The Days Without You: A Story of Love, Loss, and Grief

by Skylar Wilson

  “Off King Street. You and Cat coming?”

  “Yeah, I think Ollie already texted her about it.”

  “Nice to see they’re hitting it off.” He chuckled. “Show starts at 8:00. Want to get dinner before?”

  Scrunching up her face, she said, “Sorry, Cat and I already planned to hit the Washout before the show.” She stepped behind his chair and kissed his cheek. “I’ve got to get my maneuvers perfected.”

  This is your dream.

  The days passed, and as they passed, Kylie discovered every reason not to call Colton. He’ll be upset. He’ll be angry at me for being the kept child. Calling him meant saying out loud to a stranger that her mother was gone. The workweek, too, had come and gone in a blur. When not at work or the beach, she pulled up social media to search for Colton. Perhaps, she thought, if she found him, she could find similarities between herself and Colton to prove that he was, indeed, her brother or not.

  Several weeks had passed since the funeral. Sometimes, though, the thought that her mother was no longer around made tears well up in Kylie’s eyes, and she cried quietly in the solitude of home, usually when the house was silent and she remembered Sarah wasn’t simply taking a nap. And then, when she thought of Colton’s letter and the fact that she had a brother she never knew about, bursting anger overcame her. How could her mother never tell her?

  The days felt like a roller coaster.

  Don’t you think he deserves to know that she died? Yes, of course he deserved to know. She knew he deserved to know. He had probably searched for months on end for her.

  Cat’s voice sounded far away, “Anyway, Ollie said the show starts at 8:00, so we got to hurry up and eat. Hey, are you even listening? Hello! Earth to Kylie.” She patted Kylie’s hand.

  “Yeah, I’m here,” she teased, shaking her head and returning to the present in Cat’s kitchen with a plate of fish in front of her. Truthfully, she wasn’t very hungry, anyway.

  “Where were you?”

  Without a word, Kylie rose to grab her purse from the counter, pulling out the letter and placing it in front of Cat. Kylie eased herself back down. Cat’s eyes scanned the letter, reading quickly, and her jaw slackened, her lips parting.

  She stared. “Kylie, is this….do you have a brother?”

  Kylie bit the inside of her cheek. “I think so. Adam thinks I should call him to tell him she passed. I’ve been meaning to, I just…I don’t know; it’s like I can’t bring myself to do it. I hate that I have to be the one to break that news to him.”

  Cat smiled sadly. “At least it’s not like he really knew her.”

  “Doesn’t make it any easier,” she retorted, more brusquely than intended.

  “Just do it. Get it over with. Call and say you want to meet with him some day next week. Kylie, it’s like ripping off a bandage.”

  “I guess.”

  Cat was right, she knew. She should just get it over with. With reluctant motivation, she grabbed her phone from her back pocket, snatched the letter from Cat, and dialed. The line continued to ring until voicemail picked up. His voice was deeper than she had imagined, but it still had a pleasant, jovial tone to it. Hello, you’ve reached the voicemail of Colton O’Donnell. Please leave your name, number and a brief message. Her pulse slowed, relieved that Colton hadn’t answered. Her breath, though, still hitched in her chest, and the words still came too quickly.

  “Hi, Colton, my name is Kylie Lewis. I’m related to Sarah Lewis, who you wrote to. I’d like to meet up sometime to talk. If you could please call me back, that would be great, at 843-334-2221.”

  Her breath exhaled in a rush as she ended the call. Finally. It was done.

  Cat patted her arm. “Good,” she soothed. “Now, finish your dinner and let’s get going.”

  “Seriously, where’s Shawn?” Ollie stuck his head through the back doorway of the bar and glanced at his watch.

  Adam shook his head, halfway ignoring him while he tweaked the pegs of his electric, plucking each string as he tuned them. “He should be here soon. I think he was going to a meeting before the show.” He fiddled with the last peg. Although he was a bit irritated as well, he couldn’t blame Shawn.

  “Well, he better goddamn hurry up or we’ll be late starting.”

