Kieron Smith, Boy

by James Kelman

  One shop was easy, we used to get chocolate biscuits and sponge cakes. Mitch was not good at knocking but he was good at helping ye. One time we were w*****g he put his hand to do it to me. He done it funny and it was sore. Podgie was laughing. Mitch did not care. But he was feared of Podgie. But he was still a best fighter, except for Podgie, if ye laughed at him he would batter ye. That happened to a boy that was bigger than us, he laughed at Mitch to do with how he was talking. People said he talked funny. He was saying words and it was how he said them. That bigger boy was getting Mitch to say the words then he was laughing at him so Mitch just kicked into him, oh he just rushed him and kicked in. That boy was beat and had to get away.

  Podgie was not so big as Mitch but with a thick body People said he was the best fighter. Maybe he was not. But he went after people. He did not go after me but if he wanted to go after me. I think he did. Ye were going up the road and he shoved ye in the back. Oh what was that for?

  Ha ha. Nothing.

  He done it to Mitch too and Mitch did not stop him so that was how Podgie thought he could beat him. At football he booted into ye. So if you done it to him he just done it back and the ball was not there. It was not your fault, ye were just playing the game and it was not a real kick. So he kicked ye. Oh what was that for?

  Well you kicked me.

  But that was the ball.

  Then how he looked at ye, seeing what ye would do. If ye were letting him get away with it and then he had a wee smile. And if you did not tackle hard the next time that was you, he did not bother with ye. So if he could beat ye any time, that was how he acted. Even if ye were pals with him. So if he done it to ye ye just acted it was nothing, ye did not even notice or else ye laughed like it was a joke. Sometimes he punched people and then got the ball. Oh I did not f*****g mean it, I was just running.

  Oh but then he caught a wee Primary 2. He was just a bully. We were down at the shops and he caught him. That was the worst. Open yer mouth till I see yer teeth. The wee Primary 2 done it and Podgie spat right in. A greaser down to his tonsils. Podgie said that, Oh it is a big greaser.

  The wee Primary 2 could not get it up. He was choking and choking and went down on his knees choking and pulling his lips out with his fingers, pulling them out. Podgie grabbed his head, Wee b*****d.

  The wee Primary 2 was greeting and trying to shut his mouth. Podgie pulled his chin down and got his nose up so his mouth was open and spat in again so then the boy fell down and was just choking.

  That was Podgie, he was just a bully. Maybe Gary was one. He was if Podgie was there. He tripped people up when they were walking. If he done it to you ye had to act something, just whatever ye done. Boys laughed when he done it to them. But they were no really laughing. Podgie punched me on the shoulder and I said, Oh quit it.

  What will ye do if I do not?

  Oh Podge, just quit it.

  Podgie laughed but he stopped doing it. I called him Podge and no Podgie. So when ye said it it was better sounding. Other ones started saying it. But they were still feared of him. But I do not know with John Davis, if he was too. Or if he did not think about it, maybe he did not. John just looked at people. I thought if Podgie and Gary McNab were going to jump him. So if they did, what would happen? It was a worry.

  Miss Cooney did not like John. She picked on him, Oh you, John Davis, if you just listen and stop being so silly.

  When she gived him a row for no doing stuff Gary had his head on the desk and laughed round to me. But I did not laugh back. I saw him make a joke to Podgie and it was about John. Oh if they were making a fool of him. I kidded on I did not know. But what would happen if they jumped him? If John was my pal. He was my pal.

  Miss Cooney said things to him and he was just looking at her. In the playground he stood near me. But he did not come to school a lot. A boy said to me, Is John Davis a good fighter?

  Oh if he loses his temper.

  Have you seen him do it?

  Aye, he done it on the school buses.

  Oh but really, he did not. John did not hit people. I saw him as if he was nearly going to but he never did. But if he did ye would have to look out. Anybody would have to. John was just big and strong as well, I thought he was.

  Another time people were saying who was best fighters and who could give ye a good go. Some were looking at Podgie because if he was the best fighter in the class. He was just standing with a wee smile. But it was my turn to say and I said, Oh John Davis would give ye a good go.

