To Probe A Beating Heart

by Wren, John B

  When summer arrived and Jimmy was going to again play on a community league team and go to camp, Averell steeled himself for the duration. He once again visited the woods, found his hidden trap and tools and again took to catching small wild animals.

  One day about mid-summer, when he heard his trap slam shut, he went to check and found that he had captured a cat. The animal had a collar and a tag, it was somebody’s pet. He did not read the tag, but he was curious, how might a cat be different from a squirrel or a rabbit. He was going to find out, he was excited about the prospect of probing a different animal, an animal that should not be afraid of people like a squirrel was. He’d never felt like this before. As he began his probing with the knife, the cat screamed and he dropped the cage. It had startled him, but he was not deterred. He regained his composure and the cage, secured the cat with the movable partition and proceeded with his probing. He ignored the cat’s screams and carried on, very deliberately, very carefully. It was precise, satisfying work, some things he could do that did not make the animals stop moving. Some other things were more dangerous for the animal. He was in the process of removing the cat’s left front leg when it seemed to stop moving, stop resisting, stop being interesting. He took a probe and positioned it for a thrust into the heart.

  “No, no, an easy push, just make sure it’s not pretending to be dead,” said Stelian, as if this were an operation.

  “Yeah, you’re right” replied Averell. And he gently pushed the probe into the cat’s chest but not all the way to its heart. That made the cat screech and the game was back on. He continued with the leg removal.

  “See,” said Stelian, “I can help.”

  “Yeah, sometimes,” replied Averell.

  “Remember the key, I helped then too,” said Stelian.

  “I guess.”

  Averell had the leg almost all the way off when he heard someone

  moving in the woods. He had to silence the cat, now. He made a fast final cut at the leg, pulled it off and quickly placed the knife at the cat’s throat. Another fast cut and the cat went completely limp. There was not enough time to put out the fire and put his things away. He had to act fast. He quickly dumped the cat out of the cage and gathered up his tools and put them in the tree. Then he grabbed the cat by its tail and the loose leg and darted into the bushes. He crept quietly in the direction away from the camp site until he heard voices.

  “Yeah, someone was here alright, Will. The fire is still going.” said the first man.

  “Yeah Chuck, sounded like whoever it was, was strangling a cat” said the second man.

  “Probably those punk kids that hang out here and smoke and drink beer,” said the first man.

  “We probably scared the little bastards off, said the other, we ought to put this fire out and keep an eye on these woods for a while, see who’s been comin’ in here.”

  “Probably, yeah, we’ll do that, I got a good line of sight from my front porch. We can sit there with your binoculars and watch.”

  “Maybe have a beer or two of our own, ha ha.”

  They kicked dirt on the fire, smothering it and started to walk out of the woods.

  Averell was well ahead of them and moved quietly out in front of them. He headed down the street in the direction that he knew the older boys had come from the other day and dumped the cat in a garbage container that had been put out for collection in the morning. He continued in the same direction and walked all the way around the block to his house to avoid the two men. He walked in the side door, not hiding from Ellie. It was still early for a Saturday night, well before ten. He quietly went to the bathroom, washed his hands and then to his bedroom. He went to the window and looked out at the sky. No clouds, lots of stars. He was looking at the moon and he said quietly, “Safe, I’m home and safe.”

  “Yeah, safe,” agreed Stelian.

  He laid on the bed for a few minutes then got up and walked over

  to the corner. He squatted in the corner with his back touching the two

  walls picked up his book on squirrels and mumbled, “Safe, damn it,” and he started to read.

  “Damn it,” repeated Stelian.

  The next night well before dark, he rode his bicycle past the woods and in the direction of the house where he had dumped the cat. Directly across the street he saw two men sitting on a porch drinking beer and looking around the neighborhood with binoculars.

  “Hey, kid, come here” said Chuck, the first man from the night before. He was the taller of the two, and older looking.

  He approached, but kept his distance. “Hi, did you call me?”

  “Yeah,” said Will, the second man, “you know who hangs out in the woods?” He was short, bald and heavy.

  “No, the woods are kinda’ scary, I don’t like to go in there.”

  “Liar,” whispered Stelian.

  “But you have been in there, right?” said the first man.

  “Yeah, a coupla’ times, not much though.”

  “You see other kids in there?” asked the second man.

  “No, I kinda ran in and ran out, didn’t go too far. Why?”

  “Ah, never mind, beat it kid” said the second man.

  Averell got back on his bike and kept going, again taking the long way home. As he was pulling away, the first man called out, but Averell ignored him, pretending he did not hear him. He peddled a little faster. No mention of the cat, and all the trash containers were all back in place. He arrived home to find Jimmy had gotten back from his summer camp. Averell saw him talking to his father on the front porch and he waved. Jimmy waved back, but with a straight face. Something was wrong. Averell parked his bike in the garage and walked back around front. Jimmy was on his lawn heading in Averell’s direction.

  “Hey, Av, how you been?”

  “Okay, what’s up? You don’t look happy.”

