Hookup List

by J. S. Abilene

  Faith’s face immediately brightened. “Sure, that’d be great!” she said excitedly. “I’ll Facebook you my number.”

  I nodded. Good, at least there was one thing I hadn’t made a total mess of.

  I resumed my walk back up the hill to the parking lot. As I did, I couldn’t help but notice a group of five girls wearing purple warm ups. The girls were obviously cross-country runners from a neighboring school – Churchill, by the looks of it. They were sitting on the side of the hill and watching the cross-country meet from a distance. What caught my attention, however, was that they kept glancing in my direction and talking and giggling to themselves.

  What the hell? A girl had already broken my heart today. Why not go out in a blaze of glory and flirt with these girls a bit? I didn’t have anything to lose. They went to a different school so if I made a fool of myself at least I wouldn’t have to see them around too often.

  I changed course and headed for the girls. Their eyes widened when they saw me coming and they began whispering furiously to each other.

  “Hey girls,” I said when I got close. “What are you up to?”

  The girls fell silent and looked at each other. Finally, a brunette replied. “Not much. Just watching the meet. What are you doing here?”

  “Just cheering on…” who? I couldn’t say a girl I liked, “a friend,” I said. I nodded down at my shirt. “I was already here for soccer practice so I figured I’d just hang and cheer him on,” I added. It was a good idea to bring up soccer. When meeting new girls, it’s always smart to provide a potential topic of conversation. I liked to pick something like soccer that I enjoyed talking about so I could convey my energetic and enthusiastic side. Plus, it never hurt to point out that I was a varsity soccer team stud.

  “Are you Nate Caldwell?” the brunette asked.

  “Yeah,” I said in surprise. How did she know my name?

  Little smiles appeared on the girls’ faces. “We’ve heard about you,” she said. “We’ve seen your school’s Hottie List. Is it true the JV soccer girls created a Facebook fan page for you last year?”

  I liked where this was headed. “Yeah,” I said. “The JV soccer girls and I got to know each other a bit last year. It seems like they liked what they got to know.”

  There was a moment of silence as the girls looked at me. Then a redhead said, “Are you busy right now? Do you maybe want to go for a walk or something?”

  The other girls stared at the redhead. “Naomi, you can’t just go off with a strange boy,” one of them hissed.

  “He’s not a strange boy,” the redhead – Naomi – responded. “We know his name and where he goes to school. Plus, he’s way hotter than any of the boys at Churchill.”

  I smiled. Naomi was pretty cute. “There’s a quiet little path in the woods just right there behind the soccer fields and running course,” I said, pointing. “It’s a great place for a walk.” I emphasized the word “walk” to make it sound like we were talking about something more than just a stroll through the woods.

  “That sounds perfect,” Naomi said quickly. “I’m in.”

  “The rest of you are welcome,” I said. “The more the merrier.” Oh yes.

  The girls looked at each other. A few appeared terrified by the idea but the brunette suddenly stood up. “I’m coming too,” she announced.

  Naomi glared at her but I said, “Great! Let’s go, ladies.” I offered them my arms. Each girl took an arm and let me lead them away.

  We made small talk about our two schools and the cross-country running team as we walked. The moment we got onto the path, however, the girls grew quieter, as if nervous.

  I maintained my happy demeanor to make up for their nervousness. Then, after expressing my admiration for how fit and hard-working female cross-country runners were, I said, “Of course, you’re not nearly in as good a shape as soccer players.”

  The girls took the bait. “What?” they both exclaimed incredulously at the same time.

  I had learned something about cross-country runners. Whereas other athletes took pride in how big they became or how many fans they acquired or how hard they could hit another living being, cross-country runners took pride in how hard they could work. Tell the kindest, sweetest, most timid runner that she was lazy and she would go to war with you. That’s exactly what I needed these girls to do. A battle would make them forget their nervousness and, if I was lucky, their inhibitions.

