Harlequin Desire June 2021--Box Set 1 of 2

by Katherine Garbera

  He didn’t know how to move them forward. And a part of him was afraid to see if he had anything to offer her without the social media boost. Would she still like him when she tired of this? And he hated that he was worrying about it.

  He was Zach fucking Benning, not some wimpy, insecure dude who couldn’t keep a woman. That was the damned feelings. He knew it. He needed to stop obsessing over how he felt about her and just do him.

  Sex.

  Parties.

  A fabulous life.

  That was it. That was what he had to give her. She could come along for the ride or not. He wasn’t going to let himself get drawn further into this downward spiral.

  Mrs. Smith dropped off his breakfast and Zach refused to look at Lila’s social media account anymore. He was going to go back to being himself.

  He’d allowed himself to be drawn into this coupledom thing without thinking it through. He was smarter than that. He DMed a few of his most loyal followers and set up a party that night for just them. Something exclusive on his yacht that he kept moored in Marina del Rey. He’d bring Lila along, but starting tonight, he had to put some distance between them.

  She was becoming too important to him. And he knew that once she got over the novelty of this life, she was going to start to look harder at him, and Zach was afraid she’d see who he really was.

  A hedonistic man who lived for his own pleasure.

  Not a man she wanted to spend the next week with, much less the rest of her life.

  Hell, did he want the rest of her life?

  He shook his head. That wasn’t the kind of thing someone as self-absorbed as he would want.

  But he did, he thought.

  When she walked through the patio door a few hours later, he realized that no matter what lies he wanted to tell himself, the truth was that he wanted her. Not just in his bed but also in his heart. He wanted that with his entire soul.

  * * *

  Lila sat down across from Zach and put her Birkin on the table next to her. She was never going to admit it, but she loved the bag that he had given her way more than her old canvas messenger bag. Mostly because she remembered the look on his face as she’d opened it and how he’d teased her about her “beast” of a bag. In fact, there was a lot that he’d given her that she loved.

  “How’d the meeting go?” Zach asked.

  “Great. She’s going to come to Royal soon I think,” Lila said. “I told her all about the main players and she thought there would be a lot to work with. She asked about you...so I imagine she’ll want to interview you.”

  “You know I love the camera.”

  “I do,” she said with a smirk. The paparazzi were at every party and event they attended. At first, she was just an unnamed partner for him but then they had found out her name, too.

  “Your post is doing good. I almost feel like I don’t have anything left to teach you.”

  “Is it?” she asked. “I turned off my phone. It’s always blowing up and honestly, I needed a break. Don’t you?”

  “Not really,” he said.

  She pulled her phone out and turned it on, waiting for it to boot up. There was a note in his voice that made her wonder if he was being honest about that. But before she could ask him about it, her phone was back on and she saw she had seven missed calls from her dad and twenty-one from her mom. There was a text message from both of them that read simply: URGENT. Call home.

  “Oh, my God. I think something happened,” she said. “I have to call my parents.”

  “Okay. Do you want me to go inside to give you some privacy?”

  “I really don’t want to get bad news alone. Would you mind staying?”

  “Not at all,” he said, reaching over to take her free hand as she pushed the button to dial her mom’s phone.

  “Lila Jones. Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you all day,” her mom said as she answered the phone.

  “I just turned the phone off. Mom, what’s wrong?” she asked. And, truthfully, she’d been ignoring her mom’s texts and calls because she hadn’t wanted to face reality. Hadn’t wanted to think about the fact that she missed home. That she knew deep inside that there was probably no way to move forward with Zach. He didn’t miss Texas or what they’d had there.

  “Winifred Williams passed away on Friday. I tried to call you then. Her funeral was today,” her mom said. “You were one of her favorite people, Lila. I thought you’d want to be there. And it looks like all you’ve been doing is hanging out and drinking with that Zach guy.”

  “Mom, I’m so sorry,” she said, tears burning in her eyes as she thought of Winifred being gone. That sweet older lady had been like a great-auntie to Lila. She’d been the one to nurture her love of books. “I can’t believe I missed her funeral. I didn’t mean to not call you back, but with the time difference...”

  She stopped talking because it sounded like an excuse, like a lie even to her own ears. “I didn’t call you back because I didn’t want to talk to anyone from home. I was afraid you’d point out that I don’t fit in out here.”

  “Well, you did miss the funeral. If you’d looked at your phone it wouldn’t have happened,” her mom said. “Why would I say you didn’t fit in? You changed for yourself, right? Not for a man.”

  Her mother was mad at her and Lila couldn’t blame her. But she was also saying all the things that Lila needed to hear. “I did change for me, but it’s overwhelming, Mom. I can’t believe Winifred is gone—”

  She had to stop talking because she had started crying and her throat had sort of closed up and no matter how she tried to talk all that came out was a sort of sob. Zach took the phone from her, rubbing her back as he did so.

  “Mrs. Jones, this is Zach Benning...Fair enough...I’m sorry, ma’am. I will get her home today. It’s my fault that she missed the calls from you. You know how much of herself Lila puts into her job. She was trying to make as many connections for the Soiree as she could.”