  John Davis?

  I think he is a best fighter. A boy hit him on the school buses and he battered him. He just lost his temper. I think he is the best.

  Oh the best, said Gary McNab, in the complete class?

  That was a trick. He was trying to trick me. If it was the complete class, so that was everybody, Podgie and everybody. I said, Oh well I am no saying he is the complete best.

  But really I was. Podgie and them were looking at me. Nobody thought of John Davis but he was the biggest in the class. If he fighted ye he could knock ye out. Just if it was one punch, because if it just catched ye right and it was yer jaw, if he lost his temper.

  People could lose their temper, if ones were laughing at ye. So if people laughed at John maybe he would lose it. If they done things to him. If he let people do it and did not fight.

  Some boys done what ye telled them but John Davis was not one of them, I knew he was not. Mitch was a bit like it. Podgie telled him stuff and he done it. It was dares. Podgie would say it, Oh Mitch I dare ye to skelp that lassie on the b*m. So Mitch done it. Ask that lassie does she know what a Gerry's Helmet is? So Mitch went and asked. The lassie did not know and everybody all was laughing. She looked and saw us and got a big riddy. But so did Mitch, so we all were laughing more. But one time a man slapped him because he emptied a dustbin out on the pavement. Then the man ran out the close and got him. The man shouted at him, Weans are playing there you dumbcluck b****r, I will get the polis. We threw stanes at the man and Mitch got away We were laughing about it, dumbcluck b****r.

  It was only Podgie that done stuff to Mitch. If other ones tried Mitch would batter them. He was no feared of anybody. Except for dogs, he hated dogs and would not go near them. If he saw one he would walk out the way from it or even run away, I saw him running away and the dog just chased him. But dogs aye done that. I telled Mitch, ye just had to walk and it would be okay.

  But it was no just Mitch that Podgie done stuff to. He got ones to go messages too. Away to the shops and get me a packet of crisps. Go and do this and go and do that. He did not say it to me. I would not have went. But if he did say it? He would not. If I was his pal. I did not know if I was his pal.

  He thought ye were trying to get in with him and ye were not. He just gived a wee smile. I did not like it. I did not try to get in with him. People thought we were pals but we were not.

  It was you went pals with him, he did not with you. He was not really a pal. Because you were not his. Even if he was yours.

  If ye went up for him he came out, but sometimes he did not. Oh I am watching the telly.

  I did not like him bullying people. He done it when I was there and I did not like it. Podgie saw me looking but still done it. He done it a lot to a Primary 4 boy. Other ones picked on this boy because of how he walked funny and what he wore, it was stuff people laughed at. One time he failed in the canal and was caught in the weeds, his feet got fankled up. He was dragged down and down and going below the surface but a man was there and jumped in and got him. They thought he was passed away but he came to and was sick, all the water gushing out. It was in the paper and his photograph was there. My da was reading it. Oh here is a boy in your school. He nearly drowned in the canal. He was playing on the locks, I hope you do not do it.

  The other boys made him do it. They made him run over the top of the lock and go faster and faster. Everybody all was talking about it. His maw kept him off school the next day. If he was at the hospital. People said he was. But he w
as not. His da had a tree in his garden and people climbed it then if his da came they just called him names and ran away, they did not care about him. Ye would not like it if it was yer da.

  A boy said to me, Do you do boxing?

  He was looking at my nose, if a punch done it, that was it. Oh I done a lot of boxing in my old place. They had a boxing club and my granda took me and my big brother. They were teaching ye. It was just how ye done it, just throwing yer punches and putting up yer guard, jab jab and then with yer uppercut. I loved it. My granda was a great boxer, he knew a lot of tricks and used to show me and my big brother when we stayed there. Boxing clubs are great.

  I hope they will start a f*****g boxing club here, said the boy.

  Me too, said Mitch.

  Was yer granda a real boxer? said Podgie.

  Oh aye.

  If they start one here I am going, said Gary McNab. I bet ye my big brother will come too.

  Other ones were saying it now and then it was brothers, if ye had a big brother, what like he was. Gary McNab's big brother was a best fighter in the complete scheme, people knew that. One boy did not like his brother. Oh mine is a b*****d, I f***-**g hate him.