  “You think soccer players are in better shape than runners?” the brunette, whose name I had learned was Andrea, exclaimed. “Are you kidding? Nobody can beat runners in terms of physical fitness. Sure, soccer players might get some interval training benefits, but they don’t…”

  “I could kick any soccer player’s ass in a race,” Naomi said, talking over her friend. “I could even beat you. Let’s go for a run. Right now!”

  “I’ve got a better idea,” I said smoothly. Here came the pitch. “If you girls are so confident in your athleticism, let’s see the evidence. Take off your clothes.”

  “What?” Andrea cried. “OMG Naomi, let’s get out of here.”

  Naomi, however, was looking at me with narrowed, suspicious eyes. “We’re out in public,” she said hesitantly.

  “Public?” I said. I looked around. The trees were packed densely around us and they were so tall that they touched over the tops of our heads. Sure, someone could come walking along the path, but one look at it suggested that it wasn’t used all that often. The path was washed out in places and the gravel clearly hadn’t been replaced in years. “No one’s going to interrupt us, and if they do they can just join in, can’t they?” I said. “Come on. You girls aren’t afraid to show a little skin, are you? I thought you were super fit cross country runners.”

  “If you’re so cocky about how fit soccer players are then why don’t you go first?” Andrea asked.

  “Gladly,” I said. “I’ve got nothing to hide. My body is in great shape from my sport.” I peeled off my shirt and tossed it aside.

  This was perfect. The girls couldn’t help themselves. They closely studied my chiseled abs and chest. There was no way they could walk away now. I knew I had them.

  “C’mon Andrea,” Naomi said suddenly. “Let’s show this boy what real athletes look like.”

  Andrea had a horror-stricken look on her face but Naomi quickly pulled off her jacket and then her running singlet top. She was wearing a green sports bra that actually matched her eyes. The redhead didn’t have a bad chest for a runner.

  The peer pressure finally got to Andrea. She nervously followed Naomi’s example, revealing even more ample assets tucked into a baby-blue sports bra.

  I was getting more and more excited as my eyes feasted on all that beautiful skin. Apparently, the feeling was mutual.

  “Now the shorts,” Naomi said. “Lose them.”

  I grinned. “Of course,” I said. “After all, we’ve got to lose everything to figure out who’s in the best shape, don’t we?” I pushed my shorts to the ground. They landed around my ankles. I kicked them up, snatched them, and tossed them to the side with my shirt.

  I allowed the girls to stare at my black spandex shorts for a while. Andrea’s eyes were as wide as saucers. I wanted to laugh but I knew that would ruin the moment. “Eyes up here, girls,” I said, pointing to my own eyes.

  The girls’ eyes snapped up guiltily.

  “Now it’s your turn,” I said eagerly.

  The girls slowly slid their warm-up pants and shorts off, revealing beautiful athletic legs and smooth skin. Unfortunately, each girl wore spandex shorts as well. Stupid sports. I was hoping for something a little more exotic.

  “I’ve started first on all the other rounds,” I said. “Why don’t you ladies go first this time?”

  Naomi laughed. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” she said. “Just give us a moment, alright?”

  Naomi pulled Andrea to the side and started whispering in her ear. I strained to hear what she was saying while ma
intaining my cool, calm attitude but it was no use. She was speaking far too quietly. Whatever she said made Andrea smile, however. That was a good sign. They must have come up with something good.

  Finally, Naomi turned back to look at me. “I’ll make you a deal,” she said. “We’ll go first if you agree to wear a blindfold.”

  “No way,” I said in disappointment. That was their idea? These girls had no imagination. “That defeats the whole purpose.”

  Naomi picked up her singlet top and folded it lengthwise so that it sort of made a rectangular piece of fabric. She walked up to me and laid it across my eyes. As she tied it behind my head she leaned into me and I felt her breasts pressing against my chest. “Trust me,” she whispered. “You’ll enjoy this.”

