by Kate Eastham
She sorely wished now that she’d taken more care to have some proper sleep; her eyes were heavy and it was all that she could do to keep them open. Maybe she needed to close them, just for a few moments … and before she knew it, Maud was having a dream that a baby was crying, a weak sound, just on the edges of her mind.
She tried to rouse herself but her body felt trapped. She couldn’t move, and still the baby cried. She had to make a huge effort, she had to get out, she had to help the baby.
Maud’s eyes snapped open.
She wasn’t dreaming. There was a sound coming from the crib.
She leapt up and the chair screeched back on the wooden floor. She was wide awake now and her body was tingling, as she leant over to look into Flora’s dark eyes. The baby was blinking in the light and moving her arms, as if trying them out for the first time.
‘Hello,’ she whispered, picking her up. Holding her close, feeling the warmth and the murmur of the tiny body against her shoulder, she rested her cheek against the baby’s soft hair and breathed in the scent of her as tears started to well in her eyes.
Flora cried once more; the sound was weak, but it was still a very good sign. But then she started to cough, and for one agonizing moment she sounded like she was choking. Maud felt her heart thud, her eyes scanning the room for some clue as to what to do. She had never really nursed a baby before and that realization fell heavily on her shoulders. She followed her instincts, sitting down on the chair, holding the baby upright on her knee, rubbing her back, willing her to breathe.
Beneath her hand Maud could feel some looseness in the baby’s chest. This had to be a good sign. Flora gave another cough, but she was struggling now, as if her air passage was blocked. Maud’s mouth was dry and her heart was pounding. She lay the baby down on her tummy, across her knee, but that seemed to make things worse. She sat her back up again. She was making a high-pitched wheezing sound now.
‘Oh my God,’ cried Maud, ‘somebody help me.’
Then she remembered the steam kettle behind her, and she twisted round in her chair to get the full benefit of it.
Still Flora wheezed, her whole body wracked with the effort of trying to clear her chest.
‘Come on, come on,’ murmured Maud, still rubbing her back.
And then Flora gave another cough and something seemed to shift and she swallowed. She was breathing easier now, and Maud almost cried with relief. But then, almost immediately, she was wheezing again, the high-pitched sound going right through Maud’s body.
Right, Maud, you need to stay calm, she told herself. Just repeat the process, keep her in the steam and pray that it clears.
As Maud rubbed Flora’s back and held on to her for dear life, the door to the room clicked open and she heard someone coming in. She glanced over her shoulder, almost crying with relief when she saw Miss Merryweather removing her bonnet and walking straight over.
‘The little one is awake, I see,’ she said, her eyes gleaming. ‘It looks like her fever has broken, but this is a crucial stage. We need to keep the steam flowing to loosen the secretions in the chest. Now you hand the little beauty to me, please, Nurse Linklater. I’ve sat through many a vigil such as this. Before I came here, I worked with women and their families at a silk mill in Essex. There were many sick children and babies. Now, all I need you to do before you go to the ward is to stoke the fire and fill the kettle. My sister, Elizabeth, will be along shortly and she has worked alongside me with these cases, so this baby will be in very capable hands. I do need to warn you, however, that the little one could still sink – only if she has enough energy to clear her chest will she stand a chance.’
Maud nodded solemnly. Then she got up from the chair, with the baby in her arms, and held her close for a moment before handing her over to Miss Merryweather.
‘And Nurse Linklater,’ called the superintendent, as Maud was about to leave the room, ‘these vigils are hard work. You need to go now, straight to the dining room, and get yourself some breakfast. I’ll see you back here this afternoon.’
‘Yes, Miss Merryweather,’ said Maud quietly, glancing at Flora once more, before slipping out through the door.
Once in the corridor, she leant against the closed door for a moment before taking a deep breath and making her way to her own room to refresh herself. A nurse walking swiftly, with a glass jar in both hands, almost collided head on with her before she could reach her door.
‘Where’s the sick baby?’ asked the nurse. ‘I’ve got the expressed milk here that Nurse Pacey ordered.’
‘That door there,’ pointed Maud, smiling to herself. It felt like the whole hospital was rallying round to help one tiny baby.
