Searching For Captain Wentworth

by Jane Odiwe

  However much I longed to tell Charles about the place he was securing in my heart, I could not reveal my feelings. I knew that now. It wouldn’t be fair to him, I decided. He’d made it perfectly clear that he was not about to fall in love with anyone, nor did it fit in with his plans. His career and advancement in his chosen profession were paramount. Besides, a little voice somewhere in my head said it was never meant to be. I could not, and should not attempt to change fate.

  The Assembly Rooms set on the edge of the sea gave the impression of being afloat, as if on a great galleon sailing out on the water, for nothing but sea and sky could be seen through the windows. The walls rippled with light and reflections in tones of lapis lazuli, which as the evening progressed bobbed and dipped like the ocean itself, bathing the interior with a rosy glow from the sun setting on the horizon and from the warmth of the candles glimmering in sconces and glass chandeliers alike. What could be more thrilling than dancing with the sea all around us?

  The Rooms were very full and even though I searched the place looking for a glimpse of Lieutenant Austen, I knew he was not there yet. I seemed to possess a sixth sense when Charles was around; the air seemed to vibrate differently when he was in the room. I would have to be patient and pull myself together for fear of betraying my emotions to everyone. Conscious that word had got around about our arrival in Lyme, it was evident that our party was the object of much interest as knowing expressions and cognizant looks were exchanged amongst the local gentry and it wasn’t long before those acquainted with our host made their presence known. We were introduced to the Barnwells, the Crawfords and the Suttons, all deemed as families of quality by Mr Elliot and Mr Glanville. After their stiff formality, it was lovely to see Miss Rockingham appear with her bright smile and easy chatter. She was with her brother who was immediately introduced and proved to be as welcoming as his sister.

  ‘I believe we have a mutual acquaintance, Miss Elliot,’ Doctor Rockingham remarked. ‘It is such a pleasure to meet you at last and to know that our friend Miss Austen is well. We were hoping to see her this summer. Have you received any word that she is to come to Lyme again?’

  ‘Her brother is here, Doctor Rockingham, and is hoping to secure accommodation for his family in Dawlish, I understand. I know Jane is keen to come to Lyme once more; her memories of the place are all happy ones.’

  ‘My sister and I will be more than delighted to see her, Miss Elliot, but whether or not we shall have that pleasure, I hope you will honour us with a visit again soon.’

  I assured them that I would. It was impossible not to warm to the doctor and his sister who were friendly and kind, quite unlike any of the other people I had met so far in Lyme. When Doctor Rockingham smiled, his eyes lit up his handsome face. If only he had someone to make him happy, I thought, he’d be a changed man.

  Before we had been there a quarter of an hour, I had invitations to dance from two or three young men who were introduced. I was relieved that our host would be forced to open the ball with Emma as a consequence, but disappointed that Lieutenant Austen was not there to ask me to dance. Just as I was beginning to give up hope of him ever making an appearance and as the little orchestra were tuning up their violins, the door opened. Charles Austen entered the room, along with two other people who looked very familiar.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  ‘That’s the gentleman and lady we saw that time on the Cobb,’ exclaimed Marianne, as everyone stopped to stare at the people who had just walked in. ‘I can quite easily see why you were taken aback. There is such a similarity between them, that I confess, Sophia; I am not at all surprised you were in shock. He could be none other than Lieutenant Austen’s brother, do you see?’

  I could see very easily. Different in looks and manner, yet, there was no doubt that they came from the same family. Both had the same wavy, chestnut hair that framed their handsome faces in dark curls and the same hazel eyes, though perhaps in Mr Austen’s brother they reminded me more of Jane in their clarity. There was a look about him that reminded me very much of his sister. He had the same sensitive appearance; the same intelligent look. His lady smiled, as her eyes darted at anyone who glanced her way. She was an elfin beauty. Delicate, yet exotic in style, like a jewelled bird stolen from a foreign land, she was swathed in a silken gown that flattered her tiny figure complimenting her pale complexion. As I stared, quite entranced with the pleasure of looking at her, I knew I was being watched. I only had to move my head very slightly to see Charles and to be aware of his beautiful, dark eyes. He bowed, his expression giving away little emotion. I felt the intensity of his gaze. So much so, that the spell was broken only by my own reticence to return the expression that I knew I had not misread.

