Searching For Captain Wentworth

by Jane Odiwe

  All I wanted was to leave quickly so nodded my head and turned; determined to hurry away. In my haste I stumbled. Though I heard him calling out, to ask if I was quite well, I ignored him, anxious to be gone.

  ‘Who was that gentleman? Do you know him?’ Marianne began, as soon as she could speak.

  ‘No, I do not know him. Come, I think perhaps we should go back down to the sands, it is rather blustery up here.’

  Marianne persisted. ‘But, your face is all red. Are you sure you don’t know him? Is he an old lover, Sophia?’

  ‘Don’t be so silly,’ I snapped, before I had a chance to pull myself together. ‘I’ve never seen him in my life before.’

  ‘You looked as if you did and you almost ran to reach him.’

  I couldn’t answer without getting cross, so occupied myself with the pretence of looking for something in my reticule and directing Marianne towards the steps down to the sands.

  ‘He reminded you of someone and I think I know who that person might be,’Marianne continued, her face lighting up for the first time that day. ‘I think he has a similarity to the gentleman you met in Bath and that is why you could not contain yourself.’

  I ignored her, changing the subject to that of picturesque scenes, but her self-satisfied expression told me that she knew she’d guessed right. We sat down on a rock, whilst I fetched out sketchbooks and pencils for the exercise. The tears pricked at the back of my eyelids, but I was determined not to let Marianne see me cry. I drew with passion; scolding myself for being so foolish, yet found I was unable to forget the gentleman and his lady who had since disappeared from view. I had been so sure it was Charles Austen, but however much I’d have loved him to be in the same remote part of the world, I knew he was far away in Bath. In any case, it was useless to think about him and I didn’t want to admit that my feelings for him were developing, maturing into something else. Marianne would not sketch again, so I suggested we might walk home. Overhead the sun disappeared and the clouds rolled in changing the colour of the sea from sapphire to a cool, onyx green.

  After a weekend of hot sunshine, the following Monday dawned with more wet weather and the usual games. I couldn’t bear the idea of another round of cards with Mr Glanville leering at me when he thought Emma’s attention was elsewhere, so I rushed off to the library as soon as I could. It was wonderful to have a chance to be on my own. I selected a couple of volumes from the shelf and curled up on the sofa to read. But, I couldn’t settle to any book and the person who’d occupied my thoughts so much lately kept coming into my mind. I wondered what Charles was doing.

  Would he still be attending the Assembly Balls? I knew how much he loved to dance. I thought there was little chance that he would be sitting out all the dances because he was missing me. Had he found another partner and, worst of all, did he prefer her company to mine? Charles seemed lost to me, even if I could see his face when I closed my eyes and hear his gentle voice in my head.

  I heard a noise outside the door and then the creaking sound of the door handle slowly turning had me sitting up promptly, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill over my cheeks. I was too late. My heart sank when I saw who’d come to disturb my peace and I must admit I felt very anxious to see he was alone. Mr Glanville walked in and shut the door firmly. Seeing that I was upset, his face contorted with concern as he rushed over to the sofa and sat far too closely by my side.

  ‘My dear, Miss Sophia, whatever is the matter? Why are you sitting all by yourself? Come now, your pretty face is full of anguish.’

  I was trapped. He shifted ever closer; I could feel his breath on my face. As I kept my eyes lowered, I noticed his palms left a damp shadow on his breeches as he rubbed his knees with his hands. I made a move to stand, but he suddenly grabbed my hand, simultaneously falling on his knees in front of me.

  ‘I would do anything to see you smile, Miss Sophia. Just to witness your suffering is to make my very own heart feel the pangs of misery. How you torment me!’

  I nearly laughed out loud. It might have been funny if I’d not also realized that he meant every word.

  ‘Do not concern yourself, Mr Glanville,’ I cried, pulling my hand out of his grip as my courage rose. ‘I promise you I am not suffering and I rather take pleasure in my own company. Indeed, I have sought refuge in the library to enjoy solace and reflection. Besides, I should hate anyone to feel miserable on my behalf, letalone be in any pain.’