Maud was first there in the dining room and the place was deserted. She was relieved; she knew that she couldn’t have coped with any questions from Millicent Langtry, not this morning. She felt sick to her stomach but forced herself to eat a bowl of thin porridge. She couldn’t manage any of the beer that was served at every meal, but she did have half a cup of tea. As soon as she was finished, she was straight up from the table.
She met Alice in the entrance hall.
‘I’ve just been up to the sick bay to see Flora,’ Alice said. ‘I can’t believe that she’s awake. I was sure last night that … that …’
‘Yes, I thought so, too,’ murmured Maud.
‘She must be strong, Maud. She’s a little fighter. But all of this is so strange, isn’t it? I’ve just seen Harry waiting outside, with the dog. He looks awful, like he’s aged a hundred years. I told him that I’d come straight back out and tell him how she is.’
‘Oh no,’ gasped Maud, ‘I forgot about that. I told him to come back this morning. I’ll go and see him, I’ve got my uniform on, you need to go and get changed.’
Harry looked up as soon as Maud opened the door.
‘She’s awake and she’s holding her own,’ she called from the top step, seeing his body crumple instantly with relief.
‘I never slept a wink,’ he croaked. ‘I didn’t know what to do with meself.’
The dog was whining softly as Maud walked down the steps. She reached out automatically to give her a stroke as she continued with her report. ‘Flora is fighting very hard and her chest is loosening. But she isn’t out of danger yet, Harry.’
He wiped a hand over his face.
Maud reached out to steady him as he looked at her with swollen, bloodshot eyes. Beneath his pain there was a glimmer of something that Maud read as hope for Flora – but not just that, maybe. She saw something that resembled a look he’d given her when they were together, and she could still feel—
Instantly, Maud closed up. She couldn’t allow any of that now. She’d reached out to him like she would to any relative of a very sick patient. That was all it was, she told herself, as she took a step back. She cleared her throat. ‘Have you heard anything from Nancy?’
He shook his head slowly. ‘No, and I don’t care if I never hear from her again,’ he replied, his voice husky.
Maud almost suggested that they try to find her, let her know that Flora was sick, but the words wouldn’t form in her mouth. No, if she wanted to know about her daughter she would come looking. The mere thought of handing the baby back over to Nancy made Maud feel sick to her stomach.
‘Is there any way that I could see Flora, Maud?’
‘I’ll see what I can do,’ Maud replied, businesslike now, using the voice she used on the ward. ‘I’ll be going back up there this afternoon, and the Nurses’ Home is more or less empty at that time. I’ll have to get permission from Miss Merryweather, but I’ll see what we can do.’
Harry nodded and gave her the ghost of a smile.
‘You need to go and get yourself a cup of tea and something to eat, Harry. You have to look after yourself. Flora needs you.’
‘Yes, Sister,’ murmured Harry, a gesture towards the banter they used to share when she was a probationer.
Maud felt the intention but didn’t respond. Ins
tead, she set her mouth in a firm line. ‘I’ll see you here later, Harry,’ she said, trying to ignore Rita who’d pricked up her ears and had started slowly wagging her tail.
As Harry walked away, Alice was coming down the steps.
‘He’s taken it very hard, hasn’t he? How is he doing?’ she asked, turning to join Maud, as they watched him walking slowly away, with his shoulders slumped.
‘He’s just about managing,’ said Maud, linking Alice’s arm.
‘And what about Nancy? Is he trying to find her?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Well, she walked out, didn’t she? If it was any other woman, even though Harry is your husband, I would say that she had every right to come back to her child. But this is Nancy Sellers. We know her, don’t we? She’s never shown any sign of doing anything for anybody other than herself. And she’s a bully – and I think, Maud, that she is pure evil, that woman, pure evil.’
Normally, Maud would have tilted her head to one side, thought for a moment and then tried her best to present a more balanced view. But on this occasion she said nothing.
With everything that had happened since the end of her last shift, Maud wasn’t even sure which ward she was supposed to be working on, and she was glad of Alice’s direction.