  He listened and nodded as he continued to rub her back. “I know she does work too hard.”

  But she didn’t. No matter what Zach said, she knew she should have seen those messages and responded to them. She held her hand out for her phone.

  “Lila wants to talk to you again,” Zach told her mom. “I’ll see you soon. Again, I’m sorry for my part in this.”

  He handed her back her phone and then reached for his own.

  “Mom, I’m sorry.”

  “Me, too, sweetie. I should have realized you were working hard and trying to do everything to help the Soiree. I know that’s why you went out there.” Her mom sighed. “But we were worried about you. Some of the pictures we’ve seen online looked like you were partying hard.”

  “A little bit, but that’s where the A-listers hang out,” she said, but inside it felt like a lie. She’d been having fun as much as she’d been talking up the Soiree. She couldn’t hide from that. And a dear lady that she’d loved had passed and been buried and Lila hadn’t been home for it. She’d been so caught up in living the Hollywood life and being what Zach needed her to be that she’d missed something that was important to her.

  “I’m glad you are coming home. Zach said he’d arrange a flight for you today. Coffee tomorrow to catch up and then we can go to the cemetery and put some flowers on Winifred’s grave?”

  “Yes. That sound fine to me. I’ll message you when I’m home.”

  “Safe travels, honey. Sorry I was rude about Zach,” she said. “Love you.”

  “Love you, too, Mom,” she murmured as she hung up the phone.

  Zach put his phone down as she finished the call with her mom. He was watching her with the most serious look she’d ever seen on his face. She wondered if she’d gotten too real for him, crying like she had. It hadn’t escaped her notice that he didn’t do emotion, not really. Sexy feelings yes,
but anything too real, too deep, he shied away from.

  “I’ve got the pilot getting the jet ready. We can leave as soon as we get to the airport. I’m sorry you missed the funeral.”

  “Thanks,” she said. What she was doing out here? It was as if she was just waking up from the glitter-covered fantasy she’d fallen into. The lifestyle and the environment that had seemed so fun when she’d gotten here now felt draining and fake.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked.

  “I’m just wondering what I’m doing here.”

  “Building word of mouth for your Soiree. Spending time with me. Having fun.”

  “This isn’t real. None of this is. I don’t know what I was thinking,” she said, standing up.

  Zach turned to her with a frown. “I’m real, Brown Eyes. And so are you. Don’t beat yourself up over one missed hometown event.”

  “It’s not a missed event. It was the funeral of a woman who was like a granny to me. She was important and real.”

  * * *

  Zach was a little bit offended at the way she was dismissing him, mainly because he felt her slipping away. This had been his chance to see if he could hold on to something solid, something real, and not a photographed image of the perfect life he’d concocted for his followers. “This is real. I don’t know how you can’t see it.”

  “To you,” she said. “This isn’t me. Somehow I forgot that.”

  “Isn’t it?” he asked. “I have my private jet lined up to take you back to Texas. Will that be real enough for you?”

  “Don’t be a jerk. I wasn’t insulting you,” she said.

  But she had.

  “Sure, whatever,” he retorted. “I’m going to go with you, so I need to pack a bag and get things lined up for myself in Royal.”

  “Zach, I’m sorry if I sounded ungrateful,” she said. “It’s just—don’t you get tired of being on all the time?”

  “I don’t. I live for it. This is what makes me feel alive,” he admitted, turning and walking back to her. “And if you are being completely honest with yourself, you’ll admit that you like it, too.”

  “I do like it. But that doesn’t make it something solid,” she said.

  “But it is,” he reminded her. “Was Lil Dominator not real? His kids and that conversation with him?”

  “That’s not fair. Of course the people are real,” she said. “I wasn’t saying that.”

  “No, you weren’t. You were trying to point out that your lifestyle is somehow more grounded because you work at the chamber of commerce and my taking photos of my life and helping people escape their everyday routine with my posts isn’t.”

  He knew he was hitting this too hard, but it was like all the stuff he’d been thinking about her was now coming out. Lila didn’t like him or his lifestyle. She found it shallow and probably thought the same about him. He was seeing her and feeling like his life could change for the better with her in it, and she was writing him off.

  “No, I wasn’t,” she said. “That’s not fair. Your life is hard. Even you have to see that it’s not perfect. How do you handle having to get up every day and make the perfect post?”

  “It’s a job,” he pointed out.

  “Touché.”

  “I’m not trying to one-up you. I like you, Lila. I like this thing we’ve got going,” he said. “I don’t want it to end.”

  She nodded at that. “I don’t see how it could continue. I can’t live out here. I don’t think I even want to.”

  “Okay. That’s fair. But are there options?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know. I think we are very different people. You were right when you said I enjoyed talking to Lil Dominator and getting to know his family. But that’s not why you go to those events. Honestly, I’m a little tired of it.”

  He wanted to tell her he could change, but he knew he wouldn’t. This was his reality. Yes, his social media girlfriend was breaking up with him. He’d find another.

