Black Regrets

by C. J. Thomas

  And the truth of that reality was enough to fill me with incredible joy.

  “Madam called.” Kendra’s voice was dull. “She’s pissed about the package not being delivered.”

  Hoping that wasn’t enough to make her feel so broken, I said, “You let me handle Madam.”

  Kendra wiped her cheeks and sniffled while shaking her head. “You don’t get it, Kelly. That was the problem.” When she turned to face me, her eyes were the darkest I’d ever seen them. “There was nothing I could do, Kelly. I had to leave.”

  My scalp prickled. “What are you talking about?”

  Resting her head back over my chest, Kendra said, “Madam was sending someone to collect it.”

  “Coming here?” I asked, feeling violated.

  Kendra nodded. “I didn’t want to compromise your place with my bullshit.”

  My lids hooded and I could appreciate her concern—her willingness to want to keep my place a safe haven from not only Madam’s BS, but everyone else’s as well. It was the only place we had left. A place I wasn’t willing to sacrifice for anything.

  “I left, Kelly.” Her voice was somber.

  That’s when I understood Maxwell’s call. “You left the house?”

  She nodded. “I was scared.”

  Heat spun in my core with extreme disappointment. And though she disobeyed my direct order, it was important I understood her reasoning for not telling me where she was going. No doubt she would be punished for it, but not until I managed to heal the immense guilt I could feel shaking her bones.

  “You should have called me.” My voice deepened.

  “I couldn’t.” She smoothed her delicate hand over my chest. “I didn’t know how, or where, Madam would eventually catch up to me.”

  I didn’t like any of this. Somehow Madam was keeping track of Kendra’s whereabouts, and with what happened to Tonya…

  “Alex met me at the diner.” She lifted her head and turned to face me again. “I asked her to.” And when she cast her gaze down, I knew there was something more than what she was telling me. “That’s when it all went wrong.” Kendra took her lip between her teeth.

  Holding my breath, I hooked her chin and tipped her head back. Forcing her to fix her gaze on me, I looked deep into those beautiful jades that were trying so hard to hide the pain—the guilt—and said, “You can tell me.”

  Pushing away, she dropped her heels to the floor and moved to the window. Her slender legs shined from beneath the angelic white bathrobe. Letting my knees fall out to the sides, I stretched out my arm, resting it over the back of the couch. Even in her misery, she was the most gorgeous creature I had ever known.

  “I spoke to my family today.”

  Breathless, my body tipped forward.

  She twisted her spine and glanced at me over her shoulder. Her irises sparkled behind the puddle of tears she had just shed. And in that moment, she appeared smaller than she already was. More fragile and vulnerable than what I knew her to be. She stood with grace, highlighting the backlit light shining around her silhouette like a goddess. Glowing like the angel she was, I appreciated her openness to let me into her life, knowing that it wasn’t easy for her to do so.

  “I’m sorry, Kelly.” Her brows raised with renewed strength. “I should have listened to you. You were right. There is nothing good out there for me.”

  Standing, I closed the immense gap that kept me from having her in my arms. She remained rooted to the floor as I took her by the waist. Drifting my eyes over her, I said, “That’s not entirely true.”

  “Yes it is.” She cast her gaze to the floor. “I put myself in danger, even after you made it clear I needed to let you know where I was at all times.”

  Cupping the back of her skull, I pressed my lips against her forehead. “We just need to fully understand why people want to see us split up.”

  She tipped her head back, revealing those lush lips of hers I wanted to feel pepper their way across my body. “It could have been so much worse.”

  “We’re together now.” I raised my brows and smiled. “That’s all that matters.”

  She nodded as I took her face between my hands. Her eyes closed as I kissed her. It was important to let this go, move on, as I didn’t want to feed off the fear she was already feeling.

  She held on, clenching my shirt, as she sucked my tongue deeper into her mouth. A minute later, she pulled back and I could feel her regret when she admitted, “It didn’t go well.”