‘You’re on Female Surgical with me, and I want you to take it slowly this morning, Linklater. Do you hear?’
Hmph, thought Maud, we’ll see about that. The more worry I have, the more I need to push myself. But she smiled at Alice and told her that she would try.
Thankfully, there were no admissions, or theatre cases, and the morning went by in an organized fashion. And, with great relief, Maud found herself actually enjoying working with Nurse Latimer. After all that had emerged last evening, she almost seemed like a brand-new person. Even though she looked tired, and she had the slightly swollen eyes of a woman who’d cried a great deal, Nurse Latimer was keen to help today and was actually engaging properly with the patients. The difference in her was remarkable.
Maud was pleased to find Mrs Martin propped up in bed, with her hair neatly fastened in a loose knot on top of her head. Night sister had reported that she’d come round nicely from the chloroform and had been taking fluids. They’d washed her and changed her and sat her up in bed.
‘Good morning,’ said Maud. ‘You probably don’t remember me, but I was the nurse who went into theatre with you yesterday.’
‘Of course I remember you, my dear. How could I forget those big dark eyes and your beautiful voice? You really helped me when they were giving me the chloroform.’
Maud smiled. ‘Can I just check your dressing? I need to make sure that it’s clean and dry.’
Mrs Martin lifted the corner of the sheet.
‘All fine,’ smiled Maud, once she’d had a good look. ‘Now you need to drink as much fluid as you can – water, tea, beer or wine, whichever you prefer. And we’ll start you on a soft diet today.’
Mrs Martin nodded, then winced as she tried to sit herself up in bed.
‘Do you need anything for the pain?’
‘No, just a twinge. Night sister gave me some drops before she sponged me down and dolled me up in a new nightie,’ smiled Mrs Martin, her pale blue eyes shining with good humour.
Maud returned the smile. ‘I met your friend Mrs McCluskey at visiting yesterday. She seems to be a very caring person.’
‘Oh, me and Cynthia, we go back a long way. We’ve lived next door to each other since we were first married. I know all of her children and treat them like my own. Every mother with a large family needs as much help as she can get, and Cynthia was always happy to let me look after hers. I couldn’t have any of my own, you see. So …’
‘That can’t have been easy, Mrs Martin, but it sounds like you’ve given a great deal to others because of that.’
‘Oh, no more than most,’ she smiled. ‘Do you have any children, Nurse?’
‘Oh, no!’ gasped Maud. ‘Not as such. Nurses like me aren’t allowed to be married or have children.’
‘Really?’ frowned Mrs Martin. ‘But I suppose, with the long hours and all that, it would be difficult. You’d need somebody like me to look after them.’
‘That is very true,’ smiled Maud, starting to feel a little hot around the collar, thinking about Alfred and now Flora.
Maud began to feel more anxious about Flora during the final hour of her shift and she needed to keep busy. With the ward completely straight, she’d asked Nurse Latimer to go to every bed and check that the temperature charts were up to date. And she’d launched into a full clean and tidy of the sluice. Alice smiled when she came in through the door to find Maud with her sleeves rolled up, vigorously scouring the sink.
‘Maud, what did I tell you about going slowly?’ she laughed. ‘You’ve just about taken the glaze off that sink. Now give that cloth to me, Sister Pritchard has said you can go.’
‘What? Does she know about Flora?’ said Maud, turning from the sink, with the cloth still in her hand.
‘Of course she does. She had to agree to you taking the afternoon off, didn’t she? But you know what this place is like, the whole hospital knows about the sick baby in the Nurses’ Home. Michael Delaney gave me these this morning,’ she said, pulling out a minute pair of knitted bootees. ‘His wife made them. And there’s a wooden rattle from Sister Law, a blanket from Stephen Walker, and a toy dog from Dr McKendrick, all waiting in the Nurses’ Home. And apparently, Sister Tweedy was saying special prayers for Flora all through her shift last night.’
Maud smiled and shook her head, before placing a damp hand on Alice’s sleeve. ‘We are so lucky, aren’t we, to be a part of the life of this hospital?’