  ‘Who are those people? ’I heard Mr Sutton ask Mr Barnwell who were standing a little apart from us.

  ‘Irish, I daresay, by their manners, ’answered Mr Barnwell, ‘just fit to be quality in Lyme.’

  Mr Glanville butted in. ‘On the contrary, they’re nobody worth knowing. I recognize the taller gentleman from Bath, but I believe he is a sailor, no one of any rank worth our consideration.’

  ‘But the other gentleman,’ added Mr Sutton, ‘and more particularly his lady have quite an air about them.’

  ‘Now, she is somebody worth our attention,’ declared Mr Crawford, turning at their words and joining in, ‘for not only is she very easy on the eye, gentlemen, but Mrs Crawford’s been telling me she is a French countess! Or, at least she was before her first husband had his head chopped off. Her new husband is a banker, I believe. They are passing through, staying at the Three Cups Inn, I understand, before heading back to their London home.’

  I hated the way they talked about Charles, his brother and his wife. I wanted to tell them to stop being so rude. I would have liked to tell them everything about these truly worthy brothers who had not been handed money and riches on a plate, and of how they had more daring, wit, and intelligence than the lot of them put together, but, of course, I couldn’t. I wasn’t even sure if Charles and I would have a chance to speak on our own. I didn’t know anyone that would make it possible for us to meet and talk, let alone dance with one another. We would have to be introduced all over again and I couldn’t see any of the gentlemen in my party making that a possibility.

  But then, very luckily, Mrs Crawford insisted upon introducing Mr Henry Austen, his wife and Charles to us all. Thankfully, Mrs Randall was her usual gracious self, insisting that she was already well acquainted with Lieutenant Austen, his sisters and parents, and maintained it was a pleasure to meet other family members. I’m not sure her words were spoken with true sincerity. I had a feeling that she was aware of my growing affection for Charles Austen and I knew in which direction her hopes for me were going. The fact that we had not acknowledged them in any way was swept aside, brushed away by the polite conventions of conversation. Charles did not speak to me immediately. He hung on the fringes of the circle letting his sister-in-law do the talking. Mrs Eliza Austen knew she had seen me before, she said, though I pretended that I could not remember any occasion of our ever having met.

  ‘I cannot recall,’ Mrs Austen said, a frown wrinkling between the dark brows that arched above ebony eyes, ‘but I know your face so well. Was it at Tunbridge Wells, or perhaps I knew you in India, Miss Elliot?’

  She reached out to touch my arm and her scent, an exquisite pot-pourri of fragrances, sandalwood, jasmine, and attar of roses, perfumed the air in an invisible cloud wafting from her dainty, white kid glove. I shook my head, my cheeks burning with shame. How could I possibly remind her that I’d almost chased her off the end of the harbour wall and that the reason she recognized me was because I’d made such a fool of myself? It was left to Marianne to enlighten her. She spoke out before I could stop her.

  ‘We glimpsed one another on the end of the Cobb, Mrs Austen. My sister thought at first that your husband was the brother she had met in Bath.’

  I could have died on the spot.
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  Mrs Eliza Austen looked at me carefully and then I saw her glance at Charles who seemed to shrink even more readily from our company. A smile passed over her lips and her eyes twinkled as she studied my face. She made no further comment, but merely nodded as if enjoying some private joke.

  ‘Do you enjoy dancing, Miss Elliot?’ she asked a moment later.

  ‘Yes, I must admit, it is one of my favourite pastimes,’ I answered truthfully.

  ‘Charles, did you hear? Miss Elliot enjoys dancing as well as you do!’

  Charles beamed with a smile that reached his dark eyes.

