Reaching for My Angel [The Royal Wolves 5] (Siren Publishing Allure)

by Honor James

  “You’d better,” he told her with a chuckle. “I intend to do this a lot.” Kissing her cheek softly he nuzzled her flesh gently before nipping at her carefully and lightly. “You know,” he said long moments later, his fingers lazily drawing random designs on her skin. “You can ask me questions, honey. You probably have a few hundred rampaging through your mind so while we lay here, you should start asking a few.”

  “How long will we be connected like this?” Her cheek was on his chest, eyes closed as she asked her questions. “Will you always get bigger when you come? Why didn’t you put a mark on me like Cindy Lou has?” She yawned slightly and buried in closer to him. “How long is the forever we have before us?”

  Smiling he stroked her spine gently. “Until I start to relax and loosen up, it can last anywhere from five to fifteen minutes. Yes I’ll always get bigger when I come, it’s part of being a wolf. We enlarge upon coming so that our mates can’t push us out while we fill them with our seed. As to the mark.” He shifted slightly so he could see her face. “When I mark you as my mate it will be from behind that I take you, in the submissive position. And forever can be either your lifetime or if you want to be changed, however long we live as wolves.”

  “I don’t think that my lifetime will be enough,” she admitted quietly. “I want whatever lifetime you have for me. I never want to give this, us, up.” She had just met him, but she loved him with all she had. She knew the reason she loved him so much so quickly was because of having such hurt and hate in her first marriage. “For now though, I’m exhausted. Ben, can I nap?” Once more her head lay on his chest. She hugged him tightly again and let out a sigh of a breath.

  “Of course you can, honey,” he said, stroking her hair as he watched her with a gentle smile. “Close your eyes, baby, and just relax. I’ll be right here with you the whole time.” And in the dream with her, too. “Sleep, Evangeline. No one’s ever going to hurt you again, baby.”

  “At least until he finds me,” she whispered sleepily. “He will try because he wants what I have.” She had her eyes closed and was drifting more in sleep than not. “He will be pissed to learn I won the last lotto. Beyond pissed, really.” She had held off on telling Ben about the lotto winnings for fear that he would want her for more than just her being her, but in the end she mentioned it because it was a part of who she was right now. She knew that Ben would care for her no matter if she had a million dollars, or owed a million dollars. It was all about them being together.

  “Your ex, love?” he asked her softly not wanting her to wake too much and think too long on her answers. He just wanted her to let it out, a little at a time and give him some answers, too. “I won’t let him hurt you, Angel. You’re my mate and under my protection.”

  “I was married before. I finally got free of him when he nearly killed me on Knight’s lot.” She yawned again and sighed. “It’s nice to be able to know I am safe. That is something that is rare and something that I couldn’t pay for.”

  Hugging her tighter he repressed the low growl he felt building, he and the Wolf in sync on the fact that her ex had to die, painfully. “You are always safe with me, Evangeline,” he murmured, kissing her hair lightly. “No one will ever hurt you again.” He’d make sure of that permanently.

  She was asleep so she didn’t hear his whispered promise, but it was as if her soul heard it because she let out a sigh of contentment and happiness as she settled deeper into sleep, hoping she would once more see him in her dreams.

  Holding her until she was sound asleep, Benedek rolled them to their sides, hitching her one leg up high over his hip and tucking them both in again. Kissing her cheek he buried his face in her neck and slid into sleep to join her in the dream.

  Chapter 2

  Waking, he looked around at the darkness and frowned, bringing out light and spring air. Turning he smiled as he saw the home where he’d been born on the hill and Evangeline moving toward him. “Hello, my love,” he said softly as he took her hand.

  Turning, she looked up at him and smiled, squeezing his hand lightly. “This is beautiful, Benedek. This has to be your dream because I have never been anywhere like this before.” It was magical. The place was wild and had an air of intensity to it, but it was perfect, delicious, and looked like home.

  “It is my dream,” he told her pointing toward the Palace on the hill. “That’s where I grew up.” He paused his hand falling. “For a time anyway,” he murmured his tone turning sad. “I don’t even know if it still stands or if they destroyed it after it all went down.”

  “Oh wow.” She leaned back against him and then looked up. “You should come back home, come back and at least see if it is still standing, honey. No one should wonder if their family home still stands or not.” She knew that hers didn’t. It had been wiped out in a freak of a flood several years ago.

  “I wish I could but if any of my family re-enters this country we’re to be seized and imprisoned until the death warrant can be fulfilled,” he said softly staring up at the pale gray stones. “Doesn’t matter really,” he told her with a shrug. “Home is where your family is. And I have that here, in this country with my brothers and now.” He smiled down at her. “And now with you, Evangeline.”

  Evan grinned up at him and nodded. “I’m sorry for all that you have lost, Ben, and please don’t think me horrible for my next statement.” She wet her lips and hugged him close. “I’m glad you had to leave your home, not with how you had to leave but that you did. Because if you hadn’t, we wouldn’t have met.”

  “It’s not horrible to say what you mean and what’s in your heart,” he told her hugging her back. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head he let out a sigh. “I’d have been very upset to have missed finding you, honey. It’s better this way. We have each other and that’s all that really matters to me.”

