The Days Without You: A Story of Love, Loss, and Grief

by Skylar Wilson

  His phone rang in his pocket and flashed a phone number with an area code he didn’t recognize. Kylie’s eyes studied him while he answered.

  “This is Adam.”

  “Hey, Adam, this is JJ from Black Diamond. How ya doin’?”

  He glanced at Kylie. Every muscle tightened, and he froze. “Good, you?”

  “Good, good,” JJ said in a brisk tone. “I’ve talked to a few people here. They all loved your demo, and we’d love to get you guys up here to talk about a contract. Are you still interested?”

  His brain felt like it had suddenly melted. All he managed to spit out was the strangulated cat sound again for an answer while he stared at Kylie. Her brow furrowed.

  “Great.” JJ’s tone turned businesslike. “I’d like to get you guys up here by Friday if possible so we can discuss the details. We’ve got someone in our department going out on maternity leave, so we’re on a tight schedule. We’ll fly you back Sunday.”

  Adam still stared at Kylie. She’s going to be disappointed that I’ll miss her competition. “I look forward to it,” he said.

  “I’ll call you with the details for the flight. Cheers.”

  Exhaling, he slid his phone back into his pocket, no longer able to meet Kylie’s eyes as he leaned on his knees again.

  “What is it?” asked Kylie, her voice soft and guarded.

  “They’re offering us a contract,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. He was torn between excitement and anxiety. “They’re flying us up there, maybe tomorrow, and we won’t get back until Sunday.”

  “Oh.” Even with the humid air, her fingers felt cold on his arm, and her voice sounded flat as she spoke. She smiled, but it appeared strained. “That’s great. You must be excited.”

  “I’m sorry I won’t be able to come this weekend.” He sat up, forcing a grin and taking her hand. “You’ll have to call me as soon as you nail those moves.”

  “It’s fine. Of course I’ll call you.” She pulled her hand away, keeping her eyes on her lap, and her hands trembled.

  Adam’s grin faded. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Her answer came curt. “It’s nothing.”

  “If it’s what I said at the show, I’m sorry. I take it back.”

  “No, it’s not that.” She shook her head, and her hands fumbled while she pulled at a loose thread on her shirt.

  Adam grabbed her hand until she sat still. “Enlighten me, then.” The words sounded harsher than he’d meant, but he was tired of being shut out. Hadn’t he done enough?

  Kylie bit her lip, pulled away, and reached up to pull the elastic band out of her hair, closing her eyes and brushing her fingers through her long locks. Why was she so reluctant to answer? Could it really be that bad? She must want to break up. That’s it. Or maybe I don’t want to know.

  Still looking away, she answered, “It’s just…now that the record label is going to sign you, then what? You’ll move to New York or California or somewhere far away and start recording, right?” The words trembled while they tumbled out, coming more quickly as she continued, and her hands clenched into fists. “And then you’ll get famous and go on tours and travel everywhere. It’s your dream, I know it is. And I want you to have it. But I’ll be here in Charleston, alone. Don’t say I have Cat, either. She’s not you.”

  That was it? This was what had her so worried? He shook his head. “Haven’t thought about it much, have you?” he said, failing to lighten the mood. Pausing, he fought to get out his words. “Come with me, then. To New York or California or wherever it ends up being.”

  “It’s not that simple. You want me to just up and quit my job and move with you? Then what? You don’t get it,” she spat. Her breath rushed out in a huff, and she snatched her purse and stood.

  Adam’s jaw clenched, and he rose to his feet as she turned away, finding himself stuck somewhere between pleading and spitting his words at her.

  “You make it sound like it’s completely revolting, like it’s such a horrible idea. What’s holding you here, anyway? Sure, Cat’s here, but what else?”

  Tossing a glare over her shoulder, she began to walk away, but Adam grabbed her hand.

  “You could find a new job there,” he said, nearly begging. “You could do what you actually want to do—your investigative stuff. Not that stupid girly magazine that you hate anyway.”