  ‘And yet, I remain unconvinced by your rhetoric. Your spirits are subdued; there are tears upon your countenance. But, if I may be allowed to venture upon a course intended from the very first, I think I know how best to make those eyes brighten once more. Please allow me to tell you of my heart’s desire.’

  The danger of the situation was becoming all too apparent, I knew I must remain calm even as he gripped the edge of my gown and buried his face in the muslin.

  ‘Mr Glanville, please get up, sir. I assure you that I am perfectly well. I simply had the misfortune to have an eyelash lodge in my eye, which produced the tears you saw, but it is quite gone now. Moreover, I do not think Mrs Randall would approve of my being here alone with you. If you will forgive me, I shall leave now.’

  He raised his eyes to gaze into mine as if I was truly adored.

  ‘Your perfections are only increased by this little speech and your modesty further enhanced, Miss Sophia, but I promise only to detain you further by a mere five minutes of your time and upon an employment that I feel sure would not be distasteful to our dear Mrs Randall or to any other single female. Besides, I am certain when that lady knows of my purest intentions toward you, she will not only encourage my suit, but be delighted to share in the superior felicity which shall surely result.’

  I couldn’t listen any longer. ‘Forgive me, Mr Glanville, but it would not be seemly for me to remain under such circumstances. I cannot be detained by you for a moment longer!’

  Pushing the sofa back with all my force I leapt to my feet running towards the door before he could reach me. Catching a glimpse of his shocked expression, as I closed the door on him, I knew I’d had a lucky escape though I was sure it would only be a matter of time before he declared his “intentions” again. And if he applied to Mr Elliot or Mrs Randall for their assistance, I knew all my efforts would be in vain. What was I to do? I could only hope that I’d put him off and prayed that the weather might improve giving us all an opportunity to get out of the house and be occupied with other things. In the meantime, I should make sure I was never alone again. Knowing that he would not repeat such behaviour if Emma was within earshot, I stuck close by her whenever I could. Occasionally, I found him staring at me in the way he had when we’d first arrived, but by glaring at him I managed to keep control of the situation.

  Daily life at Lyme followed a regular pattern of days out if the weather was fine and days of imprisonment in the house when it was wet. Time passed surprisingly quickly and June was heralded in with a blast of heat, fine weather and dips in the sea to cool off. Despite the annoyance of spending almost every moment avoiding Mr Glanville and the illicit pleasure of dreaming of Charles, for the most part I was finding that the days passed pleasantly enough.

  Excursions, which didn’t include the men in our party, were my escape. Miss Rockingham came along on some of these outings and we enjoyed rides in her donkey cart to Colyton and Charmouth, taking long walks to Pinny where I thought of Jane. I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d spoken so fondly of the area because she herself had walked amongst its dramatic landscape with someone very dear to her heart. I could see how easily you might fall in love in such a place and I found myself hoping that Jane and her young man had been able to see more of one another in Bath. I pictured them strolling along the Gravel Walk, but decided this was probably a scene that could only exist in one’s imagination, as I was sure it had taken root in Jane’s. We’d exchanged a few letters, but there was no mention of any gentleman, let alone secret trysts. She hardly even mentione
d Charles and I began to worry that he had forgotten all about me. It was hard not to feel quite miserable at times and I realized that the longer time went on; my heart grew fonder of him than I ever thought possible. Telling myself I shouldn’t feel that way was utterly hopeless. I’d been in love with him the first time I’d ever set eyes on him and in a way it was a relief to admit it to myself.

  I was always the first volunteer to go to the post office to collect the letters and so it was in the third week of June that Marianne and I escaped into town. I had a feeling there might be a letter waiting for me and was excited to see I was right. Waiting until I had an opportunity to read it by myself was going to take all my patience, but the thought of news from Jane and the possibility of even the smallest remark about Charles kept me going.

  As we hurried along Coombe Street, the wind picked up to catch at our skirts and snatch at our bonnets. The sky was turning ominously grey.

  ‘Oh, do let us find shelter,’cried Marianne, ‘or I shall get wet through and catch another cold.’

