“No, it’s fine.” I quickly splashed water on my face and dabbed it dry with Cain’s towel. I opened the door, and he stood there in his fitted boxers, looking all tousled and delicious. I couldn’t help but smile. “How dare you look so sexy when you first wake up when I look like this?”
He tilted his head to one side. “I don’t get what you mean. I see a sleep-deprived, incredibly sexy woman with a not-so-long-since-fucked hairdo and the best tits I have ever had the pleasure to devour.” My smile faded rapidly. “Aww, fuck, what did I say now?”
I pushed past him and began to gather my clothes. “I really should go.”
“Whoa, hey, stop. You’re doing that fucking meltdown thing again, and it makes me crazy. He grabbed my arms and turned me to face him. “Tell me what’s wrong. Now.” Gone was the playful man I had awoken to. I gazed up into his fierce blue eyes and gulped. Sheer dominance. “I mean it, Kelly. I can read you like a fucking book. Something is off with you, and I want you to tell me the truth.”
“You… you were talking in your sleep… about… about Melody.”
His nostrils flared and he closed his eyes. He released my arms and stepped backwards. Once he opened his eyes again, he stared at me with a pain-filled expression. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you should go.”
My lip began to tremble at his rejection, and I couldn’t speak. He walked to the bed and sat, dropping his head into his hands as I finished gathering my clothes and dressed in silence. I went into the bathroom, ran my fingers through my tangled hair, and dabbed concealer under my puffy eyes. Once I was ready to leave, I left the bathroom and returned to the bedroom. But Cain was gone.
I nervously walked through to the living room to retrieve my bag and found Cain standing looking out the window. He had slipped on a pair of jeans, but his torso was bare and I was once again reminded of his former life by the tattoos gracing his back.
I cleared my throat and he turned to face me. I managed a small smile. “I’ll go now.”
He nodded. “Sure… Take care, Kelly, okay?”
That’s it? That’s all he’s going to say? I was determined not to cry in front of him again and turned to leave, but anger got the better of me and I spun around to face him once more. “You know, Cain, I’m not the bad guy here. I wasn’t the one telling someone else how much I loved them in my sleep. So why do I feel like I’ve done something wrong? Why do I feel like you’ve just let me go?”
His responding sad smile made my stomach clench, and I was glad at that precise moment that I hadn’t eaten.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I just… I just feel like I’m living with a ghost. When I’m awake I can’t stop thinking about you. But then… when I’m asleep it’s her haunting me. Maybe… maybe I just need to exorcise that ghost before I try to move on? I just don’t know. And… and I have to leave soon. We’re only going to get hurt if we carry on.”
His change of direction gave me whiplash again, and I shook my head. I had no clue what to say and I scrambled around my brain, trying to process his words. “Cain, you were the one who said you loved me. Remember that.”
I turned and walked out of the door before he could respond.
Cain
I watched her walk out the door and my stomach twisted and roiled. What the fuck was I doing? I was telling her I love her in one breath, then kicking her the fuck out in the next one? No wonder she was in tears when she left. She probably couldn’t keep up with me. I was struggling to keep the hell up with myself.
I walked back through to the bedroom, stripped my clothes off, and went to turn on the shower. Once my skin was clean again, I grabbed my towel only to discover it smelled of Kelly. There really was no escape. My head was fucked, and to say I was confused was an understatement.
Once I had pulled on clean clothes, I decided to try and lose myself in daytime TV; but pretty much as soon as I switched it on, the phone rang. I stared at it for a few moments, wondering if maybe Kelly had decided to give me another bitter piece of her mind about my treatment of her. I figured if she had, then I should at least hear her out.
“Yeah?”
“Mr Somers?” I recognised the male voice immediately.
“Yeah, what’s up, Doctor Clayton?”
“I have some great news. Your travel arrangements have been made, and you are cleared to return to Utah. We are recommending that you see a therapist over there to help you readjust, but we see no reason now why you can’t go home.”
