In the Household of a Sorcerer

by Nicolette Andrews

  I pushed back my chair and strode over to her. I drank in her sleeping form for a moment. Countless times I had carried her into her bedroom. She’d had a habit as a child of falling asleep while studying or reading or just sitting beside the fire. She is no longer a child, I reminded myself. She is a woman now.

  It couldn’t hurt to carry her to bed one last time. I eased my hands under her knees and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. I shifted her weight to rest against my chest and her head against my shoulder. I hated myself for relishing the intimacy. I was too selfish to let her go as I should. I should have made a clean break days ago. Why did I let her linger, entangling herself further with me?

  I took care not to wake her as I carried her to her room. Her weight was still as I remembered it. Nothing had changed, it seemed, but for the feminine curves pressed against me that sent my heart to racing. This would be the last time, I reminded myself once more.

  In her bedchamber, I laid her down on the bed and pulled the covers over her and up to her chin. Her mouth was slightly open in sleep. I wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips but dashed the thought. Instead, I brushed a strand of hair from her face.

  “Now would be the ideal time to take care of this problem,” the voice crooned.

  I ignored him and turned to walk away. My feet, however, refused to cooperate.

  “You forget, boy Magiker, that I am in possession of your body. You will kill her.”

  My arms moved of their own volition. They reached for Maea’s neck, wrapping fingers about her windpipe, and squeezed. I wanted to shout to wake her, but my mouth would not work. Her eyes flew open, and she stared at me in shock.

  No, I thought. She does not deserve this!

  She kicked and grabbed at my hands, trying to wrench me off her, but I was too strong, and she, such a petite woman, could not fight me off. Her eyes were wide with shock and betrayal. As if to say why are you doing this to me?

  “I do this for you!” the specter thundered inside my head.

  Her color changed, and her fighting ceased as her skin turned blue and her eyes bulged.

  “NO!” I shouted.

  I jolted forward and slammed my knee against my desk. I glanced around, bewildered. I was back in my study. Maea lay peaceful propped against the couch where she was before. It was a dream, I realized.

  More than a dream, it was a premonition. I could no longer delude myself into believing I could keep her safe. I had been a fool to take the girl from the streets. I should have taken her to an orphanage as was my original plan. She deserved better than this life.

  I got up from my desk and did not stop to carry her. I would never touch her again if that was what it took to save her. I went to my personal chambers. I sat on the edge of my bed and expected the specter to taunt me about the gruesome vision. He did not comment, however. It would be better if Maea never knew me, I thought.

  The spell that could alter memories would be ideal for my purposes. I needed an anchor to make it work. I looked over to a table beside my bed. The Biski woman’s trinket lay there. I snatched it off the table. If I wanted to save her, I needed to erase myself from her past, and then I would leave her in Damara’s keeping. My revenge was my own, and Maea no longer needed to be tied into my fate. I would let the monster take me, and then she would be safe.

  Part VI

  Despite my best effort to avoid Maea, she sought me out the following day. I had planned to lock myself in my study and not emerge, but she anticipated my actions and was awaiting me within.

  She stood up as I entered, and that same gleam of excitement lit her features. I looked away as she approached me.

  “Johai, I found a way to free you!”

  I stopped. I had not expected this. For a moment, I indulged in hope, something I refused to do before. I dared not reveal such a vulnerability to her, however, and instead said, “What are you talking about?”

  She smiled and picked up a scribbled bit of parchment and showed it to me. I recognized the text. It was one I had puzzled over.

  “It says, ‘The dark spirit awoken can be quenched by the fires of a child of the moon,’” she said, apparently reading my thoughts.

  I dropped the parchment onto the table, resisting the urge to crumple it in distaste. It was another dead end and another reminder that I had truly sealed my fate. “Maea, it is not possible to stop this now.”

  “But your mother’s father, he was a son of the Malchor family. Malchor means moonlight in Jeruachian. Johai, you are the child of the moon.”

  It should have surprised me that she had discovered this much about my family history. But it was Maea, after all. Regardless, her findings were nonsense, and she was reaching. I did not want to break my bonds with the specter; I wanted to complete them and take control of his power. “Maea, the only way to destroy the monster is to destroy me! He and I, we are one. I summoned him and gave him my soul for power. That means he is a part of me!”

  Her face crumpled, and tears gathered along her lashes. Dark circles hung beneath her eyes, and I realized she was in the same gown from the night before. She had stayed up all night working for me, and this was how I repaid her efforts. It only strengthened my resolve to send her away.

  “No, that cannot be,” she whispered.

  I had to end this now. My feelings meant nothing compared to her safety. “It is. You are wasting your time on me. I have had no other intention from the start than to use you. I want power, I want the kingdom, and you are my pawn. I only ever wanted to use your power for my own gain. I am not some benevolent man who thought to take you in from the goodness of my own heart; I am cruel and manipulative.”

  She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “You don’t really mean that.”