  “I would have been pretty upset about that, too.” She hugged him close and breathed out a sigh. “Would you like to walk the halls of your childhood home? If only in memories to show me?” she asked softly. She wanted to know about his past, about his childhood. She wanted to learn about his parents from him and what better way than through the shared dreams?

  “I’d like to show you the Palace, I think you’ll like it,” he said with a smile. Taking her hand he led her across the fields to the main entrance. Guiding her into the empty Palace, he led her through the halls pointing out this or that as he walked slowly. Reaching his childhood room he pushed the door open. “And this is where I slept and played pretty much for my whole childhood.” What he didn’t say was that once they left here, his childhood ended and adulthood was thrust upon him harshly.

  She looked at the room and grinned, touching this and that she paused before a painting of a beautiful woman standing with her hand on a small boy’s shoulder. She touched it gently, reverently. “Your mother?” She simply knew that was who the woman with the laughter in her eyes was. “She was beautiful, Benedek,” she whispered and turned to him. “There is so much love in her eyes, in the lines of her face and yours.”

  Staring up at the portrait he nodded slowly reaching up to touch his mother’s face. “She had one commissioned for each of us, something that we could do with her to have time just for ourselves,” he murmured. “She was a marvelous woman, strong and yet so very gentle. She had a smile that could make anyone feel better and her laugh.” He smiled slightly. “Her laugh was crystal clear and pure, no one that heard it could be truly sad.”

  “I want this kind of love,” she said and grinned when he simply looked at her as if asking why and what. “You can tell that she is looking off to your father. I don’t know why but I can just tell that she is looking for him, and it makes me smile. I want this with you.”

  Smiling he nodded and pulled her into his arms to hug her tightly to him, needing the comfort of her touch. As it always was for him, remembering his mother hurt even as it warmed and comforted him. They had all lost her so early in life that they’d missed out on too
much. “We can have anything if we truly love each other and believe in one another always.”

  “I love you, Ben, and I believe in you. I never had much to believe in but you, you I believe in and I have only just met you.” She smiled for him and hugged him back, offering Ben all of her love and affection to help ease his still too raw hurts and pains.

  “Thank you, honey,” he murmured closing his eyes as he held her to him letting her touch soothe everything that hurt within him. “That means so much to me to hear you trust and believe in me, Evangeline. I know how hard it must be for you to even say the words let alone mean them,” he whispered softly pressing a kiss to her cheek.

  “It is hard for me to give that trust, but it comes so easily to trust you. When we dream, I feel your very soul, Benedek, and no one could ever mask the complete depth of that particular part of yourself. Yours is good, Benedek, so very good that I’m honored that I have been chosen to be yours. It stuns me, but I refuse to raise question for fear that Fate will realize their mistake and give you another.”

  Holding her tighter he shook his head. “Not going to happen. You are mine, for now and all the time we will have in this world until we move on to the next. No one is going to take you from me, Evangeline, no one would dare,” he finished with a small growl.

  She winced and coughed. “Too tight.” She breathed and patted his shoulders. “Too tight, Benedek.” She was all smiles when he sheepishly pulled back and looked like a flame had taken permanent residence on his face. “It’s all right, honey, no harm done at all.” She loved that he wanted to hold her so close and tightly.

  “Sorry,” he said softly as he rubbed his hands up and down her back. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered softly as he stroked her face gently. He really hadn’t meant to and he’d promised he never would and yet he’d just broken that promise to her. Stepping back he stuck his hands in his pockets. “Come on, there’s still lots to see,” he told her quietly.

  She moved to him and made him stop, made him look at her. “Stop, Ben, you didn’t hurt me. You squeezed a little too hard but it was nothing painful at all so you haven’t broken your promise to me. It’s still there and still in effect.”

  Looking down at her he nodded doubtfully but decided to believe her. “All right,” he said softly. “Still,” he told her shifting slightly. “There is more to see of the Palace. We should go before morning comes and we end up waking. I doubt that I’ll be ever able to come back here.” The memories were just too hard on him.

  “I’m sorry, Ben, do you want to leave now?” she asked realizing just how hard that might be on him. “I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t even think how hard it would be on you to come into here. I’m so sorry, let’s leave?”

  Shaking his head he smiled at her. “It’s okay, love,” he told her softly. “Besides, I want to show you the place as it was, filled with love and family. If we ever get a chance to return it won’t be as it is in my memories. Let’s finish the tour and then I’ll show you where I loved to go and swim as a boy.”

  “Only as long as you are perfectly sure, Ben, I don’t want you to cause yourself any pain at all, not on my account.” Evan spoke as she looked up at him and watched him. “Only do this if it is what you want to do, Ben, not because I want it, all right?”

  “I’m fine, Evangeline,” he reassured her softly as he cupped her face in his hands gently. “It’s nice to see it again and I do want to show you the home of my early years. It is painful to realize it’s lost to me and mine, but I can see it here in our dreams this one time and remember the laughter and joy.”

