Black Regrets

by C. J. Thomas

  “Your tight little mouth is all mine.” Kelly cupped the back of my skull and drove deep down my throat with power and force.

  He could take me however he wanted.

  The price tag around my neck stripped me of my freedom.

  I gagged.

  Choked.

  And when my lungs burned to breathe, my thoughts drifted away into a twisted form of enlightenment as I began to fly, fly, away.

  29

  Kelly

  I stirred awake the next morning with my mind on the conversation we’d ended our night with.

  Like Bella didn’t have enough on her mind already, she still had to ask. Even in my many attempts to deflect her line of questioning, she continued to press the subject I refused to discuss—What happens when our thirty days are up?

  Rubbing my face inside my hands, my thoughts scrambled.

  I didn’t have an answer for her. Time had flown since Madam first agreed to our relationship. Of course I wanted to slow things down. Continue to train Kendra into the obedient role she signed up for. Get lost in all that made her beautiful, and truly learn who she was. Get past the triggers and the fears, listen to her spirit and grow as one.

  Reaching under the sheets, I took my hard-on in my hand, sliding my free hand out to find Kendra.

  I wanted to move past the dread Madam brought into our lives, not have to worry that she may have orchestrated the death of Tonya Craig. Sure, I wanted to know. To learn the truth and bring justice to the person who did murder Tonya. But settling Kendra down was priority number one.

  My fingers reached as far as they could in my search for Kendra’s warm body.

  I wanted to get to the point where we could look at each other without seeing doubt flashing in the other’s eyes. But I was afraid to say anything—terrified to keep making promises I was beginning to believe I couldn’t keep.

  Searching the bed, I shot up and propped myself up on my elbow when I realized that my treasure was nowhere to be found.

  She was gone.

  Her spot empty and cold.

  Rubbing my chest like I was smoothing down the pains of remorse that surrounded my heart, I regretted not having an answer to give her last night. She deserved to know what I was thinking.

  Except I couldn’t do it.

  Not because I didn’t think it was worthwhile. Rather, there were much more important issues already on my mind. Like making sure nothing happened to her before then.

  My neck tightened as I paused to look around.

  Perking my ears, I held my breath and listened.

  Nothing.

  Complete silence.

  Blowing out a heavy sigh, the truth was that I didn’t want things to end with Kendra. She’d caught me by surprise. Opened my eyes to what I had been missing since Nora’s passing. When I was with her, everything was sweeter. Lighter. More carefree and fun.

  When I let life get serious, it seemed that I couldn’t escape the consequences of my actions.

  Falling onto my back, I stared up at the ceiling with memories of last night.

  I liked having someone to hold. Someone to look out for who I could call my own. Someone to share a life with. Whether she knew it or not, Kendra was my salvation. The purpose I’d needed more than the work my firm had drummed up since its conception. Work was my therapy, sure, and it kept me busy. Busy enough to keep my mind off the agony of remembering everything I had lost. But none of it compared to what I had with her.

  Suddenly, my eyes popped open.

  In a flash I remembered what I’d come home to last night. Seeing Kendra slice her wrist with her fingernail had me concerned that maybe she’d drifted back into her darkness sometime in the middle of the night. I knew it was possible. I had been there before myself. It was easy to fool others. Make them think that everything was all right when in reality it was anything but.

  Panic rose in my chest as I flung the sheets off my body and ran my naked self to the bathroom.

  My pulse raced as I listened to the sound of my thrashing heart pound between my ears.

  I felt sick. Like I couldn’t breathe.

  Fearing the worst, the most awful blood-filled images played out inside my mind. First it was finding her lying in a pool of her own blood. Then it was flashbacks to the nightmares of having found Nora, unresponsive and limp in the bed we once shared. Nothing would ever prepare me to go through that again. No matter how far I had come to build myself up to become the strong man I was today, I didn’t have what it took to survive another experience like that.

  Sliding into the bathroom, my heels skidded across the tile floor. Swiveling my head around, I peered into the empty, dry tub, then over to the shower. Laboring through heavy breaths, I said, “Bella, baby, are you here?”

