For The Love of Ash

by Taylor Lavati

  "I've never felt this before," Luke confessed as his stormy eyes locked with mine. He pushed again, and I swear I could feel it throughout my entire body. I was shaking with fulfillment and ecstasy.

  "Me either." I didn't even recognize my voice. It was breathless and throaty. I rocked with him, wrapping my arms around his back and pressing him so there was no point that we weren't touching. I could never be close enough.

  "I really do love you."

  "I love you, too."

  Luke was in the shower, Asher was asleep, and I decided to find the kitchen and make breakfast for the group. There were a lot of them, and I hoped that the refrigerator was filled.

  When I walked into the large open kitchen, Lindsay was already busying herself. She had earbuds in, and she danced around, swaying her hips, while she cracked an egg into a stainless steel bowl. I cleared my throat, but she didn't hear, so I walked over and tapped on her shoulder.

  "Holy fuck!" she yelled and swung her fist around. Luckily, I dodged it, and when she saw it was me, she instantly apologized. "Maggie! You can't just sneak up on me." She let out a sigh as she tugged the headphones off.

  "Sorry. I was going to make breakfast for everyone."

  "I don't sleep much," she said as she shrugged.

  "Can I help?" I asked.

  "Of course. Want to make some bacon?"

  "Definitely." I pulled my phone from my sweats pocket and put it on the center island. I was in a tee-shirt, so I didn't have sleeves to roll up. I quickly washed my hands in their large two faucet sink and then grabbed the pack of bacon from the refrigerator.

  Grease trickled down my forearm as I finished the last of the pound of bacon. My phone vibrated from the island, but I was so nasty with grease that I didn't want to get it.

  "Want me to read it?" Lindsay asked as she emptied her pan of scrambled eggs onto a large platter.

  "Yes please," I said as I covered the bacon with a paper towel. It instantly soaked.

  "From June. I'm home for Thanksgiving now. Let's hang out." She clicked the top of my phone, and it went black. "Who's June?"

  "She's a friend from school."

  "What do you normally do for Thanksgiving?" Lindsay asked as she sat down with a steaming cup of coffee in front of her. I walked around the island and sat beside her.

  "I'll probably just cook something for Ash and I. We'll watch a movie or something, I guess."

  "We should have a friends-giving party on Wednesday night."

  "Are you making up words now?" I asked her.

  "Yes. Oh my gosh. How many people can fit in your apartment?"

  "Um, I don't know. Like six or seven. Why?"

  "Okay. We're partying at your place on Wednesday night. I'll come early and help you cook and everything. This is going to be awesome!"

  "Who's coming?" I asked her as my mind went through a mental checklist. I'd have to clean the house, buy food. Numbers rolled through my head as I thought about how much this would inevitably cost.

  "You, your friend June, Asher, me—duh—Lilly and Liam will probably want to come, and Luke of course. That's seven."

  "All right. What should I make?"

  "Oh, no. Don't even worry about it. I'll get everything and come over around noon. Do you have class?"

  "I don't on Wednesday. I work until noon so I might be a little late. Plus Ash has a half day, so I can get home by twelve thirty."

  "Perfect." She leaned over and hugged me, her body so lithe and elegant.

  "What's going on in here?" Luke asked as he strutted into the room. I looked back at him with a new sense of appreciation. We were bonded on an intimate level now, one that wouldn't ever change.

  "We're having a party at Maggie's on Wednesday for Thanksgiving. I guess you can come."

  He walked around the counter and picked up a piece of bacon.

  "That sounds good," he mumbled as he ran his non-bacon-greased hand through his damp hair.

  "Hi!" Asher ran into the kitchen next, jumping onto my lap. I groaned as his knee jammed into my gut. "Oh, yes! Bacon!" He leaned onto the counter and grabbed a piece, shoving it into his mouth whole.