  Letting my forehead rest against hers, I guessed, “Your mother asked what you did for a living again?”

  Shame flashed over her gorgeous olive eyes as she nodded. “She knows.” Kendra laughed with disbelief. “Mom only asks questions she already knows the answer to.”

  Closing my fingers around the nape of her neck, I reminded her, “You’re so much more than that.”

  She closed her eyes, nodding.

  I knew she was holding back more tears threatening to spill. And as I held her in my arms, I stared out the window, speculating as to who could have been the one to tell Kendra’s mom her secret. This wasn’t coincidence. This was calculation, power, and control. And there was only one name that came to mind: Madam.

  When she opened her eyes, she gave me a tight-lipped smile. “She doesn’t even admit that what Uncle Marvin did is true.”

  The pain was difficult to wash away. I knew it better than anybody. It wasn’t going to just go away by itself. It was something we lived with. Woke up to. Went to bed with. People like us struggled to see the good even when the sun was shining.

  “It’s not your job to convince her,” I said, knowing we needed to work through it together. Because whoever was behind this knew exactly where to strike to make it hurt most. Toying with a person’s vulnerability, testing their fragility by bringing up skeletons in their closet, was enough to make a person lose all hope—perhaps even consider killing themselves.

  She turned her head to the window and shook her bangs out. Standing taller, Kendra’s jaw set. “I have money, Kelly. I want you to know that.”

  “I don’t give a shit if you do or don’t.”

  She laughed lightly. “They do.”

  “Your parents?”

  “Mom claims they need money to cover Dad’s care.” She moved back to her wine glass, wrapping her lips around the rim. Finishing it off, she then said, “And they’re coming after every penny I have, doing whatever it takes to get it.”

  I followed her to the couch. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I pulled her back against my chest. Kissing the soft spot behind her ear, I whispered, “We’ll fight this. You won’t have to do this alone.”

  “She’s right, though.” Kendra paused. “Someday I will be judged for the choices I’ve made.” She sighed. “But I never thought that my past would ever be a factor when choosing to work for Madam.”

  My hands drifted over her belly. It fluttered against my touch. “You met me because of it.”

  She tilted her head and I could feel her smiling. “You don’t care?”

  I pulled my head back as she twisted in my arms.

  “That I’m a whore?”

  “A damn fine one.” I smiled, squeezing her ass cheeks.

  Her smile widened as she stood on her tiptoes, kissing me.

  I didn’t care if she was an escort. Because I had plans to keep her, make an honest woman of her. She’d be mine, and I wouldn’t have to share her with anybody else. “We found each other. That’s all that matters.”

  Her eyes sparkled as they danced across my face. A second later she leaped into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist. Hanging off of me, I heard the two notes crumbling inside my pocket. And, with that sound, I was once again reminded what was at stake—and how much there was to lose.

  28

  Kendra

  I knew there was more to what Kelly was saying. There always was. And I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to come out and just say it. His river ran deep and, with it, I need
ed him to be my life support.

  Holding my head above water, I took his face between my hands and kissed him.

  He brushed his firm lips against mine. He was gentle, caring, treating me as if I was broken. And though it was a nice gesture, what I needed was to be reminded that I was alive. And there was only one way I knew for him to do that.

  Physical pain.

  Shoving my fingers through his thick mane, I fisted his hair. He cupped my ass cheeks and spun me around. Getting drunk on his taste, I swirled my tongue over his, knowing his touch did more for me than the glass of wine I’d tried to drown my sorrows in.

  And it felt good to have him here. I knew that he would come home. Knew that this was where I needed to be. Because after my visit with Mom, I didn’t want to have to face the world. Coming back to Kelly’s was my only option. The only thing that ever seemed to make sense in my tangled mess of a life.

  Kelly’s hand dove under the cotton bathrobe and traveled up my thigh. Circling my waist, my nipples perked as he let the tips of his fingers graze the valley between the swell of my ass before landing on my moist cleft.