  But the only voice responding was my own as it echoed off the walls.

  Picking up the nearest boxer shorts on the floor, I slipped my legs through and padded into the kitchen. Glancing to the front door, Kendra’s heels were gone. And so was her bag.

  Trailing my fingers over the island counter, I found the note. Perfectly laid out, Kendra knew I would find it here.

  With pressure building inside my head, I took the folded piece of paper between my fingers and opened it.

  Kelly, I’m sorry to not have said goodbye. But there was something I needed to do, and it’s best that I did this alone. ~ Your loving Bella

  Crumbling the note inside my hand, I squeezed my fist so tight my knuckles went white.

  Turning my head to the window, I thought how Kendra didn’t get it. She wasn’t listening. Wasn’t taking my warnings seriously. And soon it would cost her.

  I closed my eyes and dropped my chin to my chest.

  It was only a matter of time before another woman was picked off. And it was up to me to make sure that it wasn’t her. God, I couldn’t let anything happen to her.

  My phone beeped with a message. Spinning around, I pulled it from the charger and quickly read the text from Wesley Reid.

  Black. I need to speak with you ASAP. It’s about Kendra.

  My eyes were heavy and hard to open as anger rushed through my veins. Re-reading the note, I silently prayed that this had something to do with her mother and not her mistaken wishes to want to end her life.

  Lifting my phone, the display screen lit up as I quickly wrote a quick text to Kendra.

  Where are you?

  I marched back into the bedroom with my phone in hand. Deciding I didn’t have time to shower, I hurried to get dressed. By the time I stepped into the elevator, Kendra still hadn’t responded and worry hardened into frustration as I didn’t even know where to start looking for her this time. She’d left me zero clues and I knew that was her intention.

  Kendra didn’t want to be found.

  Pushing through the glass doors, I exited my building with Maxwell already parked and waiting out front. Tipping his hat, he opened the back door allowing me to enter uninterrupted. “Thanks for the quick response,” I said.

  “Anything for you, sir.”

  I took my seat on the bench, turned my head, and said, “Get us to Hollywood as quick as you can.”

  “Sure thing.” Maxwell nodded, shutting my door.

  We didn’t speak the entire ride across town. And I preferred it that way. It was best I kept my gaze focused to the outside as I wrestled with what to do about Kendra’s misbehaving. This wasn’t a game. Yet it seemed like she was making it into one.

  Checking my phone for the millionth time, she still hadn’t responded. So I messaged her again.

  I’m concerned. Tell me where you are.

  Guilt weighed heavily on me as I thought about all the people I had failed these last couple of weeks. It seemed as if no matter what I did to prepare myself for victory, I kept losing. Again. And again. Continuing to let down the people I was directly trying to help.

  Before I knew it, Maxwell was opening the door, assisting me out of the back. Together we stood in the shadow of the large stud
io complex with me telling him to keep close as it shouldn’t be long before I was back. He nodded and agreed, then I was off.

  I buttoned my suit jacket as I entered the building, quick to find Wes standing next to Adrianna. They were on location for a short film, watching several of their clients work. Waving me over, I strode up next to them watching Adrianna’s smile vanish the moment she saw the stress lining my eyes.

  “Hey, you got a minute?” I said into Wes’s ears.

  He looked at me and, without him having to say a word, I knew he understood what this was about. “Let’s talk in Moran’s trailer.”

  The three of us found solace inside the actor’s trailer and once the door was shut, Wes turned and said, “Where’s Kendra?”

  I shrugged. “I thought you knew.”

  “Fuck.” He turned to Adrianna.

  Adrianna stepped forward and said, “Kelly, you need to get her out of Madam’s business.”

  Arching a brow, I wondered what they already knew. “What have you heard?”

  Adrianna looked over her shoulder to Wes. They both shared a hard glance as if needing to reassure themselves that I was someone they could trust with whatever secret they were keeping close.

