Forever Devoted (Crazed Devotion Book 2)

by C. A. Harms

  Those were memories that lingered in my mind often. Memories that I held onto tightly, even if I hid the fact I cherished those times we shared, no one needed to know but me. They were my memories to hold.

  I couldn't hide the reaction my body had to him, as if begging for one more kiss or one more caress. Our night was meant to be one of fun, two consenting adults sharing one hot night before he returned back to Germany. The problem with that was, each night when I lay in bed with my eyes closed, it was almost as if I could feel every single moment we shared all over again.

  I wanted it. I would admit that to myself but no one else. I wanted to feel his touch and hear his sweet words. But all great things eventually come to an end. All the newness wears off and in the end you’re left with a broken heart and the children that you bared getting wrapped up in your adult mess. I watched my mother struggle for years, before and then after my father finally walked away. I witnessed Nicole at some of her darkest times, and though she may now have Ryker, those dark times are something I never want to face.

  All of that was avoidable. I had always found a way to remain distant and still get what I needed from a man. Until Ben decided that moving to Arab was a good idea.

  I woke irritable from lack of restful sleep. I threw the covers off my body and sat on the side of my bed doing my best to rein in my crankiness. I wasn't a morning person as it was, but today was enhanced by a certain man I could no longer avoid. It was easier when he was thousands of miles away.

  I stood from the bed, slipped my feet into my slippers, and exited my room. I nearly collided with Elle who was exiting the bathroom on the opposite side of the hall. Her chipper attitude only further worsened my already irritable mood. How could anyone be that damn happy in the morning?

  “Morning sunshine,” she said with a smirk.

  I stared back at her as she dried her hair with the towel that hung around her shoulders. She had to have been switched at birth. My mother hated mornings, I despised them, and my father, he just hated life in general. There had to be some other woman out there that was a cranky ass just like me who thought the family she lived with was insane. I bet that family woke up smiling and laughing, passing hugs around. They thought the child they had was theirs when in reality she belonged in the Berfield home, and Elle was their long lost child.

  “What is wrong with you?” Elle finally asked staring back at me with a curious gaze.

  “I was just thinking that you must have been switched at birth.”

  She laughed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Why, because I’m not a bitch like you?”

  “Yeah, mainly,” I wouldn't deny her comment.

  “I could be cranky and moody all the time, but why waste my days? I prefer to smile and enjoy life.” She leaned back against the wall, looking pleased with herself.

  “You need medication,” I stated blatantly.

  “You need to stop denying that you have a thing for a certain someone.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Your issue is that he’s here now and you can’t run from it.”

  “But if you don’t want him, I know of a few ladies that might.” Elle pulled this same shit on Nicole when Ryker returned. The difference was I wasn't falling for it.

  “Fine, whatever,” I told her as I finally moved passed her leaving her standing in the hall.

  “Well, after you left last night he got pretty cozy with a cute little blond over by the pool tables.” I tried not to show any type of reaction, but I did stumble a tad as I rounded the corner toward the kitchen. I had absolutely no right to feel threatened by any other woman. He wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his.

  The problem was, I was affected. My stomach tightened, my nostrils flared, and suddenly a trip to a certain man’s place felt like exactly what was needed to clarify a few things.

  Chapter Four

  BEN

  Loud, obnoxious pounding penetrated the deep haze of my sleep and woke me with a jolt. I felt like my head had barely hit the pillow and I was already reopening my eyes.

  After Liz left with that tool from the bar last night, I may have hit the alcohol a little harder than I initially intended to. But the idea of him doing the things to her that I’ve thought of repeating since the last time I saw her, infuriated me.

  Drinking wasn’t going to solve the issue I know that, but it damn sure made everything feel better for a small window of time. That was until I was forced to open my eyes and felt as if I’d been ran over by the three ton and then they backed up and did it all over again.

  I knew going in that Liz and I were meant to be nothing more than two people that hooked up and shared one hell of a sexually memorable night. At least that’s what she was playing it off as, I knew different. We connected, I got a glimpse of the Liz she tried so hard to hide. She could keep everyone else in the dark, but that night she let me in. Even if it was only a small glimpse into the true Liz, I saw her.

  Now she was back to the same cold behavior, acting like there was nothing there.

  It pissed me off.

  More loud pounding filtered through my nearly empty apartment and I peeked my left eye open, closing it again quickly. The sun nearly blinded me.

  I needed some fucking curtains.

  I could hear voices outside my front door, a man and a woman going back and forth. I listened, trying to hear their words, but they were muffled. More pounding came shortly after and I realized through the dazed fog I’m experiencing that the only way to get rid of them was to answer the damn door.

  Half asleep, I moved across the small living room at a very slow pace. Walking shouldn’t make your head hurt, but it was killing mine. Like a jackhammer going crazy, it drialled and tortured my head.

  I gripped the door handle, twisted the lock, and yanked it open, again blinded by the sunlight. I did my best to refocus and was surprised to find my buddy, Ryker, standing outside my door. But he wasn’t alone.

