Three Plays
Page 14
PAUL: No, no…
JOHN: No.
[Pause]
COLIN: Yes. You’ve certainly done all right for yourself, haven’t you, Paul?
PAUL: Now and again.
JOHN: Everything he touches.
COLIN: I bet. You two still fairly thick, I take it?
JOHN: Oh well, you know. When our paths cross. We do each other the odd favour.
PAUL: Generally one way.
JOHN: Oh, come on.
PAUL: Usually.
JOHN: Yes, usually. Not always, but usually.
PAUL: He’s still the worst bloody salesman in the country. I’m the only one who’ll buy his rotten stuff. I’ve got about five hundred tins of his rubbish. I can’t give it away.
COLIN: What is it?
PAUL: Cat food. So called. That’s what they call it. I’ve never met a cat yet who could eat it and live. Rubbish. I wouldn’t give it to a dog.
COLIN: You could try it on Gordon.
JOHN: No, seriously for a moment, Paul, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. That particular line of ours isn’t selling so well. It isn’t so much content, it’s packaging. Now, they have just brought out this new line…
PAUL: Go on. They’ve discovered the antidote.
[COLIN laughs]
JOHN: No, seriously, Paul.
PAUL: Not now.
JOHN: No, seriously, one word…
PAUL: Seriously, John, no.
JOHN: Hell be sorry.
MARGE[returns]
MARGE: [in the same embarrassed whisper, as before] Excuse me a minute. Just want to fetch my comb. For Di. Now where did I…? Oh yes.
[She finds her own handbag and bends and rummages in it. The men watch her]
COLIN: The stick insect.
MARGE: [startled] What?
COLIN: Nothing.
[The men laugh]
MARGE: [puzzled, waving the comb] We won’t be a minute. This is for Di. A comb. For her hair. Excuse me.
[MARGE goes out]
PAUL: Still at the bank, Colin?
COLIN: Yes. Still at the bank.
PAUL: That’s what I like to hear.
COLIN: Yes.
[Pause]
PAUL: [rising] Look, I think I’ll just go and see if I can sort them out out there. Give them a hand. Excuse me.
COLIN: Of course.
PAUL: Won’t be a sec.
COLIN: Right.
[PAUL goes out to kitchen]
[JOHN and COLIN rise. They sit. They rise and meet in front of table, laugh. They sit, COLIN back in chair, JOHN on pouffe. They rise. COLIN looks at picture behind bar]
COLIN: GREAT!
JOHN: TERRIFIC!
[COLIN looks at toy on bar, as JOHN leaves for kitchen.
COLIN turns, sees he is alone, and sits back in chair]
[Everyone returns. DIANA with handbag. PAUL with teapot followed by JOHN. MARGE with hot water jug. EVELYN from the garden]
DIANA: Hallo, Colin, I’m so sorry.
COLIN: Hallo, Di. [They kiss]
PAUL: Back again.
JOHN: [following PAUL round and under the other dialogue] No, the point I’m saying is, that if I were to knock off five percent and sell the stuff to him for that much less, we could still net a profit of not less than what? – five twenties are a hundred – five eights are forty – less what? – three fives are fifteen – a hundred and twenty five percent. That’s an initial outlay – including transport, of what? – four nines are thirty six – plus, say, twenty for handling either end – that’s fifty six. Bring it to a round figure – sixty…
[PAUL, throughout this, nods disinterested agreement, his mind on other things. Over this:]
DIANA: It was so nice you could come. It really was. Now you know Marge, of course, don’t you?
COLIN: Yes, yes.
DIANA: Oh, but you don’t know Evelyn. This is John’s Evelyn.
COLIN: How do you do.
EVELYN: ‘Llo.
COLIN: Heard a lot about you.
EVELYN: Oh yes? Who from?
COLIN: Er…
DIANA: Sit down, Colin. Let me give you some tea. Sit down, everyone. [To JOHN who is grinding on to PAUL] John dear, do sit down.
JOHN: Oh yes, sorry.
[Everyone sits. DIANA pours tea]
COLIN: Do you work at all, Evelyn, or does the baby take up all your time?
EVELYN: No.
COLIN: Ah.
JOHN: She works some days.
COLIN: Oh yes, where’s that?
EVELYN: Part-time cashier at the Rollarena.
COLIN: Oh. Is that interesting?
EVELYN: No.
COLIN: Ah.
DIANA: Could you pass these round, Paul? I remembered you liked it strong, Colin.
COLIN: Oh, lovely.
[Pause]
MARGE: Oh! Guess who I saw in the High Street?
DIANA: Who?
MARGE: Mrs Dyson. Grace Dyson.
DIANA: Oh, her.
MARGE: I was surprised. She looked well.
DIANA: Good.
PAUL: Who’s Grace Dyson?
MARGE: Oh well, you’d know her as Grace Follett probably.