  As Asher sat on my lap, Lindsay by my side, and Luke across from us, my heart felt full. My heart felt whole, like the pieces were slowly coming together to create what was always supposed to be there. I felt included and loved. I smiled for absolutely no reason at all.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Luke

  We left Asher with Janet after his practice. She took the kids out to Dave and Buster's and promised to get Ash home by nine since he had school tomorrow, even if it was only a half day.

  "Why is your leg jiggling?" I asked Maggie. We were in my truck, headed back to her apartment. I had big news and I couldn't wait to share it with her; yet she was the one squirming around.

  "I don't know. We haven't ever truly been alone."

  "Not true," I said as I grabbed her knee and squeezed it. She giggled and jumped, swatting my hand to the side. "We had that one date."

  "That got interrupted by your psychotic father."

  "You make a point, Sunny." I looked over at her and smiled. She wrinkled her nose up at me, shaking her head. "Well, I have big plans in store for us tonight."

  "Oh, yeah?"

  "Mhm. First, you'll cook for me. Then we'll have endless amounts of sex that should last us over until the next time we're alone, which will probably be about a month, minimum."

  "Ah!" she said. She winked over at me with a conspiratorial smile. "I always knew you were the romantic." She leaned over and kissed my neck. Luckily, I pulled into her driveway in the next moment and parked.

  I looked across the car at her, her beauty shaded by the shadows of the setting sun behind her. She glowed. "Sex or dinner?" I asked her.

  "It depends. What's for dinner?"

  "You tell me; you're the cook."

  "Hm… I guess I can do some Swedish meatballs I bought. If you make the salad."

  "Well, that's just a deal breaker. Sex it is." I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto my lap. She giggled and curled her arms around my neck. I didn't want to have sex in the cramped car, so as she sucked on my neck, making more than just my blood rise, I maneuvered us out of the truck, up the front step, and into her house.

  I shut the door behind us with a hip check and dropped us both down on the couch in her living room. The room was just barely lit up, the blinds letting stripes of light through.

  I stared down into her green eyes, admiring how lucky I was to have such an amazing woman in my life. Although the love I saw scared me to a degree I didn't want to admit even to myself. I could barely take care of my siblings; caring for another woman and her nine-year-old was no small task.

  She ground her hips up and my doubts vanished. I covered her mouth with mine as my hands expertly lifted the sweater and shirt over her head. She struggled to get her head through and when it popped out, her chestnut hair exploded with frizz.

  I rubbed my hands from her part down to her breast, smoothing the hair as she looked down, her face bright as a tomato.

  "You're beautiful," I told her as I held her cheeks. She shook her head and pulled me down to her, our lips clashing again. I couldn't get enough of kissing her. I held her face while my other hand searched for her breast. I pulled the cup of her bra down, releasing her already perky nipple.

  As our tongues swirled together in perfect rhythm, I moaned. Her breast was so full as I palmed it. I pinched her nipple, pulling on it and rolling it between my fingers as I pushed my hips against her.

  My touches became filled with urgency. It was like my body was transitioning, a sugar high combined with a hit of meth. She was more than I ever imagined. Yet I just couldn't get enough.

  She gasped as I tore my lips from hers and took her entire breast into my mouth. I sucked on her hard while my hand played with the other. She tasted so fucking sweet. Her skin was like the most pure silk.

  She shoved me back and tore my
button-up shirt off my body. The buttons shot off in every direction, and I laughed as her eyes widened in surprise. She laughed too.

  "Whoops." But she didn't stop. She raked her nails down my chest, making my skin vibrate with heat and passion. She leaned up and kissed my chest, each defined muscle. Then she looked up from under her lashes, and I was completely under her spell.

  She shoved me again, acting like a damn seductress. I was now below her as she straddled me, each leg over one of my hips. I groaned as her hands dove under my pants, grabbing my already hard cock.

  She moaned deep in the back of her throat as she undid my pants, sliding them between us and down to my ankles. I felt violated and out of control, but it turned me on like nothing I had ever experienced before.

  "What are you going to do, baby?" I asked her as I stroked the side of her face, brushing the hair from her glassy eyes. She looked up and blushed.

