Kieron Smith, Boy

by James Kelman

  So that was that. Everything was horrible. I did not find the classroom and when I did it was a new class, mine all was away to another one. Every time they finished a class they went away to another one. A different teacher for all the classes. I just went after them and saw people and just followed them but every time in the class I had to say to the teacher what my name was so they could write it down. They did not have it on any lists and said, Oh is this the correct class?

  People were looking at ye. I hated it. Ye felt stupid. Ye just got a red face and yer voice. Oh could you speak up please, so ye had to say it loud.

  Kieron Smith.

  Would you please repeat that?

  Kieron Smith.

  The teachers just looked at ye and thought, Oh he must be stupid. That was what they were thinking and the boys and lasses too because ye were speaking and they heard ye, so they knew how ye spoke. Oh who is he, where is he from? I had to say my name and other things. Yes sir this is my class.

  Are you sure?

  Yes sir.

  Oh well you had better take a seat.

  The next night I saw boys down the shops and they telled me my name got called out at the right school. Everybody all was looking to see if I was there. Oh where is Smiddy? Oh he is no here he is going to a good school.

  And I was going to be in iB, so that was the second top class. Here at Matt's school I was in the lowest. That was iG. They said it was not the lowest but it was. They did not even know me, just put me there. I telled Matt but no my maw. He just looked. He was in the second top class. He had pals in that school. I did not. Ones went to the same Primary so they knew each other and did not speak to you. Some were posh or were fat or else big. I was wee compared. There was no darkies but two were Jewboys. One came from Belgium and was a Catholic. Somebody said it. He did not do the Sign. Ye got other ones in that school. Imagine Podgie and the boys, if ye telled them. Oh I have got a darkie and a Pape and a Jewboy in my class. Oh are ye sitting beside the Pape? That was what they would say. Oh is that darkie yer pal? What about the jungle, are ye going to go there?

  I did not care. But it was just how come if the Belgium boy was a Pape and in a Protestant school. Boys in the class made jokes about how he spoke, I am ver angreee, you think I am sillee fool, I am not sillee fool you are sillee fool.

  I sat at the desk to the side of him in History. Ye had to sit where ye were from the second day, so if ye had not changed from the first that was it and ye had to sit at the same desk. He was looking at me. How come? I did not do nothing to him. Other ones laughed. Sillee fool, I am ver angreee. I did not. He knew a lassie and talked to her at playtime. She did not talk much, just looked roundabout. She was skinny and quite big. I saw them in the playground. One day she wore trousers but no the next. Girls were not allowed to, only skirts. She had black hair and yellow skin, and he had the same but she was not his sister.

  Some were ordinary but had pals in other classes or from where they stayed. Some did not have pals, so ye just went about. I saw Matt in the corridor but we did not wave or go the gether. I got the first train home but he did not. He came home late.

  They did not call it playtime, but morning break and afternoon break. There was a part of the playground ye were allowed to play football. It was next to the little school. They had three buildings and called them the big school, middle school and little school. Ye got different classes in the three of them. They played football with a wee ball but too many played. I was counting. Fifteen or seventeen in one side. Ye got the ball and everybody charged. There was nowhere to run, too many of them were there. What will I do? Just kick it. It was good if ye were a dribbler but it was hard to do it. Some boys were good. Or else if ye had a hard shot, some did and could boot the ball hard. Ye had to watch if it hit ye, it was just a wee ball but it was hard and stung yer leg. Most people just ran about and tried to kick it. If ye kicked it twice it was good. Everybody all was shouting. Teachers walked past and shook their head. One came and stopped the game, Oh please men a bit of hush!

  The best game was dinnertime, after ye came back from dinnerschool if ye went to dinnerschool. My maw gave me the week's money on Friday morning, that was for the next week, but I just spent it and did not go. I made a piece and cheese after my breakfast and just ate that in the playground or else at the morning break. I went and played football. I quite liked it but sometimes it was just daft. If the ball came and ye were running other ones tried to get it off ye except they were in your team. Oh what are ye kicking me for? But still they done it. Just because they wanted a kick. Some were hopeless and could not play right. They did not bother and then just laughed if they got a kick. After the bell rang and ye were going up the stair a boy said, I never got a kick!