  The blindfold was now in place. I was about to reiterate my protest when Naomi suddenly pressed her lips against mine. I calmed down and returned the kiss. Things were back on track and it appeared that we had even skipped a couple steps. I had been wondering how to initiate the physical contact phase. This was far simpler than anything I had imagined.

  A moment later I felt another pair of lips kiss the back of my neck. So, Andrea was getting in the action as well. This was getting better and better. Andrea’s hands wandered to my hips and then slide into my spandex shorts. She wrapped her hand around my manhood and started to caress. Meanwhile, Naomi’s hands were feeling me up as well.

  I returned the favor, stroking Naomi’s arms and then caressing her hard buttocks. It gave me an excuse to give them a squeeze and pull her in tighter to me. Naomi grabbed the waistband of my spandex shorts and in one smooth move pulled them down.

  I was naked now and two beautiful girls were making out with me. Andrea still had my private parts in her hands. Would they let me have sex with Naomi, I wondered? That could be interesting. The girls had almost positioned themselves as if they wanted to guide the process. That was fine with me. I was more than happy to sit back and let them do the work as long as they used my toys...

  Suddenly, everything happened at once. The girls’ hands left my body and there was a quick scuffle of feet. Someone yanked the blindfold off my head. I winced as light shot through my pupils, which had dilated while in the darkness of the blindfold. Then my eyes focused in time to see the girls sprinting through the woods with all their clothes in their hands.

  “Hey, I didn’t mean to scare you,” I yelled after them. “I can’t say I’m surprised, though. I’ve heard the Churchill guys don’t pack very much in their shorts!” I laughed and then looked around for my clothes. They were gone.

  “Hey Nate,” Naomi called back through the woods. “Let’s see if soccer players really are faster than us little cross-country girls.”

  I swore and sprinted off after them. What kind of monsters would take a guy’s clothes and run off when they could be doing the dirty with the guy instead? Luckily, I still had my shoes on, so I was able to make up some ground on them. It was no use, however. They had too much of a head start. The girls burst into the open laughing and giggling.

  “Come on,” I said as I reached the edge of the woods. I covered my family jewels up with my hands. “Toss me my clothes. You’ve had your fun.”

  Naomi stroked her chin and looked up into the sky as if she were thinking about it. “No, I don’t think we will,” she said. “I rather like you in your birthday suit. Andrea, what do you think?”

  “Oh I agree, Naomi,” Andrea said evilly as she put her cloths back on. It was painful to see all that beautiful skin go back into hiding. “I personally think all boys should walk around with nothing on. We’re, like, doing the world a service right now.”

  “We’ll give the Churchill soccer boys you’re best when we see them,” Naomi said. She held up a camera phone. I ducked behind a tree but not before I heard a click. She had probably got me in the act of covering my genitals and diving for cover. I’d look like an idiot. “They’re looking forward to playing you. They’ve already heard some stories about how good you are. It should put their mind at ease to know you were outraced and outsmarted by a couple of CC running girls.”

  I swore at them. I knew I shouldn’t have but I was already annoyed by the Trinity incident and I was starting to get very worried about this latest predicament.

  Naomi made a “Tsk-tsk,” sound at me. “You shouldn’t have said that,” she said. “I was just going to leave your clothes for you here to run out and grab. Now I’m not so inclined to do that.”

  “Hey Naomi, I’ve got an idea,” Andrea said. “Let’s take his clothes and then call that crazy girl from this school and tell her where he is. You know the one I’m talking about, the one who’s obsessed with boys and little tween pop stars to the point of bordering on criminal behavior. I heard she jumped up onto stage and tackled Bieber at a concert one time. You remember the girl? What do they call her again?”

  “El Diablo,” Naomi said as a shiver went through my body. “Yes Andrea, I think that’s a fantastic idea. She and all her friends are just the kind of people who might enjoy a little sporting chase through the woods for a naked boy. Let’s go give her a call right now.”

  They spun around and jogged away. I stared after them with a mixture of horror and immense trepidation.