  “Because this is what Timothy Parker gave me.” I dove my hand inside my pocket to retrieve the note that had kept me awake most of the night.

  Handing it to Wes, he was quick to read it. “Tell him,” he said to Adrianna.

  My gut flexed as anticipation grew inside the room.

  Adrianna took a deep breath, nodding. Then she turned to me and began talking. “Kelly, what I’m about to tell you might not be easy to hear.”

  “What’s this about?” I asked. “Is Kendra okay?”

  “Just listen,” Wes said.

  “It’s about Kendra and why you need to get her away from Madam before it’s too late,” Adrianna continued. “Working for Madam as one of her girls isn’t what you think it is. I should know. I was once one of them.”

  The pain in my jaw grew the harder I clenched my teeth.

  “At first it’s a girl’s dream. You have money. Freedom. You’re even dating nice guys. Men like you.” Adrianna’s hand lifted to my shoulder and she brushed away some lint. “But before she even agrees to allow you to come work for her, she does her research.”

  The walls closed in as the room spun. She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know. Madam was calculated. Firm when making decisions. I got it. “What does this have to do with Kendra?”

  Adrianna’s lips flattened as she stared deep into my irises. “Madam only works with people she knows she can control.”

  A dull pain spread across my chest.

  She flashed me a knowing look. “She digs up the deepest, most humiliating secrets in a person’s life and hangs them over her girls until they agree to do as she asks. She manipulates you. Eases you in with reputable men before slowly guiding you into the darker dungeons of hell,” she snarled.

  Swallowing down the bile rising in my throat, Adrianna was telling my story. Madam found me when I was vulnerable. Picked me up. Gave me reason to live. Made my business thrive. And then, slowly but surely, one thing led to the next until she was asking me to bend my ethics, forget my morals, and all for what? So that she could grow more powerful? But it wasn’t only me. It was Adrianna and Kendra, too. Along with dozens of others.

  “Adrianna knows this better than any of us,” Wes said calmly. “She was once living the hell Madam created.”

  Dropping my head into my hand, I rubbed the inside of my eyes in an attempt to lessen the pressure building behind them. And as I listened to the horror stories, all I could think about was the effort Madam made to blind me from the truth. I sought justice without thinking about the implications of what I was helping Madam to achieve.

  “Kelly, Madam has plans for Kendra.” Adrianna took a step back and folded her arms over her chest. “You may think that you hold the power. And that might be true now. But the man Madam has Kendra lined up with next is going to fuck her up.”

  Fear of losing Kendra forever burned deep in my gut.

  “Where is she now, Kelly?”

  “I don’t know,” I whispered, collapsing into the seat behind me. “She’s gone.” I glanced up at Wes from under a sunken brow. “I lied to her and she left.”

  Wes’s eyes darkened as he tipped his head back. Keeping his gaze trained on me, he remained silent for what felt like forever.

  “You want me to break Kendra’s contract with Madam. But I can’t.”

  “If anyone can, Kelly, it’s you. You’re Madam’s lawyer. She trusts you.”

  Shaking my head, I stared down to the floor. “I told Kendra I could, but I know that I can’t.”

  “You must, Kelly!” Adrianna snapped.

  “I’ve lost Madam’s trust.”

  The room fell silent as a grave feeling settled over us. Then, slicing the air like a knife, Adrianna said, “Nora’s grave won’t be the only one you’re visiting if you don’t act now.”

  I wanted to vomit. “We’re in too deep.”

  Wes’s brows pinched as he openly stared down at me.

  “Kendra knows too much, too.” I pulled the hair back on my scalp. “If what you’re saying is true, then the moment Madam thinks that Kendra might flip, she’s done.”

  “Kelly, listen to you,” Adrianna scolded me. “You sound like a man who has already given up.”

  “It’s just as you said. Madam has control over all of us.”

  Wes stepped forward and crossed his arms over his chest. “What does she have on you?”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “Maybe not, but I don’t think you have a choice in telling me.”

  Pulling my arms to my core, my cheeks burned with shame. “The official toxicology report from the night of the accident.”