  So during the whole game he did not get one kick. Ones played from different classes. Some in my class did not play at all. But I liked that. Boys that played saw me and saw I got kicks. They did not know about my name and I did not say it, so if it was Smiddy, nobody knew. They just said yer second name, Smith.

  The ball went up on the roof of the playground shelters. People were looking up. Nobody was going for it. I waited to see. There was an easy ronepipe and it was not high up. I thought I would but then not. But I could, maybe.

  The buildings were good for climbing. The shelters were next to them so ye could get up on one and over to the school buildings. A gap was between them but it was not giant. If ye took a long run and did the jump and got to a window ye could get yer hands on the ledge and there was another one down below it. There was ways. I saw them. I wanted to climb it. Maybe I would.

  It would be good just to do it then maybe for a laugh looking in the top window, if it was your class doing a lesson. But the little school roof was nay good, no like the one in my Primary School. That was flat. So was the roof of the playground shelter. What if I went up? Imagine nobody had done it before. It would be hoaching with balls and stuff, hundreds of things. All over the place. What would be there? Everything. School books and exercise jotters, pencils and pens and sweeties. And money too. I know because I saw ones do it. Halfpennies and pennies. People flung it up for luck or else showing off. There would be a fortune. Ye would just get the money and no anything else, just fill yer bag. One boy that chipped the coins was in my class. He chipped them with his thumb, flick, and then spinning right up. That was the good way to do it. He was not one of the posh ones except talking, if he was English. That was how he spoke. I would rather you, not me. Oh I would prefer not to, I would rather you, not me.

  The lasses all liked him. He was nay good at sport. If it was a games period ye had to play what he done was just funny walks and runs down the sideline or else just walked about talking to people. The PE teacher shouted at him. This boy just looked at him then done it but he was not feared. He did not know nothing about football but some about rugby, it was just rugby But ye saw the lasses and he was talking to them. He was the only one boy there and talking. If he was telling jokes, ye saw them laughing, so he must have been telling them. But his jokes were good, he telled them to boys in the class too, things from the pictures or else the teachers, mimicking them, he was good at mimicking. And then tunes, he put his hands up so he was playing a trumpet, twiddling his fingers, and done a tune like a trumpet.

  He must have been quite rich to do it with the money. All them that chipped the coins up on the roof. I was going to climb it and get it all. It would be good if I did, people would know. Maybe lasses too except how they did not notice stuff. It was funny how lasses, you noticed them but they did not notice you. Ye saw them in the playground if it was their gym period and they got taken out. Sometimes they did. Other times it was the boys. The lasses wore short short skirts or else navyblue knickers tucked in and ye saw all their legs. If ye had to leave the room and go to the lavatory ye saw them chasing about and their tits bouncing.

  Imagine the boys if ye were telling them, Podgie. They walked behind lasses and said stuff. Sometimes I went. They shouted s
tuff, Oh can I get a squeeze?

  It was Podgie said it first, squeeze, can I get a wee squeeze. Squeezing her tit, that was what he meant. It was a laugh. Him and Gary shouted, Squeeze!

  Then in a quiet voice, Yer tit.

  Podgie said it out loud as well and if the lassie heard, he did not care, and if she got a big red face all the boys were laughing at her. Oh she is getting a riddy! Look.

  He done it with Ann Ritchie, a Primary 7 lassie, and she shouted. Oh grow up you, just grow up.

  Podgie shouted back, Naw you grow up, just you grow up!

  She looked at me now and it was not me that said it. I could not stop Podgie saying it, if he wanted to then he just done it, so it was no my fault.

  It was usually weer lasses him and the boys done it with. If it was with older ones ye had to be careful. Then if people were there and they were older than us. Ye maybe did not see them but they were across the street, then they saw ye. Who the f**k are you? F**k off.

  Or Papes. Somebody would say it, Oh she is a Pape. So ye were watching for them because if their boys came and ye were shouting names at them.