  Chapter 31 – Panda Suit

  Of all the things that I expected to see discarded at a cross-country running meet, a panda costume was the definitely not on the list. I stared at it in consternation. What school had a frikin’ panda as a mascot? And why would it just leave the suit lying around?

  After the Churchill girls had left I had bided my time under the cover of the forest. Whenever I checked on that blasted cross-country running meet there were hundreds of people around. I thought about just making a break for it but once I left the woods there was no cover until I got to the school. That meant about a 10-minute naked run past all those people. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I slunk back into the woods and waited, praying that El Diablo and her friends wouldn’t show up.

  It was pitch black out by the time everyone had left the cross-country meet. Unfortunately, Lakeville was a rich parent high school and had large football and baseball stadiums on each side of the path leading up to the parking lot. Both stadiums were lit by too many massive spotlights to count. The baseball stadium seemed to have some kids’ club event going on while the football stadium had a night-time exhibition game. Between the two stadiums there were probably over a thousand spectators. The rest of the area was ringed by a chain-link fence. I wasn’t too enthusiastic about trying to climb it while naked. The idea of slipping and landing on… well, anyway, it was a terrifying thought. I could follow the path out but that led to neighborhood streets which were lit up. In short, there was no way to get back up to my car without being seen naked and the girls had taken my phone with my clothes so I couldn’t call for help.

  I didn’t intend to wait around until El Diablo found me, however. I crept back to the edge of the woods and started looking for anything that was left behind at the meet that I could use to clothe myself. That’s when I saw the panda suit.

  I had no idea why the entire race area had been picked clean except for that one costume. It seemed a bit suspicious but at that moment I didn’t care. I had expected to have to use my sock to cover myself up and the panda suit would work far better. I had made up my mind. I pushed the last set of branches aside and sprinted for the suit.

  When I reached the suit I didn’t waste any time. The thing was helpfully already unzipped so I picked it up, put my feet in, and then pulled up around me. Strange as it was, given that I was putting on a ridiculous panda suit, I breathed a sigh of relief as I got the suit up over my waist and slipped my arms into the sleeves. The panda head proved to be extraordinarily awkward. It was heavy and I could only see through the eyes, which turned out to be mesh with white eyes and black pupils painted on the other side. The hardest part was the zipper in the back. I tried to reach around behind me but the arms of the suit were extremely in
flexible. Plus, I realized that even if I could have reached the zipper, my hands were now clothed in massive panda paws. There was no way I could have grabbed hold of it.

  As I stood there, naked inside a panda suit with an uncomfortable breeze from my buttocks to the spot between my shoulder blades, I cursed my situation once again. Then I started to laugh. I could only imagine what all the sports spectators in the stadiums would think when they saw a panda emerge out of the shadows and march up to the parking lot. Well, since I was disguised, it wouldn’t matter to me. I just hoped they wouldn’t look too closely at me from behind.

  I took a step towards the parking lot. That’s when I heard the most terrifying sound I had ever heard in my life. It was a girlish war cry that sounded a heck of a lot like El Diablo screaming “Now! Get him!”

  Terror. That’s the only thing I felt at that moment. Without even knowing what I was doing or what my objective was, I started to run. I just wanted to get away from that place as fast as possible.

  I have no idea how it must have looked to see a panda try to sprint across an open field. Apparently El Diablo and her sick gang wanted to find out, however, because I soon discovered, to my great misfortune, that they had set the whole thing up.

  Through the mesh eyes of the panda head I could see two groups of girls running at me from the right and left. They spread out as they ran, their faces eager and their eyes hungry. I skidded to a stop and spun around. I sprinted back towards the woods but then the girls saw what I was doing and ran in front of me. I couldn’t move as fast as they could in my cumbersome suit.

  The girls had now formed a ring around me. I desperately looked for a way out. Unfortunately, I couldn’t move my head, so I had to swing my entire body from side to side to look. Girls were everywhere, however. Then, as I swung my body back around, I locked onto a pair of eyes that were so sinister-looking they appeared to be glowing in the dark. Oh no. El Diablo.