  We’d just turned onto Broad Street when the first spots of water were felt. The rain was nothing and I wanted to get home as quickly as we could, but Marianne insisted on entering a coffee shop, taking a table by the window and ordering for us both.

  I turned to my letter as we waited for our refreshments to arrive. The date on the top had been written a week ago, but I guessed the postal service in this remote part of the country was not as frequent as in the bigger towns. Jane’s letter was full of news, describing all she’d seen and heard at the Pump Rooms and the Assembly Rooms in humorous detail, as she always did so well. I couldn’t help laughing out loud, until the next paragraph wiped the smile off my face.

  Charles is away visiting friends for a few days and in his usual style has sent no word of his return. My mother is anxious that he will change his mind about accompanying us to Dorset, but I know Charles will not let us down. As you know, he’s always bubbling with enthusiasm for all he does and I know he will not want to miss his trip to the coast. He’s visiting some fellow sailors and I’m sure they’re talking over past times like old salts.

  Well, dear friend, I hope this letter finds you well.

  Yours ever,

  Jane.

  Although Jane had tried to be reassuring, the thought that Charles might decide to stay with his friends and not come to Dorset after all really bothered me. I wondered where in the country he might be and imagined him being caught up in the entertainments of private parties and balls, most likely at a country house. Perhaps his friends were brothers to a bevy of beautiful sisters and maybe Charles was looking forward to dancing with them. I knew I was getting carried away, but I couldn’t help myself.

  I was gazing at the bustling scene outside feeling as miserable as the weather looked. The rain was really coming down now bouncing off the cobbles and dripping from the eaves of the shops and houses. Dashing figures hoisting umbrellas tried fruitlessly to dodge the rain and rushed for cover. And then I saw him. As I stared, I was suddenly fixated by one particular figure.

  Chapter Thirty Two

  He was instantly recognizable. Charles Austen was walking down the street! My first instinct was to completely disbelieve what I was seeing; thinking that I’d seen the man from the Cobb again, but there was no doubt. It was Charles; this time I wasn’t wrong. My reaction was overwhelming, my heart began to pound and a million butterflies flitted inside. It was such a shock. I felt overpowered with love. For a few moments I saw nothing; I was lost until I scolded myself into being sensible once more, suddenly aware that Marianne was talking to me. But, I couldn’t think about anyone else, I really wanted to go to the door. It seemed desperately important to check if the rain was stopping. Why was I to suspect myself of any other motive? Surely Charles must be out of sight by now.

  I left my seat and told myself that my reasons for doing so were perfectly innocent and justifiable. After all, we’d soon be making our way home. But, just as I got to the door, Charles was there; he practically walked into me. He was obviously really surprised to see me, more than I expected, for he looked quite conscious and his cheeks were pink. For the first time since I’d met him, I felt that I was showing less emotion. I’d had the advantage of seeing him first; I’d been able to prepare myself. Still, I felt such a desperate mixture of anxiety and pleasure, something between joy and anguish.

  ‘Miss Elliot, it is a pleasure to see you.’ Charles didn’t seem able to look at me and yet, I sensed that his words were heartfelt.

  ‘It is my delight, Lieutenant Austen, that you are here in Lyme. Are you with your family?’

  ‘No, that is, they are expected in a day or two. I’ve been visiting friends and as my mother was becoming anxious that I might never rejoin them, I thought I’d restore her faith by riding on ahead to secure accommodation for us all. My mother wishes to be at Dawlish this year for part of her summer tour. I came on to look around the area to find a suitable house and had a fancy to stop in Lyme on the way.’

  ‘Oh, I see. Then you will not be staying long.’

  I couldn’t stop smiling, nor could I take my eyes from his face. I didn’t want to think about the short time we would have together, or the fact that this might be the only chance I would have to speak to him. I just wanted to drink in the image of his handsome face and lose myself in those hazel eyes, which now turned to look into mine. I was suddenly conscious that Marianne was watching us closely.

  ‘Lieutenant Austen, may I present my sister, Miss Marianne Elliot.’