  “Right, because 10 Ways to Instantly Look Prettier looks great for a crime column.” She ripped her hand away.

  He shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, and took a deep breath. “Look.” With a step forward, he searched her eyes for any hint of understanding. “Either you want to be with me or you don’t. I would happily have you come with me, but it’s your choice. Do you even love me?”

  She looked up at him. “I…”

  “Can you even say it? If you love me, then say it and I’ll stay here in Charleston.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  Her eyes turned cold, and her lips pressed into a thin line, her breathing erratic. The seconds felt like minutes, which felt like hours to Adam. He couldn’t tell if she was about to cry—her eyes looked watery. Her lips parted, about to spit something back at him, but she shook her head before turning away and scurrying down the sidewalk without a second glance.

  Guess I know what her answer is.

  Her cheeks burned while she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Adam wasn’t being fair. Never had she been the type to just up and change. And he wanted her to just quit her job and go with him to New York, just like that? It was too much pressure, enough that she might crumble under it. What’s holding you here, anyway? The question rang in her ears. Memories. Memories held her here. To move away meant giving up on all the memories she had of her parents—her father teaching her to surf, his booming laughter as they played in the waves; the warm embraces and burnt cookies after school from her mother. This house held every memory she had of them. Moving away meant abandoning all of it.

  Sleep evaded her, even into the early morning hours.

  She drove to work in silence, no music or radio. Parking anywhere remotely close to the office was limited, more so than usual, and she ended up parking several blocks away, which made her late. She jogged up the stairs, nearly crashing into Amanda at the top.

  “You’re late,” said Amanda in a clipped tone.

  “I know, I’m sorry. I couldn’t find parking,” she breathed, out of breath from running.

  Amanda shook her head and brushed past Kylie.

  With her head down, she rushed to her cubicle and hurled herself into it. She desperately wanted the week to be over, and now even her excitement for surfing had been tainted. Heaving a sigh, she trudged into the tedium of the day and delved into her email. Perhaps work would occupy her mind.

  It was shortly after lunch when her cellphone rang in the top drawer. Her initial reaction was to ignore it, as she assumed it was Adam. But it continued to ring until the sound grew irritating enough to rip it out.

  “What do you want, Adam?” The words came sharply, biting and cold, and she bit her tongue at her own harshness.

  “Um, I’m not Adam…? I’m looking for Kylie Lewis.” A male voice, but not one she recognized.

  She frowned. “Sorry. May I ask who’s calling?”

  “Colton O’Donnell. You contacted me. Left a voicemail.” His tone sounded hesitant, less than thrilled, but he didn’t come across as hostile, either.

  Kylie’s heart stuttered, and she sat upright in her chair. Her brain reeled in surprise, and she felt a bit dizzy—she hadn’t even been sure he would return her call. “Yes. I was hoping you’d want to meet for dinner or a drink or something. There’s something I need to discuss with you.”

  “Uh, sure. My fiancée tends bar at The Alley by the market during the week. We can meet there tonight, if that works for you. Seven o’clock?”

  “That would be great. I’ll see you then.”

  The Alley, a small dive bar downtown, nestled betw
een a sweets shop and a visitor’s center boasting cheap tour tickets. Kylie looked up at the wooden sign as she approached and took a deep breath before stepping inside. Neon signs of various liquor brands and beers hanging above the short bar were the first to greet her eyes. The intimate inside’s musty odor was next to attack her senses. Only a handful of stools—most of which were unoccupied—stood at the bar.

  With another sharp breath, breathing in through her mouth, she perched herself on a stool. Standing behind the bar was a pretty young woman, whose round face was highlighted by bright streaks of neon hair. But it couldn’t be—

  “Maggie,” she blurted out. “You’re Colton’s fiancée?”

  Maggie nodded, her brows knitted together. She looked just as perplexed to see Kylie.

  She craned her neck to look around at the few faces.

  “He’s not here yet,” said Maggie. “Don’t worry; he’s on his way.”