PAUL: I don’t think I know her at all.
JOHN: Remember Ted Walker, Colin?
COLIN: Ted Walker? Oh, Ted Walker, yes. Of course, yes.
JOHN: He’s still about.
DIANA: You like yours fairly weak, don’t you, Marge?
MARGE: Yes, please. But don’t drown it.
[A silence]
COLIN: Do you know what my biggest regret is?
DIANA: What’s that, Colin?
COLIN: That none of you ever met Carol.
MARGE: Who?
COLIN: Carol. My ex-fiancée. She was drowned, you know.
MARGE: Oh, yes, yes. I know, I know.
COLIN: I wish you’d met her.
DIANA: Yes. [A pause] I think I can speak for all of us, Colin, when I say how very sorry we were to hear about your loss. As I hope you’ll realise, we’re your friends and – well – and although we didn’t know Carol – none of us had the pleasure of meeting her – we feel that in a small way, your grief is our grief. After all, in this world, we are all to some extent – we’re all – what’s the word…?
PAUL: Joined.
DIANA: No.
JOHN: Related.
MARGE: Combined.
DIANA: No. Dependent.
PAUL: That’s what I said.
DIANA: No you didn’t, you said joined or something.
PAUL: It’s the same thing. Joined, dependent, means the same.
DIANA: We are all dependent in a way for our own – and, well … no, I’m sorry I’ve forgotten what I was going to say now. I hope you understand what I meant, anyway.
COLIN: Thank you.
DIANA: [embarrassed and relieved] Oh well, that’s got that over with, anyway. I mean – more tea, anyone?
MARGE: Give us a chance.
[A silence]
[COLIN suddenly slaps his knees and springs to his feet. Everyone jolts]
What’s the matter?
COLIN: Wait there, wait there.
[COLIN rushes out to the front door]
DIANA: [in a shocked whisper] Where’s he gone?
PAUL: I don’t know.
MARGE: Is he all right?
DIANA: I didn’t upset him, did I, saying that?
MARGE: No. Lovely.
JOHN: I’ll have a look, shall I?
DIANA: Would you, John.
PAUL: What did you want to get on to that for?
DIANA: What?
PAUL: All that going on about grief and so on.
DIANA: I only said…
PAUL: We’re supposed to be cheering him up. He didn’t want to listen to that.
DIANA: It had to be said.
MARGE: You have to say it.
PAUL: He obviously didn’t want to be reminded of it, did he? There was no need to, no need at all. We were all gett
ing along perfectly happily.
DIANA: You can’t sit here and not say anything about it.
[JOHN returns]
JOHN: He’s gone out the front door.
DIANA: Where to?
JOHN: His car, I think. He’s getting something out of the boot.
PAUL: Probably going to hang himself with his tow rope. After what she said.
DIANA: He seemed perfectly recovered. Very cheerful. I thought someone should say something.
PAUL: Cheerful? You can see that was only skin deep.
DIANA: I couldn’t.
PAUL: I was talking to him in here. You could tell. He’s living on his nerves. On a knife edge. You could tell, couldn’t you, John?
JOHN: He seemed quite cheerful.
PAUL: He could snap like that. Any minute. Same with anyone in this situation. Up one minute…
JOHN: I’ve never seen him quite so cheerful.
PAUL: Exactly. All the signs are there. The last thing he wanted to do was to talk about this fiancée of his. It’s a known fact, people never…
MARGE: Oh yes, they do. My Aunt Angela…
PAUL: It is a known fact…
[Slight pause]
[Door bangs]
JOHN: He’s coming back.
PAUL: Now, not another word about her. Keep it cheerful. For God’s sake, Evelyn, try and smile, just for once.
[COLIN returns. He carries a photo album and an envelope of loose snapshots, all contained, at present, in a large chocolate box]
ALL: Ah…
COLIN: [breathless] Sorry. I forgot to bring these in. It’s some photos. You can see what she looked like.
DIANA: Of her?
COLIN: Yes. I thought you’d like to.
MARGE: Oh.
COLIN: Yes. There’s one or two quite good ones. Thought you might like to see some. Of course, if you’d rather…
PAUL: No, no…
COLIN: She was very photogenic. Shall I sit here next to you, Di? Then I can… [He sits next to DIANA] Now then. [Taking snaps from the envelope] Ah yes, these are some loose ones I haven’t stuck in yet. They’re the most recent. Can I give those to you, Marge? I think they’re mostly on holiday, those. [He hands loose snapshots to MARGE]
MARGE: Thank you.
COLIN: [with the album] These are mostly at home in the garden at her house.
MARGE: Oh, is this her? Oh, she is lovely, Colin. Wasn’t she?
DIANA: [as COLIN opens the first page] Oh.
COLIN: There she is again. That’s with her Mum.
