Kieron Smith, Boy

by James Kelman

  Oh but when they done it to us my maw was greeting and my da was the angriest ever. If he got a hold of them he would just murder them, they were just thiefs and scum. We were looking to see what was robbed but could not find nothing. The cops came and said it. Oh check all yer stuff Mrs Smith.

  So my maw was looking at everything again. But all it was was cheese. Oh it is just cheese, they have took the cheese.

  The cops said, Oh they must have been disturbed. It is boys on the run. They are running away from Borstal. If they do not find stuff they just take food.

  After the cops went away my da was quiet to me and then he held onto my arm. Were you up in that loft?

  Oh no dad.

  Because what about my step-ladders, somebody has used my step-ladders, did you ever use my step-ladders?

  Oh no dad no, I never did.

  Well if ever you go up there, if ever you go up in that loft my boy never ever you go up there or you will get a hammering.

  But dad.

  I am warning you.

  Oh it is not Kieron's fault, said my maw.

  Well somebody has shifted these step-ladders. Who done it? My da said, Was it you Matt?

  Oh no da.

  Well somebody has used them.

  Oh we were lucky it was just cheese, said my maw.

  But how did he know? I did not think how he could know Him and the man next door got a padlock and they put it up on the trapdoor so the thiefs could not get in again. But I knew where the key was so if I got it I could still get up, but I did not because with the step-ladders, if ye did not have them, how could ye do it?

  Except the landing wall. It was outside our door where ye went down the stairs. Ye got up on it easy, but just usually to sit. But if ye stood on it and reached up. Ye could, if ye balanced right. I said it to Mitch. Just if ye climbed up on the wall and balanced. I could do it. He could hold onto my legs. I could get the key in the padlock and open it. Maybe I could.

  Oh but ye had to be careful standing up on it. Ye got up sideways and just sat with yer legs over then on yer knees and just kneeled a wee while. Nothing was there to hold on. You just balanced. Ye got up a wee bit at a time, just a toty bit. Ye kept yer arms out, quite stiff out. Mitch was wanting to hold my feet there but that was no good because it was trapping ye. I telled him no to but he done it in case ye fell.

  Oh leave go my feet Mitch.

  Oh but if ye fall!

  But you are tripping me.

  He was just scared if I fell over the wall down on to the stairs at the window landing. And if it was head first, ye would break your skull in two. It would just crack like a big egg.

  But I would not go headfirst. I would twist my body in mid air so I could get my hands and my shoulders round a bit and that would make it better for landing. It would not be headfirst. But I would not fall anyway.

  Mitch was going to hold onto my legs again but I did not want him to because it just stopped ye. Just let me do it Mitch.

  Oh but Smiddy if ye fall.

  But I would not fall, only if he done it. It was just slowly slowly, ye done it just slowly, a wee bit a wee bit a wee bit, both hands doing it, till then they touched the roof. Now it was good. Ye pressed up yer fingers to balance and got them up on the trapdoor. Then I went on my tiptoes and got the key in the padlock, and got it off. He passed me up the brush and now he could hoist me, so I shoved up the trapdoor. Ye could not reach to do it yerself, ye needed a brush or else a stick.

  I had to do the climb up now else if I did not close the trapdoor people would see it. I was worried about the neighbours because they would just tell my maw. But it was quite easy. Mitch hoisted me a wee bit more and I got my hands gripped on the sides of the wood where the trapdoor came down. I pulled up on my elbows. Now it was kicking my feet in mid air, swinging them up and up. Ye could not fall now. I got up and found the workie's ladder. I could let it down for Mitch to climb. Oh but it clanked and clanked and I worried if the neighbours heard.

