bitch! Fuck you!” he pointed his finger at me. I was already home, little did he know. Tammy’s house felt like my home.

  “You don’t have to worry about shit, nigga! You dead to me, putting your hands on my damn sons! Fuck you! If you and that prissy bitch don’t want him, let him stay here! He is always here any damn way!” Tammy said.

  Yager dusted his pants off, “Don’t come looking for love! Remember to tell them bitches that lil’ nigga because you are just like me! You don’t see that shit now, but you will! You will never be capable of loving these bitches as long as my blood flows through those veins! Your mama even knows it! She sees me in you! Why you think she doesn’t like being home around us? You are me, that’s why! Keep on and that lil’ fat bitch going to hurt you! When she does, don’t come to me!” he said getting into his car and peeled off.

  “You okay, baby?” Tammy asked, rubbing my back.

  “Yeah, I’m good!” I told her. She hugged me then walked into the house.

  “We fucked that nigga up!” Kenjay said and I laughed.

  “I can’t believe you stood up to your pops over Britain’s crazy ass!” he laughed.

  “She doesn’t mess with any
one! He shouldn’t have said those things about her,” I told Kenjay.

  “Yo, that’s wild. I just thought you was going to try and fuck me up!” Kenjay said.

  I laughed, “Naw, he my pops and all but we ain’t even like that! Y’all more like family to me than they are!” I said.

  He gave me dap and we walked toward the house. I looked down the street and Britain was looking right at me. She must have seen and heard everything.

  “Where is my son at, bitch?” I heard my mama screaming at Tammy.

  “Hold up! Who the fuck you talking to? This is my damn house and you better respect me!” Tammy screamed.

  “Bitch, please, don’t let the uniform fool you! Just because I don’t hang out in this filthy-ass place doesn’t mean I can’t be about that life! My son is here and you better get him. You don’t want me to call them boys, now do you?” my mama said to her. I never heard my mom talk like that before. She always tried to be proper and fit in with the white crowd.