  “You have no right to be angry at me for meeting Paul last night,” Liz stepped inside causing me to move back in surprise. “We made no promises that night, it was a spontaneous act that, yes I think we both enjoyed, but that was it. Then you show up, text me, then call me pretending that it was so much more. Like I was the girl waiting back home for her man to return home.”

  She was breathing in deep, her cheeks red. She had her hands placed on her hips, her nostrils flaring in irritation.

  “I’m sorry man,” Ryker apologized looking at the side of Liz before looking back to me.

  “I got this,” I assured him, but didn’t take my eyes off Liz when I spoke the words. He remained in the doorway only for a moment before his shadow disappeared.

  “You’re right,” I told her and she blinked a few times as if surprised by my words. “I don’t have a right to be mad. We aren’t together.”

  I watched as a look of surprise took over her features. I think she expected much more of a fight but fighting with her wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere. If I insisted that what we had shared was more than just some one night stand, it would have been pointless. Liz wasn’t the kinda girl that could be forced to face anything. She had to be willing to see it on her own. I allowed the words of Khloe from last night to linger in my mind, keeping me from saying all the things I truly wanted to.

  “It just caught me off guard,” I said. “But hey, I get it,” I said as I was leaning against the wall just inside my apartment. “We had fun, but that was all it was.”

  She looked like a fish out of water, her lips parting and pressing tightly together over and over. It was comical to see a girl that always had so much to say, have nothing.

  “We’re friends,” I added, “we gotta be. Our best friends are married with a kid on the way. It’s likely the two of us will see each other often. There’s no need to make things awkward, right.”

  Seeing her puzzled was satisfying. I knew she felt something, but if she wanted to play this out as if it was nothing special, then that’s what we’d do. I had to remember
to thank my new found friend for her advice.

  “Yeah,” she finally said, nodding her head hesitantly. “We should be friends.” The words she spoke were only words because the look in her eyes said the opposite.

  “Alright,” I offered her a smile and loved how her throat bobbed when she swallowed hard. “Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. My head is killing me and I’m supposed to meet someone at the bar tonight.”

  Liz’s eyes grew wider and she quickly looked away to hide her reaction, but I’d seen it clearly.

  “Already making friends,” she said with a forced smile, “always the charmer.”

  “She kicked my ass in pool twice, so I think she felt bad for me.” I shrugged, “She’s giving me a rematch tonight. You can never have too many friends.”

  “No you can’t,” she agreed with a tight smile.

  The fireball that was waiting on my doorstep only moments ago was gone. In her place was someone know so unsure of her earlier argument. It was refreshing really to know and now have confirmation of the feelings she held bottled up inside.

  “Maybe I’ll see ya around,” I said as I stood tall and began backing her out of the door. I used my body to usher her out the door and took the opportunity to check her out when her back was to me. My hands itched to touch her again, hell they had since she left my hotel in the early hours of the morning after our night together.

  “Bye,” she said timidly and in that moment, it was hard not to say everything that was rolling through my mind. I knew it would only send me ten steps back if I did, so I continued the charade.

  “Bye Liz,” I offered her a wave as I shut my door.

  I stood in the doorway for a moment, looking through the blinds, her shadow still present. She remained there for a moment and even lifted her hand as if she’d thought of knocking again. After a few more seconds passed, she turned and walked away and I leaned my forehead against the door.

  The woman was nothing like my ex.

  I’d spent four years fawning over Holly, forming my life around her’s. Everything I did, everything I wanted was what she had convinced me I wanted. The first time I made a choice to do something I wanted without consulting her first, she broke my heart. I don’t even think the sheets in our bed had cooled before she’d replaced me.

  The plan was for her to join me after I got my orders, but then it all went to shit. She’d ended things over a Skype call and told me I forced her to cheat.

  Me.

  As if I made her fill our bed with another man and repeatedly screw him. Since then I’ve kept things casual in all my conquests, until Liz. She triggered a need inside me that I’d buried long ago. She was sarcastic and cocky, but when she opened up, it was like nothing I’d ever seen before. That sweet, caring side of her was a side I wanted more then anything to experience over and over. It was beautiful.

  Chapter Five

  LIZ

  “How does it feel?” I turned around at the sound of my mother’s voice. Standing beside her was Elle and Nicole, two of my biggest cheerleaders.

  “It feel amazing,” I confessed as I held up my diploma. “No more professors, no more late night term papers.” I closed my eyes and let my head float from side to side in my impression of a relieve little dance, my smile growing wider. “Now that the Youth Center Director position is all mine, I am gonna so kick ass at this adult stuff.”

  My mother laughed and I opened my eyes to find her smiling at me with pride in her eyes. She moved forward, wrapping her arms around me and holding me close. “I’m so proud of you,” she said and tears pooled in my eyes. “You’ve always been my tough girl, so head strong and determined.”

  I look over her shoulder to see both Elle and Nicole observing us with matching smiles on their face.

  “Thank you momma,” I whispered hugging her a little tighter. “But everything I am, I’ve gotten from you.”

  Just then a tiny little beast came barreling through the crowd and wrapped her little arms around my legs, causing me to step back and create some distance between me and my mother. “Time for cake,” Tori screamed making me laugh, “lots and lots of cake.”