  It was smashing up in the loft. I loved it. Ye could make it into a den and it was like a hideout. Me and the boys looked for dens and hideouts and were wanting to make one. Maybe if we got a good tree or else a cave. A lot of times we looked for caves down the field. People said there were and ye could find them near the burn, but ye had to go away far along. There were rabbits there and ye could eat them. Me and Mitch went looking for caves a lot of times but never found them. But the loft was great. If ye put planks over the rafters that was like a floor. Ye could take up stuff too, a chair and books and ye could just sit down and read them or else do any stuff and ye could plank any stuff. Mitch had n**e books so if we took them up. Just anything. Nobody would know so ye would not get bothered. It was just a room to yerself, that was what I thought. But Mitch had one already. Oh a hideout is better, which would ye rather have? If it was a hideout, ye would not get bothered. People would not come into ye. That was what he said. He hated them coming in his room so ye had to chap the door first. But I would have loved a room to yerself, just the complete room, what would ye do?

  The workies had a ladder up in the loft and I could let it down for Mitch to climb up but I did not want to in case if somebody found out. If Mitch was no there I could not climb it. I did not do it much. My da would murder me if ever he catched me doing it. He said it. My maw heard him. Oh your father is just worried you will fall and break every bone in your body.

  ***

  It was just how Matt was always there and swotting all the time. That was all he done and it was the bedroom, that was where he done it and ye were not to go in. Oh no. It was just your room but ye were not to go in it. Because he was going to college and everything was just to be for him. Oh do not put on the wireless if yer brother is studying, do not turn up the television. Oh it is ink-exercises, it is for his Latin. Oh Kieron if you are whistling, do not whistle too loud if your brother is studying.

  I was just sick of it. I would have went to my grannie's except it was travelling all the time so it was more money and ye got home late. I went on Saturdays with my maw or else Sundays with my maw and my da. Matt usually went himself and done it straight from school. His school was near the river so he could just run down and that was him. But no with me. If I went straight from school I did not get to my grannie's house till quarter past five or else half past.

  Coming home was worse because nighttime and no as many ferries and then if it was the train and ye missed one it took ages. People went and got a bus but no if ye had a return ticket on the train, ye did not have money for something else. Then if it was cold or it was raining, ye did not want to go, I could just have stayed. And ye got sleepy. Granda would tell me, Oh ye better away up the road son. Oh Vera I will take the boy down to the subway.

  Oh no dad. My grannie said he was not to because he was too tired so she would take me instead.

  In my grannie's house ye did not have to bother about stuff. I loved it. Her and granda did not watch much telly. But if ye wanted to ye done it, if it was football she did not mind. Me and granda watched it but not to the end because I had to go home. Usually ye were just reading if stuff was there and it was all quiet and nobody doing nothing except if my grannie was at the sink or the kitchen cupboard oh and she banged a pot and ye all jumped. Oh Vera ye would wake the dead! That was my granda and just laughing and making big eyes. She would wake the dead son, that grannie of yours.

  They were all in their graves, all the dead bodies, then coming out and it was nighttime and there was the moon and a wolf howling at ye, oh mammy, and it all was creaking so the waking dead. And ye just thought about it and if ye were going home ye walked down the road and passed the corners of streets and who was going to jump out at ye and there was the pavement and away ye could see a man coming to ye he was walking down to ye and oh ye better get out his road and just walk into the side of the building so he will not see ye he will not notice ye but just walk straight and his eyes no seeing ye if it is a murderer or who, a waking dead. Matt
said it. Oh it is the waking dead!

  When I was wee he said it to be creepy and make me feared. Just when he put out the light to jump into bed. Oh the zombies are here! I pulled the blankets over my head and he was just laughing. Oh there is the waking dead going to get ye! The zombies are here. Oh and they are going to get Kieron.

  My grannie and granda asked about him. Oh where is Matt we have not seen him? Grannie said it. But granda was looking as well. Aye son, where is that brother of yours we do not see him.

  Oh he is swotting all the time, that is all he does.

