Worth Something More

by Suze Robinson

  “I don’t mind. Sorry, we are both a mess today. I can’t wrap my head around everything yet, and he’s broken in there. I have to be strong for him. That’s what I keep telling myself, but honestly, I have no fucking idea what to do,” she admits then glances down at her breakfast. Kate takes a bite of her chocolate chip muffin and is lost in a memory, likely one of her sister.

  “There isn’t anywhere else Lily would rather be right now.” And nowhere else I’d rather be but I don’t tell Kate that because as potent as my desire for this woman is, it’s new. We are getting to know one another and fighting the fact we are coworkers. Now throwing in such a painful loss, I won’t try to be anything but a friend to her. She needs all the support she can get.

  “I’m sure he needs her too. Wonder if we can get them to come and eat breakfast.” She glances up and looks toward the closed bedroom door.

  “I’ll go see.” I have Kate return to eating, and I walk down the hall to Jake’s room. He hasn’t moved, neither has Lily. “Jake, why don’t you come and have breakfast, please?”

  He’s always been a good kid and usually listens without questioning. There’s a moment of hesitation this time, but he gives in and sits up. His long brown hair is a mess as he pushes it back and his eyes are still hollow.

  No words slip from his lips as he walks toward the kitchen. I grab my daughter around the shoulders, pulling her close to my side as we step from the bedroom. “Are you doing okay, L?”

  “I can’t believe this has happened. What can I do for him?”

  “Be there, it’s all we can do.” We gather around the table and eat breakfast together. I miss the way the four of us were yesterday while together. Kate has been this spark of happiness in the time we spend together. It’s absent now, and I want to bring it back as she did for me.

  Jake is quiet and distant. Kate looks lost with too much in her head. Lily’s struggling between the two, probably trying to decipher what she could say. So, I sit here and try to figure out what to say to help them forget for a bit. Nothing comes to mind and that’s the problem. I’m not sure where to begin to ease their minds, if it’s even possible. I’ve only felt this worthless once before when Lily had her accident.

  “Thanks for visiting and bringing us breakfast today. It was nice,” Kate says and peeks at Jake, likely hoping he’ll have something to add to the conversation. He hasn’t spoken a single word since we walked in. Not for the lack of my daughter trying.

  He doesn’t respond, so Lily steps in. “It’s no problem. We had fun yesterday and thought it would be nice to hang out again.”

  Before I add more, a knock sounds at the front door. A wave of unease crosses Kate’s face, but she gets up and answers the door.

  A commotion sounds in the entryway as a woman steps inside, the luggage trailing behind her. “Goodness, Kathleen, you need to be responsible and pick up your phone, so you know when I’m arriving.” I can’t see the older woman yet but when I glance at Lily, her face is tight, and she mouths the word grandmother.

  Kate’s mother is here, and from the looks of it, she’s not always welcomed or nice. I recall a conversation I had with Kate in my office then remember her mother never supported her life decisions. She’s told her to be responsible, and they haven’t embraced one another during this trying time.

  “Sorry, Mother, it must be on silent,” Kate mutters and joins us in the kitchen again. Her mom walks in behind her and hugs her grandson in a detached, clinical way.

  “Hey, honey. I’m here now, so everything will be okay.”

  I think Kate’s handling it well. I open my mouth to defend her when Kate rests her hand on my arm and shakes her head no. She’s aware of her mother’s underhanded remarks.

  Jake doesn’t respond but pats his grandmother on the arm. Kate’s mother’s attention turns toward me next and sees the way her daughter’s hand rests on my forearm.

  “Who are you?” she asks and I see a flash of Julie standing before me twenty years later—minus the attitude and air of entitlement.

  I hold back another remark and instead rise from the table and extend my hand, hoping to keep the woman calm for Kate. “I’m Lincoln, and this is my daughter, Lily.”

  She doesn’t take my extended hand but instead shares an expression with me. Annoyance is there alongside detachment. “We have family matters to discuss, so I need to ask you to leave.”

