Scarred Surrender (Scarred Series Book 6)

by Jackie Williams

  “I’ll do anything that makes her happy. If seven years is what it’s going to cost then that’s a cheap price to pay. We can’t let our companions suffer if she can give them any kind of relief. It would be selfish of me to consider it, and it’s not as though I couldn’t visit. France isn’t so far, and Emily will want to see her sister anyway.” He smiled ruefully as he looked steadily at his friend, disguising the pain that had now gone from his legs and settled deep in his chest.

  David nodded solemnly, knowing what it cost his friend to say the words.

  “I knew that you would feel like that. And yes, you and Emily will be able to visit at any time, you know that. Look, let’s go and grab a coffee. It’ll be at least half an hour until we have any news from the women, but I can’t think of going to bed and I don’t suppose you can either. Let’s go and wait it out in the kitchen.” He looked up suddenly as Patrick and Ellen burst through the front door.

  “Geraldine rang us. We just took Rose down to Lucy and Joe. We thought we’d come here to wait with you two for any news.” A breathless Ellen ran into her brother’s arms.

  Patrick pounded toward kitchen.

  “Come on. I’ll put the kettle on. I think it’s going to be a very long night.”

  Chapter Nine

  “He’s okay! Thank God! He’s going to make a full recovery!” David shouted to the others in the kitchen as he placed his hand over the receiver.

  He stopped speaking and listened again as Geraldine gave him all the details. Ellen slumped over the kitchen table and Patrick let out a thankful sigh. James took hold of Emily’s hand and gave it a squeeze as the girl burst into relieved tears. She had joined them in the kitchen after Crystal had woken her with a frantic phone call from the hospital.

  David put his phone down on the table and turned to the expectant faces around the table.

  “Geraldine says that they’re taking him back to the centre later today. It was a close thing but apparently there’s been no permanent damage. Fortunately Crystal was right beside him when he first came around. Her being there made him fight and he’s been co-operating since. She’s going to stay with him until they get him settled back in the centre. I’m just going to phone Joe. I know he’ll be awake worrying.” He picked up his phone again and began dialling.

  James put his selfish emotions to the back of his mind as he passed a tissue to Emily.

  “Hey, come on, he’s going to be fine.” He passed her another tissue as the first became sodden.

  “I’m just so happy that he’s okay. I really liked him when he came to dinner up here and he enjoyed the art we did so much. I would never have thought he was about to give in like that. He seemed to be the life and soul of the party.” She sniffed loudly and then blew her nose before giving James a brittle smile.

  Ellen passed around more cups of tea and a tray of still warm croissants that Patrick had baked to help pass the time. Dawn had already been and gone but none of them had left the kitchen or eaten while they waited for news. Now the tension had broken all of them leaned in to take one of the deliciously sweet, flaky confections.

  Patrick leaned against the counter.

  “Andrew said that he was suffering from phantom limb when he came up here to dinner. That’s why Gemma brought the guys, so that they could meet Crystal and see if she could help them. Seems like her methods worked far better than we ever thought they might. I never had it that badly. Maybe having one leg helps. I did the mirror image thing for a while and found I could cope pretty quickly.”

  David finished his phone call to Joe and grabbed another croissant.

  “It was bad for me to begin with, but as soon as my physiotherapist suggested that I clench my invisible toes, I seemed to get control over it. Geraldine helped too. She does this stupid tickling my feet thing. It’s completely mad as I don’t have any, but I swear I can feel her doing it. The laughter makes the pain go away.”

  James’ eyes widened as he looked at David incredulously.

  “Geraldine tickles you? Good grief, I’m not sure I wanted to know that, but whatever works is good, I suppose. I swear it has been absolute hell for me. I thought I’d tried everything and was just going to have to live with it, until last night. Crystal did something for me that no one else has ever begun to get close to. The pains are back now, but I think that’s just the tension of the night. I feel as though I have more control over it already, though I daresay another couple of sessions with Crystal before we go home will be beneficial.”

  Emily glanced nervously around the table before looking back at James. Her lips trembled as she spoke.

  “She’s going to want to stay here, isn’t she?” Her voice was little more than a whisper.

  James felt an invisible something grip him about his throat.

  “Probably.” His strangled tones croaked about the room. “I can’t see her leaving this alone now and certainly not while Andrew needs more help.”

  Emily’s frightened eyes searched his.

  “What are we going to do? You have your security business with Alex to run back home and I have my exams and my place at university already sorted out. Dad’s will said that you have to live with us.” Her voice faded as she saw the hopeless look settle in James’ face.

  James gave a small smile, more to encourage himself than anyone else. He felt sick at the thought of having to go home to England but he spoke bracingly.

  “We don’t know what Crystal will decide to do yet. She may change her plans, but she might not. Whatever she does is up to her. She’s twenty-five in a few weeks. I can offer advice, such as I have, but I won’t have any say in what she does after her birthday. Her trust fund will be hers to do with as she wishes.” He rubbed his hands over his face and yawned until his jaw almost popped. “It’s been a hellish night. I can’t think straight at the moment. No one is going to make any life changing decisions until we are all feeling a little more human.”