  I laughed when Nicole groaned, displeased with what she knew would take place. I had this thing where I allowed Tori all the things her mother normally held back on. I spoiled her and I loved it. I was the cool Aunt, the one that was more like a best friend than anything. I knew one day, if I ever had children, Nicole would pay me back. I’d deal with that if the time ever came, for now, I’d just keep spoiling her.

  I reached down and lifted Victoria up and gave her a hug. “Lots and lots of cake”, I repeated her words and her eyes grew wide with excitement.

  “Ice cream too,” she asked.

  “Uh, yeah,” I agreed. “What kind of celebration would it be without strawberry ice cream and chocolate sauce?”

  “Tonight she stays at your house,” I looked up to find Ryker now standing next to Nicole, his arm securely wrapped around her. I fully intended to toss them both some much needed sass, but all words escaped my mind in an instant. My heart raced when I seen Ben standing only a few steps back, a taut blue shirt stretched over his chest. He wore the blue jeans I loved seeing him in, the ones that seemed to mold to his body perfectly. I remember the body that was hidden beneath those clothes, with great detail and the heat rose in my necks and cheeks almost immediately.

  Our eyes connected for only a moment before I forced myself to look away.

  “I’d be happy to keep her,” I said looking back toward Ryker and Nicole, doing my best to ignore Ben. “We’ll stay up all night long, watching movies and eating junk food.” I lowered Tori to the ground taking her hands in mine. “We can dance and paint each others toes. What do ya say, you wanna spend the night with Aunt Liz?”

  The moment I said the words, she began jumping up and down, “Girls’ night!”

  “My favorite kind of nights,” I assured her only making that tiny smile of hers grow.

  “Okay everyone, back to our house for cake and ice cream,” my mother announces ushering us all toward the parking lot.

  I was fully aware of the man behind me, as he followed close. I had yet to say anything to him, unsure of exactly what to say.

  Things were weird now or so the felt. I know to I only had myself to blame for that.

  The last time I saw him he practically shoved me out his door, telling me all about his date for that evening. That was a week ago. I was too afraid to ask about that date, or any others he may have shared with this blond girl he met at the bar.

  Arab wasn’t a large town, I knew most likely I’d know the girl, if I saw her. The thing was, I wasn't sure I wanted to see her. Especially with him, which is exactly why I’ve avoided the place or most public places other than school for the last week. Hiding out seemed more logical in my mind.

  I never said my logistics made sense to anyone other than myself that is. But they were mine and up until now, they’ve kept my heart safe.

  “Congratulations,” I jumped in surprise at the sound of Ben’s soft whisper near my ear. In the process I may have raised my hand and I may have made contact with his nose. Okay there was no may about it, I did.

  “Damn,” he groaned.

  I spun around, reaching out to press my hand to his arm. “I am so sorry,” I apologize trying not to laugh at the fact that his eyes were watering so bad, one single tear was now trailing down his cheek.

  “If that is the reaction you give when someone is saying something nice, I’d hate to see what you do if someone’s mean.” Ben closed his eyes tight and wiggled his nose as if trying to control the burn I’m sure my hand caused.

  “I said I was sorry,” I told him, only the laughter that followed surely contradicted my words.

  When he arched a brow, I knew that he was thinking the same thing. I pressed my lips together so tight, attempting to hide the smile, but failed.

  “Did you punch him?” Nicole asked from behind
me, and I looked over my shoulder.

  “No,” I gasped.

  “She punched you?” This time it was Ryker.

  “Why did you punch him?” Now it was Elle’s turn followed by my mother.

  “Elizabeth Renee Berfield!”

  I hung my head feeling exhausted over the five-seconds of sporadic concern fest on Ben’s behalf. When I lifted my head, I found each one of them staring at me as if I was the devil.

  “I didn't punch him,” I said turning back to Ben, “tell them.” I insisted as I pleaded with him.

  “Felt like a punch,” he tried to hide his smile, but I caught it. I narrowed my eyes, as I thought of actually punching him for real.

  When I realized there was no way out of this, due to the fact that Ben still played it out looking all wounded, I shook my head. I ran a few choice words through my mind before I bent down, snatched up the only sane person besides myself in the bunch, and walked off with Tori in hand.

  “Come on kid,” I told her, “you’re more grown up than the rest of them.”

  She giggled and I refused to look back at the group behind me.

  ***

  “Please don’t swing,” Ben said as he cautiously sat in the empty seat next to me.

  “I’d keep your guard up,” I replied, still focused on the coloring book before me. For the last hour I’d been filling the pages of Victoria’s coloring book at her request. She’d take one side, I got the other and once those were complete, she’d flip the page.

  The distraction was appreciated as it kept me from watching Ben interact with my friends and family as if he’s always been a part of our lives. He fit in so perfectly laughing and joking with them. You’d never guess that my mother and sister had only met him once before.

  Now here he was sitting so close, I could smell his cologne and it made it almost impossible not to breathe in that masculine scent. That was one thing I remembered fondly of our night together. Benjamin Keaton smelled amazing. As in mouthwateringly manly and it turned me on more than I’d ever admit to out loud.