Fall From Love

by Heather London

  “Am I being a complete idiot right now?” he asks, meeting my gaze.

  I shake my head. In all honesty, he may be the smartest one here.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters.

  ~ Audrey Hepburn

  CARTER

  “So, how did things go with Holly yesterday?” Kelly asks me, flipping over a pancake in the pan in front of her. I shrug and chug my glass of orange juice.

  “That bad, huh?” She chuckles, putting the batter bowl in the sink and filling it with water. “You didn’t tell her, did you?”

  Now that she can’t see me, I roll my eyes at her.

  “Don’t roll your eyes at your sister, it’s not becoming of a good looking, young man like yourself,” my mom says as she walks into the kitchen, giving me away.

  Kelly smirks and turns to stick her tongue out at me and I stick mine back out at her.

  “Or stick your tongue out,” my mom says, glancing between the two of us. “I didn’t raise you two to act like this, especially at your ages.”

  Kelly grins again and I shoot her a quick glare before going over and helping my mom to the table.

  “Mom, I was going to bring you breakfast in bed,” I say, guiding her to her usual chair. Even with no hair and hardly any color in her face, she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

  Since as long as I can remember, everyone in our family has had their own chair. Brandon and Dad’s chairs now sit empty and, for the most part, it’s hard to even look at them. I can’t understand why my mom wants to even sit at this table anymore anyway. A few months ago I offered to take the table away and get a new one... a smaller one. One with only three chairs, but she refused my idea.

  “No, it’s our table,” she had said. “It’s a table full of happy times; our memories as a family. I want to be reminded of those memories every time I sit down to eat.”

  I never could understand why she wanted to be reminded of people who were no longer here. The people who were stolen from us way too soon.

  “I told you before, I don’t want to eat in bed. I want to eat at the kitchen table with my children. Is that too much to ask?”

  “Of course it isn’t,” Kelly says, stacking the pancakes on the plate, “but the doctor said that you should stay in bed.”

  My mom shakes her head and waves off the doctor’s request. “Well, it’s my birthday and my birthday wish is to have breakfast at the table and not in bed, so the doctor can just kiss it.” She gives us both a pointed look and we know better than to argue with her.

  “So, when do we head over to the Abbott’s for Thanksgiving?” Mom asks, changing the subject.

  “I think the plan is to eat around noon,” I answer, recalling Josh’s text from this morning.

  “Good. It will be nice to spend some time with them. I haven’t see Josh since this summer. What should we bring?” she asks, looking between the two of us.

  Kelly shrugs. “I asked Mrs. Abbott what we should cook, but she insists we only bring ourselves.”

  “She always did make a big spread. Well, we can’t show up there empty handed. We can at least bring some wine, or maybe some flowers,” Mom suggests.

  “I’ll pick up some wine tomorrow,” I offer.

  My family and the Abbott’s have been friends for as long as I can remember. It isn’t unusual for us to spend the holidays with them. Now that our family has shrunk to just three, it makes even more sense.

  “Good. Now that’s settled, let’s enjoy our time together and start eating these delicious looking pancakes.”

  ❧

  After breakfast, I help my mom back to her bed and, even though I should be used to seeing her so weak and tired, it still kills me.

  “So what’s this I hear about a girl? Holly, is it?” Mom asks as I prop up a pillow behind her head. Her weak voice matches her tired eyes.

  Damn my sister and her big mouth, I think to myself. “Yeah, there is a girl and her name is Holly.”

  “Tell me about her,” she says, leaning back and closing her eyes. “I want to hear about the girl that has my son’s heart.”

  “It’s not really like that, Mom. We’re just friends,” I lie. I’m not sure how to explain the situation to my mom and make her understand.

  She sighs. “That’s how all the great relationships start. You know, your dad and I were friends at first. It took him months to convince me to go out on a date with him.” She sighs again. “I think that friendship is the foundation of every healthy relationship, but you just can’t be too scared to take the next step if you want something more.”

  What the hell has my sister been telling her? “It’s a little more complicated than that.”

  She opens her eyes and grabs my hand. “Son, love is complicated, life is complicated. We’ve just got to be strong enough to get through it.” She closes her eyes again. “Don’t forget it.”

  When I get back into the kitchen, Kelly smiles and throws a dish towel in my face. “I wash, you dry.”

  “I should make you wash and dry all by yourself. You and your big mouth.” I shake my head at her. “I’m never telling you anything ever again.” I should’ve known better than to tell Kelly anything anyways, she’s always had a big mouth, but she’s also the only sister I’ve got and is the person I go to for advice with girls.

  “Hey, she’s your mom and she was curious to know what her baby boy has been up to. What was I supposed to do, lie?”

  She hands me a frying pan that’s dripping wet. I roll my eyes and take the pan out of her hands.

  “So, you didn’t tell Holly the truth, did you?” She wastes no time in picking up where she left off before breakfast.

  I rub the towel over the frying pan a few more times than is needed. “No.”

  “And why not? Wasn’t that the plan? You said that before the two of you went any further, you were going to tell her the truth.”