‘We are, indeed,’ agreed Alice, pushing the knitted bootees into Maud’s pocket, before reaching to take the wet cloth from her hand. ‘Now, go on, off you go.’
It was pouring with rain, and Maud had no umbrella, so she picked up her skirt and ran the distance to the Nurses’ Home. She arrived, breathless, in the entrance hall, dripping wet over the Minton tiles and leaving a trail up both sets of steps to the second floor, where she nipped into her own room to get dry, remove her sodden cap and change out of her damp uniform. Feeling the pressure of time due to her urgent need to see Flora, she didn’t even bother to check her hair in the mirror. It had come untethered from the clip as she removed her cap, and stray wisps were now falling on to her collar and on each side of her face. She did notice one strand and gamely tucked it behind her ear.
As soon as she slipped in through the door of the sick bay, Maud could hear the bubbling of Flora’s chest. She glanced anxiously, first to where the baby lay in the crib, and then to Miss Merryweather.
‘Try not to be too alarmed, Nurse Linklater,’ she said carefully. ‘Her chest needs to loosen so that the secretions can come up. And that is exactly what is happening. The good news is that she’s started to take the expressed milk, and I’ve been giving it on a teaspoon – as much as she can take, whenever she’s awake.’
‘That’s good,’ sighed Maud, rolling up her sleeves and going straight to the bowl of water to wash her hands with carbolic soap. Then she was straight to the crib, scanning Flora’s face. She was sleeping, but she started to cough and then the crying came.
‘Pick her up, that’s it,’ soothed Miss Merryweather. ‘I know she’s very small, but don’t be afraid. The child is showing her resilience, and every time she coughs she is striving to get better. She is very strong. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one so small with such a tenacious grasp on life.’
Maud nodded and smiled, hastily tucking another strand of hair behind her ear, before picking up her charge.
‘Keep the steam going,’ ordered Miss Merryweather, as she started to make her way out of the room. ‘And I’ve placed a large bell, there, next to the fire. Ring it hard if you need anything. I’ll be in my office and I’ll come running.’
‘Oh, Miss Merryweather, just one more thing,’ said Maud, ro
cking from side to side with the baby in her arms. ‘I spoke to Flora’s father this morning, he was waiting outside. He asked if there was any chance he could come in to see her. I was wondering if, now, during the afternoon, he would be able to come up just for a short time?’
‘Yes, I think we can do that. Anything that might help the baby recover. I’ll keep an eye out for him. Harry, isn’t it? I’ll bring him up. He will have to leave his dog outside, however. As much as I like animals, I do not think that the nurses’ residence is an appropriate place for them.’
‘Thank you, Miss Merryweather,’ said Maud, turning her attention instantly back to Flora when she started to rattle with a cough. As Maud sat with her by the steam kettle, she could hear heavy rain on the window and big spits of it came down the chimney and hissed on the hot coals. ‘It’s raining, it’s pouring,’ she sang to Flora, as her small body began to convulse with another fit of wheezing and coughing.
It seemed like only minutes before Miss Merryweather reappeared, with a bedraggled Harry in tow. He walked sheepishly into the room, his dark green jacket almost black with rainwater and his hair plastered to his head. He seemed to have no awareness of just how saturated he was as he walked across the room, with his eyes fixed entirely on Flora.
‘Take your jacket off, Harry,’ said Maud gently. ‘Get a towel from over there and give yourself a rub dry. And then you can hold her.’
‘She’s rattling, isn’t she … how do you think she is?’ He frowned as he removed his jacket, to reveal a clean white shirt clinging to his broad shoulders and flat belly.
Maud recognized the shirt, it was her favourite. She cleared her throat. ‘Flora’s improving. She’s waking more now, her fever’s broken and her chest is loosening. There’s still a way to go, but she is a real fighter, Harry. She’s strong.’
He broke into a smile then, and it almost brought tears to Maud’s eyes.
Flora started to cough and she made that high-pitched noise as she breathed in again.
Maud saw the panic on Harry’s face, and she reached out a hand to him. ‘It’s all right,’ she said, ‘this is all part of the process. The steam is helping to loosen the secretions enough for her to cough them up.’