  Benny lugged the last load of equipment through the door, and it thudded onto the floor. He stood up, fighting to catch his breath. “That’s everything,” he breathed, glancing around at the amps and microphones and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

  Adam set his guitar aside. “Let’s start setting up, then. Hopefully he’ll be here soon.” He nodded at Ollie, who shook his head and grumbled to himself.

  From the stage, the bar appeared to be standing room only, and it looked like it could burst with the number of people inside. Half the crowd swarmed the bar, shoving their way to the front to order drinks. The rest, meanwhile, milled about, watching as the band set up their equipment. Adam scanned the crowd. No Kylie or Cat yet. Just when he headed to the back to grab an amp, Shawn slipped through the back door, nodded at Adam, and brushed by him, grabbing parts of his drum set. Still carrying the amp, Adam followed him back out to the stage. Shawn’s mouth set in a thin line, and his expression hardened while he concentrated on setting up his set.

  Adam kneeled next to him. “You okay?”

  Shawn nodded and merely grunted in response, then thought better of it and added, “Yeah, I got someone to come tonight from the meeting.”

  “Good.” He clapped him on the shoulder and headed to the back again to lug out more equipment.

  Still, he didn’t see Kylie in the crowd before it was time to start the show. He scanned the bar one last time while slipping his guitar strap over his head. Whistles and hoots filled the room, and he couldn’t help but grin. Shawn seated himself behind his drum set, while Ollie and Benny made a few last tuning tweaks. Adrenaline already had Adam’s blood pumping as he stepped up to the front microphone.

  “Thanks for checking us out tonight,” he said, grinning again when the cheers and whistles grew louder.

  “We love you!” screamed a young woman at the bar. Her friends cackled.

  Adam laughed. “We love you guys too, and we got some great swag after the show!”

  They began to play, and the first two songs felt nearly perfect. Every beat, rhythm, and harmony flowed together. At the start of the third song, Kylie and Cat slipped their way to the front of the crowd. Sweat dripped down his brow, and he fought the urge to wipe it away. Throughout the show, he looked down to see people singing along—to their songs! Their music not just covers—and their energy magnified his own.

  By the last song, his shirt was damp with perspiration. He thanked the crowd again, and cheers followed them off the stage as they retreated to the back room. Kylie and Cat found their way back, also, both of them smiling.

  “Good show!” cried Cat.

  Kylie beamed at Adam.

  Even his palms felt sweaty as he ran a hand through his damp hair, which stuck up in spots, and wiped his hands on his jeans. “I’d give you a hug, but…” He gestured broadly to his sweaty clothes.

  “Um, yeah.” Kylie laughed, and her cheeks glowed.

  Suddenly, he wanted to lean down and kiss her, but self-consciousness kept him from it.

  “Rain check,” she teased.

  Benny called over all their noise, “I’m meeting Lacey out front. She’s going to help man the table.” He moved to the door, but it creaked open. A man in his mid-thirties poked his head through before stepping in. He had dressed casually, although his clothes appeared well-tailored.

  “Sorry to barge in like this,” he said, looking at each of them. “I was hoping to talk to you guys in private.”

  Adam arched a brow. Kylie and Cat exchanged glances, and Kylie mumbled, “Um, we can go—”

  “No, no, you’re fine. Just didn’t want to talk out in the crowd. Jim Jones, by the way, although I usually go by JJ. I work for Black Diamond Records.”


  Adam stared, his mouth open. Black Diamond? The Relief is signed under Black Diamond! His heart raced all over again, tenfold this time, and his eyes popped open while his breath caught in his ribcage. He barely breathed until he managed to choke out a sort-of screech like a strangulated cat. Biting his tongue and tensing every muscle, he willed himself to remain calm and collected. He flashed a glance at Shawn and Ollie, then at Benny, who still stood frozen by the door. Adam swallowed, cleared his throat, and nodded.

  “I’m Adam. This is Shawn, Oliver, and that’s Benny behind you.”

  JJ gave their hands a firm shake then clapped his own hands together. “I’ll cut right to the chase, then,” he began, businesslike. “My wife and I are on vacation here this week—we came down from New York—and heard quite a few people talking about tonight’s show. Did a bit of research and found your website. The band’s got a decent following around here. And the show was great, really great. You guys got some great energy going.”