  I whimpered into his mouth, knowing only he had this effect on me—the ability to make everything seem like it would all work itself out. Because I shared only enough with him to settle the many questions I knew he would have.

  But I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me. That wasn’t my intention.

  Untucking his shirt, I pushed my hands flat against his hot flesh. His muscles flexed into deep planes and valleys as I moved up his chest and over his collarbone.

  My body screamed for him to take me away as my mind wailed with regrets of contacting Mom. Nothing was going my way. Everyone was conspiring against me and I was on the verge of losing it all.

  My money.

  My man.

  Maybe even my life.

  Pushing past the hem of his briefs, I wrapped my fingers around his pulsating rod. Kelly’s dick stiffened inside my palm as I pumped him hard. We breathed as one between aggressive flicks of our tongues.

  Kelly had his own fears that were getting the best of him. There were secrets he wasn’t sharing. I could hear them each time he reminded me never to leave his side. My mind was on high alert. The warning, crystal clear. And I was thankful that he didn’t tell me straight up. Because I already knew—danger was approaching, coming for both of us.

  “Shit. You’re so wet.”

  I pulled his lips to mine, needing to surrender my thoughts in the process.

  Mom left me feeling ashamed of who I was. What I did for a living. But how I chose to live my life wasn’t any of her concern. It was important for me to remember that. Especially since she hadn’t been a part of my adult life until today.

  “See what you do to me?” I nibbled on his ear. “You make it impossible to think straight.”

  Kelly chuckled as he worked to unbuckle himself.

  I hadn’t put too much thought into what I did for a living before today. It was school, then the pursuit of landing an unfulfilling career before I found myself happy going out on dates with men Madam set me up with. And that was all it was—dates.

  Until I met Kelly.

  His pants fell to his ankles as he pushed his boxers down to his knees. Pulling my robe open, he lowered his head and wrapped his lips around the dark pigment of my tit. My back arched and my skin flamed hot.

  When I saw the look of disappointment flash over Mom’s eyes as she called me out on being an escort, I felt like I had let her down. Not that I owed her a damn thing. But, in that moment, all the strength I held as a woman, vanished. Suddenly, I was a daughter seeking her mother’s approval. And knowing that I didn’t have it destroyed my confidence and crumbled my entire foundation like the suddenness of an earthquake.

  Swiveling my hips over his hand, he worked his finger deep into my pussy.

  It was Mom’s look that sparked my second-guessing. Seeding the clouds of depression. Igniting the thoughts of suicide. Kelly knew that was what was on my mind. He didn’t have to say it because he saw everything. Never had I had those thoughts, or the desire to end my life, before today. But after speaking with Mom, I’d never felt so alone.

  Kelly’s tongue lapped at my peaked nipple, sending my body into a frenzy.

  But the pain of her misunderstanding me was unbearable. The rejection of her not believing my story. Her refusal to even want to hear me out, to listen to how her brother could do those awful things to his niece, her daughter. It was enough to make me want to get back at Mom and take away what she needed most right now—me and my money.

  Hanging on to Kelly’s broad shoulders, I flung my head back. His lips peppered down my neck as he continued to finger-fuck me. Tightening my pussy over his knuckle, I didn’t want him to take me for granted. I counted my blessings each time his lips caused my skin to prickle. He was all I needed. The simple reminder that life didn’t need to be as difficult as it sometimes seemed.

  “God, you’re incredible.” His steamy breath swirled over my ear.

  His cock twitched inside my hand and I stroked him faster.

  “You’re not so bad yourself,” I murmured, smiling as my lips brushed against his.

  He saw past my title. Something Mom made clear she couldn’t do. Kelly made me feel whole. Like family. Again, something Mom couldn’t ever do. I trusted Kelly with my secrets. And, in return, he showered his love down upon me, understanding me more than Mom ever had. He was there for me. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. When we were together, I felt complete. Like I was worthy of being loved by a man as amazing as him. And not just because he purchased me. But because we were a good fit for each other.

  “Tell me that you need me.” I pulled his hand away, reaching behind for his shaft.

