Ruby Rogers is a Waste of Space

by Sue Limb

  I went upstairs feeling cross. Mum didn’t like the sound of Holly just because of her Gothic style. That was so unfair! Holly was so amazing. And she wasn’t rude or nasty or anything. She was always really polite to Yasmin’s mum.

  My room looked terrible. There was a mountain of dirty clothes, toys, crisp packets, comics and books. I found Stinker and Funky under the pillow and introduced them to Hewitt.

  ‘Hi guys!’ said Hewitt. ‘I just blew in from Oxfam. How’s tricks?’

  ‘OK …’ Stinker looked him up and down.

  ‘What can you bring to da organisation?’

  ‘I got a tennis racket,’ said Hewitt. ‘Plus I got charisma. What more do you want?’

  ‘I could use a guy wid charisma,’ said Stinker. ‘Welcome to da firm.’

  They shook paws. The deal was done. Hewitt was now officially a member of the gang.

  The curry was great. Mum had forgotten all about Holly, and she was chatting away about when we were going to stay with Aunt Megan in Llantishoo.

  ‘It’s not till the last week of August,’ she said. ‘So there’s plenty of time before then for you to get a job and earn a bit of money, Joe. Dad and I work our fingers to the bone, and we don’t like to see you lying in bed till midday.’

  ‘Don’t look then,’ said Joe.

  ‘Don’t be cheeky! I mean it, mind. You jolly well get out of bed and get yourself a job, or there’ll be trouble.’

  ‘Midwife Kills Son with Papadom,’ said Joe. Mum looked exasperated.

  ‘Tell him, Brian!’ she said. Dad flinched slightly and looked awkward.

  ‘Do as your mother says, is my advice, old bean,’ he said. ‘Or I’ll never give you another driving lesson as long as I live.’

  ‘How about one after supper, then?’ said Joe.

  ‘Done,’ said Dad. ‘Anything to avoid the dishwasher duties.’

  ‘Wait! You’ve got to clear the table first,’ said Mum. ‘Ruby had to do it last time.’

  ‘Well, what else is she good for?’ said Joe.

  He and Dad did load the dishwasher this time, though, and Mum went off to the sofa for a snooze.

  I went upstairs and lurked in my room. My heart was beating fast. All I had to do was take something from Joe’s room while he was out having his driving lesson. This was the perfect moment. My life of crime was about to begin.

  I tiptoed to Joe’s room. I hadn’t been in here since that awful day when I’d trashed one of his models. The first thing I saw was that very same model, held together with thread and pins. He had glued it together again and put it on the windowsill to dry. I felt a horrid pang of guilt.

  But I had to forget about that. Right now I had to find something for Holly. The pillowcase was out of the question. Even if Joe didn’t notice it straight away, Mum would go bananas when she found it was missing. On the floor were a pair of dirty socks. I picked one up and sniffed. Minging! Gross! A total stench! I dropped it and looked around. What wouldn’t he miss?

  The room was completely and utterly crammed with his model thingies. Boats and planes and kites and buildings all mixed up with animals and birds and fishes. There were boats that looked like frogs. Planes that looked like eagles. And even a tiger on wheels. I had to admit it was amazing stuff.

  I knew that in his wardrobe Joe had even more models stashed away – ones he’d made last year. I opened the wardrobe door. It creaked slightly. I paused and listened. Not a sound from downstairs. The models were stacked carefully, but there were so many, surely he wouldn’t miss one. It would be the perfect thing to give Holly. Not too personal, like clothing. And she was arty too, so she’d probably like that kind of thing.

  One small one caught my eye. It was a kind of duck, but a bit like a skeleton of a duck, so you could see inside it. Inside was a blue egg, but the egg was made of sort of glass stuff, and inside the egg you could see a weird eye looking out at you.

  Somehow I felt this would be the perfect thing for Holly. I picked it up carefully and crept back to my own room. I knew there were some shoe boxes in the bottom of my wardrobe, with Lego in. I tipped out the Lego and the bird sculpture fitted in just perfectly. I put the lid back on and hid it under a couple of T-shirts in the bottom of my wardrobe.

  I’d done it! But I had started to feel totally, totally terrifed.

  Chapter 12

  Why are you blushing?

  I decided to go downstairs and met Mum on the way up. Phew! That was close! If she’d been five minutes earlier she’d have caught me red-handed.