  “Thanks,” said Ollie, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

  Adam nodded slowly, fighting to stay calm. Shawn remained a statue in the corner, his mouth slack and his eyes glazed over while he stared.

  “I definitely plan on bringing you guys up when I’m back in New York. Do you have a demo or something I can give them?”

  “Oh,” Adam mumbled, spinning around and nearly toppling over until Cat grabbed a CD from the box at her feet. She handed it to JJ.

  “Awesome.” He studied the cover. “Did you make this? It’s great.”

  Benny shrugged casually and answered, “Yeah, I did. Photoshop.”

  “Nice, I like it. Anyway, I better get going. My wife wants to hit one of those ghost tours.” He shook their hands again. “Do you have a number I can reach you at? We’re flying home Sunday morning, so I’ll be back in the office on Monday. Let me talk to a few people I know, and I’ll give you a ring if they’re interested.”

  He scrambled again to find pen and paper until Kylie reached into her purse and pulled out a scrap. Adam jotted down his number, and JJ slipped it inside the jewel case.

  “Hopefully I’ll be in touch soon. Cheers,” he said before heading out the doorway.

  None of them dared to move until the door clicked shut. Adam’s breath came out in a rush. He felt dazed, and his head spun. Ollie’s and Shawn’s voices sounded far away as they whooped and hollered, jumping and punching each other. Holy crap! I hope you’re seeing this right now, Elliott. His fingers automatically touched his bracelet as his pulse pounded in his ears.

  Cat threw her arms in the air, and she screamed and cried simultaneously as she threw her arms around Adam’s neck. “I can’t believe it!”

  Adam patted her back, but as he looked at Kylie, his dizziness came to an abrupt halt. She held her arms wrapped around her torso, her eyes on the floor, the corners of her lips turned down ever so slightly.

  “What’s wrong?” Gently, he tugged at her hands until she released herself.

  “Nothing,” she snapped, not meeting his gaze. The surrounding noise sounded far away again when she spoke. For a moment, it was just them. “I’m happy for you. This is your dream. You’re an amazing musician, anybody can see that. And they’d be stupid not to sign you.”

  “Kylie.” Finally, her eyes met his while he kept a firm grip on her hands and pulled her closer. Say it. Just spit it out. Say it already. With his head bent low, he murmured, “I love you.”

  She closed her eyes. Her words were no more than a whisper. “I know.”

  His stomach twisted, writhing into a hard knot as his heart sunk into it. She pulled away, and he released her hands. She’s not going to say it.

  Without looking up, she called, “I’m going to get a drink. Does anyone want one? My treat.”

  “How ‘bout a round to celebrate?” Ollie whooped, thumping Adam’s back and dancing with Cat.

  Kylie brushed past Benny and out to the bar.

  Everyone celebrated except Adam; he felt paralyzed. What could he think or say or do? Maybe she doesn’t love me at all. Yes, he’d only known her for five months, but ultimately it hadn’t taken long before he’d begun to fall for her. Yeah…maybe she doesn’t love me. Everyone around him cheered and celebrated while he stood there, feeling his heart breaking; he forced a smile anyway and faked his sunshine-worthy cheer while he listened to Ollie and Cat discuss Black Diamond and the possibility of a contract.

  Shawn slipped out to the stage, and Adam followed him to get out of the spotlight. In total silence, they broke down the equipment and carried most of it to the van while everyone else set up the table for merchandise. His usual excitement at seeing a crowd already forming at the table felt like it had been muted while he handed out CDs and shirts.

  When Kylie reappeared some time later, carefully carrying shot glasses filled to the brim, traces of smudged mascara being wiped away had left stains on her cheeks. Adam wanted to go to her, to apologize, to say something to right whatever he had done wrong.

  Just as Kylie set down the drinks, Shawn slipped away again. Cat picked up a glass and raised it.

  “To the success of One Night Young!”

  It's not that simple.

  The guys waited. And waited. The wait felt agonizing. Shawn, at least, had his meetings to keep himself occupied. Benny had graphic design work to stay busy. But Adam and Ollie—even the busy, nonstop restaurant didn’t keep their minds off the wait. Or perhaps JJ wouldn’t call. Maybe Black Diamond didn’t like their demo. It was already Wednesday; almost a week had passed.