  But usually ye knew the lasses or who they were. Ann Ritchie was one I liked. She was in the class below me at Primary. Usually if ye liked a lassie she was older or else the same age but no always. I saw Ann Ritchie down the shops. I liked the way she looked and the way her legs went. Her house was up a wee hill and her view went over the top of my roof, right away to the hills. Maybe she saw me out the back window when I was on the veranda. I walked round her way when I went down the shops. Maybe she was at the front window and I walked past. Maybe she looked out and saw me. If I was walking along she would, she would see it was me. I was going to wave to her or if she was out her close, just hullo or what. Oh you are going to a good school. And I would just tell her about it. Peter Wylie said she had wee tits. I did not like him saying that. It was just to get in with Podgie, it was showing off.

  With girls at the good school it was different. I did not know about them. They did not look at ye. I was talking to my grannie and she said, Oh they will be looking at you. But you will not see them looking.

  Maybe ye were at the desk and one was looking at ye. You cannot see her but she sees you. So she is sitting behind ye or at the side and just if it was out the corner of her eye. What if ye saw her and it was true. Oh and the feeling too, ye would get that and it would just be oh ye would just have to go about or walk or what, just shivering. Ye were sitting at yer desk and writing something and the whole class was quiet and ye just saw her and she was looking. What one?

  My grannie said stuff to make ye feel it was okay but really, I did not see one looking at me. My clothes were not good. I needed stuff for going out. Peter Wylie had good clothes. I saw ones he wore. People said he had good style. He did have. Him and Gary McNab had the best. But if ye had a job. I was getting one. I just needed it. There was paperboy jobs too. Ye just put yer name down. It was Proddies. If ye were a Catholic ye did not get one except if ye were lucky. Once I got a job I was getting my own stuff And that was that and my maw and da, it was up to them what they said, if they wanted to say something that was them, but if it was my money It would be if it was my job.

  In the good school the lasses did not care about if ye saw them in their knickers for their PE period. That was them. Oh grow up.

  Ye could see them running about, they did not care, their faces all red from running, puffing hard and their sandshoes squeaking, their legs right up. But ye could not walk too slow else a teacher saw ye and ye did not look. Then if ye watched them going up the stair to see up their skirt they shouted at ye. Oh you dirty animal.

  Boys pointed at ye and laughed at ye too. No me but other ones. They had two gyms and two changing rooms in this school. After PE class ye got a shower. Ye did not have to, just if ye wanted. Some done it in the nude, people were looking. Bigger boys were there, doing repeat years. They should have been in 2nd year but got kept back. Ye could bring swimming trunks but ones laughed at ye. Some just ran in, covering it with their hand. Ye did not want people seeing if it was what size was it too wee? Or if ye were baldy or what, them just laughing and pointing and ye were getting a red face, that happened. Mine was not baldy but there was only a wee drop of hair. Then they flapped their towel at yer bum and if it hit ye it was quite sore, but they did not do it to me and if they were going to I kidded on I did not see. I was not going to fight them but if they were going to fight me I would. Except there was a wee gang there, I saw them.

  But if ye did not take the shower. Really ye had to or they would say stuff. Ones that did not were fat or wee or too skinny. They talked about ye. Oh he is a poof. Oh nancyboy nancyboy. He has got a vaggie. That was what they said. He has got a vaggie. I did not know it except later, a lassie's thing.

  Maybe if ye kidded on, Oh I am just in a hurry, I cannot take a shower. The Belgium boy got a note for the teacher so he did not take one. People laughed at him.

  Boys were fast into the gym from the changing room. It was good and I liked it. Lasses had their own gym and it was through the wall from ours but it was a partition wall and sometimes the two sides did not close right so ye could see through it and they were doing their exercises wearing their short short skirts or else just knickers, sometimes it was.

  There was two climbing ropes and wall bars. The wall bars were good. Ye could climb up the top and look down. Ye were not supposed to climb it except if a teacher was present. In case ye fell off. But it was good grips with the bars. I climbed up and touched the ceiling with my head. Nobody watched me. I just done it. I had a way so that I was sitting down when I was up high. It looked like I was. I got my hands in so they were just nearly jammed at the wrists, but it was not easy to do and ye had to watch the heels of yer sandshoes did not slip.

  The climbing ropes were easy. They went to the ceiling. Boys could not climb it if they were fat, they could not pull themself up. Jeremy Brogan was one. People quite liked him. He tried to do stuff and was good at some games. But he could only climb a wee bit. His face puffed out red. I cannot do it sir.