  David nodded and looked out of the window at the rapidly lightening sky.

  “You have that right. Although there’s no school today, my three are early risers. I know Robbie will keep them all amused for a while, but it’s not his responsibility. I have to go and have a couple of hours’ kip before Geraldine comes home. She’ll be far too exhausted to look after them.” He pushed away from the table.

  Ellen glanced at Patrick.

  “We should go and try to sleep for a while. Rose is likely to wake early too and I don’t suspect that Joe and Lucy have slept much either.”

  James stood up and tilted his head towards the door as Emily yawned.

  “Come on, Emily. You need sleep. Crystal will either phone us or be back later today. Let’s not speculate on what might happen until we know exactly what’s going on here.”

  Emily let out a little huff of air.

  “Okay. You’re right, but I want to be woken the moment she calls or arrives here. I don’t want you discussing anything without me being included.”

  James held the door open for her.

  “I’d never do anything behind your back, kiddo. You know that. Go on, go get some shut-eye. It will all seem a lot better when we’ve had some rest.” He didn’t say sleep because he knew that he wasn’t going to get any. Though he was tired, his mind worked furiously. Every scenario, every way he could figure it, none of it was helping. If Crystal decided to remain in France, there didn’t appear to be any way that all three of them could stay together.

  Geraldine and Crystal returned to the chateau in the late afternoon. Both of them looked exhausted and with only a quick hello to their friends and some more reassurances that Andrew would be fine, they both disappeared to their rooms. It wasn’t until dinner time that they both reappeared, still looking hollow and tired.

  “It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. We weren’t allowed in at first but we could see him through the windows. He was just lying there looking so broken.” Crystal wiped a tear from below her eye. “It was worse than when dad died, an
d when he woke I swear that I’ve never seen anyone look so hopeless. He shouted at the doctors and told them that he wanted to die.” The whole room remained silent as she recounted the moments after Andrew had come around. “Gemma talked to him for a long time before he agreed to see me and by then he seemed more upset with himself than anything else. He’d been hiding it all so well, but he was in a really bad place and my treatment had given him some kind of hope that it would all go away. When we cancelled the sessions for a couple of days it all became too much again. He just couldn’t cope. The pills were just a cry for help.” Crystal explained as they sat around the table.

  David grunted miserably.

  “He could have just asked instead of scaring us half to death. That’s what the centre is all about, for God’s sake. The men have access to counselling whenever they want it. They only have to flipping ask.” He stabbed a roast potato viciously.

  Ellen laughed grimly.

  “When has a man ever asked for help when he needed it? Go on, give me just one example. And you army guys are a lot worse than any other men. You all think you’re so tough that it makes you look weak to need assistance with anything. I could have kicked you on several occasions when you first came home, David, and Patrick needed a good smack too despite it being years since his injuries had happened. You lot would rather just stuff your heads in the sand and become as miserable as sin before you asked anyone for the least bit of help.”

  Patrick raised both of his eyebrows accusingly.

  “And a stubborn and resolute woman isn’t exactly the same. I seem to recall someone sitting not too far from me thinking that she could load up a whole truck full of scaffolding by herself. Don’t remember her asking for any help at all.” He grinned as Ellen’s cheeks flushed.

  “That’s not the same thing, and you know it. I didn’t have anyone to ask as you were being such a big idiot at the time.” She grinned as she dug him in his side with her elbow. “But whatever happened with us, Andrew’s problems have raised some issues that we cannot ignore. He might have died. Just thinking about it makes me sweat. We have to increase the security and make sure that situation can never happen again.”

  Patrick passed the bowl of buttered spring greens to Joe as he spoke.

  “But the trouble is that our guys,” he motioned about the table, “are all very good at bypassing security systems and breaking into locked cupboards, and if it hadn’t been pills it would have been something else. We’re lucky that this was a cry for help rather than a serious attempt to take his own life. We all know umpteen ways to kill ourselves as well as our enemies. Thank God he didn’t think about dressing gown cords or anything else.” He wiped his hand over his face as his skin paled. “Just think of the amount of lethally sharp knives there are in the kitchen at the centre since they began the cooking programme. We might have been dealing with something a lot worse than what happened last night.” Everyone had stopped eating as they listened to him.

  Crystal was the first to break the tense silence.

  “I had a long talk about it with Paul, Amy, Gemma and Ryan last night.” Crystal looked at everyone around the table. “I know that you have someone on hand twenty-four seven at the centre, but it wasn’t enough this time. Andrew needed practical help. It was Gemma’s day off and Andrew didn’t know the duty nurse well enough. He and his friends have only been there a few weeks and it sometimes takes a while to build the kind of trust that he needed. By the time Amy went to check the stores and finish for the night it was already too late. Andrew had gone to the nurse and decided that she didn’t know enough about his condition to help him. This kind of thing is so personal to the individual affected. I know I’ve not lived like you have and I don’t have amputations, but knowing how dad was affected gave me a good perspective of what you all go through. I know it’s not easy and I’m not saying that I have all the answers, but you need a sympathetic specialist there all the time, or if not all the time, at least only a phone call away so actual practical help can get there pretty quickly.”