  But a part of him didn’t want to. He wasn’t ready to let go of Lila Jones.

  “What is so bad about this?” he asked. “You like the clothes and the bags and the—”

  He felt defensive and he knew he was using the luxury merchandise as a front. He wanted her to like him. Didn’t she like him? Or was she following the same pattern as everyone else in his life? Was he not enough? Hell.

  “Stop. It was fun, but it’s not me. I’m pretending to be a version of myself that I don’t like. I’m not this woman. As much as I like the stuff, it’s just stuff. And I like my parents and Royal and you more. I like you, Zach. The real man, not ZB, and I want to figure out a way to have a life with you but not if you can’t be real with me. I’m not sure that to you I’m anything other than this @LilaJones persona you created.”

  Her words stung. He liked the woman she was now. But he hadn’t not liked her before. He might have started out wanting her to change so that he could feel better about sleeping with her and going back to his life afterward. But that had changed. He’d changed. He hadn’t wanted to, and honestly, he still wasn’t sure about it. Especially not now when she was saying she didn’t like anything about this world.

  “You are more than that. I think you are trying to deflect the guilt you feel about not returning those calls. But the truth is more complex than you want it to be. As much as you think I’m just about the posts and the paparazzi, you know that you liked this life. You liked being out here and standing in the spotlight with me.”

  God, please let that be true. He’d thought that they were starting to be a real couple. That’s why he’d planned a party—he’d gotten scared and wanted to put distance between them—but now that she was talking about leaving, he realized he didn’t want her to go.

  “I liked being with you in Royal, too,” she said quietly.

  He hadn’t liked it. Being there, being with Lila, stirred too much. Too many old desires and feelings that he’d learned to live without.

  “That’s not my life. Take my jet and go back to your home but never pretend that I only liked you because I made you into someone who would fit my profile. I liked you before you agreed to the makeover. You might want to ask yourself why you did that.”

  She shook her head but didn’t say anything else and he turned and strode into the house. He asked Mrs. Smith to have his driver take Lila to the corporate airport where his jet was kept and then went into his private study and closed the door behind him.

  He needed to shake this off. This was no different than Tawny getting out of his Ferrari in Royal and walking away from him. But he’d never lied to himself before and he didn’t want to start now. He was going out and he was going to find another woman and in a few hours, he wouldn’t even remember Lila Jones.

  But that lie was hard to swallow. He knew the instant she left his house because he felt as if the air had been sucked out of it. No matter how he was going to act on social media, losing Lila had hurt. And he would’ve tried to fight for her but she’d been right. He was as hollow as his lifestyle.

  Letting her go back to the life she loved was the honorable thing to do. He sneered at himself. The man who’d always put himself first had finally let someone else have the spotlight by themselves. He would miss her. Not just today but whenever he remembered this time in his life when he’d had something good and solid but had been too cowardly to hold on to her. Because he’d been afraid if he let her in, she’d see that the real man was a hollow version of the ZB he sold online.

  He poured himself a Jack Daniel’s neat and downed it in one swallow. Yeah, he was going to get drunk and party like nothing had changed tonight. He canceled the meetup with his followers and texted his hard-partying friends instead. He needed a few nights of oblivion and then he’d figure out his next move.

  FOURTEEN

  Lila was still tired when her mom rang her doorbell
at 8:00 a.m. the next morning. She had cried most of the way home on the plane trying to find peace with the decision she’d made to leave Zach. She knew it was the right thing to do. They couldn’t continue the way they had been. But it still hurt.

  She opened the door to her mom, who had a travel coffee cup in her hand and gave it to Lila before hugging her. She saw over her mom’s shoulder that her dad was sitting in the car. Even though she’d thought she’d been doing a good job of getting herself together she started crying again.

  “Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” her mom said.

  Lila heard her dad turn off the car as she sat down on the rocking chair on her front porch. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for Winifred and that I let you down.”

  “You didn’t let us down. I was a little harsh,” her mom admitted.

  “She was. But we were worried about you,” her dad said as he joined them. He leaned down and hugged her and she stood up to embrace him back because her dad gave the best hugs.

  Lila was still crying and had to admit to herself that it was about more than disappointing her parents and missing Winifred’s funeral. She wanted to go back to a world where she knew how to handle everything. Bottom line? She hadn’t realized how different her life would be when she let Zach into it, and how much he would change not just her public persona but also her.

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  “How about we go put those flowers on Winifred’s grave and then go home and I’ll make my famous blueberry pancakes,” her dad suggested.

  “Okay. Let me lock up.”

  Two hours later she was sitting in her parents’ kitchen somehow telling her mom and dad all about Zach. They’d been to Winifred’s grave and eaten her dad’s pancakes and now she was still a little weepy but getting herself together.

  “So, what does he do again?” her dad asked. “I don’t see how posting stuff is a way to make a living.”

  “I didn’t, either, but he has a huge number of followers and most of them want to have this glitzy lifestyle, so they are willing to buy a few products or go places that he talks about,” Lila said. “He’s done a lot for the Soiree, really helped to drive up not only word of mouth but ticket sales.”