  “Mother!” Kate yells, outraged by her mother’s harsh words to me and my daughter. “How dare you kick out my guests in my home.”

  Jake rises from the table, slamming down his cup, and Lily jumps up to rush after him.

  “Well, we do and having your current”—she glances my way again—“man here is unnecessary.”

  “Lily’s Jake’s best friend, but we’ll head out.” I say it as calmly as possible. The way her mother disrespected Kate has me wanting to stand between them. I want to block every glare and hurtful word this woman could toss Kate’s direction.

  Lily walks from Jake’s room and comes back to stand next to me. The tears are close to falling, and it pushes Kate’s anger further. She opens her mouth to say something to her mom.

  I step in instead. “Hey, we’ll go.”

  Kate grabs my arm and gives me a look that’s begging me to stay. Fuck, this woman has me, and it kills me to see her in so much pain. “I’ll give you my number. Call me if you need anything, and we’ll be here for you.”

  She nods and walks us to the door while her mother moves around the kitchen behind us. “I’m sorry,” Kate whispers when we reach the front door.

  I want to wrap her in a hug and take a formidable stance between both women, but I know there are things they need to work out too. “We are a phone call away, okay? Call if you need something.” I have a business card in my pocket, and I pass it over. “And I’m serious, call. I don’t care what it’s for or what time it is.”

  “Thank you, both of you, for coming over and bringing us breakfast.”

  “Bye, Aunt Kate.” Lily wraps her arms around Kate, and then we head out. I’m reluctant to leave Kate alone with her mother.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kate

  I close the door behind Lincoln and stare at his business card in my hands. I can’t believe how awful my mother was to him. She’s always been short with my friends. Still, I never expected her to be so disrespectful to someone like Lincoln. I sense the anguish she feels, but she has her detached surgeon presence going. Doesn’t excuse her behavior, but she’s hurting even if she doesn’t show it, so I decide to not be harsh in response.

  Making my way back to the kitchen, I find her cleaning up the remains of breakfast. She’s dressed in pressed designer slacks and a starched button-up shirt. Her short hair is styled to perfection even though she must have taken the first flight from Georgia to get here so quickly. I’ve never once seen Dr. Antoinette Alverson less than put together. I’m still surprised to see her so together, considering her daughter died yesterday.

  “You didn’t have to act so rude to them, Mother.”

  She glances up from where she’s analyzing my apartment and probably finding it less than it is. My mother has never stepped foot in my home before this. The divide between us only grew after Dad died, and I continue to never meet her expectations.

  “We have things to discuss. They shouldn’t be here when we talk.”

  “Lily is a significant person in Jake’s life.”

  “Oh, please, a girlfriend of a thirteen-year-old hardly qualifies as—”

  “Stop!” I raise my voice to her for the first time in my life, and my heart pounds hard in my chest. My voice is sharp, but it doesn’t faze her. I suppose she’s used to this in her line of work, but still, she could show a sliver of emotion to us. “Lily isn’t his girlfriend, and this situation isn’t something small. They’ve been friends since they were babies. He’s lost his parents. He’s allowed to mourn with his best friend.”

  “You need to calm down.” My mother st
raightens up my kitchen and tosses away the rest of our breakfast. “There’s an appointment for funeral arrangements tomorrow and your brother will be in later today to help. He can watch Jake while I set up arrangements and handle your sister’s services.”

  She doesn’t think I can take care of Jake myself. I see it as she looks around my home. She opens the refrigerator, then lets out an annoyed sigh and even a low growl rumbles through her chest.

  “You have no food in here, Kathleen. You’ve been responsible for him for three days, and you have nothing for him to eat.”

  I turn on my heel and walk away from her. I’m not sure if it’s annoyance or shame at this point because my mother is right. I should have had food for him.

  I walk to the bedroom and sit on the bed next to Jake. He’s staring out the window, watching the rainfall. “How long will she be here?”

  “I’m not sure. Sorry she was like that to Lily.” With a gentle calming hand on his shoulder, I let him see I’m there. I’ll always be there for him.