  And then it was a football team. We talked about that. Maybe they would start one here. Schools had football teams.

  ***

  My da did not like darkies and if they came on the telly or if they were tough and in a boxing match he just watched them, no saying nothing because if they were good fighters, if they were winning the fight and the white one was getting beat. Oh look how he is all cuts and bruises but see the darkie how he is not, his skin is just leather it is so thick and he does not get cut and bruised, that is why they aye win the fight.

  So if it was the white man ye were wanting him to win. But then ye were watching and ye liked it if the darkie won. Just cause of yer da and it was against him. I was glad. And if it was a wee darkie so ye wanted him to win. I wanted the wee ones to win. Except if the big one was Scottish but the Scottish ones usually were wee. My maw said that, Oh the Scottish men are always so wee.

  No they are not, said my da.

  Oh well usually.

  My da did not like that. Other stuff too. Oh that is a dirty punch, that is below the belt, oh look at that the solar plexus, oh he has hit the solar plexus, oh ohhh, moaning moaning, moan moan moan. He was a true moaner, just always moaning.

  Oh and if one was a Pape and giving the Sign. My da hated that. Really really, he did. He kept the newspaper on his lap so then he lifted it up and kidded on he was reading it. So if he did not see the white one making the Sign. He acted like that. So if he did not know the white one was a Pape. He could say the white one was good. But no if he saw he was a Pape, if we saw he saw, so then he could not. If the Pape won then my da just looked at his newspaper, Oh I think God answered his prayers, he prayed to God to win the fight and God just done it for him, oh is he not just good, that is Papes for ye.

  My maw said, Ssh.

  Oh but God is a Pape, he must be, the Papes must just be the best.

  Oh ssh.

  It just annoys ye. My da said it an angry voice but no his loud one, it was just quiet. My da got loud angry too. If it was quiet angry ye still done what it was, if he said it. Kieron, go to bed.

  Ye just went. Even it was half nine and it should be ten o'clock, if he telled ye in the quiet voice ye just done it. Matt too, if it was him he would have went. Except it was never Matt, just me. My da gived rows for nothing and it was to me he done it. He was moaning about his job. Oh I hate that damn place, it is all just slave-drivers, I am going back to sea.

  I wished he would. He worked late and that was him, ye were not to talk when he came home. Oh you are a wean you should be seen and no heard.

  He said wean. My maw heard him but kidded on she did not, ye were not to say wean just child. She put out his tea and he ate it up. Then his cup of tea and a fag, then it was okay and ye could talk. What is coming on?

  What on the telly. If it was something you wanted he did not, so he got what he wanted. Things all were ordered for him. The complete house. But you were there too so ye got sick of it. I sat on the floor at the side of the settee. Ye could look up and see them but they could hardly see you. Sometimes they thought ye were away to bed and said stuff about ye. Did that boy do his homework?

  I shouted, Aye.

  Oh it is not aye it is yes, said my maw.

  I thought he was away to his bed? said my da.

  No, ten o'clock is his bedtime.

  Oh.

  I waited a wee minute then counted up to thirty and got up to go to bed. That annoyed them. I hoped it did. No my maw really but my da. And Matt too if he was there. So if it was a good programme on the telly and I just jumped up. Goodnight!

  Oh ye do not have to go yet, said my da.

  Wait till the end of the programme, said my maw.

  Oh I am just tired.

  You have watched most of it, said my da, ye might as well see it all.

  No, I am just tired. Goodnight.

  And away to my bed. They did not like me doing that, Oh if we watch that programme and he does not, how come? Maybe he does not like it. But we do. He is just spoiling it going to bed.

  I did not care. I went to the bathroom to do my teeth and just was laughing. And into the mirror. Except sometimes. If I did not like seeing my face, how yer eyes just looked back at ye. It was funny how they done it. Yer own eyes. Even like somebody else's, it was like that. Ye could get creepy feelings. I did not want to see in the mirror. If ye could not see except yerself, if somebody was there behind ye. You were just blocking it. Who was there behind ye? Ye could not see.