  ‘Then, I hope, Miss Elliot, that you will save a dance for me. I earnestly trust that I am not too late in my request.’

  Before I could answer, Mr Henry Austen spoke to me. ‘Miss Elliot, am I to understand that you are the young lady who took pity on my brother in Bath? That you not only danced with him, but that you conversed with him on more than one occasion?’ I could see that he was teasing me, and was struck by the similarity in their sense of humour. I was also secretly pleased that he seemed to know so much because it meant that Charles had spoken about me.

  ‘I have danced with your brother before, it is true,’ I answered, hardly able to stop from breaking into a laugh, ‘and have conversed with him on more than one occasion.’

  Henry Austen nodded sagely. ‘I knew it! Then, I beg you do not refuse him. Think of me, and my poor, dear wife who will have to live with the remnants of a broken man if you do.’

  I could only smile, turning from one brother to the other. ‘No, I shall not refuse and no, Lieutenant Austen, you are not too late. I have three dances marked and then I am free to dance with you if you wish.’

  Charles lowered his voice inclining his head towards me. ‘I do wish, Miss Elliot, very much.’

  The tuning up of instruments started then, the violins and cello filling the room with a sound that brought everyone to their feet if they were sitting or had them marching across the space to find their partners. We were separated as the Crawford’s youngest son came to find me, Emma and Mr Glanville stepping out leaving Marianne and Mrs Randall to watch from the side.

  Mr Crawford could not dance. He would keep stepping on my toes or leading me the wrong way and it was awful to know that Charles was watching our progress down the room. It didn’t seem to matter what I did to help him; it only seemed to make him worse.

  My next partners were little better and it was proving more and more difficult to show that I didn’t mind in the least, nor that I was impatient to dance with someone else.

  At last Charles came to claim me and I couldn’t have cared if the whole room saw how happy I was to be with him. Everything was as easy as before and happiness was more than just the pleasure of dancing with him again. It flooded every pore of my being, every feeling. Neither of us spoke at first. I couldn’t know if Charles felt the same, but for me it was enough to be together. I felt timid in his larger than life presence and so aware that I might say something that would reveal my deepest feelings.

  ‘I have not had a chance to thank you for the beautiful roses you sent me,’ I said at last. ‘That was so kind, and brought me such happiness at a time when I was feeling particularly sad.’

  ‘I hoped they would cheer you. I wished … ’ He paused before speaking again. ‘And do you stay in Lyme long?’

  ‘We are here for at least a further week and then I believe we are to travel into Wales, to Tenby, which I must admit feels as far away as the furthest country in the world. I do not wish to think of it, I confess.’

  ‘We will not mention it again, I promise. My plans are slightly changed, I am glad to say. I shall be staying for another two days at least and with all due blessings from my mother who is not so anxious to leave Bath as I first thought. I confess; I did not expect to meet my brother and his wife here. I knew they’d been staying with friends in Dorsetshire, but it was a complete surprise to see them in Lyme, although perhaps understandable in the circumstances. It has been a very distressing year for my sister-in-law, Eliza. Her boy, Hastings, succumbed to a fatal illness after many years of poor health and naturally, Eliza was bereft. Henry does all that he can to cheer her and thought a short spell by the sea would lift her spirits before going home to London.’

  ‘Oh, I’m so very sorry to hear of it. How Mrs Austen must have suffered. What a pity it is that your family cannot also be here to see them. I, myself, am disappointed to hear that Miss Jane will not be coming. I should so much have enjoyed seeing her again and Miss Austen too, of course.’

  ‘Unfortunately, Henry and Eliza will be gone home before the rest of my family make their journey here. I do not know why, but my mother declared a reluctance to return to this part of the coast again. I remember she particularly enjoyed Sidmouth last year, but when I suggested that they hasten down to meet us here, she declared she did not want to come just yet. There were several reasons suggested, but it all seems rather strange. Still, that’s the way of my mother. If I don’t know her now after all these years, I don’t know when I will!’