  ‘Why are you looking so guilty?’ she said, giving me a sharp look.

  ‘Er – I haven’t tidied my room yet,’ I said. Mum pushed past me and flung open my bedroom door.

  ‘Honestly, Ruby!’ she said. ‘Lego all over the floor! For goodness’ sake, clear it up! You could tread on that and hurt your foot!’

  I went back to my room and put all the Lego pieces in my underwear drawer, under my vests. I would sort everything out properly one day.

  Next morning I felt nervous. I had one main task: to smuggle Joe’s sculpture out of the house and get it over to Holly.

  ‘Get a move on,’ said Mum. ‘If I’m going to drop you off at Yasmin’s, we have to leave NOW.’

  ‘Wait a min!’ I raced upstairs and took the shoe box out of its hiding place. There was no sound from Joe’s room. He sleeps till twelve some days. I rushed downstairs and jumped into the car.

  ‘What’s in that box?’ asked Mum, starting the car. I felt myself blush.

  ‘Only Lego,’ I said.

  ‘Why are you blushing?’ asked Mum, driving off.

  ‘Because I forgot to tidy my room again,’ I said. It wasn’t even a lie. I had tried on six different tops this morning and the five I hadn’t chosen were flung about everywhere.

  Mum sighed, but then she had to start concentrating on the traffic so I didn’t have any more hassle till we got to Yasmin’s.

  Once Yasmin and I were alone in her room, I opened the box. Yasmin stared at the model.

  ‘It’s amazing!’ she said. ‘He’s so clever! How did he do it?’

  ‘I dunno,’ I said. But I felt pleased. Although most of the time I feel like punching Joe quite hard in the mouth, I do like it when people praise him. Especially Yasmin. She can be kind of hard on people.

  Yasmin wanted to spend the whole morning dressing up her dolls as a rock band. I went along with it. Secretly, though, I was longing for lunchtime when I could show Joe’s model to Holly. Eventually the magic moment came. I put the shoe box on the table in front of her. She lifted the lid and stared inside. Then, very carefully, she lifted it out.

  ‘Amaaaaaazing!’ said Holly as she stared at the wooden duck-skeleton thing. ‘It’s just amazing! Joe’s a genius! What is he like?’

  ‘Yeah, well,’ I said, shrugging. ‘He’s just always made models. He started off on kits, but about two years ago he started just making up his own.’

  ‘He’s so talented!’ said Holly.

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Yasmin’s mum, bringing some falafel to the table.

  ‘Ruby’s brother made it!’ said Zerrin. ‘He’s in the sixth form. He’s a genius!’

  Yasmin’s mum peeped at the model from different directions. She held it up to the light.

  ‘Oh, my goodness, Ruby,’ she said. ‘Your brother has a great imagination. But it’s a liddle bit fragile. I’m surprised he let you bring it. What if you broke it?’ She cringed and pulled her anxious face.

  ‘I’m just borrowing it for a bit,’ said Holly, ‘to show to my mum and dad. Art is my mum’s whole life.’

  Phew! For a minute I thought Yasmin’s mum was going to ring Joe and tell him his sculpture was still OK. Thank goodness none of Yasmin’s uncles were in the house. They would certainly have fallen on it.

  Chapter 13

  My blood froze.

  This smelt like trouble.

  All afternoon I felt thrilled. It was great seeing people admire Joe’s work. It was
just too bad I couldn’t tell him about it. When I got home I was just bursting to tell everybody about my wonderful day. Everybody had said Joe was a genius! But I knew I had to keep quiet. At least for a while. Joe would be furious if he knew I’d stolen – or even borrowed – his sculpture and lent it to Holly.

  I was a bit on edge all evening in case Joe noticed. Mum asked if I felt OK. I said I was just thinking.

  ‘What about?’ she asked.

  I had to come up with something convincing, fast. ‘Tree houses,’ I said.

  Mum sighed. ‘I’m so sorry you can’t have one, love. Maybe in the future we’ll visit one somewhere.’

  ‘It’s OK,’ I said. ‘I’ve got one in my head. An imaginary one.’

  ‘Good girl!’ said Mum, and gave me a hug. I felt guilty, though. For once in my life I wasn’t thinking about a tree house at all. I was wondering how long it would be before my crime was discovered. But the whole evening went by and Joe didn’t say a thing.