  David hissed out a low curse.

  “We should have done it before, but we thought we’d done enough. All the staff have trained in counselling as well as first aid, but hands-on therapy, even if it doesn’t work immediately, makes the person feel that their symptoms are being addressed. It probably would have given Andrew time to rethink what he was doing, if nothing else. We can’t let this happen again.” His eyes sought his sister’s. She gave a tiny nod of her head. “Crystal, I know that this is sudden, but everyone at the centre has seen how well the men have responded to your treatments.” He took a breath and glanced between James and Emily, mouthing ‘sorry’ before speaking again. “We want to offer you a place at the centre as our resident therapist. I know that you were thinking about a business of your own back in England, but we want you to reconsider your options and...” He didn’t have to finish. Crystal was already smiling and nodding.

  “Yes, I accept. I’d love to work here with you. Thank you.” She was about to say more, but Emily suddenly let out a sob and scraped back her chair. She ran from the room without another word.

  James left the table a few minutes later and found her standing in the twilight at the edge of the forest. Her shoulders shook gently as she cried into the evening air.

  “Emily?” He watched her stance stiffen.

  “What do you want? Crystal had made up her mind before David asked her. Everything has been decided without thinking about me. There’s nothing further to say on the matter.” She took a step nearer to the forest.

  James lay his hand on her quivering shoulder and when she didn’t protest, turned her towards him.

  “She made the decision on her own. She didn’t speak to me about it. She’s twenty-five in less than a month and her half of the trust fund will be available to do with as she wishes. I can’t hold her back and three weeks is neither here nor there. There’s nothing I can do to stop her. If I’m honest, I didn’t want her to do this either. More for my own selfish reasons, obviously, but even so...” His voice trailed away into the silence that surrounded them.

  Emily looked up at him as she suddenly heard the pain in his tones.

  “Why didn’t she discuss it with us? Does she know how much she’s hurt us by doing this? She knows that we have to go home later this week. I have my ‘A’ levels starting next week and although I’ve revised, I still need time to prepare. With dad going and now this, I doubt I’ll pass them now, let alone get high enough grades to go to the university of my choice. She’s the one being selfish not you.” Anger burst from her lips, only to be followed by more bone wracking sobs.

  James pulled her into his arms and held her gently as she sniffled against his shirt. He rested his chin on the top of her head as the forest leaves rustled around them.

  “You know that’s not true. You are going to do fine in your exams and she’s being quite the opposite of selfish. She loves her work and it’s clear that she can make a difference. I know that now. I was pretty sure that she was considering staying here even before this thing with Andrew, but that’s what sealed it for her, and I don’t blame her for feeling like that. He needs her right now and so do the other men. Their need is far greater than ours.” He stared blindly out into the darkness that now wrapped around the pair of them.

  Another louder rustle from the edge of the forest set all his nerves on edge. There was always the possibility of a wild boar and he didn’t fancy coming face to face with one of them, especially not with Emily out here. He lifted his head, about to suggest that they make their way back to the château, when Emily suddenly threw up her arms and let out a shrill scream as a screeching bird soared overhead. James ducked involuntarily as Emily slapped her flailing hands on his chest and breathed deeply.

  “God, sorry! Didn’t mean to attack you.” She pushed herself back from him and glanced at where the bird had flown, but it was too dark to see it any longer. “Damn animals, and it was only a stupid owl too. Soun
ded a lot bigger than it really was when it was rustling about in the bushes a minute ago.”

  James frowned back at the bushes. Movement and a faint rustling were still evident, but nightfall and the dense foliage at the edge of the forest made it impossible to see anything clearly. Maybe the continuing sounds were the breeze or perhaps the aftermath of the owl disturbing the undergrowth while it had been hunting. He put his arm around Emily’s shoulder and only glanced back once as he guided her away from the forest’s edge.

  “Come on. We need to go back. Crystal will want to talk to you.” He gave Emily a little shake as she stiffened again. “Don’t be too hard on her. I know that there must be a way to work this out.” He sounded far more positive than he felt.

  Chapter Ten

  James lay somewhere between the haze of wakefulness and sleep where he knew exactly what was going on, but his mind had drifted into a dreamy mist of pure sensation. Only his forearm still felt stiff from where he’d squeezed the squash ball so hard and so many times, transferring all his pain into it before letting it all go.

  Crystal’s gentle hands swept up over his shoulders and down the centre dip of his spine then around his sides and up to the back of his neck. She worked her fingertips into his skin and the pads of her thumbs down his tense arms before swirling them back up and then down to his waist. His bones turned to mush and his muscles to water as he let her work her magic on him one last time.

  He and Emily were returning home in the morning.

  She had already been over her pain management system, making sure he knew how to use the remedy by himself. Talking him through it time after time, she manipulated his hamstring, pronouncing it almost healed. She had just begun the later stages of her relaxation therapy treatment on him, and he wasn’t going to miss a moment of it. He settled into the bed and let out a soft sigh of contentment.