  My Auntie May was back staying with grannie. She had troubles. Auntie May never spoke much to me but now she did, a wee bit. Oh now Kieron give me a kiss. She said stuff about the new house and if my mum was keeping fine and how was my dad? So if Matt was doing good at school was he going to College? People said it. Oh Matt is a brainy boy and he is going to College. He will do well for himself. People wanted to know if he was going to College. My granda as well. If Auntie May was saying it ye saw him and grannie were listening. Oh Matt is going to College. Oh that is smashing. Oh is he top of the class? Well he must be. He is just clever and good at all his lessons.

  I could have been good at my lessons. They did not think it. Auntie May said, What about you Kieron, are you getting on at your lessons?

  The boy is good with his hands, said my grannie. She said it to me, You are good with yer hands son never you worry.

  But I could be good at my lessons too. But I did not want to be. But my grannie did not know it. I did not care.

  Except she did not think it. How come she did not think it? I could easy have done my lessons, easy. So could Gary McNab and he was a dunce. He just laughed at stuff. I did too. My grannie did not know everything. People thought she did. Oh if yer grannie says it son. That was what my granda said. Oh she is the best.

  But she did not know I could be good too.

  ***

  A thing happened. Me and other boys were talking about stuff. I was saying how a boy climbed the ronepipe. It was the same street as Billy MacGregor. He stayed across the back from me but it was faraway and hard to see his house. He did not know who the boy was. So I was going home from school and that was it. I did not think I was going to climb the ronepipe. But then if I did. What if? I started running. Because if I did. Maybe I would.

  So if I was going to do it. Well I would soon see. Maybe I would not. But I went fast in the close and up the stairs in the house and into my old trousers and sandshoes.

  I did the lock on the kitchenette door and left it open. So I was going to do it. I was. And I did not go out on the balcony, just back down the stairs again.

  Out in the backcourt I looked up at the ronepipe a while, just to see. The family below us had the same one. When ye went up ye passed their balcony and could put a foot on it but if they saw ye, ye had to watch it, because they would just tell on ye. So if ye just passed it and went up to yours. I was the top flat. So if I went up past the bit where the wee pipes joined.

  I was looking and looking and then I just done it. I was thinking what to do and could not think it all, so I just got up on the wee pipe at the ground and then just up and up and it was the greatest thing. I did not do anything except go and did not look down except at the balcony below mine. I put my foot on the edge for a wee second and saw down then. But I just went back on the ronepipe and up again and there was my balcony wall and I was climbing beside it and up to the top of it and getting my elbow onto the wall there and then a grip on the wee bar that went round it and it was easy and I was over and jumping down into the balcony floor. I leaned back over to see down where I had come but just a minute. I went into the kitchenette and ben the lobby into the bathroom. I done the lawy and was washing my hands. Wee scratches and bits of bleeding were on my knuckles, the skin was tore. It was the greatest thing, just the greatest thing. Maybe Pat had seen me, if he was looking out the window, or somebody, maybe the street across the back, if that other boy saw me. I went back out the balcony and looked out, seeing down. Somebody was out at a midden away closes along from me. If they had seen me, maybe they had. Then the kitchenette door, somebody was chapping it, Matt was home from school.

  I wanted to tell him, I was going to, lucky for me I did not. Then my maw came home and I was to set the table for tea. Matt did not have to because he was doing his homework. I did not care. That was me now and I had my whole place that was just my whole place and it was a complete place. That was the balcony, it was my balcony. I looked out the living-room window to see if Pat and Danny were out with a ball. They were not. Usually they did not at this time, they were getting their tea. I could just go up for Pat. I could just wait for him. I looked down the field and saw people away down over the burn. Who was that? If it was Squatters. Even if it was Cochise. Could he even climb the balcony? Maybe he could not. Who else could? I was going to do it again. Not tonight. I could never do it if people were in but after school I could and I just would do it. Except tomorrow was Saturday so only it had to be Monday.

  I went into the kitchenette. My maw was making the tea. I got the rubbish bin from under the sink. I am away down the midden.

  Oh thanks Kieron.