  “All right, Ben,” she whispered and nodded. “Then let’s finish looking at your childhood home. I would like to know your memories, know about the happiness that you had as a child, please?”

  Reaching out he carefully took her hand and guided her out of his room and down the hall. Pointing out each of his brothers’ rooms, he showed her the nursery where he regaled her with tales of the various nannies and tutors they’d had and tormented, boys being boys and all that. He took her through the master and mistress suites and then down to the grand ballroom. “Christmas was wonderful here,” he told her softly. “We’d have a big tree that would fill the corner of the room and the fireplaces would be roaring brightly. We’d all gather around on Christmas Eve and open one gift from our parents to tide us over until the morning. Didn’t do much except gaining our parents sleep until about five in the morning instead of three when we really wanted to be up and down here tearing through everything.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “That would be wonderful, to have children and live Christmas through them each year, it would be heavenly.” She wanted children, very much wanted them but in all honesty she didn’t know if she could have them or not.

  “Well, we’ll have to think on that down the line, but not immediately,” he told her softly. “For a few months you will be safe from any pregnancy until your body gets accustomed to mine.” Totally the short version of how it all worked, but he wanted her to have the facts and not all the scientific mumbo-jumbo. “After that we will need to consider if you either want to change or go on birth control since I can’t exactly use anything as a human male would,” he told her apologetically.

  “Benedek, honey, I am pushing forty, believe me when I tell you that while I want children so badly, I know that my child bearing days are coming close to an end so if it means that we can have longer together and increase the chance of children, I want to be changed.” She stopped in the hall and looked up. “In fact I would like that anyway so that I have as much time with you as I can get, Benedek. I want a very, very long life with you.”

  Smiling at her he leaned down and brushed his lips lightly over her cheek. “We’ll talk about that much more later, but this is for us now. Let’s leave the heavy details for out in reality and just enjoy the dreams for what they are, love, a chance to know one another completely.”

  “I like that thought.” She nodded and pulled back. “Now, where do we go next?” She wanted to stay in the warmth of the hall, the glow of the fire and the decorations that lined it made it seem a happy place to be.

  “My swim hole,” he told her with a grin. “I figure since I got to see yours I’d show you where my favorite place to try and drown my family is.” Tugging on her hand he headed for the kitchens and the servants’ entrance there. Slipping out he pulled her toward the treeline. “It’s just past the trees in a small clearing,” he told her.

  “I would like that.” She grinned and watched the trees as they walked by. “I would love to go back home sometime, take you there so that you can see where I grew up.” She touched branches and leaves as they walked past. “Since we can’t visit your home, I would like to give you a piece of mine to hold in your heart, it might not be where you grew up, but it is still lovely.”

  Looking at her in surprise, he smiled slowly. “I’d like that,” he told her, gently pulling her close so he could wrap his arm around her shoulders. Hugging her gently he pointed out spots he used to use for the games of hide and seek he’d play with his brothers.

  She saw the rope swing and grinned. “Let’s go for a swim?” she asked pulling away. “We will swing out on the rope and see who can go farther into the water.” Her hand in his she tugged him for the rope, willing her clothes away until just a swimsuit was in their place.

  Eyeballing the suit he grinned and thought of just trunks as he picked her up and carried her quickly to the rope. “I should warn you,” he said as he caught it and pulled it back for her. “It’s sometimes a little chilly on first entry,” he told her with a grin. “Just don’t want you to have a conniption when you hit the water,” he teased kissing her nose and handing her the rope. “Ladies first.”

  She snickered and shook her head. “Mountain fed, huh?” But it didn’t faze her. She still swung out and over the lake, into the water, and came out sputtering and laughing. “Holy shit you weren’t kidding!”

  Catch
ing the rope on the back swing, he laughed at her. “I warned you,” he said with another laugh when she shivered expressively. “Watch out, woman, master of the swing coming through,” he told her as he backed up as far as he could. Taking a good run he hitched up on the rope and swung up and at the apex let go before tucking into a ball and coming down in a cannon ball.

  The water splashed and the wave dunked her but she came up laughing and shaking her head. “You win, but I think it’s because you are much bigger than me. Yep, that’s it.” She swam to him, long and sure strokes, the movements of a swimmer.

  Turning in the water he wiped his hand across his face as he grinned at her. “I had a lot of practice in my early years, that and an older brother that could even swamp me. Laz is the master of the cannon ball and we have all been drowned under his water.” He chuckled taking her hand.

  “Remind me not to be in the water when we swim with him.” She squeezed his hand and grinned. “I assume that I will get to meet him?” And there was that feeling of inadequacy, the feeling that maybe she shouldn’t meet his family because she simply wasn’t good enough.

  “Hey now,” he said pulling her into his arms and holding her close. “No being sad. They are going to love you, all my brothers will love you, Angel. You are perfect and you’re my mate.” He smiled. “Can’t go wrong with that combination, now can you?”

  She snorted and shook her head. “I’m not perfect, Ben. I’m too old, don’t even know if I can still give you children. I am scared and so much less than perfect.” She however let him hold her close as they tread water. “But no one will ever love you more than I can, Ben,” she whispered softly.