  Even if ye could see but did not see them, they could still be there, if they were invisible, so if it was a Dracula, they did not have their reflection but still creeped up on ye.

  They heard ye coming and were waiting. They came out to get ye. So pulling the plug if ye done the toilet. It was a loud noise. So if it woke them up, all ghosts and just evil spirits, all in the coffin, if they came out to get ye, oh mammy daddy I did not pull the plug except if I opened the bathroom door first. Then I jumped out into the lobby and tried to switch off the light before they grabbed my shoulder and got me back in. They could not get ye with the light on, they could not come out in the light. They hated it if it was light. A lot of times I left the light on and I did not pull the plug. And even if my da said it, Oh who was last in the toilet?

  Well I just said it was me, Oh sorry dad I forgot.

  Ten o'clock was my bedtime. It was too early. I said half past to people. Other ones did not have a bedtime. If they were saying in school about what was on television and it was late on I acted like I saw it or else just said something. Oh I went to bed early last night, I was just tired.

  Gary McNab watched to see who was early to bed. He got staying up late. It was just up to him when he went. He made his own supper just for himself. If he wanted a piece he just made it and no for anybody else. In our house it was supper for everybody at nine o'clock. It was me made it. No all the time but usually. If it was not me it was my maw. My da and Matt never made it. I did not care. I liked making it cause it was just yours and ye got what ye wanted, toast and beans else toast and cheese. I went through at nine o'clock and started. My da did not like it if it was too early but I still made it. Oh it is too early. I did not care.

  But then if it was a bad temper, even just his voice and ye got jittery. I wished he was back in the Navy. How come he left? If he did not like his job how come he did not go back to sea? When he was in the house he got the living room. My big brother got the bedroom and my maw got her bedroom and the kitchenette too. I just got the balcony. If it was raining or just cold I still went out. I saw people in other balconies. One smoked a lot and if his maw and da were watching the telly he used to go out for fly puffs. I waved to him and he waved back. David Sinclair, boys called him wee Sinky. But ye would never call him wee Sinky just Davie. He was older than me bu
t wee for his age.

  Sometimes I just went out to see if anybody was there, so if ye saw a head sticking up and they shouted across to ye. Hoh Smiddy!

  My maw blamed me if somebody done it. Oh who is that shouting and bawling, that is terrible, children are trying to sleep, come in from there Kieron.

  ***

  One time I came home from school and the trapdoor up to the roof was open and ladders were there. The trapdoor was outside our front door on the landing. I went up to see. I just looked then the man was coming, a workie, he was whistling coming up the stair so I just came down fast and into my house and shut the door. He went up, he was doing work up in the loft. I heard his footsteps. It was TV aerials, he was putting them up.

  My da had step-ladders. I thought to do that. I could get them out and go up. Mitch could come. Sometimes he came home from school with me and I took him in the house. Matt did not come home till quarter to five. My maw came in from her work at quarter past. So I said to Mitch and that was what we done and we done it a lot of times. It was a real den. I made pieces on jam and we ate them when we got up. It was just great. We just had a look about and found another workie's ladder beside the skylight. It was a slanty window, but ye could not get through it. But maybe ye could. Imagine ye got out on the roof.

  We just walked along on the rafters. Ye could go a far way over other people's ceilings and ye thought about that, if ye made noises like a ghost so they heard ye. Oh there is a ghost up there! Oh oh.

  It was a laugh. Mitch had fags and we smoked one up there.

  But I was worried if the neighbours saw me and ye had to watch so ye did not put yer foot through the plaster because it was somebody's ceiling. But if ye could not help it yer foot slipped off the rafters and went down between and kicked the plaster but lucky for me it did not go through and make the ceiling come down. But then that happened, it was not me but it was thiefs. They broke into yer house and that was how they done it. They climbed up and kicked in the plaster till it broke then the ceiling came in and they dreeped down into yer house. So then they robbed ye. It happened to us when we were away for the day. They did not close our front door. Other ones could have come and stole everything out the house. That happened to a family in our street. They were away at the seaside and when they came home their house was empty, everything all was took.