  “Do not pretend to know my mind. I have entertained your childish notions, but enough is enough. I will gain full control of the specter and, with it, the power to take this kingdom. You will go to court at Keisan, where you will perform as a diviner. You will give me access to the king and help me in exacting my revenge. And when the day comes, I will be king!”

  I panted in exhaustion after my tirade. I expected her to look at me with revulsion, even shock, but she shook her head and tilted her chin towards me in her stubborn way. Why would she not back down, accept the fact that I was dangerous and sought only to use her?

  She edged closer to me, and though I could have sent her flying with a flick of my wrist, I would not, and instead, I stepped back, fearing her touch and the reactions my body had to it. She reached out for me despite my hesitation. “That may have been your intent at one point, but I do not think that is how you feel now.”

  She tried to grasp my arm, but I brushed her aside. She was more of a fool than I thought to question my motives.

  “It does not matter what you think. You are to leave for Keisan, and you will not return to my household. Your position within my home is no longer needed. Now that I have acquired the book, I am ready to exact my revenge, and your debut at court has come.” It pained me to lie to her this way, but it was for the best. I would gain control of the specter, and once she was away from me, I knew she would be safe.

  She took a step back and pressed her hand over her heart. “I will do as you say, but I do not believe you. I have known you, and I know in your heart you are a good man.” She bowed her head and left the room.

  After she left, I growled and knocked aside a stack of books on my desk. It did nothing to tame my anger. It was better this way, I reminded myself. The girl would be better off if she forgot me.

  *~*~*

  Not long after, Damara sought me out. She found me in my study, my head cradled in my hands. Books and parchments had been strewn about. I had lost all motivation after sending Maea away. Is this what will happen once she is gone? I wondered. Will I be this shadow of a man? I knew she had changed, but when had I changed?

  “Maea says she is to return to Keisan?” Damara asked.

  I did not look up
at her. “The time has come as promised. The skills you have taught her will finally be plied.”

  “And your plans?”

  I sighed. I knew Damara would not take such a simple answer; it was in her nature to question. I answered her as honestly as I dared. “They no longer involve the girl.”

  The soft padding of her shoes across the room filled the silence. She stood before me, hands on hips. “You pretend to be a man, but you are a child still, Johai. “

  I glared at her, but she merely returned it with a tilt of her auburn brow. I thought to summon the glamour, use it to seem imposing or intimidating as I had done with Earvin, but I knew it was no use, it would never work on Damara.

  “I am weary of your prying, Damara. Take the girl, and use her in service of your queen. I have no more use for her.”

  “I find that hard to believe. When I agreed to leave my home and raise the girl, I did it to fulfill the debt owed between us. But I have come to care for her as if she were my own daughter. And you, I have also come to think of as another son. You confided to me your plans, and I will admit, I never thought you would go through with them. I thought your heart would change. I know the court has not been a friend to you, but this plot for revenge, is it worth it, really?”

  “Not a friend to me, Damara? I am branded a traitor because of the deeds of my father. I was a boy when he turned on the kingdom, and yet the reception at court was nothing short of hostile. And the king treats me as if I were the incarnation of my father once again. Why should I not live up to their expectations and betray them? Take what my father failed to take.”

  “Because it is not in your nature, Johai. I know you. We have spent many years together—”

  “Enough!” I roared. “I am not a child, Damara. Your debt to me has been fulfilled. Take the girl, and leave me!”

  “I am aware. You have become a man before my very eyes. But our debt cannot be so easily filled, I see that now. You still need me whether you believe so or not. I will let you make your own decisions, but part of being a man means listening to the advice of others, and I would urge you to reconsider this path. “

  “Goodnight, Damara,” I said whilst pinching my brow. I had quite enough of her motherly advice. I had never had a mother, and I did not need one now.

  I turned from her to signal an end to the conversation. She hovered for a few more moments before leaving me alone once more, as I deserved to be.

  “You need only open your heart to me, unloved son, and the power will be yours.” The specter’s voice filled my head.

  If he had given me this chance two weeks ago, I would have gladly accepted it, but now I was not certain. My resolve had crumbled, and I felt more conflicted than ever.

  “And if I do not, would you leave me?”

  His laughter seemed to echo around me, and I realized he was using my mouth to form the sound. I bit down and forced my body to obey.

  “You are mine, boy, and you always have been. One day I will own this body as was promised, and you know there is no stopping it. Give in now, and take what you seek.”

  I could have demanded answers from him, asked why he had not told me this until now, but I suspected this was all a part of his game and a portion I refused to take part in.

  “I will decide when I am ready, if ever, to take your power.”

  He laughed again, but this time only within my mind. “Perhaps I was right to choose you.”

  Part VII

  A knock echoed through the chamber, and I glanced up. It had been a grueling week; I would have preferred to be left alone.

  “Come in,” I growled. I turned my attention to the parchment on my desk. Last minute preparations for Maea’s journey for Keisan were spread out before me. Once the weather improved, she would depart and never return. I turned my bitter thoughts towards her letters of introduction, provided by Damara, and accommodations for the journey. However, the realization that I must complete the task soon filled my skull and drove me to distraction. If I did not complete it soon, I would lose my resolve.