  I ran downstairs. Out at the midden I emptied the rubbish and looked up to see where I had been. It was good seeing it. The wee pipe went into the kitchenette. The other one stretched over to the bathroom. But ye could not get to the bathroom. It was too far, there was no grips. It was only the window, so how could ye get to it? Oh it did not matter, the balcony was just great and I was seeing how I done it and it was so high. How had I done it? But I had. I had just done it, it was just the greatest thing. And seeing how ye got to the balcony. Ye reached yer hand to the wee round bar on top and gripped it tight to take yer weight. Inch by inch ye could leave go the pipe with yer other hand, then yer elbow on the top of the wall and ye hoisted up and ye were over and jumping down to the balcony floor. That was how ye done it. And if ye looked and somebody was watching ye, ye could give them a wee wave.

  So that was me now and I climbed it a lot of times. I just thought about it in school so if the teacher was talking. Oh stop dreaming Kieron Smith.

  That was me and I was just thinking about it. I telled the boys. Gary said, Oh Smiddy is a boaster.

  I was not a boaster, just if I did it and I said it.

  Mitch came home with me after school. It was raining but and I did not do it. So the next time it was dry. Him and Peter Wylie came with me. I did not take them in the house but just went to get the kitchenette door. Ye had to watch it was not locked else ye could not get in. Only if the wee window was open. There was the big kitchenette window and then a wee one at the top of it. Only the wee one got opened. Ye could crawl through but it was the side of the sink down below and ye slid in, so ye had to catch the edge of it and then be careful coming through, if yer legs banged and yer shoe crashed the window and then if it broke.

  If my maw and da caught me climbing the balcony I would get a doing. I knew I would.

  But then what happened, Matt knew I done it. He just said it one day to me. How did he know? Somebody telled him. He would not say who, but somebody.

  He did not climb it. I said to him but he did not want to. What other boys done it? I did not see them, except him from the street across the back. Over here it was me, I was the one that done it. Danny's house was on the ground floor so he did not have a balcony. Ground-floor houses got the wee garden at the front so that made up for it. Danny's da put in flowers and wee bushes. Pat's house was up the top flat and he did not fancy climbing it. When nobody was there I climbed his to show him. He was on the balcony looking down at me and talking all the time. Hey Kieron, Kieron!

  But I did not look up at him. If ye looked up ye just got dizzy and oh ye were going to go back the way or if the ronepipe came away in yer hand. People said it would, the nails popped and that was that and ye just went over and would get a broken back or if ye landed on yer head ye would just pass a
way. Big George said that, Matt's pal. Oh ye would get killed, yer head would just smash open. Or if it was yer face landing and getting flattened.

  But if ye held on tight. I did not look up but I could look down. It was best just climbing and no looking anywhere except just the pipe and the wall next to ye. Ye knew where to put yer feet and did not even look, just up up. I was fastest. I would have raced Matt. If he went up the stairs, I would have climbed it. I would beat him, no unless he ran. But if I could still beat him, maybe I could.

  Then I found how to do the bathroom. That was the hardest. I did not like doing it much. Ye were past the join and had to stretch yer hand over and ye were sticking close into the wall. Ye had to do that. And ye could not see because yer head was the same way facing, that was into the wall. And ye did not want to move it. Ye could not because for the balance. So it was just yer hand and it was inch by inch and just yer fingertips oh just reaching over just reaching over till they touched the wall at the ledge and ye could hardly see, because ye were looking into the wall. Ye set yer fingertips there and then yer one foot inch by inch, it was yer knee, so to get that, ye were wanting to get that to the ledge if ye could get yer knee there, just at the edge and if ye could do that oh just a wee bit inch by inch and if ye made it, oh, and the wee top window had to be open so ye reached to it and got a good grip to pull ye up onto the ledge. And when ye done that it was easy, ye could trail yer leg over and if people were looking up and seeing Ohh! and they would see it and Ohh maybe he will fall, but it all was easy now and ye were doing it for a laugh. Usually people left the wee window open on the bathroom because if there was a thief he could not get up to it. How could he? People thought that. My maw and da thought that. I said to my da, Oh maybe people can climb in.