  Oh well. The PE teacher did not give him a row. This was Mr Ramsay, he was the one that took us for it and if ever we got football it would be him. He played football. I told my da about him. I thought he might have heard Mr Ramsay's name because my da liked football, but he could not remember. Mr Ramsay liked Jeremy Brogan because he was good at rugby and swimming. People said rugby was better than football. The other PE teacher said it. Only hooligans play football, rugby players are gentlemen. He was old and said how it was superior and if ye played it ye were a gentleman. He had a posh voice and ye had to speak in a posh voice back to him else he kidded on he did not hear ye or else in yer own voice mimicking ye. I didnay dooo it please surr it wisnay meee droaped the bawww.

  Mr Ramsay could climb the rope just with his hands. It was a wee bit like showing off. I would love to have done it. He had his legs straight together at one side and sloping out. The rope went through his wrists and his hands different, just like his wrists jutting out. How did he do it? He did not show us how. He just walked back to his seat and looked at his book. Boys were talking about it in the changing room. Ye needed strong muscles to climb that way. Mr Ramsay's arms were like that. I tried to do it but it was right enough how yer arms were no strong enough. But maybe I was fastest. Except a way ye climbed the rope, I started getting funny feelings, then up near the top it was worse and it was like it was just well the rope was rubbing ye in, just how it was between yer legs, and it was a feeling up yer body. I did not know what but then had to stop and no move and to hang on so just hanging on, and ye were having to press and it was coming and what happened ye got the feeling, and even more having to hold on because if ye forgot and ye took yer hands off, ye were very high up, so ye just really had to watch it, keeping tight in till then it happened and ye just came and there was spunk too, so if it showed through yer underpants then it was yer shorts, if people saw it, they all wo
uld know except maybe it did not happen to them, maybe it did not, nobody talked about it.

  When ye came down the rope ye did not stand straight but turned sideways and bent a wee bit so nobody could see the front. Really because if they saw ye, what would happen? People would just laugh at ye and spread it about, Oh see him there!

  Imagine lasses knew. If people said it to them. But they would not, they would never. But just how things spread about. People would just do it. I did not have pals in that school. People did not know me. Even in yer own class, they were not friendly and hardly even talked to ye. Oh what is your name? Nobody said that. I did not say it to them. People were not pals, I was not pals with them. Some were b*****ds, that was what I thought.

  The best thing was the swimming. Except it was Monday morning, so after ye got it ye had all the whole week to come and ye were going to be at school, it was just agony The swimming baths were not in the school. Special buses took ye.

  In the scheme I was a good swimmer and a fast racer with Mitch and the boys. But here at school I was slow, I was no even a real swimmer. It was just like I was starting. Boys done it different. No them all but just some, posh ones. Donald Shields especially. He was just the best racer ever. He done the butterfly. I never seen anybody do it except on television. I tried it, I could not. I only done four strokes then that was that. But Donald Shields just done it. We all were looking. Oh that is smashing. Oh jees oh he is great. That is what ye were thinking.

  He did not bother but just done it. He had a posh voice from England. The PE teacher said he would show us how to do the butterfly but first was the ones that could not swim. He took all them to the shallow end. Us that could swim just done it. The fast ones went at the side. On the first and the second day that was where I went, I thought I was to because I would be a fast one, but I was not, I was a slow one compared. The ones that swam the real fastest just went past ye, they were sailing, just smooth. Donald Shields done the backstroke as well. He did not even splash, his arms just in and out the water, ohm ohm, ohm ohm. And then he was away past ye. If he was coming up ye kidded on ye did not see him. Same with the other ones. One was Jeremy Brogan, he was very fast and like a man doing it. Fat people could be good at swimming. What about skinny ones? Maybe I was just skinny Ye could only keep up for three strokes. But Shields was skinny. Him and Brogan had badges on their trunks for a swimming club. They had Galas. That was where they raced and parents went to see them. Girls went as well. Some girls beat the boys. They went swimming at nighttime after school and it was a club. They went five times a week for practising. Ye did not pay money if ye were in the club. Ye were a member. Yer maw and da got ye into it and ye had a wee card so ye got in for free.