  I planned to put the necklace on her and take away her memories of me and leave the rest to Damara. She had agreed, though unwillingly, to accommodate me. The door swung open, but the intruder did not enter.

  I knew without looking who it was. I could feel her watching me, as if invisible bonds drew us together. I chanced a glance. Maea wrung her hands, hanging back just outside the room. I drank in her form, storing it up for a time when she would no longer be a part of my life, and then forced myself to look away.

  “You should be abed,” I said—better she leave now.

  She took a step forward and halted. “You’ve been avoiding me, why?”

  I could not look her in the eye as I lied to her, “You’re imagining things. There’s a lot to prepare for a journey to Keisan. I’ve just been getting household affairs in order.”

  “You’re lying. You’ve been avoiding me since I had the dream. Are you afraid?” of me, of what you will do to me? she seemed to be saying though the words never escaped her lips.

  I scoffed, she could not be more wrong. I dared not tell her, however. My response came out more bitter and revealing than I intended. “What do I have left to lose?” I cursed my slip of the tongue. I could not afford weakness, not now, when I had decided to send her away.

  She inched closer, and I reached into my desk where the necklace waited for the right moment. I clung to it as if it would shield me from these unwanted emotions.

  “You have me,” she said.

  I inhaled sharply. She stood a hand’s space away. I raised my brows and looked into her eyes. I should send her away, I thought. I will confess everything to her, and then I will take away any trace of me in her memories.

  “Maea, if this goes awry—” I began, but she stopped me.

  “Sh.” She pressed her fingers to my lips. “I didn’t come here tonight for a lecture, Johai.”

  I frowned just as my pulse jumped. I continued to deny my feelings and hers as well. “I don’t understand.”

  “Before—before we leave, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  I released the necklace and left it in the drawer. I placed my palm flat on the tabletop. I wanted to avoid the underlying message in her tone. It would be so much easier if she left these emotions unsaid. “What is it? Have you had another vision?” I made a futile attempt to redirect the conversation.

  She shook her head. I wanted to look away but found I could not, I was transfixed on her lips as they formed the words, “No, it’s much more important than that.”

  She leaned in, and I leaned forward. Her lips brushed mine, gently at first, and her hair fell forward, brushing against my cheek. I pushed it back and deepened our kiss, my own passion overriding my better judgment. She pressed herself against me, and I felt every painful inch of her breasts and her hips as she scooted in closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her petite waist.

  Goddess, she tasted sweet! She pulled back after a few impassioned minutes and lowered her long dark eyelashes.

  “I know you said that you wanted to use me, but I love you, and I owe my life to you. Regardless of your intent that day, if you had not taken me off the streets, I would have starved to death.”

  I sat stunned with the taste of her on my lips. I had never imagined the depths of her loyalty and, too, the depths of my own feelings for her stirred by the kiss. I had tried for a very long time to deny it, but I could not any longer, I loved her, and I hated myself for it. I was toxic to her; loving me could only cause her suffering.

  “You’ve let your heart blind you to your true desires. The temptations of the flesh are nothing compared to the power I can give you,” the specter’s voice was a caressing invitation. Power coursed through my body, a sample of what he could give to me, the influence I could have. The price meant choosing between her and him.

  “Maea, I cannot love you. It would be best if you went to Keisan where it is safe,” I said and turned away from
her. I did not want her to see me like this, with the monster whispering in my ear. The same one that had shown me visions of her death at my hands.

  “Not without you, Johai. You trained me for this purpose; why give up now?” She touched my elbow, and I tilted my head down to her, filling my nostrils with her scent.

  “Tell her, unloved son, show her what a monster you are!” he goaded me, driving me to the brink, forcing my hand.

  “Because I am losing control day by day, and I cannot stand the thought that I may be the one to kill you!” I pushed her away and paced over to the fireplace.

  She did not move for a moment, and I hoped that she would flee, that she would leave and never look back. It was for her safety.

  “What if you could be rid of it? What if there was a way for you to break free of it?”

  Did she not see I was not worth it? My own kin had abandoned me. Why did she not see how dangerous I was to her? The specter made no comment, and I wondered if he had set back to watch my anguish unfold.

  “There is no way. I have dedicated my life to studying this thing that is a part of me. It is best if you forget all about me.”

  She shook her head. “No. You saved my life. It is only fair that I return the favor.”

  She stood before me, and I sighed; I knew that glimmer in her eye. There was only one way to detour her, and it lay in my drawer. She surprised me by kissing me once more, just a quick peck on the lips. I furrowed my brow at her.

  “What was that for?”

  “I will not give up on you, no matter what.”

  I fought the urge to gather her in my arms and kiss her deeply like I wanted to do. Instead I brushed past her and went to the drawer. I flung it open and removed the necklace from within. I grasped it, and the sharp edges bit into my palm.