DIANA: She’s a fine looking woman too.
COLIN: Wonderful. She’s been really wonderful. She’s got this terrible leg.
DIANA: Ah.
MARGE: Oh, that’s a nice one… Do you want to pass them round, John?
JOHN: Oh yes, sure.
[MARGE passes them to JOHN who in due course passes them to PAUL who passes them to EVELYN]
DIANA: That’s nice. Was that her house?
COLIN: No. That’s the back of the Natural History Museum, I think.
DIANA: I was going to say…
COLIN: Went there at Easter.
MARGE: [at photo] Oh.
PAUL: [at photo] Ah.
DIANA: [at album] Oh.
MARGE: Oh look, John, with her little dog, see?
JOHN: Oh yes.
COLIN: That was her mother’s.
MARGE: Oh. Sweet little dog.
EVELYN: I like that handbag.
COLIN: That’s her again. Bit of a saucy one. It’s not very good though, the sun’s the wrong way.
DIANA: I wish I had a figure like that. It’s so nice you brought them, Colin.
MARGE: Oh yes.
DIANA: It’s nice, too, that you can look at them without – you know…
COLIN: Oh no, it doesn’t upset me. Not now.
MARGE: That’s wonderful.
COLIN: I was upset at the time, you know.
DIANA: Naturally.
COLIN: But – after that – well, it’s a funny thing about somebody dying – you never know, till it actually happens, how it’s going to affect you, I mean, we all think about death at some time, I suppose, all of us. Either our death, somebody else’s death. After all, it’s one of the few things we have all got in common…
[JOHN has risen and is jiggling about]
DIANA: Sit down, John.
[JOHN sit reluctantly]
COLIN: And I suppose when I first met Carol, it must have passed through my mind what would I feel like if I did lose her. And I just couldn’t think. I couldn’t imagine it. I couldn’t imagine my life going on Without her. And then it happened. All of a sudden. One afternoon. All over. She was caught in this under-current, there was nothing anybody could do. I wasn’t even around. They came and told me. And for about three weeks after that, I couldn’t do anything at all. Nothing. I just lay about thinking, remembering and then, all of a sudden, it came to me that if my life ended there and then, by God, I’d have a lot to be grateful for. I mean, first of all, I’d been lucky enough to have known her. I don’t know if you’ve ever met a perfect person. But that’s what she was. The only way to describe her. And I, me, I’d had the love of a perfect person. And that’s something I can always be grateful for. Even if for nothing else. And then I thought, what the hell am I talking about, my whole life’s been like that. All through my childhood, the time I was growing up, all the time I lived here, I’ve had what a lot of people would probably give their right arm for – friends. Real friends, like John and Paul and Gordon and Di. So, one of the things I just wanted to say, Di – Paul – Marge – John – Evelyn and to Gordon if he was here, is that I’m not bitter about what happened. Because I’ve been denied my own happiness, I don’t envy or begrudge you yours. I just want you to know that, despite everything that happened, in a funny sort of way, I too am very happy.
[He smiles round at them serenely. A silence. A strange whooping noise. It is DIANA starting to weep hysterically. Unable to contain herself, she rushes out. After a moment, MARGE fumbles for her handkerchief and blows her nose loudly. JOHN, looking sickly, gives COLIN a ghastly smile. PAUL opens his mouth as if to say something, gives up. COLIN stands looking slightly bemused. He looks at EVELYN. She looks back at him, expressionless, chewing]
COLIN: Did I say the wrong thing?
[EVELYN shrugs and resumes her reading]
CURTAIN
ACT TWO
The same. Time is continuous. 4.15 p.m. All except DIANA.
COLIN: [worriedly] I didn’t say anything wrong, did I?
PAUL: No, no…
JOHN: I think she went to get the… [He can’t think of anything]
MARGE: You know Di, Colin, she…
COLIN: Yes. Sorry.
PAUL: No, no…
COLIN: I’ll pack these up. I didn’t realise…
MARGE: No, no…
COLIN: Yes. It can be upsetting. I didn’t realise…
[He tarts to gather up the photos. The others help by passing them to him]
I bet I know what the trouble is, Paul.
PAUL: What?
COLIN: Di’s been overdoing it again, hasn’t she? That was always her trouble. She flings herself into whatever she does. Heart and soul. Remember her with that jumble sale? I’ve still got this picture of her. Standing there, in the middle of all these old clothes, crying her heart out. Remember that?
PAUL: Yes.
COLIN: I mean, look at this tea. Whoever saw a tea like that?
JOHN: Any chance of a sandwich?
MARGE: Yes, I suppose we’d better… [Holding up a plate of sandwiches] John, would you like to pass these round, dear? Here, we’ve got some plates.
[JOHN rises]
PAUL: [also rising] It’s all right. I’ll…
COLIN: [who has gathered in all his photos] Is that the lot?