  I swallow hard, remembering the kiss; the freaking amazing kiss we shared just last night. “Who said we went any further? We’re still just friends.”

  She turns to look at me with a raised eyebrow. “You’re either a liar or a complete idiot. Which one is it?”

  “I only get two choices?” I smile.

  She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “She clearly has feelings for you. The way she looked at me the other morning, when she thought I was your girlfriend, it looked like someone had stabbed her right in the chest.”

  She holds out another pan and I take it. “It’s just... she…” my voice fades and I rub the towel over the pan and set it on the counter.

  “She, what?” Kelly presses.

  “She asked me to kiss her, alright?”

  “And...”

  “And that’s none of your business.”

  She laughs. “Well, at least I now know you’re not a complete idiot. So what happened after the kiss?” she asks, never skipping a beat.

  I think back to what happened, shaking my head. “I told her to think about what she wants, what she really wants and make sure she wants me before we go any further. I told her that we’d talk when the break was over.”

  “And what happens when she tells you she wants to be with you? ‘Cause you know that’s what she’ll say.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not so sure. I told her to think about the risk we’d be taking. You know, if we tried this relationship thing and it didn’t work out, then we may not be able to go back to being friends.”

  She stops scrubbing the dish in her hands and looks over at me. “Carter, you’re such a guy. Over the years and after all the sisterly advice I’ve given you, have you not listened to anything that I’ve told you? You’ve probably just shattered the poor girl’s heart. She put herself out there and you shot her down.”

  “What are you talking about? I kissed her.”

  “Yeah, and then you took it back. I was wrong in what I said before, you are an idiot.�
�

  She shakes her head and starts scrubbing again. “Love’s a risk. Period. No matter if it’s with Holly or not. I know you care about her and I know you’re scared to tell her the truth about what happened that night, but she’ll understand, Carter. Everyone understands what happened that night… everyone expect for you.”

  ❧

  It’s Thanksgiving and my family and I are over at the Abbott’s. I’m half sitting, half lying on the couch, hoping my stomach will digest soon. I’m so stuffed that I feel like if I have another bite of anything, or even look at another piece of food, I’ll explode.

  The last few days have gone by miserably slow. Over the past couple months I’ve gotten used to talking to Holly pretty much every night, even if it is just to say goodnight to each other. Now, it’s been four days since I’ve heard her voice. Four days since I’ve heard her laugh. I’ve picked up the phone probably a hundred times, only to put it back down. I’m hoping to give her some space to think and let her figure out what she really wants.

  “Ugh,” I moan, grabbing my stomach where Josh just punched me. He’s standing in front of me with a football in his hands, laughing. “Asshole,” I mutter under my breath so my mom doesn’t hear.

  “C’mon, let’s go play ball. I’m in desperate need for a little air. If my mom tries to get me to eat another bite, I may start looking as miserable as you do right now.”

  “Nah, man. I’m so full; give me some time to digest first.”

  “Get your ass off the couch or I’m gonna punch you again and this time it’ll hurt.”

  I glower over at him. If I wasn’t so full and miserable, I’d kick his ass. The only reason he’s talking to me like this is because he knows that I can barely move.

  “C’mon, it will make you feel better,” he says, throwing the football up in the air.

  “Fine,” I moan, sitting up straight and following him outside.

  “So, have you talked to Holly today?” he asks, catching the ball and throwing it back to me.

  Now it becomes clear, his ulterior motive for bringing me out here. I shake my head. “No. I haven’t talked to her since the night before we left.”

  He nods once. “Jenna says she’s been in a weird mood all week, even today. Is she not a big fan of birthdays or something?”

  “What?” I catch the football and grip it tight. “What did you just say about birthdays?”

  “It’s her birthday today,” he says, acting as if it were public knowledge.

  I didn’t know it was her birthday.

  “And you didn’t tell me?” I ask him.

  “Dude, she’s your girlfriend, not mine.”

  “She’s not—we’re not like that.” I grit through my teeth and chuck the football at him, harder than before.

  He groans when he catches it. “Damn, dude, go easy.”

  I storm off and head back to the house without looking back or answering Josh when he calls out for me.

  HOLLY

  Being at Jenna’s family’s house has been nice, but I’m looking forward to going back home to our apartment tomorrow. There’s a part of me that is excited to see Carter again and another part that’s scared out of my mind. I haven’t gotten as much as a phone call or text from him since I’ve been here, but I haven’t tried to call or text him, either.

  After we kissed, he asked me to think about what I wanted. At first, it felt like the biggest rejection of my life, but then, the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. If, for some reason, we did become more than friends and it didn’t work out between us, it would be hard to go back to the way we are now.

  I can’t lose him as a friend, he means too much to me.

  I’m lying in a twin size bed and Jenna’s lying on another one next to me. The only thing between us is a small nightstand. We’ve been staying in her childhood bedroom and I don’t think her parents have changed a thing since she’s been away at college.