  “Yeah, well my dad has been transferred again, to Buffalo. That’s about a hundred miles from here.”

  “Oh, so that means you’re going to move.”

  “Yeah, this happens every coupla years, we keep movin’ ya never know where to next.”

  “That’s not fair, is it? I mean to you, and your sisters.”

  “Hey, maybe we will be sent back here in a few years, you never

  know.”

  “Yeah, well if you do come back, I’ll probably still be here, we have never moved, both of my dad’s have, but we stay here.”

  The boys had a week before the move and they did everything together over that week. Then the day came, the truck arrived and the movers walked in and out carrying furniture and boxes. At around 6:30 that evening, Jimmy got in his dad’s car and they drove away.

  The house had a ‘For Sale’ sign for a few weeks and finally another truck arrived, more movers carried furniture and boxes into the house. When the family arrived, Averell was disappointed to see three girls get out of the car, no boys.

  School began and Averell was not asked to help with the equipment for the basketball team. The coach’s son was now old enough to be involved and the job went to him. He went to a game after school and nobody spoke to him. He was ignored. He said “hi” to a few friends from the previous year and got nothing in return.

  * * *

  CHAPTER TEN

  Averell was about to be beaten up . . .

  The next three years were much the same, spring and fall Averell was in school and needed time to study, he had no time for the woods or the small animals. He put his probes in a special place in the garage where Ellie and Sarah would never look. When school was out for the summer, Averell retrieved his probes and spent most of his time in the woods, alone with the animals. He became more efficient with the probes, keeping the animals alive longer and prolonging their suffering, watching their eyes longer and longer as they slowly stopped being alive. Their pain was his doing and their eyes were his fun. Stelian visited more frequently and their conversations were more in depth, more interesting. Often discussions about cutting di
fferent parts from squirrels and rabbits would take place. Stelian would never stay longer than welcome. Whenever Averell told him to leave, he complied.

  In the fall of 1982, Averell was in the first year of high school. He was now fourteen and a fairly good student. He was also somewhat interested in girls, although he did not understand why. He noticed them and they made him uneasy, he talked to them and they made him nervous. He found himself wanting to touch them like he remembered Charlotte being touched. It was a very confusing time. He decided to avoid them, that was the easiest way to get through the day. He sometimes looked at a girl and wondered what it would be like to have his probes, a girl, in the woods—.

  Sarah was nine, and becoming even more of a pest, she knew everything. Averell could not tell her anything, she already knew everything worth knowing. She was bright enough, but not near as bright as Averell. She, however, boasted about every complement from her teachers, about everything she did right. At the same time she found it only proper to be critical of Averell, after all, her mother was and she relished telling Averell that “Mommy hates you”. She said it every time she heard Ellie say it, which was often. Each time, Averell would grit his teeth and think about Sarah and his probes.

  In school, Averell was not a jock, and thus not part of that crowd, not a geek, and not part of the geek society, not a brain, or a dummy. He had no desire to be a part of any definable group, he enjoyed being a loner one that practically did not exist. Many of the non jocks who wished to assert themselves would seek out someone like Averell, someone who was a bit smaller and apparently weaker and somebody that nobody cared about, and proceed to beat him up. A simple process, acceptance by the tougher kids was gained by hurting someone of lesser capabilities. So, in the spring of 1983, when Brian Cooper wanted status as a tough, he needed a victim, someone he could easily defeat. A blooded nose was always a nice touch especially if accompanied with tears and Brian’s older brother Bobby had been encouraging him to accept the challenge. After school, while the crowd milled around outside the school, Averell noticed an attractive girl and was contemplating all the things he could do with his probes. Brian saw him and noticed that he was looking at Carol. He intentionally bumped into Averell and tried to goad him into a fight.

  “Watch where you’re going!” Everybody nearby knew what was happening. They all knew that Averell was about to be beaten up. A small crowd gathered to watch the spectacle. Averell did not respond, he apologized and tried to move on. Brian was bigger than Averell and had been in fights before. He knew that he could take Averell and was not about to back down now. “And you’re stupid.” Still nothing. Then Brian grabbed Averell’s shoulder to spin him around and said, “C’mon you stupid bastard, fight me.” Averell was not easy to provoke but that did it, he turned and swung his best punch right at Brian’s nose. Contact. For Averell, it was lucky, for Brian, it was messy. Brian was bleeding, crying and running from the crowd, heading back into the school. Bobby, watching from a fair distance ran after his brother to check on him. He came back out and looked for Averell, but Averell had taken the opportunity to get a head start toward home.

  “Danker. Where did he go?” demanded Bobby.

  “That way,” pointed several kids, not wanting to be on Bobby’s bad side. He was much bigger than his brother and a lot meaner and was personally insulted that some scrawny little freak could beat up his brother. Family honor was at stake here and Bobby was about to put it right. He took off after Averell and the crowd, now larger, followed. He caught Averell near the last block before his house.