  ‘How do you do, Miss Marianne? How are you enjoying your visit?’

  ‘It is as I expected, Lieutenant Austen. The weather is too dull for words and my sister is only intent on making me sketch or climb steps. Lyme has too many inclinations for my liking and too much wind to make any sitting outdoors pleasurable.’

  ‘Oh dear, I am sorry to hear that,’ said Charles, barely able to disguise a smile. ‘We shall have to find something to improve on your experiences thus far. I wonder; do you care for violet drops, Miss Marianne? For myself, I always find sweet treats a most agreeable diversion.’

  Charles took a small black and white striped box from his pocket and proffered the contents to Marianne. She was unable to resist the sweets and when she’d sampled one and declared it to her liking, Charles made her a present of the rest.

  ‘I think the rain is stopping,’ Marianne called, ‘we should be going home now, Sophia.’

  ‘There is to be a dance at the Assembly Rooms this evening,’ said Charles urgently. ‘I will be attending, I do hope you and your party will be there.’

  ‘I do not yet know of our plans, but I hope we will be in attendance.’

  ‘I hope very much to see you there, Miss Elliot.’

  ‘Well, I think we should be leaving now.’

  ‘But, it is raining.’

  ‘Oh, very little, it’s just a shower.’

  ‘I have an umbrella, I wish you would make use of it, if you are determined to walk.’

  As I hesitated, a carriage drew up outside; the servant came in to announce Mr Glanville before he made an appearance. It was beginning to rain again, though no one inside took any notice of the weather being far too interested in watching what was going on.

  William Glanville was talking as loudly as he could, making sure that everyone in the shop knew that he was calling to take the Miss Elliots home. He had stopped in every shop along Broad Street, he said, in order to find us. Charles Austen clearly recognized him as the man he’d seen in our party at Bath. Mr Glanville ignored him and made much of me, anxious to get us away. In another moment he had taken my arm. I flashed an embarrassed look at Charles but only managed to whisper goodbye as we passed away through the door and into the carriage.

  Going over our meeting in my mind on the way home, I felt myself analyze every gesture, every word that Charles had said. I hardly heard anything that Mr Glanville was saying until he announced that after an early dinner we sho
uld be attending the ball at the Assembly Rooms, and it was almost impossible not to give him the impression that my enthusiasm arose from this information alone. I knew my face had lit up at the very mention of going to the ball, but all I could see in my mind’s eye was Charles. And, as much as I would have liked to keep my feelings hidden, it was impossible. Mr Glanville’s hints about wanting to open the ball with the Elliot sisters at his side gave me several minutes of anxiety. All I could pray was that he would ask Emma to dance first. I knew that he would be asked by local dignitaries to lead the dancers out onto the floor and that if I was chosen to be his first partner, this would signify a certain preference for my company. I didn’t want this to happen above everything else.

  I dressed with great care, choosing a fine, Indian muslin, embroidered with flowers and French knots along the hem and down the sleeves. A string of coral beads at my throat gleamed in the dying light and two bright spots on my cheeks gave the impression that I was permanently blushing, the work of the sun and sea breezes combined, which had turned my skin to a pale bronze. I felt nervous at the thought of seeing Charles again and for a moment wished I could stay at home and hide away. Seeing him in Lyme had been a shock, I’d felt a certain consciousness between us when we’d met or I’d wanted to believe that I had at the time.

  Now, I was not so sure and scolded myself for imagining that Charles had come to Lyme especially to see me. I needed to separate what I wanted to believe from the truth and the facts were that Charles had come to find suitable lodgings for his parents in the surrounding area. That was all, I was determined that I would suppress any other thoughts including those shadowy memories of some other matter that tried to find their way to the surface. He wasn’t going to stay in Lyme and even if he did stay for one night, he was soon to leave so that he could organize his family’s accommodation. They weren’t even going to be in the area, choosing to go to Dawlish instead. His interest in me stemmed from our friendship in Bath and I told myself not to think that there was anything else. If I was not careful, I could so easily betray my feelings, not only to those around me, but to Charles himself.