  She stepped away to mix a drink for another patron before returning to Kylie. Filling a mug from the tap, she set it in front of Kylie, waving her hand when Kylie reached into her purse to dig for her wallet.

  “On the house. You look like you could use it.”

  Kylie merely nodded, replacing her wallet and setting her phone on the bar. Other than Colton’s call, it had remained silent all day, a fact she had done her best to ignore. Her mind, instead, focused on the fact that she had news to break to a brother she didn’t know.

  Maggie bustled about between the few customers, who appeared to be regulars, sitting at the bar. She chatted animatedly with them and lined up freshly cleaned glasses in perfect order. Kylie’s mind raced, and she felt slightly like vomiting as she tried to imagine what Colton was like. Did he look anything like her mother?

  Twenty minutes passed before a voice sounded.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi, baby,” said Maggie, lighting up when a tall, thin man eased himself onto the barstool beside Kylie.

  Her mouth fell open, dumbstruck, and she couldn’t help but stare. There was no mistaking they were related: both had Sarah’s thin, slightly crooked nose and rounded, heart-shaped face, and the same eyes—a light shade of blue, although Colton’s were shadowed by cautious curiosity. Maybe it was disbelief.

  “Kylie,” he said tentatively, his brows arched.

  Still tongue-tied, she bowed her head. Her ability to form a coherent sentence had been washed away by his resemblance to their mother.

  He nodded slowly, seemingly perturbed by her lack of words. “You said you had something to discuss,” he prompted.

  “My—your—our mother, Sarah…” She closed her eyes, searching for the right words. “I’m your sister. Half-sister. Sarah was my mother.” An odd mixture of courage and outrage seemed to build, growing in her chest until it was overflowing, refusing to be contained. “Why didn’t you ever visit her?”

  Colton began to glare. “This is what you wanted to discuss? I had my reasons, none of which are your business.” He stood abruptly, causing the stool to scrape across the wooden floor, and he cast a glance at Maggie. “I’ll see you when you get home.”

  Maggie gave a brief nod, one hand wiping the counter in the same slow circle.

  “She died,” Kylie spat. “From breast cancer.”

  He stared at her, and his icy gaze bore right through her. She held it despite her sudden anger.

  “I never knew about you until her last day. She didn’t even say…she only said your name. I never even knew I had a brother somewhere.”

  Colton eased himself back onto the stool, sinking onto it. “She wrote to me once. Never said she was dying or that she had cancer. She called me on the phone a few times, and then when the phone calls stopped coming at the end of April, I thought she didn’t want anything to do with me again. Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

  Maggie, who had been still and silent all this time, moved her hands to her hips. “It’s not her fault. Don’t make her feel guilty. You wouldn’t even have known she died if she hadn’t contacted you at all.”

  He held his hands up. “I can’t do this.” With a darting glance at Maggie, he rose to his feet and left.

  Kylie sat, frozen, her heart sinking. Tonight went just as she had feared. Colton was angry, and she still knew nothing about him.

  Her cellphone buzzed on the bar’s dented, dinged surface just then, startling her. Adam’s face and number displayed on the screen. Of course he has to call right now, she thought bitterly. Holding her breath, she allowed it to ring until voicemail answered.

  “Boy troubles, huh?” said Maggie.

  “Something like that,” Kylie muttered, shoving the phone deep into the bottom of her purse and ignoring Maggie’s gaze.

  “Don’t worry about Colton. He’ll come around.” She offered a small smile.

  Doubt it, she thought. “Well…thanks for the drink.” Tossing a tip onto the bar, she hopped down to her feet and slowly made her way to the exit.

  Anyway...call me.

  “Hey, Kylie, just wanted to let you know that we landed at LaGuardia. Even survived the turbulence. At the hotel now. Anyway…call me.”