  "I'm going to lick you." Her voice was so innocent and sweet despite the fact that I knew she was experienced. Before I could ask her another question, she covered my head with her wet mouth, sucking me.

  My head fell back, and no matter how badly I wanted to watch her mouth work magic around me, I couldn't hold my head up. I lived for the sensation. I rocked my hips with her mouth as her hand pumped me.

  Way too soon, I felt myself coming undone. I didn't want to come yet. I wanted to take her hard and fast and completely wreck her like she was wrecking me. I pulled out of her mouth, lifted her shoulder, and pushed her backwards so I was now the one in a position of power.

  "God, I want you so bad," I said as I dove my hand into her pants. Jesus Christ Almighty. She was so fucking wet and ready for me. The fact that sucking my dick had turned her on made me so insane with need, I could've come right there.

  I tugged her pants down and immediately filled her with me. I pumped into her as I rubbed her clit between us, wanting her to get off. She cried out as I went harder and harder, relentlessly wanting her to know she was mine.

  "God, I love you," she cried as her nails scratched down my back. Her nails dug into my shoulders, but I hardly noticed. She just felt so good around me. I was about to come, but I needed her to finish first.

  "You like that?" I whispered in her ear as I sucked her neck. I made my motions more fluid, my fingers dancing with my movements, and I felt her clench around me.

  "Oh, yeah," I groaned as her hips circled with my movements.

  "Just like that. You're going to make me come." She moaned so loud I could swear the neighbors heard her. "Shit, babe. I'm coming," she said as her eyes squeezed shut, her body beginning to shake. "I'm coming. I'm coming." And just as she started to convulse, I pulled out, coming on her stomach as my hand finished her off.

  I washed my hands in the bathroom, drying them with a blue towel off the rack. I was spent, starving, and emotionally exhausted. I found Maggie in the kitchen, boiling water. She was in the middle of unwrapping a package of frozen meatballs when I surprised her from behind and wrapped my arms around her.

  "Luke!" She grabbed a dish towels and snacked me across the chest with it. "You scared me."

  "Sorry, I just couldn't resist."

  "Ash should be home soon," she said as she dumped the meatballs into the steaming water. I couldn't tell if she was disappointed or not, but she didn't sound happy.

  "Are you excited for tomorrow?" I asked as I hopped onto her counter.

  "Yeah. I can't wait to see everyone and just relax. Last year on Thanksgiving Day is when my parents got into the accident, so it's rough. I'm not sure how Asher is going to deal with it, so I just want him happy."

  "Understandable," I muttered as Maggie leaned against the counter, slowly stirring the meatballs. "Hey, so, I have some good news."

  "Oh, yeah?" She crossed her arms over her chest as she questioned me.

  "I found an apartment that I really love, and it's not too far. It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a really nice kitchen. I sign the lease on Friday." She should've been smiling but strangely she wasn't. I couldn't get a gauge on her reaction.

  "Are you mad?" I jumped down from the counter and took both of her hands in mine. She looked down at the ugly tiled floor, refusing to look at me. I put my hand under her chin and lifted it up so she had no choice but to look at me.

  "It's just…I don't want you to find a better life. As shitty and selfish as that sounds, what if you have, like, a really cute neighbor or something who seduces you and you fall in love with?"

  "Maggie…" I kissed her, hoping to squash her insecurities. "You're perfect for me, and I love the life we're building together. You know that. I love you. You and Ash are basically going to be there all the time to fend off against handsy neighbors anyway."

  "But look at all my baggage." She pulled away from me and walked into the living room. She brought back with her a nearly full Stop and Shop bag of papers. "These are my bills." I stared at her in awe. "Exactly."

  "I can help you," I told her as I stepped forward.

  "I don't want help. I just want you to know that this is what my life is."

  "Why don't you let someone help you?"

  "Because I have to do it myself to prove that I can."

  "I respect that," I said, pulling her against my chest. "But I love you, and I take care of those I love."