  “It’s okay. I’ve told Lily how she can be.” He looks down at his hands and twists his fingers together. “My parents left me.”

  “I’m sorry.” The words are never enough. They weren’t when I lost my father. Still, I share them. Everyone apologized when I lost my father, and those words—as heartfelt as they may be—are never enough.

  “How did you do this when you lost Grandpa?”

  I wrap my arms around Jake’s shoulders and squeeze. “It gets better every day. I try to keep living my life how he would want me to. He was a gamer like us, so I’d game and remember him telling me never to let my dreams go.”

  “Mom told me the same thing. Never let my dreams go. That’s why she pushed me to keep playing the guitar.”

  I rest my head on his and try to let the love I have for him flood out of me. To be strong and his support, a rock to lean on so he doesn’t fall. Jake won’t be alone while I’m still here.

  “She’s right. I don’t regret a single decision I ever made that led me to where I’m sitting right now. I want the same for you.”

  “What will happen now that my parents are gone?”

  How to respond to that question? I want him to stay with me, so he’s okay and has me to lean on, but that’s not how this works. Did my sister have a will? Does he go with the grandparents? Fuck, this situation is that much tougher when we decide where Jake will go. I can’t answer him. Instead, I give a grim smile and press his longer brown hair back from where it falls over his eyes.

  My mother’s heels click down the hardwood floors and stop at the bedroom door. Her monotone voice washes over us. I glance her way. “We need to meet Lukas at the airport.” She walks around the bed to stand before us. “Jake, go take a shower and get ready, so we can go meet your uncle.”

  He rises from the bed without argument and steps into the bathroom. I stand, step away from my mother, and disappear into my room. She doesn’t let me escape her hard stare but follows me instead. My mother is a mission-driven person, and no one can walk away from her. There’s a reason she’s one of the leading surgeons in her state.

  “I’m sorry I was short with your friends, but it’s a family situation.”

  “I understand.” I pick up clothes from the floor and try to distract myself by tidying up my home to her standards. My mother lets out a sigh and helps me around the room. “What?” I turn her direction to see her lips pressed together in a thin line.

  “You’re a mess, Kathleen. I don’t understand how you live like this.” My mother pushes a stray hair back and tucks it behind her ear. I’ve never seen her fidget or falter before. It’s one small break in the thick and impenetrable armor she wears.

  “You thought there was something more for me out in the world but I will be a video game creator one day and this”—I spread my arms out—“is my home. This is my life, and you know what? It’s everything I want it to be. So I’m a little messy and single.” I stuff the dirty clothes in my arm into a nearby hamper and allow the words I speak to settle in the room. She doesn’t have an initial response, and again I’m brought up short. Perhaps we can move past this animosity I have, and maybe one day I won’t disappoint her.

  She turns and steps from my room, saying nothing more and diverting her attention to Jake instead. I get ready to meet them in the living room and lead them from my apartment so we can pick up Lukas. My brother will offer a much-needed distraction between me and my mother. We climb into my mother’s rental to drive to the airport a few moments later. I stare out the passenger window as we make our way across Chicago and watch the heavy rain fall again. My thoughts wander, and I try to grasp where we will go from here. What will happen now that Julie is no longer here to keep us strong?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lincoln

  I can’t stop worrying about Kate. My thoughts went to her often after we left. Lily has her fears to share with me, which keeps Kate in the forefront of my mind. Lily has concerns about what happens with Jake now that his parents have passed. The concern isn’t only for her friend’s loss but if she will lose him now. I know it’s a possibility he’ll go live with his grandmother in Georgia or even Jeff’s parents in Michigan. None of Jake’s relatives live in Chicago aside from his aunt, and I’m not sure if Kate has any rights to be Jake’s guardian if Julie didn’t express those wishes in her will.

  I hold my daughter as she mourns the loss. They are young, but I swear to her they will make their friendship survive this. For now, she needs to be there for him as much as he needs it. We will support Jake and Kate but stay back until they reach out so we don't intrude. It’s the hardest thing, but I’d only met Kate this week and things are so new between us.