  Next day when I got to Yasmin’s, there was a big van parked outside their house. It said ‘Root and Branch – Tree Surgeon’ on the side. There was a terrific roaring, ripping noise coming from Yasmin’s back garden, and once I got inside the house it was even worse.

  Yasmin and her mum welcomed me in sign language. We all covered our ears. Then the noise suddenly stopped.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ said Yasmin’s mum. ‘It is a liddle bit noisy today. They’re cutting down one of the trees at the back.’

  ‘Oh no,’ I said. I felt a bit sad. I always do when trees are cut down.

  ‘This one has to go,’ said Yasmin’s mum. ‘It’s a liddle bit too near the house. Look …’

  We went into the kitchen and looked out through the window. Yasmin’s dad was out there with some men wearing hard hats. One of them had a chainsaw. The other was holding ropes.

  ‘If we leave the tree, its roots might damage the foundations of the house,’ said Yasmin’s mum. ‘The back wall could collapse.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Yasmin. ‘And the twigs scratch against my window at night. It’s spooky. It gives me bad dreams.’

  ‘We’ll still have four trees anyway,’ said Yasmin’s mum. I felt really jealous. She looked at me.

  ‘How are the plans for your liddle tree house coming along, Ruby?’ she asked me. I told her I’d given up hope of having one. ‘Oh dear, I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘That seems such a shame.’

  Just then Yasmin’s dad came in from the garden and took his hard hat off. He smiled at me.

  ‘Hello, Ruby!’ he said. ‘How’s your family?’

  ‘Very well, thank you, Mr Saffet,’ I replied. Talking to Yasmin’s dad is a bit like talking to the headmaster. Luckily, moments after I’d said hello, the front doorbell rang. ‘Ah,’ said Yasmin’s dad. ‘This will be Ron, I think.’

  Ron is the man who does most of the fitted kitchens for Yasmin’s dad. Ron looks a bit like Shrek. In fact, Yasmin and I secretly call him Shrek behind his back.

  ‘Hi everybody!’ said Ron as he came in through the kitchen door. He was grinning as usual.

  ‘Come and have a look at this wood, Ron,’ said Yasmin’s dad. ‘I was wondering if it might be possible to use some of it in the hand-built units.’

  ‘Well, it’d have to be seasoned and treated first, of course,’ said Ron. ‘But let’s have a look.’

  They went out of the back door. The chainsaw started up again with a roar. Yasmin’s house seemed very crowded and noisy today.

  It was even more crowded at lunchtime. There was Holly and Zerrin, Mr and Mrs Saffet, the tree surgeon men and Ron all sitting and having a cup of tea. I felt a bit shy and I wished the men would go away and leave us in peace.

  ‘Ruby!’ said Holly quietly, on her way out afterwards. ‘Could you possibly come home with me this afternoon? My mum wants to ask you about Joe’s sculpture.’

  ‘Yes, sure!’ I said, surprised and a bit worried.

  ‘You’re going to wish you’d never stolen the damn thing!’ whispered Holly.

  My blood froze. This smelt like trouble. Maybe Holly’s mum was going to be really cross about me stealing it.

  ‘You’re never going to be able to get away with it, now!’ said Holly. ‘We’re in deep doo-doo, believe me!’

  Terror gripped me. But despite Holly’s frightening words, her eyes were dancing as if she was joking. Maybe Holly was a horrible person after all, and she’d set this trap just to get me into trouble!

  ‘Ring your folks and tell them you’ll be late,’ said Holly, out loud this time. Suddenly she sounded calm and polite. ‘Tell them you’re coming home to tea with me and we’ll bring you safe home – around seven or something.’

  I nodded, but I was so scared I could hardly speak. I felt sick. My hands shook.

  ‘Go on – ring them now,’ said Holly, offering me her mobile. My head was whirling. Was Holly really nice and amazingly cool? Or was she as evil as her lipstick?

  ‘Use the landline, Ruby!’ said Yasmin’s mum. I picked up the phone and dialled our number.

  My heart was pounding away like mad. Apart from the trouble I was in with Holly’s mum, I knew my mum would disapprove of me going to Holly’s house. Even though she hadn’t met Holly, she didn’t like the sound of her. My mum can take against somebody for no reason at all.

  Phew! It was the answering machine. Of course! Mum and Dad would be at work.