A fucking double-edged sword.
I got to go back and try to find my sister, but that meant leaving Kelly behind. There was no point trying to convince her of a long-distance love affair. Not that she would agree to it anyway after my recent behaviour.
Realising I had fallen silent, I returned my focus to the call. “That’s… that’s great. Thank you. When will I be going back?”
“You have a few days whilst we finalise the arrangements. Your flight is booked for the twentieth.”
Fuck! I was going home five days before Christmas? Man, that was harsh. I thanked the doc with less enthusiasm than I should have and hung up.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cain
“You know it’s not that easy, Cain. You can’t just walk out on this club like it was never a part of you.”
I glanced around the familiar room with its stench of tobacco and then back to the man sitting at the head of the old oak table as his words rattled around my brain.
I chose my words carefully. “Look, Colt, I’m going to be a father. I… I can’t be a father who deals in illegal shit. I’ve gotta give this kid a chance, man. Surely you understand that?”
He slammed his fist down onto the old gnarled surface. “It’s not that fucking simple!”
“Well, make it that fucking simple. I. WANT. OUT!” I bellowed.
The door opened and Colt’s VP walked in. “Everything all right in here?”
“Yeah, Six, everything’s fine. We’re just discussing Cain’s request to leave the Company.”
Six’s eyes widened. “What the fuck, man?”
I sighed heavily and clenched my jaw. “Melody’s pregnant and I just want to give our baby the best start in life. That’s all.”
Six eyed me suspiciously. “So it has nothing to do with how the deal with the Legion went down?”
The deal with another club, Loki’s Legion, had gone down real bad. A girl around Rosa’s age—the daughter of one of the rival members—had been killed. Wrong place, wrong time, unfortunately. Thankfully Colt had the district attorney in his pocket, and so there had been no arrests and the incident had been kept out of the press. But there would be repercussions.
It was just a matter of when and how.
The Legion were notoriously violent, and they very much believed in an eye for an eye. Knowing an innocent kid had been caught in the crossfire of the soured negotiations made me all the more determined to call time on the whole MC life. Unlucky for me, it sounded like the prez and the VP weren’t going to make it that easy for me.
Colt spoke again in a low, determined voice. “If I were you, Cain, I would think very carefully about this whole thing. You’re better off with us than against us. We can’t protect you if you’re out on your own.”
“Just because I want to leave doesn’t mean I’m against you. Fuck, you’ve been my family for longer than I can remember.”
“Then you need to rethink your decision. For your safety and for the safety of your unborn child and old lady.”
I stood slowly and peered down into the ice-cold eyes of the man I looked up to as a father figure. “Are… are you threatening me, Colt?”
Without his face changing in expression, he kept his determined stare fixed on mine. “I am merely pointing out what would be best for all concerned, Cain.”
I grimaced and shook my head. Sounded like a fucking threat to me.
I awoke with the usual sheen of swea
t that accompanied flashback nightmares. This one in particular had spooked me. In my mind, now and after reliving Colt’s threat, there was no doubt that the Company were involved with Rosa’s disappearance. But why? From the way I felt in the dream, I considered them family. Why would they go out of their way to fuck me over? Was it simply because I wanted to get out?
The thing that pissed me off more than anything was that the one person I wanted to speak to was the one person who no doubt would tell me to fuck off. I was determined to try regardless. After showering and dressing, I left the tiny apartment I had been calling my makeshift home and began the walk across the city to Kelly’s place. I was aware that she had a couple days off and was this time determined to actually take them, so I hoped that Esme hadn’t whisked her off somewhere.
After glancing around the road, I knocked on her door. No response. I waited for a few moments and then banged harder.
“All right, all right! I’m coming!” I heard her shout from inside.
The door was yanked open and I was greeted with a wide-eyed stare. She stood there in full make-up but wearing grey yoga pants and a black tank top with a hairbrush in her hand. She still looked fucking amazing. The shock of seeing me was evident as she froze to the spot before blinking and shaking herself out of a trance.