  "I know." She nodded against me. "And I love you very much for that." Just then, the pot started boiling over. She yelped and ran over to turn the heat down and stir. I was about to help when there was a knock at the door.

  "I'll grab it," I told her as I ran over and pulled it open. Ash stood there, headlights from what I guessed was Janet's car lighting him up. "How was the arcade?"

  "It was so cool." He ran in past me and threw his jacket on the floor next to the door. "They had this game where you sit on a motorcycle and you can race. I beat Eric. He got third, and I got first. It was insane."

  "We'll have to come with you next time."

  Asher walked right past me into the kitchen and stopped next to Maggie. She wrapped one arm around him and tugged him to her side while she stirred.

  "Can we go next weekend?" he whined as Maggie kissed his head.

  "Sure," she said. "Do you mind putting him to bed? I'll finish cooking, and we can eat when he's all set." She shot me a pleading look, even sticking out her bottom lip.

  "No problem. Come on, Ash. Let's get ready."

  "Night, baby," Maggie said as she kissed his cheek and then the other.

  "Love you," Ash said back as he skipped up the stairs in front of me. I glanced back at Maggie, but she was too occupied with cooking to notice.

  I got Asher ready fast. He flossed, (mostly just the front teeth, but I let it slide) brushed, and then swirled around mouth wash. I shut off the light to the bathroom and found a pair of pajamas with moons and cows on them in his dresser drawer. I threw them at his head, and he caught them and quickly changed.

  "Did you have a good day?" I asked as he snuggled under the covers. I sat at the edge of his bed and pulled the covers right up to his chin, making sure he was comfortable.

  "Yeah, it was really fun. Tomorrow is the party, right?"

  "Yep. Everyone's going to come, and we can play games, too. You know Liam loves games."

  "He's really cool."

  "Not as cool as me, though, right?"

  "No, you're my favorite." He yawned wide and covered his mouth with his hand. "Are you going to be here tomorrow?"

  "Yeah. All day."

  "Can we play outside?"

  "As long as it's not raining or snowing or anything, yep. We'll let Mag and Lindsay do the cooking while we play. How does that sound?"

  "Really good." He yawned again, this time wider.

  "Go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, buddy."

  "Love you, Dad."

  "Love you, too," I mumbled, the name making my heart nearly stop. I felt like I had been kicked right in the stomach and balls at the same time, on the verge of vomiting.

&
nbsp; Asher shut his eyes, and I ran out of his room without making a scene. I went right to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Dad? Oh God. I wasn't ready to be a dad. Hell, I wasn't even a good brother. I couldn't keep a human from danger. This was fucked up.

  I had to get out of here and clear my head. I had to talk to someone. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be a parent yet. I had shit I wanted to do, and I knew I would never go if I stayed here. I had to run.

  "What's wrong?" Maggie asked as I walked into the kitchen. I felt numb, my mind swimming and overthinking scenarios.

  "Lindsay had a problem at home," I lied easily. "I have to run."

  "I just made dinner," she whined as she turned to face me.

  "I'm sorry, babe." I leaned forward and kissed her on the lips, but it was empty. I had no passion left inside of me. "I'll see you later." I didn't wait for her to say anything. I just ran.

  I got into my car, started it, and drove down her street. I didn't know where I was going; I just knew I had to distance myself. I had to clear my stupid head that couldn't stop the constant buzzing.

  Before I knew it, I was in the middle of the state, driving through ghost town after ghost town on a Tuesday night. I found a motel, checked in, and dove into what was likely a bed bug-infested bed.

  I didn't know what to do. I just knew I couldn't go back to Norwalk. I couldn't face Maggie when so much indecision was on my mind.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Maggie

  I smelled entirely of fried food and bacon as I unlocked the door to the apartment. I looked behind me and saw Asher still sulking in the car. Today had not begun well—work was busy, and then Asher gave me shit for not letting him to go free skating.

  I waved towards the car to get him out. He slammed the door of the car as he jumped out. "Please, don't break the car." I stepped inside the house as he ran in the door.