  ‘Hello, this is me,’ I said. ‘I’m going to be late today, but I’m getting a lift home, so don’t worry. I’ll be back about seven.’ I had managed not to mention Holly by name. I hoped Mum would think I was just staying late at Yasmin’s.

  ‘Brilliant!’ said Holly. ‘It’s all fixed, then. See you later!’ And she winked devilishly and went off back to work.

  ‘Would you like to do some painting this afternoon?’ asked Yasmin’s mum. I nodded dumbly. I didn’t care what I did. I was past caring.

  Somehow all my paintings were of witches and daggers and sharks. And all the time I was painting, I was worrying about what Holly’s mum would say.

  My blood ran cold at the thought of it. I’d never met Mrs Helvellyn, but in my imagination she got bigger and bigger and more and more like an ogre, all afternoon. I couldn’t tell Yasmin, because her mum was there all the time, making a cake and doing the crossword.

  I was so scared of Holly’s mum and the trouble I was in, that I would happily have flushed myself down the toilet if it meant I didn’t have to go home with Holly. When Holly arrived back from work, she didn’t even sit down for a cup of tea or anything.

  ‘Ready, Ruby?’ she asked. ‘Mustn’t be late for my mum, or she’ll get in a strop.’

  The thought of the massive ogre woman in a strop made my blood turn to ice. I had been planning to tell Holly how scared I was, but Zerrin came with us. She and Holly were busy all the time, arguing about something really random – something to do with the number of calories in a tub of hummus – so I just tagged along beside them in silent dread.

  When we reached Holly’s house, Zerrin waved goodbye. She was going off to her dance class.

  ‘See you!’ she said. ‘Have a lovely tea!’

  A lovely tea? Hardly likely. As Holly put her key in the door, I was almost fainting with terror.

  Chapter 14

  How completely and totally brilliant!

  The door swung open and we stepped inside Holly’s house. I was amazed. It was like a museum or something. The hall had gold walls and was hung with strange eastern masks.

  ‘Mum!’ called Holly. ‘We’re back!’ I followed, my heart beating fast. Now we were in a totally different room, a sort of kitchen-dining room. The walls were pale blue and absolutely covered in modern paintings: brilliant splashes of jolly colour – red and pink and purple.

  The floor was bare boards, and there was a big wooden table where a boy about Joe’s age was sitting eating some nachos. He had thick blond hair and slightly gappy teeth, and he was plump.

  ‘This is
my evil brother Tom,’ said Holly. ‘Tom, this is Ruby. Joe Rogers’ sister.’

  Tom raised his clenched fist in a kind of salute.

  ‘Respect,’ he said.

  ‘Tom wishes he was black,’ said Holly. ‘He’s going to be a white rapper called The Ghostie. Where’s Mum, Tom?’

  ‘In the garden,’ he said.

  Just then Mrs Helvellyn came in, carrying a huge bunch of red flowers. She had the same thick fair hair as Tom but hers was cut in a bob. She had the same slightly gappy smile. And she was wearing a long straight black dress and a lot of chunky silver jewellery.

  ‘Oh, Ruby!’ she said. ‘How nice! There are nachos – would you like some?’

  ‘Yes, please,’ I said. Holly laid a place for me. Tom was just finishing. There was a big bowl of salad on the table. I was hoping to avoid that as I could see olives in it.

  ‘Your dad’s teaching Joe to drive, yeah?’ said Tom.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Lucky,’ said Tom. ‘My folks won’t even get in a car with me. They suck.’ Tom got up and strolled off, burping loudly.

  ‘Tom!’ called his mum in disgust.

  ‘Scuse me, people,’ said Tom, and vanished upstairs. Soon afterwards rap music could be heard. Teenage boys are so predictable.

  ‘So, Ruby!’ said Holly’s mum. I’d got a pile of nachos on my plate and a glass of passion-fruit juice on the side, but I was still way too nervous to eat. ‘I was truly amazed by Joe’s sculpture. Tell me about it.’

  ‘I was only borrowing it,’ I said. ‘I thought Holly might be interested.’ My heart started to race. Although Holly’s mum was obviously not an ogre, she still might disapprove of my stealing it and give me a hard time, and ring my mum.

  ‘Yes, of course he can have it back,’ said Holly’s mum. ‘But Holly’s not the only one who’s interested. I think he’s very talented. Has he done any more like that?’