  She’s been on the phone with Josh for the last hour. They’re telling each other how much they miss one another—the same conversation they’ve had every night this week before they hang up with each other—and, like I’ve wanted to do every other night, I almost get up to leave the room so they can talk privately, but I don’t. There’s really nowhere else to go. Every time I go downstairs, Mrs. Brown tries to feed me leftovers, Jenna’s little brother follows me around like a puppy dog, and Mr. Brown invites me to watch anything sports related with him. I shouldn’t complain, though. The Brown family has been nothing but nice to me by opening up their home and sharing their holiday. I just can’t help wishing that I could be in my own bed, in my own apartment.

  Finally, Jenna sets the phone down and sighs. “God, I miss that guy. I can’t wait until tomorrow.”

  “He’s going back tomorrow, too?” I ask, feeling a little hopeful that I may get to see Carter.

  “Yeah, he and Carter are leaving first thing in the morning.”

  My heart squeezes at the sound of his name. “Oh, I didn’t know they drove together.” I knew that they are both from the Denver area and that they still have family there, but I didn’t know anything past that.

  She turns to give me a strange look. “Yeah, they grew up like two houses down from each other. You didn’t know that?”

  I shake my head. “No, I didn’t. Carter doesn’t talk a lot about his family or where he grew up.”

  Jenna swallows hard and a sad look crosses her face. “Yeah, they’ve been friends since they were like two. Their families are really close, too.” She turns on her side to face me and props herself up, leaning on her elbow. “Have you talked to Carter lately?”

  She already knows the answer to that question. We’ve been attached at the hip since we’ve been here. “No, I haven’t talked to him all week.”

  “Have you tried to call him?” she asks, playing with a piece of thread that’s come loose from the comforter, avoiding looking me in the eyes.

  I shake my head again. “No.”

  “Maybe you should, you know, make the first move.” She pauses for a moment. “Have you thought about what you want?”

  Geez, she is relentless. “A little,” I lie.

  Up until a couple days ago, Jenna has been bugging me every day about what I’ll decide to do; carry on the friendship I have with Carter or take it to the next level. I finally had to ask her to stop asking me about it and she had, until right now that is. What she doesn’t know and what I will never tell her is that I think about him every minute of every day since our kiss. I replay the kiss over and over in my head, wanting to kiss him again, wanting to feel him again, wanting more... much more.

  “And what do you think?” she urges and I blink away my thoughts of him.

  “When we get back home and I see him, I’ll hopefully have my answer.” It isn’t the best plan ever, but it’s all I have. In my mind, I hope that when I see Carter again, the decision will hit me and I won’t have any second thoughts like I am now.

  She falls on her back and sighs loudly. “You have no idea what you want, do you? Or you do know, but you’re too scared to admit it.”

  I swallow hard. “I’m not sure, alright. The second I think I’ve made up my mind, I change it the very next second.” Losing Carter as a friend scares me to the core and I’m not sure it’s something I can risk, regardless of my other feelings for him.

  “Hey,” she says, propping herself up again. “Maybe if you call him, it will help you figure it out.” I watch as she swings her legs off the bed and scoots to the edge of it. “Or maybe you should call him to see how his Thanksgiving is going?”

  I glance over at her, wondering what she’s up to. “One, it’s Thanksgiving,” I say. “People eat and then they pass out or watch football. Two, I’m sure he’s busy spending time with his family. And three, we’re going home tomorrow. I’ll just see him when we get back.”

  “You’re right. It’s just…” her voice trails off. “Never mind. I mean, I probably should tell you, but I
won’t because it’s really none of my business.”

  Okay, now I know what she’s trying to do; she’s dying to tell me something, but she wants me to ask for it and I’ll be a damned liar if I said it wasn’t working.

  I turn onto my side, fully facing her. “Okay, I’ll bite.”

  “Okay, so before I tell you anything you’re going to have to swear yourself to secrecy.”

  I roll my eyes, mark a cross on my heart, and then let my arm fall back on the bed.

  She nods once. “Okay, so Carter’s trying to protect you and he doesn’t want you to know anything about what’s going on in his life, which I think is really sweet, but also kind of sad. I know the two of us got off on the wrong foot, but I think he’s a really nice guy, Holly, and he’s—”

  “Jenna,” I interrupt her, “take a deep breath and talk a little slower, please.”

  She takes a deep breath in and blows it out. “Josh would kill me if he knew I was telling you all of this, but Carter’s going through a rough time right now.” She swallows hard and chews on her bottom lip, something she only does when she’s really nervous. “His mom is sick and she’s not doing very well. They’ve moved her home and his sister has been stopping by a few times a week to watch over her,” she pauses and swallows hard, “but it doesn’t look good.”

  A sick feeling forces its way up my throat. Why wouldn’t he tell me this? “I—I had no idea. That’s awful,” I whisper.

  “Yeah.” She shakes her head and scoots herself backwards so she can lean back against the headboard. “I can’t believe it, either, bad shit keeps happening to his family. After all they’ve been through over the last few years, it’s like life keeps handing them shit for luck. I guess you never know how fortunate you are until you see how bad other people have it.”

  I sit up now, fully engrossed in what she’s saying. “What are you talking about Jenna?”