  Ollie wheeled a mop bucket by Adam as he finished taking an order. “Hear anything yet?” he asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

  “No,” Adam snapped. “I swear I’ll tell you as soon as I hear something.”

  By the time four o’clock rolled around, Adam was relieved to go home, not to be berated with questions. And since the show, he could count on one hand how many times he had heard from Kylie. Every text was short and clipped, and mostly single-word answers. Despite wanting to bombard her with apologies, he had kept his cool, hoping a little time would allow the dust to settle.

  But the more he thought about it, the angrier he felt. Nearly a whole week and he’d heard from her a handful of times. Three short text messages and one phone call. No, he wasn’t angry. Disappointed more aptly described how he felt.

  It was time to call her.

  He grabbed his phone from the table and dialed, pacing the floor while he listened to the line ring. Finally, she answered.

  “Oh, hey,” he said, mildly surprised that she’d answered. He cleared his throat. “Do you want to come over? Shawn’s out, so it’s just me here.”

  A pause. Nothing but silence for a few long seconds until she answered, “Oh…um, sure. I’ll be over in a bit.”

  While he waited, he did nothing but pace the living room until a soft knock sounded at the door. Finally. He jogged to the front, stopping for a moment to smooth his hair, and opened the door.

  Kylie stood there, looking everywhere but at him. She fidgeted with the buckle on her purse, pausing a beat before stepping in.

  “Hi.” She turned away to close the door. In the utter silence of the house, the click of the latch seemed like a deafening fortissimo, like ten f notations should have floated above the doorway.

  “Hey.” It sounded lame, even to himself. He rubbed the back of his neck, uneasy. Unsure of what else to do with his hands, he shoved them in his pockets. “Do you want some dinner or something?”

  “No, that’s okay. I ate earlier. But I thought we could go for a walk.”

  The sky was still somewhat light, slowly fading to pink, and Adam stared at the horizon over the water while they walked. The humid air was sticky on his skin. Or perhaps he was just sweating. He thought back to the first time they walked along the smooth stones of the old seawall that was the Battery. Happy couples surrounded them, the water gently lapped against the rocks below, and all of it now only adde
d to the awkwardness that he sensed, as if their tension was magnified by everyone else’s happiness.

  They sat on a concrete bench.

  “How’s work?” he asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

  Kylie shrugged and fidgeted with her purse again. “Same old, same old.”

  He flexed his fingers and intertwined them. His lips parted, closed, and opened again, but his words still refused to come. Instead, he nodded slowly.

  She inhaled sharply and reached up to tie her hair at the nape of her neck, her fingers brushing along her temple and around the fading bruise to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her black eye had now turned to a light, pale yellow. Finally, she spoke, “I’ve been trying to psych myself up for the Gidget. We have to get there early, so Cat and I have to wake up super early. Gross early.”

  “The Gidget?” He glanced at her.

  “The Gidget Classic,” she answered, her brows together and her eyes wide. “Aren’t you coming? It’s this weekend.”

  About to blurt out that he hadn’t realized it was so soon, he stopped himself at the guarded hopefulness in her bright blue eyes. She wrung her hands together—a nervous tic he’d learned to notice these last five months. He’d been so consumed by his elation at the possibility of being signed to Black Diamond, he’d forgotten all about her competition.

  Wow, I feel like an ass.

  “Of course I’m coming,” he said.

  Kylie smiled, her hands relaxing in her lap, and her expression brightened. A light pink hue flushed across her cheeks. “Cat and I are making a big pasta dinner on Friday night. I’m nervous, though. With everything that went on, I didn’t get to practice like I wanted to. We’ve been practicing the last few weeks, but I still don’t feel one hundred percent.” Her hands waved in the air while she spoke. “Once the competition is over, you should come to the beach again.” She smiled.

  Her smile lifted her cheeks more than he’d ever seen, and it made him smile in return. This was going more smoothly than he’d hoped. But her knee bounced, and she still fidgeted somewhat.