“W-what are you doing here, Cain?”
I held my hands up in surrender. “Look, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see, but I need to talk to you. Can I… Can I come in? Please?”
Her nostrils flared and she pursed her lips. “You’d better make it quick I have things to do and places to go.”
“Sure. No problem.” I stepped inside, and once she had closed and locked the door behind me, I followed her into the living room. I looked her up and down. Her perfume smelled fresh and recently applied, and it was clear to me that she was getting ready to go out.
“Where you off to?” I couldn’t help allowing my curiosity to win out.
“I have a date,” she replied with defiance.
What the fuck? Moving on fast much? “Oh… I see. A daytime date, huh? You don’t know the guy all that well and you need to meet him in daylight?” It was none of my business.
“Not that it has anything to do with you… but it’s Dermott.”
I snorted as jealousy needled at my skin and I shivered. “Your college fuck buddy?”
She scowled. “My university boyfriend.”
“Who also happens to be your fuck buddy.” Anger I had no right to feel twisted inside of me, and I clenched my jaw.
Her bitter laugh didn’t help my mood. “Well, let’s face it, Cain, you’ve made it quite clear that I’m no longer wanted in your life. So I’m moving on. Now what did you want to talk to me about?” She folded her arms across her chest, but it only served to draw attention to her tits. I am a hot-blooded male after all.
Suddenly I wanted to leave. The desire to tell her about my latest breakthrough seemed insignificant and pointless. “Forget it. I’ll deal with it on my own.” I turned to walk away.
Her voice stopped me in my tracks. “Why are you acting like a jealous lover, Cain? Anyone would think you cared.”
That was it.
I turned around.
I shrugged off my coat and flung it to the floor as I stormed toward her. Her eyes widened again and she backed away. That was fine, because the farthest she could go was against the wall.
And I liked her against the wall.
When I was pressed against her and her chest was heaving against my own, I peered into her verdant eyes. Her pupils had dilated. “Why am I acting like a jealous lover? I’ll fuckin’ tell you why, Kelly. He fucks you, but you mean nothing to him. You’re just a way to get off for that prick. You’re wasting your life on that asshole. But me? I do fucking care!”
She pushed against me. “Oh, and you’re so different, are you? You didn’t fuck me to get off at all then?”
I clenched my jaw and spoke through gritted teeth. “Yeah, Kelly. I got off. I fucking got off plenty. But the difference is I don’t fucking call you when I’m horny and then disappear for weeks on end only to do the same thing again.”
“No, you’re so much better.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm, and the hairs on my neck prickled. “First you fuck me and tell me it was just for fun. Then you tell me you love me and then you talk about your dead girlfriend in your sleep. But when I tell you that’s why I’m upset, you reject me and tell me to go and there’s no future for us! So, Cain, can you tell me how that makes you better than Dermott? At least I know where I stand with him. Plus there’s the minor fact that you seem to be forgetting. You are leaving to go home, Cain. And home is thousands of miles away from me.”
As she uttered that final sentence, her voice broke and so did my heart. As tears spilled down her cheeks, I crushed my lips to hers and took her face in my hands. I could taste the salt of her tears as I kissed her with all the pain, anguish, and jealousy that was running through my veins. She resisted to begin with, but then she dropped her hairbrush and reached up to gripped my T-shirt in her clenched fists. Her lips parted and her tongue began an aggressive dual with mine.
She whimpered and tugged at my shirt as I slipped my hands inside her yoga pants and squeezed her ass. Her burning, angry gaze locked on mine, and she yanked her tank top over her head, and her braless breasts grazed my chest. I reached down so that I could tug yoga pants, pulled her pants clear of her legs and throw them across the room. I roughly grabbed her naked ass and in a second her legs were around my waist. She gripped the hem of my T-shirt and I heard the fabric rip as she swiped it from my body. With my gaze still locked on her beautiful green eyes, I pulled at the buttons of my fly and she frantically shoved my jeans down, first with her hands and then the remaining distance with her feet until I could step out of them and kick them aside.