  I don’t understand this connection I’ve formed so early into a friendship. My parents raised me to fall into things with a quickness most don’t. My mother was always open and loving, and my father was the same. They lived without restraint and embraced everyone the same. I knew my mother would know what I should do about this situation so I call her. After only two rings, she picked up, and her familiar voice washes over me. “It’s about time, son. I thought you’d never call me.”

  “Mom, we talked last week about the economic crisis and why breakfast burritos are, and I quote you here—epic.”

  She let out a slight chuckle. “Oh, I know, son. I don’t have Alzheimer’s yet. Though, maybe your father does. He forgets that it’s the Walking Dead tonight. The zombies are so gruesome, but I enjoy how he looks as if he might vomit.”

  Both of my parents are in their late fifties, but they are full of fun and happiness and it makes me miss their presence. I haven’t had time off to make the trip to Ohio to see them. “You’ll give him a heart attack.”

  “Oh, please, he’s good. So how’s everything going there? How’s my Lilybug?”

  “That’s what I’m calling about. We’re doing okay, but you remember Lily’s best friend Jake, right?”

  “Yes, of course. Jake’s the cute one she’s always talking about. Are they boyfriend-girlfriend these days? Our little Lilybug is growing up so fast.”

  I sigh because she sounds excited about that fact when I’m stressed about it. “No, Jake’s parents died last night.”

  My mother gasps. “Oh, God no. He’s so young to be going through this.”

  “Exactly, and I’m telling her to be there for him, but I’m not sure what else to do or say. She’s worried about what will happen to him since he has no family in Chicago but his aunt.”

  “I’ll fly to Chicago and visit her. She’s mourning for this loss and it will be hard for her.”

  I adjust my phone on my shoulder and sigh then shift back in my seat. Admittedly, it would be nice for my mom to come up but that wasn’t my intention when calling her. “You don’t have to fly to Chicago. Her mom will be back soon. Though I’m not sure if Morgan grieving for her friend’s death will help Lily much either.”

  “That’s right. Well, son, I’m coming anyw
ay it’s been a while since I’ve seen you guys. I’ll be there late tomorrow night.”

  “Sounds like I won’t be talking you out of it, so I’ll see you soon.”

  “Yes. Now get some rest. I love you.”

  After hanging up, I glance at my phone, debating whether to call or text Kate to see if she needs something. Problem is, I don’t have her number. There’s no use. Kate will have to call me first.

  I PACED FOR HOURS LAST night and still hadn’t heard a response from Kate. I passed out late into the night, and Lily stayed hidden in her room. There was nothing I could say, so I let her rest without my constant hovering.

  She went to school this morning and didn’t talk on the ride over. Again, I didn’t press, considering I made it worse last night with my honesty.

  Dennis steps into my office and lets out a deep sigh. He passes over some presentations for me to look at, so I bury myself in work. It saves me from glancing at my phone to see if Kate has tried to reach out yet.

  “Most of the team sent me their ideas over the weekend. The only one who hasn’t is Kate Alverson. Are you sure about having her on stage? I didn’t argue during the meeting.” Dennis pauses and looks my direction with questioning eyes.

  “She had something come up this weekend. I’ll talk to her about it when she comes in next time.”

  “How do you know she had something come up? You never work with the development department, and since when do you let that type of thing matter, anyway? I checked with Brad, and she’s downstairs working on codes right now.”

  “She’s here?” I shut the folder and walk around my desk. The thought of seeing her has me moving without thought. Not only have I missed her, but I’ve been worried about how she’s handling her sister’s death. I need to see her, touch her, and comfort in any way I can.

  Dennis grabs my arm before I make it to the door. “What’s going on with you?” His brows lower, and there’s a question in his eyes. “There’s a buzz going around that they’ve seen you downstairs and that you’ve been hooking up with that level designer. What’s gotten into you?” His constant questions about our relationship, which hasn’t even formed a true friendship yet, has me on edge. I don’t want to talk about Kate, I want to see her.