  Adam tossed his phone onto the hotel nightstand and leaned against the window, watching the mobs of people that looked like ants from so high up, all weaving their way around each other on the sidewalks. Everything about New York was overwhelming—the constant honking from the army of yellow taxicabs, all battling to move an inch in the traffic, and the voices of people yelling over each other. And the crowds! Personal space did not exist here between the bodies, where everyone seemed to be in a hurry, wherever they were headed. He wondered what Kylie would think of it all. Not that she’s coming with me, he thought. Sighing, he leaned his head back, wondering idly what life would be like after moving here.

  After rising and twitching the curtain closed, he plopped onto the end of the hard, lumpy bed and held his head in his hands. The day had finally caught up with him, and everything felt like a whirlwind. Tomorrow would be the big day, the day they would meet with the lawyers. It was probably the only good thing that was happening for Adam this week. JJ had called late last night with the details for their flight, which he had booked for this morning—with two layovers. Adam had to slow down to remember it all…

  It had been nearly midnight before he finally fell asleep last night, and the four o’clock alarm came far too early. After dragging Shawn out of bed, they met Benny and Ollie at the airport in North Charleston. It had been some time since Adam had flown last, and his nerves weren’t happy about it. The longer they waited to get through security, the more his stomach rumbled and flipped and turned, angry at its lack of breakfast.

  At the gate, groups of people sat in the waiting area; small kids passed out on their parents’ laps, while some people sat on the floor with their phones and laptops plugged into the wall.

  The four found seats together in the far corner. Benny pulled out A Traveler’s Guide to New York, Shawn’s head tipped back as he fell asleep, and Ollie leaned over Benny’s shoulder.

  “Really, dude? A travel guide? We’re only gonna be there a few days.”

  “At least I won’t be the one to blame if we end up lost in Brooklyn,” retorted Benny, not looking up as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

  “We’re going to be in Manhattan, not Brooklyn,” Adam mumbled.

  No one spoke again until the gate agent announced that the flight would begin boarding in five minutes. Adam felt restless and fidgety, his legs bouncing, finally sitting on his hands until their zone was called to board. Adam breathed through his nose, fighting down his urge to turn and run. A young, fresh-faced flight attendant greeted them, too cheery and bright for so early in the morning, and directed them to their seats. Benny and Shawn headed to the very back, while Adam and Ollie found their seats in the middle, near the emergency exits.

  Adam breathed deeply again and leaned his head back, staring over Ollie’s shoulder to watch bags being unloaded from another plane. His hands s
lipped with sweat on the armrests.

  “Going to see your mom while we’re up there?” asked Ollie.

  “No, probably not.” He shook his head. What reason did he have to see her? She hadn’t made a single effort to come see him in Charleston.

  “Yeah, probably for the best.” He punched Adam’s arm. “Cat’s really stoked for us. I promised I’d text her while we’re up there. You talk to Kylie?”

  “Something like that, I guess.”

  They fell silent while the plane taxied and took off, and the flight attendant’s voice sounded far away while reciting safety instructions. His mind, meanwhile, stayed on his mother. She didn’t know he’d be in the same city, and he hadn’t told his father, either—he was probably too busy with whichever woman he was with, assuming he was even still dating. At some point, he knew he’d have to tell them but didn’t feel any particular urge for anytime soon.

  As Adam lay under the covers on the lumpy hotel bed, he reached for his phone on the nightstand and dialed his mother.

  Friday came and went in a blur, fast enough to make Kylie’s head spin. Cat already bustled about the kitchen, cooking a large pot of spaghetti when Kylie arrived home, and the smell of tomato sauce and cooking meat had crept into every corner of the house.

  Cat kissed her cheek and ushered her into the bedroom to change. “Pasta for dinner. Gotta get those carbs in for tomorrow,” she called, almost singsong.

  In less than twelve hours, Kylie’s alarm would be going off, yelling at her that it was time to get ready for the Gidget Classic. Was she ready? She certainly didn’t feel so. If anything, a heavy rock of dread sat on her chest, as if she couldn’t take a complete breath.

  Emerging from the bedroom while pulling a t-shirt over her head, Kylie bit the inside of her cheek. Her encounter with Colton had been like a slap across the face. Then again, she hadn’t exactly been the most cordial with him, either.