  “Okay Danker, now you’re mine.” With that, Bobby proceeded to beat Averell with his fists until Averell also had a bloody nose. But he could not make him cry. An adult came out of her house and yelled, “I called the police.” That broke up the crowd and everybody went in different directions. Averell had been beaten, but he also gained the respect of the crowd for not crying or giving up Bobby’s name.

  “Are you alright?”asked the woman.

  “Yeah, I’m okay.” Averell picked up his books and headed home. Ellie was not home so Averell was able to get cleaned up and toss his blood soaked shirt and pants into the laundry. When Ellie returned from wherever she had been, Averell was finishing his laundry and had started his homework. Ellie noticed that his face was slightly bruised and asked “Have you been fighting?”

  “It’s not a fight when the other guy is twice your size, and older.”

  No pity, Ellie said, “Well what do you expect when you offend everybody you meet. Now set the table for dinner.”

  * * *

  Summer came and Averell was now fifteen. He continued to visit the woods and mutilate animals. One night in late June he was heading into the woods when he saw Bobby with a girl coming from the opposite direction. They did not see him and not wanting another confrontation, he slipped into the woods and hid in the bushes. Bobby and the girl were going down the path toward the campsite. Averell followed and watched. They sat on the logs talking quietly for about half an hour when the girl stood up and said loud enough to be heard, “No, what if somebody comes?”

  “Nobody comes here at night, Lisa,” said Bobby.

  “Well—.”

  “C’mon sit down.”

  They sat and talked more and started to hug. Averell figured they were about to do something and he wanted to leave before they started.

  Then he heard Stelian’s voice say, “No, stick around, this could be very interesting, we may be able to use this.”

  “How?” he thought.

  “Let’s wait and see,” said Stelian.

  He looked again, they had taken off their clothes and were laying on a blanket. He dropped back down so as not to be seen, and listened.

  “I’ll never tell anyone, I promise,” said Bobby.

  “Well okay then, but just a little,” said Lisa.

  Averell slowly crept away and out of the woods.

  The next day Averell wrote a note to George, one of Bobby’s friends as if he were Bobby, telling him about being with Lisa in the woods and doing more than he actually did. He embellished as much as he could, using every word he had heard. He also wrote to two of the other boys that he knew were close to Bobby the same way, bragging about getting Lisa alone and naked—. As in any teenage scenario, word spread like a bad cold. Everyone was talking about Bobby and Lisa being naked on a blanket in the woods. Word got to Lisa and she was furious, and embarrassed. Worse, Mark, Lisa’s older brother heard about it from his friends and having no sense of humor whatsoever, proceeded to look for Bobby.

  When Mark saw Averell and asked about Bobby, Averell told him he hadn’t seen him since Bobby beat him up.

  “I’m gonna’ kill that son of a bitch.” Mark was a solid six foot two

  and heavily muscled. He had graduated from High School and had been accepted at Syracuse University where he was going to play football. He had been good enough in High School and was looking pretty good in the first round of summer workouts at the university. Then he managed to hurt his knee and his options were surgery and rehab, then maybe football or forget football and let the knee heal. He opted to pass on the surgery and got a job working construction. After two years of wielding a shovel and pushing a broom he was given a shot at operating an jack hammer breaking up concrete. Not exactly light work, but it was an increase in pay and he liked operating the machine.

  “Works for me,” said Averell. That made Mark smile for the first time since he heard the news.

  “He’s gonna’ kill the son of a bitch. Ha, I love it,” laughed Stelian.

  Word reached Bobby about what supposedly happened and he was completely confused. He did not write the notes. George showed him his note and Bobby said that it wasn’t even his hand writing. That would make no difference to Mark. He was intent on locating and beating Bobby to a pulp.

  Bobby heard that Mark was after him and tried to avoid him. “Maybe he will calm down in a day, or a week.”

  Luck was not
on his side and Mark found Bobby. No amount of explaining did any good, no amount of pleading did any good either. Mark cornered Bobby and unleashed his rage. Bobby was soon in the emergency room, being treated for cuts and bruises some of which required a few stitches but none serious enough to require extended hospitalization.

  Mark was arrested for assault and the whole matter was hauled into court before a judge. Both Mark and Bobby were over eighteen and Lisa was almost sixteen. It appeared that someone was going to go to jail. Probably both, and Lisa was grounded for the summer, Bobby had several stitches in his face, a few bruises and would have trouble walking for a day or two but all in all he was alright. Even his father did not sympathize when he went to the hospital to pick up his son. His daughter, Bobby’s sister, Cindy was with him, she was also just sixteen.

  Averell was picking up some things at the grocery store when he heard two girls talking about Mark and Bobby being in court and that the judge determined that two weeks of community service would be sufficient for both of them. In spite of Bobby’s pleas and both his and Lisa’s denials about exactly what happened in the woods, nobody knew for sure what happened and nobody knew or even imagined that Averell was the source of the notes, and the cause of all the trouble. He had evened a score in his mind and nobody knew. He was once again, safe.