  I had a feeling that I knew why Mrs Austen was reticent to come to Lyme and Sidmouth suspecting she knew something about Jane’s gentleman friend or disapproved of him, but I said nothing.

  ‘Well, I am very glad that you are here.’

  Charles smiled into my eyes. ‘And so am I. To be here dancing with you again is my delight. I hope we shall be able to meet tomorrow.’

  I smiled back and declared my wishes to be the same, although in my heart I couldn’t see how a meeting would take place. If Charles were to call, I didn’t imagine I’d be permitted to see him let alone be allowed to accompany him anywhere even if his brother and sister were chaperoning. It was an impossible situation.

  I’d known before the evening started that at some time or other Mr Glanville would be bound to ask me to dance and he stepped in like he’d done once before, as soon as my dance with Charles had finished, even before we had an opportunity to speak further. I hoped Charles would ask me to dance again, but Mr Glanville didn’t give him a chance. Hooking his hand beneath my elbow he steered me towards the dance floor, simultaneously cutting Charles as he did so.

  ‘My dear, Miss Sophia, I have not had a chance to speak to you all evening, you have been otherwise engaged. I never saw a young lady so much in demand.’ He stepped back to look over me more intently with an expression to make me shiver with revulsion, his eyes devouring me. ‘Well, it is no surprise that you are causing such a stir amongst my neighbours, for Lyme rarely witnesses such beauty, such charm!’

  ‘Oh, sir, you flatter me too much.’

  ‘I did not have the pleasure of being in Bath for so long,’ he replied, ‘without hearing of Miss Sophia Elliot’s charms talked of in every drawing room. I am conscious that her modesty denies a true awareness of half her attributes and accomplishments.’

  ‘If I have any attributes or accomplishments, I have to thank my sister Emma who has nurtured any talents I might possess. See, she is over there dancing with Mr Sutton. Her poise and beauty are second to none. Look, watch her dancing. She is so graceful and as fine a dancer as you will see in any ballroom.’

  ‘With respect, it is true that Miss Elliot is an accomplished young woman who has her share of beauty. But, I would not be telling the truth if I did not add that you, my dear, are even more enchanting. I must confess, I find your effortless charm and your unassuming manners quite unsurpassed. You are the more prized, my dear, because you are such an innocent. So unaware of your own attractions, you are the more captivating to me because you are oblivious to your beauty with your flushed cheeks unused to praise and your timid smile.’

  I didn’t know what to say. Besides not recognizing myself in this description, I couldn’t think how on earth I was going to alter his opinion. The more I tried to repel his advances, the keener he appeared to be. I protested again at such flattery, but he would hear no more.

  ‘If I could, I would spend each and eve
ry day telling you about the pleasure being in your company brings.’

  I couldn’t keep silent any longer. ‘But, you know nothing about me and I can assure you, that what you think is very far from the truth.’

  ‘I hope to know you better very soon. We have time on our side, Miss Elliot. Besides, I am not an insensitive man generally unaware of the workings of the heart. I have seen the way Lieutenant Austen regards you. Do not pretend that you know nothing of that gentleman’s inclinations.’

  I was not expecting that. I felt myself blush as he stared at me.

  ‘He may have a promising career ahead of him, but it will be a long time before he makes enough money to support himself, let alone marry. Do not be taken in by him. He has no intention of offering for you. As far as he is concerned, you are a summer flirtation, a gullible young girl who can be easily manipulated. I say this out of concern for you. Do not be foolish, Miss Elliot, I can offer you so much more.’

  My head was pounding. I began to shake my head. Although I wanted to speak, the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I had no power over my voice, I stood there mute and accepting, which was the most frightening feeling of all.

  ‘I intend to speak to your father very soon, Miss Sophia,’ he said. I noticed the distinction he was giving to my name as if we were engaged already. ‘I hope that you will come round and understand, that not only will it be in your best interests to accept a proposal of marriage from me, but that you will be doing your duty to your family, as is expected. I know I can make you a very happy woman and that you will come to love me as I do you.’