  Wes lowered his shaking head in disappointment.

  “If the truth of what happened that night ever gets leaked, I’m done for. My career, gone. Everything that makes me who I am, vanished in seconds.”

  Wes let his hand drift down to my shoulder. Squeezing, he said, “I should have taken you under my wing before Madam got to you. This is as much my fault as it is yours.”

  Choking on my own sorrow, I knew I didn’t have much of a choice back then. Madam came to me when I was terrified and promised to make the truth of what happened go away. Instead of sitting behind bars, I dodged a bullet. But I certainly wasn’t a free man by any means. Every day I lived with the guilt of what I’d done, and it nearly destroyed me in the process.

  Lifting my gaze to Adrianna, I asked, “Do you think Madam has it in her to kill one of her own?”

  Her chest rose as she inhaled a deep breath. Then her head barely nodded. “She’ll do anything to protect her own interests.”

  Slowly, my thoughts drifted to Tonya. My heart beat in my chest, but I was dead inside. I wondered what she’d learned, and if it was enough to make Madam feel threatened. If I was conscious when I’d marched into Parker’s office, Tonya’s death could have been prevented.

  “Working for Madam were the darkest days of my life.” Adrianna sat in the chair along the wall. Her voice was dull, quiet. “And, Kelly,” she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, “that says something, because I’m a recovering drug addict.”

  I furrowed my brow when lifting my gaze to meet hers. There was strength inside them. Alive and wild. Wisdom beyond her years. She’d seen a lot, more than anyone her age should have. And as I stared into the depth of Adrianna’s soul, I knew that if I didn’t do something to get Kendra out, Kendra would soon have the same thick shell Adrianna wore now.

  “Madam cares more about the men she is influencing with her women than she does about what position she puts her girls in.”

  She didn’t have to say anything more. The picture she had painted was clear as day. It was dark, and would only get darker. “So, you believe she would kill her own, then?”

&
nbsp; Her eyes whitened. “Madam let Tonya die, so why not another?”

  I was racked with guilt. The regrets in my life were stacking up quicker than I could let go of them. They consumed my every thought, and I had never felt so helpless.

  Madam set me up.

  I realized that now.

  And more times than I cared to admit. Things needed to change. We needed to reverse course. Take the power back and seek revenge against the devil herself. I hadn’t forgotten our original plan. And neither had Wes. First we would take Stone down. And after that, Madam.

  “If I didn’t blackmail Parker, Tonya would still be alive.” I fell back into my chair feeling defeated.

  Wes pulled out the note again and read the message for a second time. Shaking his head, he said, “Parker doesn’t have it in him to kill.”

  I tipped forward in my chair, intently listening.

  “Especially over something as little as a sex video and photos.”

  Both Adrianna and I stared at Wes.

  “Despite what Parker had to lose. This—” he held up the note “—doesn’t add up.”

  But I didn’t have a better answer for him. Parker made sense. Madam used us all, and he was no different. “Madam set this up.” I pointed at the note. “Orchestrated it perfectly. Knew exactly what needed to be done—and said—to get the dominoes to fall as she needed.” I paused to let what I was saying sink in. “Think about it, Wes.”

  “Where did you say Parker was again?”

  “I don’t think I’ve said.” But I told Wes where I met him last.

  Both he and Adrianna shared a glance.

  “Did he tell you where he was?” Wes asked.

  Shaking my head, I murmured, “No.”

  “Then who did?”

  “Angelina Davis.”

  “Shit.” Adrianna stood and planted her hands on her hips.

  My ribs squeezed. “You think she’s behind this?” The thought hadn’t crossed my mind before this morning.

  Adrianna flipped her head around, letting her hair fly over her shoulders. “You don’t?”

  My gaze darted across the floor in front of me. “Sylvia knows I’m stuck on solving the Maria Greer case. She told me everyone involved in the Maria Greer case will be silenced.” My eyes widened as I looked to Wes. “I can’t tell if she’s making this up or if she’s receiving death threats again and someone is pressuring her to tell me these things.”