As I pushed her soft, feminine curves against the wall with the hard planes of my body, she attacked my mouth once more and grasped strands of my hair. I rolled her nipple between my thumb and finger, tugging and squeezing. The erotic groan that escaped her throat made me throb for her.
Without thinking of the consequences, I thrust myself into her wet and waiting centre, making her cry out and scratch at my back. The way she struggled at first scared me. But then I realised she was trying to pull me closer, deeper. I bent and sucked a rosy-tipped nipple into my mouth as she tugged and my hair and clawed at my skin in desperate need.
“Don’t ever say I don’t fucking care, Kelly. I care. I care more than you’ll ever fucking know. You belong to me, Kelly. You’re made for me. This is where I’m supposed to be,” I mumbled as I moved inside of her with urgency.
“Don’t say that, Cain, it hurts too much to hear you say that when I know I’m going to lose you,” she sobbed into my shoulder. “Please don’t say any more. Please.”
I pulled away and was immediately trapped by the sadness in her eyes. I slowed my movements and ran my nose down hers. “Kelly… I love you.”
She closed her eyes and pulled my mouth to hers. I knew it was a bid to stop me saying the words again.
Kelly
The intensity of this physical and emotional connection we had shattered my heart into tiny pieces as he said the words I couldn’t bear to hear. I pulled him closer and thrust my tongue into his mouth, tangling with his to make him stop.
His movements were slow and punishing in the best possible way. Every deep thrust ground against my clit, driving me closer and closer to the edge of the abyss. He reached for my breast and tugged on my nipple, sending shock waves of pleasure through every single nerve ending.
“Harder, Cain, don’t hold back. Harder, please.” I knew I sounded desperate, but I didn’t care.
He picked up speed and I clawed at his arse, pulling him closer and as deep as I could get him. But nothing was close enough. He would never be close enough. One final deep thrust from Cain accompanied by a guttural growl was my undoing, and I exploded around him
in ecstasy as he buried his face in the crook of my neck and clung to me, holding me so tightly that I could hardly breathe and drawing out the pleasure for as long as he could.
When his breathing had calmed, he began to pull away and my feet once more found terra firma. He sunk to the floor, resting his elbows on his bent knees and his head in his hands.
“That’s not why I came here.”
I crouched beside him and stroked my fingers across his shoulders as tears stung at my eyes. “I didn’t think it was.”
“You were right… I was jealous and I have no right to be.”
“No… you don’t. You confuse the shit out of me, Cain. I get whiplash from your decision making.”
He laughed lightly. “Yeah… I get why. I just…” He tilted his chin up and met my gaze. He clenched his jaw for a moment, his brow deeply furrowed. “I just can’t help myself around you. I feel possessive. I don’t want you fucking that prick Dermott. I know I have no right to act like I own you, but I can’t help how I feel.”
I glanced over at the clock on my mantel. “Oh, shit. I’m going to be late.” I sat up and grabbed my clothes.
“Wait. What? You’re still going to meet him?” The look on his face told me he couldn’t quite believe I would go.
“I can’t just stand him up, Cain. He’s waiting for me at the coffee shop.”
“Has nothing I’ve said to you made any fucking difference?” His voice rose along with my anxiety.
“Honestly? Yes. Of course it has. I won’t be sleeping with him today or anytime in the near future. But I know that you’re leaving soon, and I have to get used to that fact. We both do. And he’s not a former patient, Cain. This… this thing between you and me is wrong. It’s toxic and it shouldn’t keep happening, and I shouldn’t keep letting it. But I can’t help myself around you either. But I need to move on. We both do.”
Bad Company: Company of Sinners MC #1 Page 17