  “I fucking need you.” He growled.

  Guiding his cockhead to my entrance, I wet his helmet between my slick pussy lips. Kelly rocked his hips forward, sliding home in one confident thrust. Stretching me, my mind eased.

  “Fuck me,” I mewed.

  Kelly’s incredible strength held me as he slid in and out of me while standing. His muscles popped and loosened with magnificent control. His hips rocked and I took his face between my hands, pressing my lips against his. Kissing me deeply, I feverishly worked to open his shirt so I could feel his muscles work on overdrive.

  “Fuck me,” I said, this time with more force.

  “Bella.” He breathed harder.

  Fisting his hair, I demanded he fuck me harder. “I’ve been a bad girl, counselor.”

  “That you have.” His pelvis slammed against mine, the lines on his face twisting over a sweaty brow. His body jolted as he penetrated me with his love.

  I cried out as he set my body on fire. My nerves tingled with pleasure and I could only think about him and how much I needed him. But I wasn’t close to climaxing or reaching the heights I wanted.

  And that was my growing problem. I needed it rougher. Harder. More pain than pleasure. Otherwise I wouldn’t get off.

  “Punish me,” I growled, digging my nails into his back.

  Kelly bent forward and changed up our angle as he slammed into me.

  “That’s all you got?” I slapped him, craving more of his pounding.

  A darkness swirled in his eyes as he kicked his legs out of his pants. Carrying me across the room, he drove my back against the wall. My head hit a corner of a picture frame, causing it to fall. The glass shattered near his feet but he kept going.

  “Oh, shit,” I wailed.

  Kelly drove his cock deeper, working in long fluid strokes. His assault was relentless. Digging his fingers deeper into my waist, he pinched my sweaty skin, teasing me with the pain I so desperately needed as he drove his cock deep inside me.

  “Like that, my little slut?”

  Whimpering against him, I challenged him to push the limits further. “You’re letting me off easy if this is all you got.”

  His eyes narrowed as he bared his teeth.

  I
slapped him again, except this time he caught my wrist on its recoil. It was the same wrist I was imagining cutting when feeling sorry for myself for how shitty my life had turned out.

  Holding my wrist in front of his face, he slowed his strokes, giving us a second to breathe. But I didn’t want to. I knew what he was seeing, what he was going to say. In the end he didn’t say it, but he didn’t have to. The look he was giving me was the same one Alex had given me when touching on the same subject.

  “Like you haven’t thought about ending your own life before?” I cocked a brow.

  “You don’t need to do this,” he said, holding my wrist up.

  My chest caved in as I turned away. My head wasn’t right. I knew it better than anyone. I was fucked up. Fucked up from my childhood. Fucked up for having to navigate this world without the guidance from a role model I could trust. And there was nothing he, nor I, could do about it now.

  Then I turned back. “I’m not worthy.”

  He tossed my wrist and pinched my nipple. “Don’t lie to yourself.”

  I winced at the pain, hungry for more. “Then make me believe.”

  He twisted his fingers harder. “I don’t need to tell you what you already know.”

  And when he deepened the angle of his solid cock resting inside me, my eyelids hooded over. “It hurts, Kelly.” My voice cracked as my eyes swelled. “The moment you realize that you’re all alone in the world—”

  Kelly fisted my hair and yanked my head back. “Dammit, Kendra! You’re not all alone. You have me. You will always have me.”

  Dropping my feet to the floor, I pushed myself off of Kelly, suddenly going cold. He clamped on to my elbow, spinning me back around to face him. Before he made me cry, I dropped to my knees and threatened to wrap my lips around his thick girth.

  Staring into each other’s eyes, I felt like the prostitute Mom said I was. And when I took him into my mouth, he proved that I was exactly that.

  This was what I had become. Everything I had worked so hard for. Nothing to show as a result.

  Bobbing my head over his shaft, his hot satin flesh instantly calmed me. If he wasn’t going to rough me up, then choking on his cock was second best.